[Westheim]

Raccoons (55-56) vs. Titans (66-44) – August 8-11, 2039

The Titans were three and a half games back of the damn Elks in the division, and those were the only teams that mattered anymore in the CL North. They conceded the fewest runs in the league, but they also had the lowest batting average of any team. They also had little if any power, but had enough on-base qualities and speed to score the seventh-most runs. It was enough for a +81 run differential (Coons: +30) … and to grab a handful of Raccoons at the tail, and whack them from one corner of the room into the next and the next and then the one on the other side… the Titans led the season series a modest 9-2. The damn Coons were the only reason they were even relevant for the playoffs…

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (6-9, 3.67 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (6-9, 4.52 ERA)
Steve Fidler (2-5, 3.75 ERA) vs. Leonhart Becker (9-6, 1.80 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (10-2, 3.61 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (15-4, 2.85 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (9-6, 2.85 ERA) vs. Javy Santana (5-7, 3.29 ERA)

Left-handers on the inside, right-handers on the outside of the Titans’ array of arms here. Maybe we’d score six runs.

In total.

Game 1
BOS: SS Bunyon – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – RF Calais – C Kuehn – 2B Toney – P Hicks
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – C Morales – RF Ledford – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Anderson – SS Nickas – P Chavez

Monday’s game featured the same ****** plot as all games against the Titans did in recent memory, like every second episode of February of a 10th-season sitcom you had ever seen. Bernie Chavez was good for a bit, then he stopped being good, and they immediately picked up a couple of runs with no great effort whatsoever. Bernie retired ten in a row to begin his start, then allowed a double to Antonio Gil. Mark Vermillion grounded out, but Willie Vega slapped an RBI single, stole second, and came home on another single by Jose Garcia. That of course made it 2-0 because the bottom halves of innings still featured the bloody Raccoons who couldn’t do anything. Jesus Maldonado hit a leadoff double in the bottom 4th – and was stranded after groundout, strikeout, groundout. That kind of team. Mark Vermillion hit a homer in the sixth. Well, it was Bernie Chavez. If he doesn’t serve a bomb every game, how would you know it’s BERNIE?? Oh, and another one to Paul Kuehn in the seventh. It’s hard to stand on just one leg, I hear. That was the hole game. The time the Raccoons left Maldonado on third base was the only time they had a runner on third base. Hicks struck out eight and finished the game in under 2:30 … 4-0 Titans. Ramos 2-4;

Oliver Anderson was 1-for-3 before being double-switched out of the game. Since late July he was 6-for-31, and the Raccoons ended the first base platoon shenanigans by sending him back to St. Petersburg. The acute reason for the move was Troy Greenway coming off the DL for Tuesday, but even without that it was time to shift Anderson, because … well, 6-for-31 in almost three weeks.

Game 2
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Dear – SS J. Davis – 2B Toney – P Becker
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – LF Ledford – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Fidler

Like Monday, Tuesday felt like a rerun, but was actually just the same boring plot all over – Captain Kork being left alone in the shuttle with the blue Rigellian slave girl, or something like that. I never paid too close attention to the TV in my youth. The early innings were both score- and hapless, with the Raccoons getting no-hit through three by Leonhart Becker, who I chose to call “Sauerkraut” now, because he was a kraut and he made me ******* sour. Steve Fidler also did not allow a run through three, then had his strings plucked all out of tune in the fourth. Willie Vega singled, Jose Garcia walked, Matt Dear singled. Three on, no outs, goodnight Portland, maybe tomorrow, and you know, as always, maybe next year. The bottom of the order was up, and John Davis sent a bouncer to Ramos. Berto got an out at first base, but the first run of the game scored. Mike Toney then flew out in shallow center, keeping the runners pinned. So with two outs, Becker zinged a soft line to shallow center, scoring both runners, and making this a 3-0 game. (slams both fists on the desk) Maud!! Can you believe it?? Hasn’t he heard we won the war?? What does he keep on fighting for!!??

