[Westheim]

Raccoons (36-31) @ Loggers (23-45) – June 22-24, 2037

After last week’s disaster the Raccoons crawled into Milwaukee to play four games there, including a double header on Monday, which was a further unwanted complication. On paper, the Loggers were hopeless, losing two games for every win, and scoring about 3.6 runs per game, the worst mark in the league. They were also giving up the fourth-most, and were close to a triple digit run differential at -84. Their rotation was the worst; their pen was merely horrible. Portland was up in the season series, 3-2.

Projected matchups:
Tom Miller (0-1, 13.50 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (5-5, 3.69 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-1, 3.99 ERA) vs. Sal Chavez (2-2, 4.21 ERA)
Josh Weeks (6-4, 3.76 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (1-7, 5.47 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (5-5, 2.98 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (4-5, 3.65 ERA)

Sabre, Weeks, and Ottinger would all go on regular rest. The Loggers’ starters on Tuesday and Wednesday would not. Stockwell was their only available left-hander.

Of course there was a roster move to begin the hole shebang. Chiyosaku Maruyama was sent back to AAA to get Tom Miller up for a spot start. Contrary to our usual preferences, Miller would take the ball first on the Monday double-header, then be immediately whisked back to the Alley Cats for an additional arm to supplement the bullpen for the next few days; that would be Bob Thomson, the 26-year-old southpaw with some select appereances in the last two years, going 1-2 with a 4.29 ERA in the majors in 9 games (2 starts). Regardless, this left the Raccoons with a 4-man bench for the double header, which included the partially disabled Rich Vickers.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – LF Hooge – CF Maldonado – C Morales – SS Nickas – P Miller
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – 2B Ronan – P Iezzi

An innocent walk drawn by Manny Fernandez led to three runs in the opening frame when Stedham, Hooge, and Maldonado all whacked 2-out base hits and each drove in the guy ahead of him. The inning ended when Maldonado was caught stealing. The Loggers merely reclaimed two runs against Miller in the bottom of the inning, opening with three straight hits. Tony Romero was caught stealing as well, but in turn, with two outs and runners on the corners in a 3-1 game, Maldonado dropped Matt Cooper’s fly ball for a gross 2-base, run-scoring error in centerfield. And we thought Fowler was the guy that hurt us on D …! Miller, who was obviously not going to last very long, walked Salvador Ayala before Joseph Ronan left the bases loaded with a fly to Hooge. Miller then cost the Raccoons a run with a ****ty bunt taken to force out Tony Morales at third base in the top 2nd, then gave up a 2-out triple to Ted Del Vecchio in the bottom of the inning. Somehow, defense prevailed, but the writing was on the wall, and the Loggers tied the game with nobody out in the third inning. Walk to Josh Conner, singles by Steve Wilson and Matt Cooper, three-all. I marked down an L in my pocket schedule, but Miller wasn’t going to come out until he’d thrown his 100 pitches. The Raccoons needed every single out from their starters on this day.

Miller went out in style at least, giving up a tie-breaking leadoff jack to Tommy Iezzi – and on an 0-2 pitch! – in the fourth. Given that this was the last run off him in six unwatchable innings, in which he allowed 10 hits and walked four, the Loggers were really begging the Raccoons to come back. But would they? After three hits in the first inning, the Raccoons had ONE more hit in the next SIX innings against Iezzi, who was done after that. Manny Fernandez then looped a leadoff single off Rob Clack in the top of the eighth. Clack was a southpaw, and we had Justin Fowler on the bench, but the spot had to be picked carefully… The right spot never came. Stedham flew out to right. Hooge hit into a double play. Top 9th, Alex Banderas in for the Loggers. His ERA was over seven, but we had the bottom of the order up, so… Maldonado grounded out. Morales grounded out. Fowler batted for Nickas… and whiffed. 4-3 Loggers.

Eight losses in nine games. No hope, and, what’s this? Travis Sims pitched the bottom 7th here, then complained about shoulder soreness afterwards. Dr. Chung labelled him day-to-day for a week, but we were not in a situation where we could carry more dead weight. Sims was off to the DL, Miller was off to waivers, and we activated Bob Thomson and sent for 2033 fourth-rounder and right-hander Tyler Canfield to be sent from AAA, too. He had pitched in the Alley Cats’ game on Monday afternoon, but had thrown only nine pitches and was rested for a relief outing. 93mph fastball, slider, circle change, home run prone, but aren’t they all?

