Stupid is as stupid does . . .
Today in the CBO
News and Notes - Reports from around the Commonwealth
by Nat Wright-Kowalski
13 January 2297 – Happy Man Fights Coffee Machine
Fort Hagen minor leaguer Happy Man was unhappy with the quality of coffee at Slocum’s Joe in Diamond City. The player, who was not on a roster in 2296 but signed a free agent contract in September, broke his hand when he attacked a machine not producing the quality of he expected.
On top of the broken hand, Man also scalded his hand when the broken machine started spurting out hot coffee. No one else was injured.
Man was treated in a clinic in Diamond City but will probably head to Kendall Hospital across the river to get a better look at his injuries. At this time, Man is not expected to miss any time from the March 2 reporting date for spring practice.
14 January 2297 – Flatface Flattened by Super Mutant Brute
A group of CBO representatives on the way back from the Cape Cod area were attacked by a group of super mutants. There was a fierce battle between the two groups of baseballers and mutants, with the mutants suffering the larger loss of life with all ten mutants and mutant hounds killed.
One member of the caravan was killed though he was not a CBO player. One CBO player was injured, but it could have been worse. The Quincy Gunners’ Flatface Parker was pounced upon by a super mutant brute sporting a sledgehammer. The mutie swung at Parkers face, which would have made his face even flatter, but Parker put up his arm in defense. The blow was not a killshot but did crush Parker’s arm.
He was airlifted by vertibird towards Boston Airport. The guard who was killed by a hail of bullets from one of the mutants also was taken away by vertibird. The rest of the group headed towards Quincy where they were expected to regroup and rest.
Parker is a potential huge loss for the Gunners. As the leadoff hitter for Quincy, he was tied for third on the team with a .337 batting average. He also added 9 home runs and 38 RBI. He also led the team with 15 steals.