[Westheim]

Raccoons (24-13) @ Loggers (22-14) – May 17-20, 2038

The Raccoons had barely secured a 9-9 tie in the season series with the Loggers last year, and that was when they had been nailed firmly into last place. Now they were just a game and a half behind the first-place Critters, and third in runs scored. What was going on!? Their pitching was still crummy, though. While the Raccoons had a +31 run differential, the Loggers’ was +15. On the other paw, the Critters had been swept in Milwaukee in a 4-game set last year…

Projected matchups:
Bryce Sparkes (3-2, 3.15 ERA) vs. Cody Chamberlin (1-2, 6.17 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (3-0, 3.32 ERA) vs. Sal Chavez (3-2, 3.71 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-2, 4.75 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (3-3, 4.11 ERA)
Steve Fidler (0-1, 12.60 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (2-2, 2.14 ERA)

We’d get all their right-handed starters and miss southpaw William Stockwel (4-2, 3.92 ERA), who had gone out on Sunday, and an off day wasn’t coming up for a while yet, so we’d have to do our application of rest days against right-handers; the Thunder were due up on the weekend, and we’d not likely catch a lefty starter there, either.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Morales – SS Myers – 1B Vickers – CF Hooge – P Sparkes
MIL: CF T. Romero – 3B Paul – 1B Conner – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – C F. Gomez – LF Leyva – 2B V. Acosta – P Chamberlin

Neither team’s stash of .300 hitters amounted to a base hit in the first three innings. Both pitchers generated a lot of weak contact, and issued one walk, which Cosmo Trevino and Tony Romero drew, respectively. The Raccoons were still dry in the fourth, but Ted Del Vecchio broke the ice with a 2-out single in the bottom 4th, although the inning ended with Felipe Gomez’ fly right after that. The Raccoons didn’t get a base knock until their 17th attempt, when Ed Hooge hit a 2-out single in the fifth. That still didn’t make for a run, but Cosmo’s 1-out single in the sixth and Troy Greenway’s 2-out homer did, the first markers on the board in what was now a 2-0 game. The Loggers answered instantly, with Tony Romero leading off the bottom 6th with a triple. Jared Paul’s sac fly got him in, and Josh Conner’s double and another Del Vecchio single tied the game…

And then the scoring stopped as abruptly as it had begun. Neither team reached third base for the rest of regulation, and when the 10th inning dawned, the Loggers dominated the Raccoons with five hits to our four. Vickers, Hooge, and Stedham were retired effortlessly by Alex Banderas in the top of the 10th inning. Ben Feist got the bottom of the 10th. Travis Park and Tony Romero made outs. Jared Paul singled, then stole second base. Josh Conner walked. Jason Crawford was the only left-hander in the order and the Raccoons were already on their fourth reliever. Feist faced Crawford, gave up a terrible single in right-center, and Paul raced around to walk off the Loggers. 3-2 Loggers. Trevino 2-3, BB; Sparkes 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K;

Ah, another one of those series…

Game 2
POR: 3B Myers – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – C Morales – RF Ledford – 1B Stedham – SS Williams – P Ottinger
MIL: CF T. Romero – 3B Paul – LF J. Nelson – 1B Conner – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – C M. Cooper – 2B V. Acosta – P S. Chavez

For the second day in a row, no Raccoon found a base hit the first time through. When Jesus Maldonado hit a leadoff single in the fourth, he was caught stealing, and after Tony Morales walked and Brad Ledford was nailed, Jesse Stedham uselessly hit into a double play. That was the extent of their offense… Before long Ottie was undone by awful defense, and a leadoff walk to Justin Nelson in the bottom 4th. Conner hit a shy single, and Del Vecchio rammed a 2-run triple through Stedham and past Ledford all the way into the corner. Williams and Myers walked in the fifth … and Trevino hit into a double play to kill that inning. After that it was nothing in the sixth, nothing in the seventh, then a leadoff walk to Myers in the eighth. Trevino did nothing, while Manny Fernandez hit into the third inning-ending double play in the game. The team arrived in the ninth inning with Sal Chavez still on the mound, ahead 2-0, and after having issues SIX WALKS. He also had not struck out anybody. The Raccoons had just … (eyes skywards) … good one, baseball gods. Good one. The Loggers were three further outs made by the defense rather than Chavez away from maybe taking the lead in the division. Maldonado flew out to right. Morales grounded out. Greenway grounded out. 2-0 Loggers. Myers 1-2, 2 BB; Stedham 1-2, BB;

What in - … what??