Bob Thomson was assigned #52; his previous number (#64) was now worn by Bryce Sparkes.

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Maldonado – 3B Pinkerton – C Kilmer – P Sabre
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – C F. Chavez – 1B S. Ayala – 2B Ronan – P S. Chavez

Cosmo walked, stole second, and scored on Manny’s single, after which things stopped working rather fast. Fowler hit into a double play, and in the second inning Sabre got romped for a Francis Chavez single, a walk to Sal Ayala, then a score-flipping triple over Fowler’s head by Ronan, and finally Sal Chavez’ sac fly, putting Milwaukee up 3-1. The Coons again lost a run the following half-frame to a pitcher failing to get a ****ing bunt down, instead having Jeff Kilmer erased at second base. The Raccoons had three base hits in five innings, while the Loggers had five off Sabre, who at least, after giving up a 2-out single to Danny Valenzuela in the bottom 5th, picked the runner right off first base to get to the dugout after all. Sabre pitched into the seventh before the Loggers ate him up for good. Ronan walked with one out, stole second base, and Chavez hit a single to put them on the corners. And while left-handed batter D.J. Mendez struck out as pinch-hitter, right-handed singles poker Ted Del Vecchio barfed a ball over the fence with two outs to put the game away. Sal Chavez, offensive heroics aside, pitched a complete-game 4-hitter to hand the Raccoons their ninth defeat in ten games. 6-1 Loggers.

There are no words.

Well, I would know a few, but Maud wouldn’t put them in the press release anyway.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – 3B Myers – LF Hooge – CF Fowler – 1B Stedham – SS Maldonado – C Kilmer – RF Pinkerton – P Weeks
MIL: LF T. Romero – 2B Yoshioka – 3B Conner – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – C M. Cooper – CF Ronan – 1B S. Ayala – P Stockwell

Again, Portland scored first and in the first… Trevino singled, Myers reached on Conner’s error, and Hooge singled past Sal Ayala to get Cosmo home from second base. Two strikeouts and a ****ty grounder to second quickly ended the inning, though, and that lead of course also was soon turned into a deficit. Del Vecchio was on first base with one out in the bottom 2nd, having singled. An errant pickoff throw by Weeks put him to second base, from where he scored on Ronan’s single. Ronan himself reached second base on a wild pitch, then scored on a sharp Ayala single to left with two outs. A melting Weeks walked the opposing pitcher before Tony Romero grounded out to Myers to dispel the spook. Del Vecchio still doubled home Kenta Yoshioka with two outs in the bottom 3rd, and while the Raccoons did what they did best with the sticks – ****ing nothing – Weeks continued to tumble onwards until the Loggers doubled the tally in the bottom 5th with a pitcher’s single, a dismal walk to Conner, and then Valenzuela’s 3-run homer, which meant ballgame – at least twice over.

Down 6-1, the Raccoons began the sixth with a poor out from Fowler before congregating around Rob Clack. Stedham, Maldonado, Kilmer all reached base, putting three on with one down, and even Preston Pinkerton found a spot to drop a ball onto for an RBI single to right. That brought up the tying run, with Manny Fernandez pinch-hitting for Citriniti, who had logged the last out in the fifth. He grounded to short, one run scored on a botched double play attempt, but Trevino grounded to short AGAIN to make ABSOLUTELY SURE that no rally would take place, and they settled for two when they needed no less than five. Matt Cooper legged out an infield single against Garavito to begin the bottom 6th and was of course brought around to score on a pinch-hit 2-out single by Juan Benito. Tyler Canfield made his major league debut for a team in a state of heightened disarray in the bottom 8th, trailing by a slam, so at least he couldn’t break anything except maybe an arm if hit by a comebacker… He retired the bottom of the order without further calamities. 7-3 Loggers. Hooge 2-3, BB, RBI;

Game 4
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Morales – 2B Vickers – P Ottinger
MIL: CF T. Romero – SS Del Vecchio – RF Valenzuela – 3B Conner – C M. Cooper – 1B S. Ayala – LF D.J. Mendez – 2B Ronan – P Piedra

While Piedra retired the objectively horrendous Raccoosn in order the first time through, within Ottinger’s first four pitches Tony Romero and Ted Del Vecchio hit two triples, and two pitches later, a wild pitch chased the shortstop across home plate, too. The Loggers were up 2-0 in the bottom 1st, and I had no cards left to play and no strings left to tug except for throwing myself into the nearest lake with a millstone around my neck.

