[Westheim]

Raccoons (45-47) @ Indians (36-57) – July 18-20, 2039

The sad-sack Raccoons were on the road, meeting the Indians for three on the road. Both teams were now playing out the string. The Arrowheads had lost eight in a row, but we weren’t exactly on a roll… except a tumble down the hill maybe. The Raccoons had lost 12 of their last 14 games, but maybe they would at least temporarily stop being borderline unwatchable for three games in Indianapolis, who they nevertheless trailed 5-4 in the season series… Indy was in the bottom two in both runs scored and runs allowed, had a -105 run differential (Coons: +8), and the only thing they did well was hitting home runs. We had sure noticed in the past.

Projected matchups:
Steve Fidler (0-5, 4.94 ERA) vs. Eric Peck (5-6, 5.03 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (7-2, 3.78 ERA) vs. Jake Jackson (6-10, 3.02 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-4, 2.94 ERA) vs. John Nelson (5-9, 4.44 ERA)

Southpaw at the start, then two right-handers. Thursday would be off.

A roster move had been made, with Travis Sims (4-1, 4.85 ERA) chased out of town again real fast, bringing up left-handed 2036 fifth-rounder Brent Clark, who had an 0.40 ERA in St. Pete, while also walking everything with legs.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 1B Monge – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – CF Maldonado – SS Williams – 2B Hernandez – P Fidler
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – LF Trawick – 2B Johnston – P Peck

The Raccoons did a modest amout of hitting early on, stranding one runner in the first, two in the second, and the same amounts in the third and fourth, respectively. They managed to bring up Fidler with two outs and two aboard twice, which certainly didn’t help either. Fidler didn’t explode at first sight, which was already a plus in his first start back from the Swamplands, although Dan Hutson would have scored on an Elliott Thompson with two outs in the bottom 4th, but was thrown out by a *perfect* zinger by Manny Fernandez. Manny also broke the ice in the fifth inning, finding Berto and Monge on base after a pair of soft singles, and countered with a no-doubter for three runs to right, his 14th bomb of the year. Troy Greenway would give it a bid in the seventh, then with Manny and Jeff Kilmer on base, but fell short and into Mario Ochoa’s glove. Manny scooted to third base, though, then scored on Maldo’s 2-out single, 4-0. Williams flew out to right, ending the inning. Fidler was on only 61 pitches at that point, but surely eyed sharply. When he walked Dave Serrato with one out in the bottom 7th, the pen got buzzing, but he struck out Jake Trawick after a wild pitch moved Serrato to second base. There was no point in walking Ryan Johnston intentionally – the Indians would surely send a pinch-hitter for Peck. Fidler faced him, gave up an RBI single to left-center, and then walked the pinch-hitter, Josh Garbinski. Prieto replaced him, walked the bags full with four balls to David Gonzales, but somehow got out on Ochoa’s groundout. Elijah Williams also got out, tweaking his calf on the play. Cosmo Trevino replaced him, with Joel Hernandez moving to short, with all of them watching with foreboding as Chris Miller shuffled on Pat Dodson and Serrato in the eighth, then gave up a 2-run gapper to Trawick. Dodson scored from second, Serrato was sent – and was out! This time Maldonado flashed the old flapper for an outfield assist at home plate! Still up 4-2, the Raccoons sent Jermaine Campbell into the ninth. Soft single by Johnston, soft single by Jeremy Leftwich, which Brad Ledford also overran for an extra base for everybody. So the tying runs were in scoring position, nobody out, and I was ready to burst several blood vessels. Gonzales hit a sac fly in shallow center that led to Johnston bowling over Tony Morales and being called safe. Ochoa struck out. Dan Hutson grounded out to Berto. Somehow, a win. 4-3 Coons. Ramos 3-5; M. Fernandez 3-5, HR, 3 RBI; Kilmer 2-4; Ledford (PH) 1-1; Hernandez 2-4, 2B; Fidler 6.2 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 2 K, W (1-5);

A win for „Feckless“ Fidler! Will wonders ever cease??