Matt Dear’s 2-run homer with two outs in the fifth put the game to bed for the day, even though it had yet to be concluded on the scoreboard. Jeff Kilmer even hit a single in the bottom 5th, staving off the specter of getting no-hit by Sauerkraut, but of course this didn’t amount to a rally, mainly because Ledford popped out and Danny Monge shoved a ball into Toney’s mitten for a double play. Fidler lasted six, while Sauerkraut looked like he’d last a dozen if the umpires let him. The Kilmer single stood alone through six, through seven, and through eight. Then Ed Hooge pinch-hit for Elijah Williams to start the bottom 9th and grounded to Toney. The defender threw the ball away, and Hoogey went to second base, an extremely unfamiliar sight: a Raccoon in scoring position. Joel Hernandez struck out. Berto singled to center, plating the unearned run. Sauerkraut walked Cosmo, then was yanked with an unearned tussle on the Titans’ stompers. Mike Hugh – with an ERA barely worse than Sauerkraut’s – came into the game, popped up Maldonado, but allowed a single to Greenway, bringing up the tying run with two outs in Jeff Kilmer, who pushed a grounder into shallow center for two runs, and now the winning run appeared at the plate. Brad Ledford grounded out to John Davis, though. 5-3 Titans. Kilmer 2-4, 2 RBI;

All our runs were charged to Sauerkraut, but unearned. Oh never mind. – Maud, call Washington please. – No, not the Capitals. The President Hilton administration. – I have to convince her to do a retaliation strike against… where does he come from… Appenwhy- … Appenwhee- … Appenweier…? In Baden-Wu- … Wu- … Ah **** it, she should just order the whole country cluster-bombed!

Game 3
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – C Dear – SS Bunyon – 2B Toney – P M. Gonzalez
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – LF M. Fernandez – SS Williams – 3B Hernandez – P Bedrosian

While I was denied my request for a retaliation strike on Appenweier, Baden-Wuerttemberg, at least Jeff Kilmer threw out Moises Avila trying to steal third base in the opening frame on Wednesday. In the second inning he threw away the ball on Willie Vega’s attempt to steal second, sending the runner to third anyway. Matt Dear hit a sac fly to center, 1-0. (groans and walks over to the trusty brown couch, Honeypaws, and Slappy) Slappy, please tell me, how can you watch this dismal team day in, day out, on TV and never once curse in anger? (is handed a bottle o’ booze) I see.

Bottom 2nd, Kilmer, Manny, and Williams loaded the bases with nobody out against Gonzalez. Joel Hernandez flew out to Avila in too-shallow right to send Kilmer, Bedrosian popped out on an 0-2 pitch, and Monge popped out on a 1-0 pitch. 1-0 remained the score as well, and not for the brown team. Now, Kilmer *did* double in Troy Greenway in the bottom 3rd to tie the score, but before long Matt Dear hit a homer to center and it was untied again just as it started to rain in the fifth inning. Come the sixth, Bedrosian walked Avila on four pitches, then gave up a home run to Antonio Gil, who was about as prolific a power hitter as Berto. That was also the end of the game, with the rain coming down hefty after that, and after an hour under rain delay the umps rightfully decided that the Raccoons weren’t going to make up a 3-run deficit anyway and thus called the game. 4-1 Titans. Kilmer 2-3, 2B, RBI;

Bedrosian whiffed eight in 5.1 innings of what counted as a complete game.

The good thing was that the prospect of going 2-16 against Boston this year wasn’t particularly shocking me anymore – the Raccoons had literally already done so once before in ’22.

Game 4
BOS: RF M. Avila – 3B Gil – CF Vermillion – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Garcia – SS Bunyon – C Kuehn – 2B Toney – P J. Santana
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Hooge – C Morales – RF Ledford – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Monge – SS Williams – P Sabre

Despite Avila singling, stealing second, and scoring on a Vega single in the top 1st, the Raccoons took their first actual LEAD of the week in the second inning, and it was only THURSDAY! Ledford singled and was balked to second base by Santana, then scored to tie the game when Manny singled in a full count. Danny Monge was hit, Elijah Williams singled to score Fernandez from second, and it was Boston 1, Portland 2. TWO!! TWO WHOLE RUNS!! (giggles madly) Then the inning ended as quickly as feasible, with Sabre bunting and Berto grounding out to second base.

The Titans loaded the bases against Sabre in the third, with Avila and Vega getting on base *again* (although the former was forced out on a Gil grounder). Jose Garcia walked to fill them up with two outs, but Donovan Bunyon popped out. Sabre held out, although he had his pitch count run up by the pesky Titans, while Santana was run from the game altogether in the bottom 5th when Tony Morales doubled home Cosmo and Hoogey with nobody out to raise the lead to 4-1. Ledford singled off Daniel Miller, and the lefty then served up a 3-run homer to Manny Fernandez, blowing the lead up to six runs. There was however not much more to be seen from Sabre; he bunted into a double play to end the inning, then logged only two more grinding outs before Bunyon doubled on a 3-2 pitch in the sixth, ending his day after 113 laborious pitches. Prieto struck out Kuehn to close his line, though. Portland added a run in the seventh against Ben Darr that was doubly-unearned and best not talked about.