The paper also says it’s true. MIL 24-14, VAN 23-14, POR 24-15.

Must be a dream. Can’t be real. Must be a dream.

I’d like to wake up now.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – SS Myers – 3B Ramos – 1B Stedham – C Kilmer – P Sabre
MIL: CF T. Romero – 3B Paul – 1B Conner – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – C F. Gomez – LF Crawford – 2B V. Acosta – P Piedra

Maldonado hit a single in the first, and Fernandez hit into a double play, all before Alberto Ramos threw away Tony Romero’s roller for two bases to begin the bottom 1st. Sabre hit Josh Conner, and after Danny Valenzuela grounded out, the extremely outrageous Ted Del Vecchio hit a despicable 2-out, 2-run single. (marks the series down as a sweep in his pocket schedule)

Piedra faced the minimum the first time through, while Ramos had two 2-base throwing errors by the third inning. The list of problems was growing. 10-2 was a distant memory. When Cosmo hit a leadoff single in the fourth, Maldonado was up to the challenge and hit into a 6-4-3 double play. Nobody else reached base for the Raccoons through six, during which Piedra again saw the minimum of batters. As a side hustle, Piedra landed two base hits off Sabre, who was chewed up after six innings without allowing another run, while those two hits by Piedra were also known as a whole Raccoons lineup’s worth. Trevino drew a walk in the seventh, was left on first base for a change, and the Loggers scored two more runs off Citriniti, who gave up a leadoff triple to Valenzuela, the run on a groundout by abysmal Ted Del Vecchio, and then a homer to Felipe Gomez. 4-0 Loggers. Sabre 6.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, L (2-3);

21 innings of not scoring in a row. Against the LOGGERS.

(asks nearest Loggers-employed attendant) Excuse me, Sir, where is the nearest lake to drown myself in? – That way? – Thank you. (nestles a crumpled fiver from his wallet and shoves it down the attendant’s shirt pocket)

Game 4
POR: SS Myers – 2B Trevino – LF Hooge – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – C Morales – 3B Ramos – 1B Stedham – P Fidler
MIL: CF T. Romero – 3B Paul – 1B Conner – RF Valenzuela – SS Del Vecchio – C F. Gomez – LF Leyva – 2B V. Acosta – P Iezzi

The scoreless streak ended as it had begun – with a 2-run homer by Troy Greenway, now collecting Trevino right in the first inning. That was a 2-0 lead given to Fidler, who had been rigorously dismembered in his maiden start and who Dr. Chung had just finished stitching back together five minutes before the first pitch. The little idiots around him this time set fire to his pyre, putting two Loggers on via errors by Myers and Greenway (…!!!) before the inevitable Del Vecchio twisted the damn dagger once more with an RBI single after the Raccoons dismally couldn’t turn two on a Valenzuela grounder. Felipe Gomez was robbed by Ed Hooge in the gap, maintaining the illusion of a 2-1 lead at least until the second inning…

Portland scratched out a run in the top 3rd, where Cosmo and Hooge singled, and Greenway found a sac fly to make it 3-1. The Loggers put Del Vecchio (breathes heavily) and Gomez on base to begin the bottom 4th, but Rico Leyva popped out and Victor Acosta hit into a double play the striped disasters on the field at least turned for once…

