The Aluminum Can with George, Anne, and Rex
G: Welcome to this week's edition of "The Aluminum Can." I'm your show host George Cooper, along with my co-hosts, Anne Hargraves and Rex Goodman. We just saw a doozy of a series, as the Salem Witch Hats win this Brotherhood League series in exciting fashion, 5-4, over the Nordhagen Beach Party Boys.
With the series win, the Witch Hats move to 6-6 on the season, while the Boys drop to 5-7, which could put them in sole possession of last place depending on results from other games in the league. There is no doubt, though, that both teams we saw today are similar, and if they played 100 times, each would probably win 50.
A: I agree, George. While, honestly, I am a little sad that we saw Nordhagen Beach go 2-4 in the two series we watched them the past two weekends, I will say that they live up to their name of Party Boys. I don’t know if Emogene Cabot wants her team to win it all, but she most certainly has the fun part of this game down pat for her team. If there is any team in the league that gets along more, I have not heard of them. I am also drained!
R: As am I, Anne. The bewilderment of entertainment at epic proportions take me back to a grandiose time long before the wrinkles and joint pains of age set in. In other words, I have not vomited this much since around 2273. And it was blastastic!
G: While we are focusing on the partying of the Party Boys, Anne and Rex, do either of you have any insight on this team to offer to their superfans out there.
A: Support this team, guys. I don’t care if they win or lose, personally. But these guys are the best. I am quite sad that we don’t have them on our schedule again, but I am glad that John-Caleb Bradberton came to Salem this weekend to give us an excuse to stay.
G: And we had a nice vacation during the week.
A: You had a vacation, George, lounging on the beach. I was working . . . the Boys.
R: Right you both are! And may I mention that I copied, er, wrote another fine drama for us to begin this week. Not only did we enjoy the quiet of the ocean and the joys of vodka, but we have a new drama to begin this week.
A: Yes, Rex. I forgot. Oh, my. Can you tell us a little about it?
R: Legend tells of a former Minutemen general being locked up in small room with just a fellow soldier of the Commonwealth, somewhere in the belly of The Castle. In that small space, it was discovered that the companion had died of suffocation from being bricked into the wall. That general also drank himself to death with his compatriot dead. There were bottles of a liquor in which I have never tasted, amontillado, nearby. Our delectable drama will be a play on that event. I call it, “The Barrel of Amontillado.”
G: I don’t know where you come up with this stuff, Rex, but I look forward to performing.
R: As do I, George. As do I.
G: Moving on, let us now give out our awards for the week. Anne, you have a new award for us this time?
A: Yes, George. I want to sound like I understand baseball a little more. And instead of concentrating only on the glutes of ball players, I want to get to the bottom of these games. I mean, these guys aren’t all bums, so let’s rear up and hop on the caboose while we feed on some brahmin rump and honey buns. I am feeling a bit cheeky today, so I am going to call my new *** award the Bottoms Up Award. This is for a player who performed his rusty dusty best while his team was tailing. It’s also double entendre for drinking booze. Anyway, my Bottoms Up Award goes to the most obvious first winner, the Witch Hats’ center fielder Mike Castillo. The 13th-round pick of the Hats came away this week with the hit of the series, a two-RBI single that won Game 3 for his team. Besides, he is so cute that I could kiss him right on the derriere.
R: I am returning to the Spirit Award. And though you two may understand the game of baseball in dimensions far beyond my understanding, I am all too adept at knowing the infatuating draw of drama and comedy. With that, I observed Party Boys reliever Noodle Green raise the spirits of his team with pranks and shenanigans. While his only appearance was a three-inning production of giving up his first earned run of the season to put his ERA at an even 1.00, he made his team laugh and point by “pantsing,” as the young ones call it, his player-coach, Steve Gunkill. That is a Sporty Sport, if I do say.
G: I will now give out the award for the Most Outstanding Player of the Week. This week’s award goes to Salem right fielder Chris Treestump. In three games, he hit 6 of 11 with a home run, two runs scored, four runs batted in, and a walk. The cleanup hitter is now batting .381 on the season with two home runs and 10 runs batted in. Congratulations to Mr. Treestump.
R: And, might I add, he can down a slew of shots with a four-beer chaser in just under 30 seconds, a fine record in my annals.
G: Join us as we travel and broadcast on the road on our way to Diamond City to watch the Swatters take on the Shaw High School Knuckle Punchers. This week, we will begin our prologue and Chapter 1 of our latest broadcast, a drama written by our very own Rex Goodman, “The Barrel of Amontillado.”
Once again, this has been “The Aluminum Can” hosted by the hungover Charles River Trio. Now, let’s listen to the beautiful tunes of Big Maybelle. Just like our two-week bender on the beach, the Charles River Trio has a “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uf_w5NDc2W4