Elijah Williams was not going to be significantly hindered by that sore calf. In fact, he was almost as good as new by Tuesday morning.

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – 1B Anderson – CF Hooge – SS Maldonado – P Bedrosian
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – LF Trawick – 2B Johnston – P J. Jackson

Bedrosian gave up three loud balls in the bottom 1st, all of which were somehow caught, while the Raccoons scored on hits by Kilmer and Anderson, plus Ed Hooge’s well-placed groundout, for one run in the top 2nd, then got Berto and Cosmo on base to begin the third inning. They went to the corners, with Berto scoring on a wild pitch, and Cosmo coming home on a Greenway single, 3-0. The Indians didn’t land a base hit until the bottom 4th, when Dan Hutson homered to left, his 23rd of the season, and that was probably off the Critters alone…

Indy didn’t get another hit until Gonzales slapped a leadoff single in the sixth, but was doubled up by Ochoa, 6-4-3, immediately. Bedrosian didn’t dominate at all, whiffing four Indians at that point, but was at least effective. And just as that thought started echoing around my numb skull, Elliott Thompson and Dave Serrato hit back-to-back singles in the bottom 7th, one down, and the tying runs were on for Trawick. Bedrosian remained in, gave up a single to fill the bags, and was yanked. Chris Miller came in and whiffed Johnston, after which Garbinski pinch-hit again. David Fernandez came in for the lefty, got a grounder to Cosmo, and somehow the Raccoons escaped bags-full again vs. Indy – truly a terrible team and on the verge of ten straight wafflings. Top 8th, Greenway doubled off Justin Kaiser, a southpaw with a 4.55 ERA, with one out, with Kilmer walking behind him. Danny Monge hit for Anderson, which was on page one of our playbook at this point, and singled to fill the bags, which didn’t happen every day. Alas, Ed Hooge struck out and Maldonado flew out to Trawick, so it was my ******* stupid team after all…

Bottom 8th, Fernandez remained in and got Gonzales before whiffing Ochoa. The #9 spot led off our half of the ninth, so there was a dear wish to have Fernandez finish the inning with only one rested righty remaining in the bullpen, and that was *Ottie*. Hutson sure hit a loud drive off Fernandez, but could not beat Hooge in center, flying out. Berto and Manny reached in the ninth, the latter on an error, but Greenway flew out to right, and stranded them. The Raccoons indeed sent Ottinger into the bottom 9th with a 3-1 lead, mainly because there were more righty bats up than lefty bats (Garavito would have been available) and because Jermaine Campbell had pitched two days in a row, and never well. Ottinger promptly walked a pair to begin the ******* inning, after which Serrato lined out to Elijah Williams at short. Mound conference, then, a 2-1 hanger that Jake Trawick blasted over the fence. 4-3 Indians. Greenway 2-5, 2B, RBI; Kilmer 2-3, BB, 2B; Monge (PH) 1-1;

(looks ready for murder)

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – 1B Monge – CF Maldonado – C Morales – SS Williams – P Sabre
IND: CF D. Gonzales – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – 1B Dodson – C E. Thompson – SS D. Serrato – LF Garbinski – 2B Johnston – P J. Nelson

A single, a walk, an error, the Raccoons had the bags full in the first, but Maldonado grounded out, and that was that. Sabre’s day then began with Trevino throwing away a grounder from Gonzales, putting a free runner on second base. Ochoa doubled him in, Hutson singled, the universe was dark and unloving, and the Indians had runners on the corners and nobody out, but would not score again. Pat Dodson flew out to Manny Fernandez, who threw out Ochoa at home plate, and Thompson struck out trying to get Hutson home from second base. The Raccoons then got Cosmo on base in the third inning. He stole a base, reached third base with one out, and then Greenway struck out and Monge popped out. Two more runners were stranded in the fourth, and Ryan Johnston made it 3-0 with a 2-out homer in the bottom 4th, plating Serrato. Did I mention that the universe was dark and unloving?