Jesus Maldonado then held on to the lead, spoiling a deep Valenzuela drive with two on and two outs in the bottom 5th, then opened the sixth with a jack to left, his first of the season and extending the score to 4-1. The Loggers retained their customary two men on against Fidler, who pitched in constant rush hour traffic, with Del Vecchio (RAAAHHH!!!) and Leyva on base in the bottom 6th with a double and walk, respectively. Acosta, no help dead nor alive and an attractive trade target since he’d fit right in, popped out. Justin Nelson hit for Iezzi, batting .211 from the right side. Fidler was sure he could get him out, and, well … got him out. All it took was Stedham making the lunging catch of the decade on a blasted 2-1 liner. All in all, the Loggers stranded nine runners against Fidler. Nobody reached against Prieto in the seventh, which felt weird, and in the eighth we got Morales on with a 1-out single off Rob Clack, a southpaw. Vickers singled in place of Berto, who was a beaming beacon of futility in this series (0-for-11, 1 K, 2 E), and Kilmer hit for the hopeless twig of Stedham and whacked an RBI double. Another run scored on a wild pitch, then one more on Brad Ledford’s RBI single in Prieto’s place. Finally, a breakout, three runs in the inning and seven in the game! Trevino and Hooge made outs after a Myers single off Mike Leeth, but the Raccoons would get almost blameless relief from David Fernandez and Jermaine Campbell (well, he had to pitch at some point…) in the last two innings. 7-1 Raccoons. Trevino 2-5; Hooge 2-4, BB, 2B; Morales 2-5; Vickers (PH) 1-1; Kilmer (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Ledford (PH) 1-1, RBI;

In terms of damage control, the damn Elks got swept by the Crusaders, so the Raccoons were back in second place. The gap on Milwaukee was half a game; traumatizing, yes, but there was a convincing argument to be made that they wouldn’t play .625 ball to the end.

Whether the Coons would continue to play .610 ball was in an entirely different crystal ball…

Raccoons (25-16) vs. Thunder (14-28) – May 21-23, 2038

At least we could return home to face a rehab opponent. The Thunder were hopeless, playing .333 ball and sitting in the bottom four in both runs allowed and runs scored, with the second-worst rotation, the lowest OBP (under .300!), and few nice qualities to talk about. Their run differential was already -62, which was stark at the quarter post. They would bring up only righty starters, so in theory we could pump out a very contrary lineup to put pressure on them. Last year, the Raccoons had taken the season series for the fourth straight time, winning eight of nine games.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (3-3, 4.20 ERA) vs. Brian Frain (2-7, 4.56 ERA)
Bryce Sparkes (3-2, 3.08 ERA) vs. Paul Peters (3-3, 4.50 ERA)
Jared Ottinger (3-1, 3.28 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (3-4, 1.76 ERA)

Like I said, all right-handers. Maybe THIS set could get the slumping Berto (0-for-22!) and Manny Fernandez (0-for-20!!) going.

And if the Thunder pitching wouldn’t, I would send Nick Valdes on them for a motivating talk. – Of course I’d like to see the pictures you took, Nick. Where you on vacation? – That doesn’t look like pictures from vacation. – Oh, your newest acquisition, you don’t say. – A chemical plant in Kookarachi, hear, hear. – Why’s the river purple?

Game 1
OCT: LF E. Moore – 3B Bennett – C Urfer – 1B D. Cruz – 2B Martell – RF C. Anderson – CF Shamhart – SS Agosto – P Frain
POR: SS Myers – 2B Trevino – 1B Maldonado – RF Greenway – LF M. Fernandez – CF Hooge – C Kilmer – 3B Ramos – P Chavez

Portland scored the first run of the game without getting a base hit; Trevino walked, stole second, advanced on an error, and scored on a wild pitch. Bernie Chavez retired the first six in order… on 17 pitches. That was a huge red flag. He fooled absolutely nobody, and in the third inning the defense stopped making plays for him. Nate Shamhart, leadoff single to center, then another single by Jose Agosto. Frain hit an RBI double through Ramos, and the other runners scored on singles by Rick Urfer and Danny Cruz with two outs as the Thunder took a 3-1 lead until finally Al Martell grounded out. Berto hit a single to begin the bottom 3rd, finally breaking his endless oh-fer and clinging to the .200 mark, but would be thrown out at home plate by Shamhart, starting fro m second base on Cosmo’s 2-out single.