While the Raccoons did eventually reach a ****ing base on Manny’s 2-out triple in the fourth – Fowler of course struck out at once – the Raccoons saw Piedra reach base with two outs in the bottom 4th when Myers threw away his poor grounder. Romero hit a double to left to score him, 3-0, and it was 4-0 after Ottinger’s fifth and final inning, in which he filled the bases by performing like raw sewage, then gave up a sac fly to Mendez. Not that more established personnel did any better than raw sewage level. Chris Wise pitched to the top of the order in the sixth, nailed Romero, walked Del Vecchio, and threw a wild pitch, putting the Loggers into scoring position with nobody out. Since they were a ****ty offensive team, they only made one run out of the invitation on a Conner groundout, but that ****ty team was just a few innings away from a 4-game sweep over completely deranged Raccoons. The cherry on top would be the bottom 8th, where an oversized yet plundered pen put Yeom Soung into a clear loss, and he retired absolutely nobody. Romero doubled, Del Vecchio hit an RBI single, Valenzuela singled, Conner walked, and Cooper hit a 2-run single. David Fernandez then replaced the Korean one hit wonder and retired the next three. Three was also the Raccoons’ hit total against Piedra and reliever Matt May. 8-0 Loggers. Vickers 1-2, BB;

The 20-minute bus ride to the airport was then filled entirely with my expletive-laden rant at max volume where I expressed to the players, very skillfully from an oratorical point of view, I must say, how much I hated them and their ****ing stripes.

I then spent the entire off day on Thursday under the bed, crying.

Raccoons (36-35) vs. Aces (36-36) – June 26-28, 2037

In to feast on the carcasses were the Aces, who were up 2-1 in the season series and guaranteed to leave town on Sunday night with that season series in the bag for ’37, like four of the last five years. With the second-most runs scored, the fifth-fewest runs allowed in the CL, and a +51 run differential (!!) they were undoubtedly due some wins, and I had zero doubts the utter horse **** Raccoons would obey.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (5-5, 3.36 ERA) vs. Jerry Hodges (3-4, 6.49 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (6-2, 3.02 ERA) vs. Matt Huf (4-6, 5.17 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-2, 4.41 ERA) vs. Drew Johnson (4-6, 4.82 ERA)

All right-handed opposition, which didn’t matter. Our ****ing lineup couldn’t hit a guy with NO arms if he was tied to a chair and the chair screwed to the ground, and big fat red arrows were pointing at the guy.

The Raccoons sent Thomson (2.1 IP, 0.00 ERA, 3 BB) back to AAA, then called up 2B Jose Brito. The 23-year-old would start at the keystone for the next week, with Trevino over to short until Berto would come off the DL. The season was a write-off; could as well check out that 2030 July IFA signing that had cost $76k back then.

Game 1
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS Ackeret – 2B Briones – 1B Marz – C Kuehn – RF Jorgensen – LF J. Nelson – 3B J. Barnett – P Hodges
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – 2B Brito – C Morales – P Chavez

I plunked down next to Slappy with two bottles of Capt’n Coma and all the pills and miracle juices I had snatched out of Dr. Chung’s pocket on the flight home from Loggertown to see which of them would kill me quickest, then got to see another game opened with a triple, with Mike Hall being scored by Aiden Ackeret with a single. Mario Briones hit into a double play, but they had the win in the bag, so why bother? Manny Fernandez hit a single in the bottom 1st, but was stranded by Fowler, and when Manny came up in the third with Bernie (hit by pitch) and Myers (double) on base and two outs, he uselessly grounded out to short. – Slappy, you think we can get a prospect for anybody? – Yeah. Me neither.