All was well until the ninth and Nelson Fonseca. Sean Calais singled. Kuehn walked. Toney dished a bomb, and it was 8-4. No reason to panic just yet, but Fonseca walked Moises Avila, David Fernandez walked Gil, and suddenly the tying run was in the on-deck circle. Oh please no. Just no. Just don’t. Don’t. They didn’t. Vermillion hit a grounder for a 4-6-3, and the game ended. 8-4 Raccoons. Hooge 3-5, 2B; Ledford 2-4, BB; M. Fernandez 2-4, HR, 4 RBI;

Raccoons (56-59) @ Warriors (45-68) – August 12-14, 2039

For as long as the miserable ’39 Coons had roamed the land, they occasionally found a team even more miserable. Then usually promptly lost three games to them. The Warriors were fifth in the FL West, seventh in runs allowed in the Federal League, and bottoms in runs scored, with a -86 run differential. They were worst in getting on base, meh in the power department, but quirky with taking extra bases, sitting second in steals in the FL. We had lost two of three to them last year, and had not won a series from them since our season ended at the ******* paws of NICK LESTER.

Projected matchups:
Drew Johnson (9-7, 3.03 ERA) vs. Jose Medina (3-4, 3.28 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (6-10, 3.73 ERA) vs. Tony Galligher (6-12, 4.33 ERA)
Steve Fidler (2-6, 4.10 ERA) vs. Mike Kiah (3-11, 5.13 ERA)

Two left-handers, then a right-hander I never even heard of on Sunday. Kiah was a 27-year-old guy routinely travelling back and forth between Sioux Falls and Buffalo. He was a #22 pick in ’32.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – 1B Monge – LF M. Fernandez – SS E. Williams – P Johnson
SFW: RF O. Mendoza – 1B Zuazo – 2B M. Colon – C McCullar – LF M. Hernandez – SS Villegas – CF Will Ojeda – 3B Conner – P J. Medina

Oscar Mendoza tripled into the rightfield corner on Drew Johnson’s very first pitch, then was thrown out at home plate by Maldonado on Alvin Zuazo’s easy fly to center. First score would instead be with the Raccoons, a revolutionary concept I wouldn’t be against if we explored it a bit further down the road. Cosmo hit a 2-out single in the third, then immediately scored on a Maldonado double to go up 1-0, with Greenway flying out to left. The same sequence repeated in the fourth inning, then with Fernandez and Williams in the feature parts. Johnson held up for the moment, not allowing a hit after the Mendoza triple, and the Raccoons loaded the bases in the fifth inning, albeit with two outs and after Greenway reached on an error. He was on second base, between Cosmo (forced out Berto) and Kilmer. Danny Monge grounded out to short. Melvin Hernandez then hit a leadoff double over Greenway in the bottom 5th. Johnson angrily stomped around the mound, then got a grounder from Alex Villegas that kept the runner on second. Will Ojeda flew out, and Josh Conner got four wide ones intentionally, only for Medina to flick a single to Maldonado’s feet with two outs. Bases loaded, Mendoza struck out ripping, stranding a full set as well.

But Johnson’s time was up – he retired nobody in the bottom 6th. Zuazo singled, Mario Colon ripped a double, and Ethan McCullar dropped an RBI single. It was 2-1, runners were on the corners, and the Raccoons sent Prieto instead. He tied the game by giving up a single to Hernandez right away, loaded the bases with a walk, and somehow the Warriors’ own ineptness led to them stranding another full set – Prieto had nothing to do with it. Both teams poked for no great results in the next two innings, with Clark and Miller keeping the Warriors away. Closer Andy Hyden got two outs in steady rain in the ninth before Cosmo singled. He stole second base, and Maldonado got nailed, bringing up Greenway, who had probably been secretly exchanged for his debilitated twin during the offseason. A year ago we would have expected a 3-run homer. Now I expected a 3-strike out. He popped out to Colon, which had the same stupid effect. Bottom 9th, David Fernandez allowed 1-out singles to Sergio Riquenes and Zuazo before Riquenes took off and was thrown out at third base for out number two. Colon flew out to right, sending the game to extras, where the top 10th saw lefty Seth Odum advance Raccoons around the bases in the slowest way possible. Kilmer single. Manny Fernandez single. Williams single. With the bases loaded, an infield single by Ed Hooge in the #9 hole, and that one broke the tie. Berto struck out, continuing a bleak day, and Cosmo rolled out to short, sending Jermaine Campbell out with the 3-2 lead. McCullar homered on his second pitch to tie the game. Melvin Hernandez homered on his seventh pitch to end it. 4-3 Warriors. Trevino 3-6; Maldonado 2-4, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 3-5; Williams 2-5, 2B, RBI; Hooge 1-2, RBI;

**** Jermaine Campbell.

Just **** the guy.