Bottom 4th, Maldonado was nailed, Greenway singled, but Manny’s oh-fer continued with a fielder’s choice grounder to Martell. Ed Hooge cracked an RBI single to center, though, narrowing the gap to 3-2. Kilmer struck out, Berto was retired on a headlong sliding catch by Ethan Moore, and I kinda wanted a glass full of water out of that Kookarachi River to mix into by Capt’n Coma.

Bernie wouldn’t even throw 70 pitches; he was yanked in the bottom 6th after Berto’s game-tying 2-out double to center. Ledford batted for Chavez, popped out, and the score remained tied. Feist held the fort in the seventh for Portland, then got in line for a W when Cosmo reached base against Mike Bass in the bottom of the inning, stole second, and came around on Troy Greenway’s RBI single in the middle of nowhere, 4-3. Greenway was then gunned down trying to steal second base, and Feist put T.J. Bennett on base in the top 8th, who stole second and scored on Al Martell’s single off Yeom Soung… Tied again, I marvelled at the natural beauty of the mountains glitzening in the blasting sunshine behind Nick Valdes’ Kookarachi factory. They were, I was told, made entirely out of poisonous ashes, a byproduct of the chemical processes. The Critters did nothing in the eighth, but were still tied going into the bottom 9th. Berto was leading off against right-hander Gary Martin and his 4.02 ERA. Jesse Stedham hit for Soung, singled, but that was all; he never got off first, and the Raccoons hit extra innings again. Prieto held the board clean in the tenth, and Maldonado drew a leadoff walk against Martin in the bottom of that inning. Martin also walked Greenway, pushing the winning run into scoring position, for Manny Fernandez, 0-for-24 and falling. Well, if he didn’t make it here, he’d never get another hit again in his lifetime! …and he didn’t make it, sort of, kinda. I don’t know. His liner to center caught Jesus Adames in between, and he wasn’t sure whether to take it on the bounce or lunge for it, right up until the ball struck him in the chest and bounced away. Maldonado scored, ballgame. 5-4 Raccoons. Trevino 3-4, BB; Greenway 2-4, BB, RBI; Hooge 2-4, RBI; Ramos 2-4, 2B, RBI; Stedham (PH) 1-1;

Not a thing of beauty, entirely unlike the lake a mile from the chemical plant. Valdes had some beautiful shots of the lake fluorescing in all possible and impossible colors in the setting sun, with a few boats of fishermen sharply contrasting against the blood-red sky.

But, eh, a win is a win is a win!

Game 2
OCT: CF Shamhart – 3B Bennett – 1B D. Cruz – 2B Martell – RF C. Anderson – LF Heskett – C Adames – SS Kalinowski – P Peters
POR: SS Myers – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – LF M. Fernandez – C Morales – 3B Ramos – 1B Stedham – P Sparkes

Singles by Shamhart, who stole second, and Danny Cruz gave the Thunder a 1-0 lead in the first inning, and we were eagerly waiting for the Raccoons’ answer to that affront. It took them four innings to reach scoring position, then with a leadoff double by Cosmo. A wild pitch and Maldonado’s single got him around to score and tie the game. Maldonado stole second ahead of walk drawn by Greenway, and Manny Fernandez fell to 0-for-26 with a comebacker that got Greenway out at second base. Then – calamity! Peters’ 1-0 pitch struck Tony Morales in the paw! While the bases would be loaded, Morales would no longer participate in the game, struggling to grasp a banana Dr. Chung offered him as a medical test. He came out, Jeff Kilmer was in, and the Raccoons took a lead on Berto’s sac fly to Brian Heskett before Stedham feebly struck out.