The Raccoons piled up eight hits in seven innings without scoring once, and when Johnston hit a leadoff jack off Sabre in the bottom 7th, it was 4-0 and basically over. Sabre didn’t finish the inning, Garavito replacing him, while the Raccoons had two more hits, for ten total, in the eighth. The bottom of that inning was the major league debut of 24-year-old Brent Clark, facing the 4-5-6 batters. He got two groundouts, then walked Serrato. Garbinski was next and struck out. Top 9th, Berto hit a 1-out single off Terry Weaver, the Coons’ 11th hit in the game. Cosmo hit into a fielder’s choice to remove the lead runner, and then Manny Fernandez grounded out to short. 4-0 Indians. Trevino 3-5; Morales 2-4; Williams 2-4, 2B;

It’s hard to find words for those bums.

So you have to do it by CRANKING UP THE VOLUME!!

Raccoons (46-49) @ Aces (47-47) – July 22-24, 2039

What could we even expect from visiting a “meh” team? We couldn’t even beat the Indians! The Aces were up 2-1 on the season series, and ranked sixth in runs scored and third in runs allowed. Looked pretty much unbeatable – you had to get their starters (2nd in the league in ERA) out to feast on their pen (10th). Maybe I should hit the One-Armed John casino over there and lose everything I have. The Raccoons will be able to get swept perfectly fine without me.

Projected matchups:
Drew Johnson (7-5, 3.21 ERA) vs. Israel Mendoza (5-6, 3.38 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (5-7, 3.90 ERA) vs. Willie Gallardo (9-6, 2.94 ERA)
Steve Fidler (1-5, 4.30 ERA) vs. Jesus Rodarte (5-4, 4.34 ERA)

Right, right, left.

Also, the Raccoons arrived without a serviceable shortstop. Despite being warned, on Thursday Elijah Williams had a bucket of oysters from a food cart on the off-ramp from US-93. By Friday, he had perfectly liquid, volatile diarrhea and Dr. Padilla ruled him out for the entire weekend and maybe we should look for a coffin maker while we still could.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 1B Anderson – SS Maldonado – C Morales – P Johnson
LVA: SS Bensinger – 2B Briones – CF Caldwell – RF Platero – 3B Rossi – LF Velazquez – 1B Gurney – C D. Gomez – P I. Mendoza

Both teams scattered a pawful or so of hits in the first five innings, with the only run resulting from Tony Morales singling home Ed Hooge with two outs in the second inning. Drew Johnson actually also singled, but Berto struck out. Ed Hooge hit a double in the sixth, was stranded, and the Aces tied the game on Corey Caldwell’s leadoff triple and Jose Platero’s inevitable sac fly in the bottom of the inning. Johnson had relied on defense all game long, but after John Velazquez singled off him, he threw a 2-2 fastball right down the middle to Pat Gurney, who belted a 2-out, 2-run homer, and here was another loss budding on the scoreboard…! The Critters did get a pair of singles from Berto and Manny Fernandez in the eighth, and then they got a Greenway grounder for a 4-6-3 double play, ending that inning. Top 9th, the Aces sent Damon DeOrio, whoever the heck that was, who had an ERA over four. Hooge, who was pretty much the only ray of light in a dire game, led off with a single. Anderson lined out. Maldonado flew out to Velazquez, but Tony Morales lined a single into shallow right, and the team stayed alive, with the tying run on base with two outs and Brad Ledford hitting for Garavito in the #9 hole. He struck out. 3-1 Aces. Hooge 3-4, 2 2B; Morales 2-4, RBI;

(opens mouth)

(closes mouth)

Game 2
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – LF M. Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Monge – CF Hooge – SS Maldonado – P Chavez
LVA: 1B Zarazua – 2B Briones – CF Caldwell – 3B Rossi – LF Velazquez – RF Beaudoin – SS Ackeret – C D. Gomez – P Gallardo

Ricardo Zarazua hit a triple off Bernie Chavez in the first and scored on Mario Briones’ groundout without much fuss to put the Aces up 1-0. Greenway’s leadoff walk and Monge’s single put two on to begin the top of the second, but now Ed Hooge struck out. Can you lot EVER put three hits together?? – Well, almost. Maldonado hit an RBI double to tie the game, Bernie slapped an RBI single over the head of Briones to take a 2-1 lead, but Berto hit into a fielder’s choice and Cosmo popped out, so the answer was probably indeed no, they couldn’t.