Last year’s Player of the Year (not really in contention to repeat…) was back up with runners on the corners in the fifth and again two outs, and FINALLY somebody on the team came through. John Marz dove, but missed Fernandez’ hard bouncer at 1-0, and it made its way up the line and into the corner, where Steve Jorgensen took his sweet time and allowed Manny to leg out a score-flipping 2-out, 2-run triple, plating Tony Morales and Dave Myers. Fowler of course flew out to left to strand him. He was now a mild 0-for-24. Top 6th, the guy that had scored the tying run the previous inning had a major cock-up. With Hall on first and no outs, Morales threw away Ackeret’s roller, putting the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position, at a point in the Coons’ life cycle where I was tending towards calling ballgame and going home. Bernie got pops on the infield from Mario Briones and Paul Kuehn… but in between John Marz had already slapped an RBI single to right to tie the score. Jorgensen whiffed, stranding Aces on the corners.

Bottom 6th, Hooge drew a leadoff walk from Hodges. He was in motion when Stedham grounded to second base, which was all that took apart the double play. Jose Brito had twice flown out to Justin Nelson in leftfield so far in his major league career, then kept it on the ground. His roller escaped between Ackeret and Josh Barnett, Hooge circled around on the single, and the Raccoons took a 3-2 lead. Morales was nicked by a 1-2 pitch, Bernie bunted both of them into scoring position, but Trevino popped out to end the inning, and Bernie bumped into the 100 pitches zone after completing seven innings. Prieto (and not Wise!) replaced him to face the top 8th, allowed a 1-out single to Ackeret, but got a 6-4-3 from Briones to keep the game in one piece, and after his diarrhetic outing on Wednesday Yeom Soung retired the 4-5-6 batters in order to secure a WIN for the home team. 3-2 Rancidoons. M. Fernandez 3-4, 3B, 2 RBI; Morales 1-2; Chavez 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (6-5);

A win? What does that mean? Someone explain, please?

Game 2
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS Ackeret – 2B Briones – 1B Marz – C Kuehn – RF Jorgensen – LF J. Nelson – 3B J. Barnett – P Huf
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – LF Hooge – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Stedham – 2B Brito – C Morales – CF Maldonado – P Sparkes

Hooge singled, Manny walked, Stedham reached on an error still… but Brito flew out to Mike Hall in shallow center to strand a full set in the bottom 1st. The Aces put the leadoff batter on base in each of the first five innings, but didn’t actually score until John Marz hit the ball right outta here to begin the top 4th, which marked the first marker on the board… It took Sparkes getting hit by a pitch to see a Raccoon back in scoring position in the bottom 5th. Morales had hit a leadoff single before being forced out by Maldonado, who then saw himself jog to second base once long-ago Raccoon Matt Huf (remember, traded for Mark Roberts, and how long was HIS Coons tenure’s end ago??) gave Sparkes a welt. Cosmo tied the game with a bloop single in shallow right-center that Maldonado read perfectly and took off to score from second. But Myers grounded out, Hooge whiffed, and nobody else scored.

Sparkes went seven while holding on to the 1-1 tie, which then went to Wise to mess with. Briones singled off him in the eighth, but was doubled off by Marz, and the Aces continued to invite the Raccoons to stumble into another win. The bottom 8th saw Stedham on base with a 2-out single. We immediately sent Fowler to bat for Brito, which ended predictably with a groundout. Citriniti was then brought on for the ninth inning, seeing the Aces’ 5-6-7 retired in order, giving the bottom of the Critters’ lineup a shot at walking off (giggles). Huf was STILL in the game at this point, but it wasn’t like our offense had over-exerted his powers. A walk to Morales brought on reliever Sean Bastone with a 6.35 ERA, and Kilmer to run of Morales. Maldonado hit a grounder behind second base that Briones cut off, but couldn’t do anything with. Rich Vickers was already in the #9 hole and had to stay in there, too, with only Nickas left on the bench at all. He lined out to short, but Cosmo got a ball past the reach of Ackeret and into left-center. Kilmer – quick for a catcher! – circled around third base and made for home, Nelson’s throw was late, and the Coons scratched out another puny win. 2-1 Blighters. Trevino 3-5, 2 RBI; Sparkes 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 5 K;

Like glue! But at least the first back-to-back wins in two weeks…

Game 3
LVA: CF M. Hall – SS Ackeret – 2B Briones – 1B Marz – C Kuehn – RF Jorgensen – LF J. Nelson – 3B J. Barnett – P D. Johnson
POR: SS Trevino – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – LF Hooge – 1B Stedham – C Kilmer – 2B Brito – P Sabre