The Raccoons did nothing with a Myers double to left that came up with one out in the fifth. Greenway then opened the sixth with a double while Sparkes seemed in control, not having allowed a hit since the first inning. The Thunder – no, Nick, I can’t believe it either, I mean, I can smell his paws rotting all the way up here! – walked Manny Fernandez, in an 0-for-26 hole, INTENTIONALLY. That’s really something that only last-place teams do, huh!? Kilmer singled to load the bags on the next pitch, and now the Raccoons hoped for a knockout blow from either Berto, or Stedham, or Sparkes, batting a combined .193, with three on and nobody gone. Berto hit another sac fly, 3-1, while Stedham tumbled into a fielder’s choice that the Thunder played just as badly, forfeiting the third out, like he was batting. – I know, Nick, I can’t believe it either that you’re paying this much for him! … And Sparkes flew out to Shamhart, still the hardest-hit ball of those three…

At least he remained almost untouchable to the Thunder… Sparkes easily made it through the seventh, the first Raccoons pitcher to venture that far the entire week… and then Adames hit a leadoff double in the eighth, and here was the panic. Josh Kalinowski and Justin Uliasz made outs that kept Adames on second, but with Shamhart’s lefty .294 bat coming up for the fourth time, the Raccoons sent for a southpaw. David Fernandez gave up a LOUD fly to center, but it was way too high and nowhere long enough and Maldonado made the play to end the inning. The Raccoons couldn’t find another run, either, and thus Campbell came out for the first save chance of the week, but at least it was only Saturday so far… Groundout, strikeout, flyout went the Thunder’s 2-3-4 batters. 3-1 Critters. Trevino 2-4, 2B; Greenway 1-2, BB, 2B; Ramos 1-2, 2 RBI; Sparkes 7.2 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, W (4-2);

The good news – no structural damage to Tony Morales’ paw! It was a bit swollen on Sunday morning still, and the start behind the dish would go to Kilmer on Sunday, but he would not have to go to the DL!

Yes, Nick, it’s a Sunday afternoon game, lots of screaming, blaring kids in the house. – Well, Ottie is starting. – He’s on Gobble. – Thank goodness, you don’t know about that crap either. Around here I feel like I am the only sane person left. – No, Nick, I don’t think it would be appropriate to hire a few 12-year-olds to scrub the insides of the tiny pipes in your Kookarachi chemical plant. – Don’t be ridiculous. Steve from Accounting just recently explained to me that child labor is best sourced locally.

Game 3
OCT: LF E. Moore – 3B Bennett – C Urfer – 1B D. Cruz – 2B Martell – RF C. Anderson – CF Heskett – SS Agosto – P Inderrieden
POR: 3B Ramos – SS Myers – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – 2B Vickers – LF Ledford – C Kilmer – 1B Stedham – P Ottinger

The Raccoons had lots of base runners and few runs early. Berto (walk) reached base in the bottom 1st, stole second, and it took two more singles by Myers and Greenway to score him. In the second, Brad Ledford reached base with a single, stole second, then was stranded altogether despite Stedham and Berto slithering on base as well. Myers lined out to Danny Cruz to end the inning with three aboard, making for five runners stranded in two innings. The Thunder of course brought their first runner around to score – that would be Heskett in the third, drawing a leadoff walk. Ottinger misfielded Inderrieden’s bunt for an extra runner, and then the 2-3-4 batters reeled off three 2-out RBI singles for a 3-1 lead before Martell popped out. Greenway tied the game, following Maldonado’s leadoff single with a homer to right, his 10th of the year, 36th RBI, and also all the runs plated for Portland in this game, at least until Vickers, Kilmer, and Ottie cobbled together another run on three singles. Berto grounded out, stranding another pair, seven in total by now after three innings.

