Today in the CBO
News and Notes - Reports from around the Commonwealth
by Nat Wright-Kowalski
14 March 2297 - Small Bertha: "War!"
Following the announcement of the Nuka World league coming into play in the Bradberton area, Small Bertha, leader of the Harbormen, president of West Mount Desert Island, owner of Vim!, and sponsor of the Brotherhood League, had one word for Nuka-Cola owner John-Caleb Bradberton: "War!"
Nearly foaming at the mouth, Small Bertha showed a limited but colorful vocabulary. The perpetual woman-child, Bertha was not happy with Nuka-Cola's announcement prior to a tournament where the Vim! logo peppered across the stadium. From her personal booth at Tarberry Field Forever, she rambled on about what that war means. She felt that Bradberton was trying to take away from her product's chance to shine.
"Nuka-Cola isn't even that good," Bertha said. "Vim! is much tastier and healthier and down to earth. If Bradberton wants to push his product through baseball, then we will, too.
"After this tournament, I am taking baseball to Mount Desert Island. Far Harbor and the rest of the island can do baseball, too. Fog be damned.
"You know what? **** John-Caleb and his stupid *** name and his stupid *** town. His stupid ******* ****** *************** park got overrun by raiders. Mount Desert would eat his ******* park and the ***** **** *********** living in ********* Bradberton and that ******** stupid **** theme park.
"My baseball league is going to ******** be eighty-seven times ******** better than his ******* ******* baseball league. ******!"
We at Publick Occurrences decided not to post much of Bertha's speech.