They couldn’t do anything besides ******* up. Bernie Chavez tumbled into the fourth being semi-alright, but unravelled after a Monge error put Danny Gomez aboard in addition to Aiden Ackeret with one out. Even when Gallardo bunted into a force at third base, this game was going down. Chavez walked Zarazua, then walked Briones with the bags full to tie the game. Caldwell popped out to strand three in a 2-2 game, but the writing was clearly legible on the wall, even when they took a 4-2 lead in the fifth with Trevino’s leadoff single and back-to-back RBI doubles to left-center by Kilmer and Greenway. Bernie Chavez navigated around a deep out by Justin Beaudoin in the fifth before Aiden Ackeret opened the bottom of the next inning with a double to right. Gomez popped out, Gallardo dropped a bunt, and with the runner on third and two outs, Bernie walked Zarazua. Mario Briones was going to be his last batter, with the tying runs on the corners, and the left-handed Caldwell coming after that. Chavez worked him to 1-2, then gave up a 415-footer to left-center for a score-flipping 3-piece, closing the Raccoons righty’s line at five runs, one earned.

The Aces added a run in the seventh. Platero hit a pinch-hit RBI double with two outs off Chris Miller, driving in Velazquez, whom Brent Clark had nailed. First stupid run allowed in his career – welcome to the big leagues, and get the **** out of my sight, you wimp! They were all wimps. All of them. 6-4 Aces. Greenway 2-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Maldonado 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Mario Briones was probably the last batter in Bernie Chavez’ LIFE because I’m going to ******* tear his stupid head off as soon as this 6’7’’, 280lbs clubhouse attendant stops restraining me. (struggles and hisses)

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Monge – LF Ledford – CF Maldonado – SS Hernandez – P Fidler
LVA: 1B Zarazua – 2B Briones – CF Caldwell – RF Platero – 3B Rossi – SS Byrd – LF Beaudoin – C D. Gomez – P Rodarte

Let’s get it over with, … what’s your name? (blinks at illegible name sign of barkeep at the top-end bar in Aces Ballpark) – “Mel”. Sorry. I started to drink at 9am in the hotel this morning. – Here’s the rules, “Mel”. Whenever your ******** ****-*** team scores a run you pour me another hard one. Whenever my ******* ****-*** team leaves a guy in scoring position, you pour me another hard one. – Good. – Oh. And no talking. – If you insist on talking, you better pour me hard one right away. – Ah, pour one anyway. Our starting tosser ***** **** and if I could I’d **** that ******* rat ******* with a piece of rebar. – (notices flabbergasted stare of two elderly female patrons at a table) What are you two crows gawking at?? – “Language”? You see any ******* kids here I can spoil with my ******** **** ******* “language”?? – (turns back to barkeep) “Mel”, you look uncomfortable. You should pour yourself a hard one too. – (watches Mel do just that) Good boy.

As it turned out, the Raccoons got Berto and Cosmo on with walks to begin the game, then unfurled four base hits off a battered Rodarte to score three runs before Hernandez popped out and Fidler grounded out to strand a full set. Fidler then took the baseball and did horrendous things with it, allowing a leadoff walk, to Zarazua, a triple to Briones, and two more hits to give two runs back right away. That was three hard ones from the first inning alone, but after that the pace slowed down, because a) the Raccoons didn’t get on base anymore, and b) the defense actually made some plays. Actually, the Raccoons *did* get on base again in the fifth. Kilmer singled with one out, after which Rodarte hit consecutive batters to load the bases for Brad Ledford, who was 2-for-2 in the game, and hit a sac fly to left, but Maldonado flew out poorly and left two on board, carving a fourth score into my liver.