Offense was non-existent the first time through either lineup, but the Aces took the lead in the top 4th with a Justin Nelson blast to right-center. That one came with two down and Paul Kuehn on base. The Raccoons only got their second hit with Myers’ leadoff single in the bottom of the inning, and then Fernandez forced him out, but crucially gained a base on a passed ball before Ackeret threw away Fowler’s 0-for-28 groundball for a 2-base error. Fernandez scored, and the tying run went to second base, but Hooge hit a ****ing ****ty pop to Briones, and Stedham grounded out to piss that chance away just as well. – Slappy, we got any rat poison left? – Good! … – You’re not going to get it for me, are you?

Top 5th. The end. Leadoff single by the opposing pitcher, which was always a good move. Hall was hit with a pitch by Sabre, and Ackeret reached on a Myers error. Three on, no outs, Briones hit into a double play, 6-4-3, and a run scored. Johnson was at third base, and the inning looked over when Marz grounded to Myers… and then Myers ****ed up that play too, taking a dump on the baseball for another error. Johnson scored, and Sabre was broken for good now, allowing three straight RBI screamers before being yanked in a 7-1 rout. Only two of the runs were earned. Tyler Canfield replaced Sabre, got out of the inning, then walked a pair and allowed a double to Ackeret in between in the sixth before with two outs Kuehn took him deep by about 433 feet. The grand slam put the Aces in double digits, 11-3, dwarving two hapless runs the Raccoons had scored in the bottom 5th. Manny Fernandez hit another RBI single in the bottom 7th… and nobody could muster as much as a “yay…” anymore, for the park was empty, and I was seeing spots everywhere after mixing Capt’n Coma with a surfeit of random sugar pills. The Aces added three more runs on David Fernandez in the ninth inning, but who gave a ****? 14-4 Aces. M. Fernandez 2-4, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Brito 2-4;

In other news

June 24 – The only run in the Gold Sox’ 1-0 win over the Wolves scores in the 11th inning, and then only on a wild pitch by SAL MR Miguel Salazar (1-4, 3.78 ERA).
June 24 – ATL OF/1B Luis Inoa (.266, 7 HR, 19 RBI) is out for a month with a sprained thumb.
June 27 – Thunder pitching runs out of guile in the 15th inning against the Canadiens, who score four runs in the top of the frame to claim a 12-8 victory. Previously, both teams had scored a pair in the 10th inning.

FL Player of the Week: DEN 1B Gastao Rosado (.328, 5 HR, 43 RBI), poking .520 (13-25), 1 HR, 5 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ LF/1B Alvin Zuazo (.270, 5 HR, 22 RBI), hitting .462 (12-26), 2 HR, 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

In terms of runs, this was the very worst week yet. 16 runs scored. Gotten humped for 42. Of those, 34 earned. Which sounds like a relief at first, and then you realize, oh, yeah, Dave Myers apparently became hemiplegic overnight, and we’re all completely ****ed.

Stedham is 3-for-20. Maldonado is 3-for-24. Fowler of course is the King of Suck at 0-for-30.

OH FOR THIRTY. EVEN STEVE NICKAS GETS A ****ING HIT ONCE A FORTNIGHT.

There is no point in even trying to talk sense into what is going on, and I still don’t know where I was wrong in roster construction. On paper, the Anaconda Plan was perfect. Lots of OBP and speed – lots of runs. Well, ****ing ***, the Raccoons are as usual at the bottom of the league in OBP, and can’t score any ****ing runs. They’re 11-16 in June, and 3-12 since the 14th.

Next week, the horror homestand continues with four games against Atlanta, again starting with a double header on Monday. We can feed Weeks and Ottinger into the meat mincer there due to the off day this Thursday, but we will need a spot starter at some point next week. On the weekend, a trip to Indy is on. I think an 0-8 week is achievable by this team. I believe that they have that in them.

How many prospects can we get for a slightly scuffed centerfielder, former home run king? – Cristiano, I am not asking you about his defense. – I am asking Honeypaws!!

Fun Fact: The sad-sack Loggers have won more than three games in a row exactly once this year.

(opens mouth) …….. (closes mouth)

(clutches Honeypaws and rocks slowly back and forth)