Game 2
POR: 1B Monge – 2B Trevino – CF Maldonado – RF Greenway – C Kilmer – SS Williams – LF Ledford – 3B J. Hernandez – P Chavez
SFW: RF O. Mendoza – 1B Zuazo – 2B M. Colon – C McCullar – SS Villegas – CF Will Ojeda – LF J. Williams – 3B Conner – P Galligher

A Cosmo single, a stolen base, a grounder, and a balk worked out for a run in the first inning, but I’d take it; I couldn’t get anything else. That balk was about everything that worked, because it took a chance away from Troy Greenway to score somebody in scoring position. He ticked that box in the third inning, with Cosmo and Maldo in scoring position and two outs, flying out to Justin Williams. Oh, and Jeff Kilmer – who threw out two base runners in the early frames, but didn’t get anything done with the stick either.

Top 5th, Monge singled, and Cosmo doubled with two outs, putting runners in scoring position again. Maldonado flew out to center, and that was another two left in scoring position. While we were waiting for the inevitable pair of solo homers beaten out of Bernie Chavez’ fur to lose this game, the Raccoons scratched out a run in the sixth on an Elijah Williams grounder. He brought home Kilmer, who had hit a modestly dangerous fly to center that Will Ojeda had botched into a 1-out triple; alas, 2-0 Critters. Kilmer threw out Mendoza, who opened the bottom 6th with a single and tried to get his 40th stolen base. Bernie continued with a single to Colon, walking McCullar, and then getting Ledford to snatch Villegas’ floater on the run to end the ******* inning. The next one was even worse.

Bottom 7th. Will Ojeda opened it with a single. Justin Williams doubled to right. Tying runs in scoring position with nobody out – ya-ya, here it comes! Bernie remained in for Conner, who was hitting over .300 with four homers against him for his career, but we kinda wanted to force their hand with a pinch-hitter for Galligher *before* we went to the pen. In the event Conner lined out to right, the runners held, and the Warriors did not send a pinch-hitter after all. Bernie remained in – and gave up a gapper to tie the game to the ******* opposing pitcher. SIGH. Exit Chavez, enter Garavito; exit Mendoza, too, enter Ron Miller jr., a righty hitting .204 – first pitch zinged to right-center and dinked in, Galligher boogied home, and it was 3-2 Warriors. SIGH. Exit Garavito after ONE ******* PITCH, enter Chris Miller. Mel Hernandez hit for Zuazo, but popped out. Colon grounded to short, with Elijah Williams borking the play and putting a second runner on. McCullar then hit a goddamn ******* homer to left. In ten minutes, three Raccoons pitchers threw nine baseballs, and gave up six ******* runs on them. 6-2 Warriors. Trevino 3-4, 2B; Maldonado 2-4;

I didn’t get out of bed on Sunday morning. What for? I remained face down in bed in my hotel room, just mumbling to the installed spy software to put the radio on the W-HEEHAW channel, which carried Warriors games locally.

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – CF Hooge – RF Greenway – C Morales – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Monge – SS Nickas – P Fidler
SFW: RF O. Mendoza – 1B Zuazo – 2B M. Colon – C McCullar – LF M. Hernandez – SS Villegas – CF Will Ojeda – 3B Conner – P Kiah

Berto grounded out to start the game, but Cosmo reached on an error, Hooge singled, and Greenway walked to fill the bases. Tony Morales rolled a ball through the middle for an RBI single, Manny’s sac fly made it 2-0, and Monge grounded out to kill it all. Nickas turned a double play behind Fidler in the bottom 1st, then drew a leadoff walk in the second inning. He was bunted over, then ran on Berto’s single. Mel Hernandez in left needed a perfect pick and even better throw, but overran the ball for an error that put Berto on second with an RBI single because Nickas would have scored anyway. Groundout, strikeout, Berto remained stranded, but it was 3-0, at least until Villegas hit a jack in the bottom of the inning. Then it was 3-1. I sighed into the pillow. It was fluffy.