Top 6th, Hernandez reached base against Rodarte leading off, leading to the Ace’s removal. Fidler then bunted into a force, which was not a hard one according to the rules heretofore agreed upon, but really should be in the *spirit* of the law. Or the law of the spirits. Or something. Berto and Cosmo promptly singled, loading the bases behind the snail-paced Fidler, at which point we had surely lost a run unless the middle of the order could work some magic. Against righty Jerry Hodges, Kilmer struck out, and Greenway rolled out to second base, nobody scored, except me – I scored another hard one.

The Aces didn’t score again on Fidler, who was removed in the seventh after Beaudoin reached base. David Fernandez got the inning over with, still up 4-2. Fernandez got another out in the eighth, with Prieto getting the next two, and that he nailed Caldwell in between didn’t feel that bad. Top 9th, Nick Wright allowed a leadoff single to Cosmo, who reached second base on an errant pickoff attempt. Kilmer then doubled him in, 5-2. Greenway was walked intentionally, Monge grounded out, advancing the runners. The pitcher was in the #6 hole, with Oliver Anderson pinch-hitting now, and walking in a full count. Maldonado walked to force in a run, Hernandez grounded out to bring home a run, and Manny Fernandez grounded out to end the inning. It was 7-2, but I demanded my hard one for a runner left in scoring position anyway. With a 5-run lead, the Raccoons broke out Ottinger for the bottom 9th. Nate Rossi singled. John Byrd popped out. Beaudoin ripped an RBI double. Gomez flew out to left. Bensinger lined out to Hernandez at short. 7-3 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4, BB; Trevino 2-4, BB; Kilmer 2-5, 2B, RBI; Ledford 2-3, RBI;

In other news

July 18 – The Aces beat the Thunder, 5-4 in 16 innings. Both teams earn 20 runners, and strand 30 between them.
July 19 – Vegas’ SP Oscar Valdes (7-6, 3.39 ERA) spins a 2-hitter in a 5-0 shutout over the Thunder.
July 20 – One-hit and down 2-0, the Thunder turn the game around and walk off with a 3-2 victory on the Aces with three singles and C Jesus Adames (.340, 4 HR, 23 RBI) ripping a bases-loaded triple in the bottom 9th.
July 20 – The Titans take 11 innings to beat the Loggers, 1-0, on a single and three walks in the bottom of the 11th inning.
July 21 – NYC SP Dave Hils (3-12, 4.36 ERA) is done for the year with a partially torn labrum.
July 22 – On the same day the Canadiens learn that C Fernando Alba (.336, 10 HR, 31 RBI) was going to miss six weeks with an elbow sprain, new acquisition LF/RF/1B Marc DeVita (.284, 8 HR, 47 RBI) hits two homers among five hits and drives in four runs in a 16-8 ripping of the Thunder.

FL Player of the Week: PIT 3B Omar Lastrade (.291, 11 HR, 42 RBI), hitting .440 (11-25) with 2 HR, 7 RBI
CL Player of the Week: TIJ RF/LF Tom Dunlap (.316, 6 HR, 24 RBI), batting .500 (10-20) with 2 HR, 3 RBI

Complaints and stuff

The amount of SUCK is baffling. They were close to making the 2001 Raccoons look borderline competent in comparison.

The good bits of the Raccoons’ lineup were all locked up for a while. Cosmo for three more years (including a player option). Greenway for four years. Manny for five. Maldonado (sharply draws in air between teeth) for six. None of them were very hot right now, and nobody was willing to shed a top prospect for any of them. Maybe the situation would be different by the winter. Or maybe even by Thursday, what the heck do I know about baseball?

Danny Monge requested a trade. I told him I tried to trade him last month and nobody wanted his lazy bum then, either. To his face. I think his eyes wettened up. What do I care. They make me cry myself to sleep every single ******* day.

The Raccoons dropped out of the Gerardo Zafra bidding war when the price reached $900k. He would then of course sign for that amount with the Pacifics.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons are still first in batting average.

And second in on-base percentage!

And four games under .500.

The universe is and always was and will always be dark and unloving.