While Nick Valdes explained his plans for a fireworks factory next to the living quarters adjacent to the chemical plant, Ottie snatched another RBI single in the fifth inning, again with two outs. That one followed Stedham’s RBI triple to plate Kilmer as the Raccoons put a little 2-out rally together to extend the lead to 6-3, and they also knocked out Inderrieden in the process. Berto hit a single off Chris Manley, but Myers flew out to Ethan Moore to end the bottom 5th.

Unfortunately, Ottie’s hitting outlasted his pitching, which saw him walk Chris Anderson on four balls in the sixth, swiftly followed by Heskett’s moonshot axing the lead to 6-5. We had 13 hits to their … five. This was an absolute disaster in the making, and I had no doubt about a loss accumulating on the scoreboard, and not a pretty one. But for now Manley nicked Maldonado to begin the bottom 6th and gave up a homer to Greenway, restoring the 3-run gap. Ottie hung around for a K against PH Justin Uliasz in the seventh, but was then lifted for Garavito, who got around a Bennett single and out of the inning. Him, Citriniti, and Campbell would retire the last seven Thunder in order to complete the game and the sweep. 8-5 Raccoons! Ramos 2-4, BB; Greenway 3-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI; Ledford 2-4; Kilmer 2-4; Stedham 1-2, 2 BB, 3B, RBI;

In other news

May 17 – The Crusaders send SP Ignacio del Rio (4-4, 3.90 ERA) to the Scorpions for OF Rich Salek (.455, 0 HR, 3 RBI), who has only 22 at-bats in his third major league season, and a prospect.
May 17 – The Bayhawks beat the Knights, 3-2 in 16 innings. SFB OF Edgardo Balderrama (.366, 0 HR, 9 RBI) reaches base seven times with five hits and two walks and drives in the winning run in the top of the 16th.
May 17 – Aces OF Mike Hall (.286, 3 HR, 22 RBI) will miss a month with a herniated disc.
May 18 – BOS OF/2B Moises Avila (.175, 1 HR, 6 RBI) will miss three weeks with a strained rib cage muscle.
May 21 – The Crusaders trade SP/MR Jared Murphy (2-4, 3.19 ERA) to the Rebels for outfielder Ryan Carr, who had only played in AAA so far this season, and a prospect.
May 23 – DEN SP Peter “Graveyard” Gill (2-4, 3.09 ERA) 1-hits the Rebels in a 6-0 shutout. Richmond 1B Dan Sarro (.324, 6 HR, 27 RBI) has the lone base knock for the losing side.

FL Player of the Week: WAS CF Justin Fowler (.236, 6 HR, 18 RBI) warming up at .400 (10-25), 2 HR, 7 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ OF Justin Williams (.312, 7 HR, 31 RBI) hitting .481 (13-27), 1 HR, 7 RBI

Complaints and stuff

They must have done something to the place in Milwaukee. Maybe something they’re putting in the food. That was a horrendous team that donned the brown shirts there, AGAIN, and I never want to see those guys again. The weekend set in turn wasn’t pretty but at least they swept the lame-bum Thunder to recover a winning week. They didn’t recover first place, though, which is now … uh… the Loggers’.

THE LOGGERS.

The sad-sack midweek series dropped us to third place in runs scored, but we are still first in a number of categories, including average, hits, slugging, and fewest strikeouts. And – stolen bases! We’re *almost* robbing one base per game; 42 bases in 44 games.

Next week, mild road trip without crossing the Continental Divide, with three in Tijuana, then three in Vegas after a day off. I spent months collecting dimes for some slot machines. Maybe I can win us the salary for a new pitcher!

Fun Fact: Jesus Maldonado and Manny Fernandez have in fact not changed their uniforms.

The 2037 World Series MVP is still batting over .300, although he’s mostly slapping singles. Of Maldonado’s 49 hits, only seven have gone for extra bases.

The 2036 Player of the Year is down to .242/.298/.338. He’s 0-for-his-last-29. He’s drawn one walk in that stretch… BUT … he also struck out only three times. All 26 balls in play – outs. Sometimes two outs, but all of them outs. That is borderline perverted and has to shake itself out soon.

I hope.