Greenway’s leadoff double turned into a run in the third inning by means of a groundout and a wild pitch – at least they all counted the same, whether actually driven in by a Critter or gifted by a confused bloke. Greenway hit a 2-out single to right in the fourth that sent Hooge to third base. Tony Morales plated both with a double firmly wedged in the rightfield corner, 6-1. Manny singled, but Monge flew out to right, continuing to be the most worthless .300 hitter seven figures could buy. Colon hit a solo jack off Fidler in the bottom of the inning, and those two solo bombs were actually the only base knocks Sioux Falls got off Fidler through five. They went to the corners on singles in the sixth, with Manny Fernandez blatantly robbing Mel Hernandez in the gap with two outs to keep the score neat and tidy at 6-2. Nothing happened in the seventh; both teams then scratched out a run in the eighth. Cosmo got on, stole a base, and somehow was stumbled around by the next couple o’ suckers. Mendoza then tripled off Garavito, and Prieto conceded that run on an Alvin Zuazo single. At least Brent Clark held up in the ninth… 7-3 Critters. Hooge 2-4, RBI; Greenway 2-4, BB, 2B; Morales 2-4, BB, 2B, 3 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, RBI; Nickas 1-2, 2 BB; Maldonado (PH) 1-1; Fidler 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, W (3-6);

Then I listened to old time country music until a couple of guys from the team collected me from the room and carried me to the team bus.

In other news

August 8 – CHA 3B/2B/OF Jose Farfan (.310, 15 HR, 76 RBI) misses the cycle by the triple but drives in seven runs for the Falcons in a 15-8 ruckus win over the Knights.
August 9 – The Indians hit seven home runs in a 15-12 slugfest win over the Crusaders, who hit three. Indy’s 3B Dan Hutson ((.248, 26 HR, 68 RBI) and 1B Pat Dodson (.292, 19 HR, 64 RBI) hit two homers apiece, but all are solo deeds. IND RF/LF Mario Ochoa (.274, 12 HR, 43 RBI) drives in five on three hits including a 3-run homer.
August 9 – The Aces’ CL Damon DeOrio (3-6, 4.61 ERA, 19 SV) blows a 3-2 lead in style, giving up a walkoff grand slam to the Bayhawks’ RF/LF/1B Dave Martinez (.298, 13 HR, 53 RBI) for a 6-3 Bayhawks victory.
August 9 – The Gold Sox walk off on the Scorpions in the 15th inning, 3-2, after ten innings of scoreless poking. OF Sid Haynie (.175, 0 HR, 16 RBI) slaps a walkoff double off Craig Czyszczon (2-3, 4.34 ERA).
August 10 – SFB SP John Kennedy (5-13, 4.27 ERA) 3-hits the Wolves in a 3-0 shutout.
August 10 – The Cyclones out-hit the Capitals, 11-5, yet manage to lose the game, 4-1. They score a run on three singles in the first, then twice hit a pair of singles before hitting into a double play, and finally make it a habit of getting a hit per inning and nothing else.
August 12 – OCT OF Ethan Moore (.268, 8 HR, 56 RBI) would miss three weeks with a strained hammy.
August 13 – TOP SP David Elliott (8-10, 3.08 ERA) is out for the season with shoulder inflammation.
August 14 – The Loggers win 1-0 over the Scorpions on nothing but a homer by INF/RF Victor Acosta (.243, 3 HR, 30 RBI), but MIL OF Danny Valenzuela (.256, 1 HR, 27 RBI) is done for the year with ruptured foot tendon.

FL Player of the Week: DAL 2B Hugo Acosta (.323, 4 HR, 52 RBI), hitting .500 (11-22) with 6 RBI
CL Player of the Week: VAN C Timóteo Clemente (.377, 8 HR, 41 RBI), batting .480 (12-25) with 1 HR, 3 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Well, this was … *a* week. We’ll have another week … *next* week. It’s gonna be the Miners and … oh goody, the damn Elks!

I don’t know what to say about this anymore. They are atrocious. That is basically it.

Tidbits include Bernie Chavez losing four of his last five starts and winning one of his last seven, but shaving 14 points off his ERA. Danny Monge is batting .136, while facing four southpaws this week. Our two hottest batters are actually our catchers – for their last 11, 12 games each, both Kilmer and Morales are hitting over .400, with 5 HR and 21 RBI between them.

And it isn’t all that ******* helpful.

Fun Fact: Nick Lester never pitched in a major league game after blowing up in the 2020 tie-breaker with the Loggers.

He had a 2.70 ERA that year, but had been through horrendous cups of coffee for four years before that. He only made 53 appearances total, pitching 40.2 innings and whiffing 35 against 26 walks and four homers. 2-4 with a save and a 6.20 ERA. He was with the Blue Sox after being canned in 2021, but never got back to the majors.