Rookie of the decade?
Our scouts have turned up the felon they’ve been searching for, at long last.
After what may be the most extensive and expensive talent search ever. Jackie’s already had a seismic effect on our everyday lineups, without a single at bat.
We desperately need him after the miserable, miserable July we’ve just experienced.
Our team ranks 14th in the AC runs scored, 28th (!) overall, just not hitting–that’s how much better their amazing pitching staffs are, compared to ours. Nearly no one on the bench is swinging enough bat to hit these guys–and we’re seem to be having one of those mysterious no-particular-reason ‘off’ years offensively anyway.
Sadly, our Felon-Jackie will be this leagues’ TENTH Jackie. We’re only struggling to simulate parity.
Jackie–you’d better not hit .115, not with your contract. No pressure.
This is the single most expensive PP card I've ever owned, on any team, ever. About eight weeks of moving funds around, the full array of Live Ka-ching Money Missions to finance him. Just misery.
But best of all, perhaps we can turn attention to our poor struggling pitching staff at laaaaast.