Today in the CBO
News and Notes - Reports from around the Commonwealth
by Nat Wright-Kowalski
30 April 2296 - Jerky Gets Feisty
This is a two-part story. From today's DCR Game 1 post-game story:
There was also an incident between the Cats' reserve outfielder Jessie Jerky and some fans. Jerky had to be separated from a group of fans heckling him while he was sitting on the bench. Jerky was then sent to the visiting locker room. We will report more on the matter later.
Jerky was sent to the visiting locker room once the incident occurred in the 6th inning. The incident occurred when some of the Quincy fans were heckling Jerky about his playing time. Jerky, who is from Quincy, apparently knew the fans heckling him.
Among statements heard: "Hey, Jerkface! Nice job riding the bench on a last place team!" and "Sit on the bench where you belong, you ******* jerk!" and "Glad you're not in Quincy, you pompous ***face!" and "**** you and your ***** mom, Jerky!" Those were just four people we heard.
Jerky decided to take the matters into his own hands by jumping into the stands and fighting the fans, but his coaches and teammates broke up the fight. That was when Deke sent Jerky to the locker room.
Jerky, the 18th pick of the Atom Cats, has not been able to work his way off the reserve roster, not playing at all this season. He was not eligible to play in today's game because he was not on the 25-man roster.
30 April 2296 - Jerky for Jerky
Following the incident between Atom Cats reserve outfielder Jessie Jerky and local Quincy fans, Cats owner Deke has decided to send Jerky home. However, since Jerky is from Quincy, he won't be going far.
The Cats and Quincy Gunners pulled the trigger on a deal that will see 27-year-old LF Jessie Jerky head to Quincy in exchange for 27-year-old reserve RHP Jerky DeWitt.
A source close to Deke said, "The team officials spent long hours drinking after the afternoon game to come to the agreement, and in the end, both agreed the deal should help both clubs."
Neither of the Jerkys commented, but they did shuffle off to their new teams after the deal was announced. A group of armed Minutemen escorted Jessie Jerky to his new team's housing units.