[Westheim]

Raccoons (29-28) vs. Canadiens (36-20) – June 4-7, 2040

First in offense, first in pitching – the damn Elks had a +120 run differential in early June and there was no hope whatsoever. The Raccoons had already been swept in a 4-game set this year and would probably be swept in another 4-game set now. I wished I could do anything else rather than watch the Raccoons get slapped, but I hadn’t learned a proper trade and watching baseball was the only thing I knew. This should be a lesson to kids everywhere. Pay attention in school, or you’re stuck watching your baseball team get slaughtered by their bitter archrivals and you can’t do the slightest thing.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Bedrosian (4-0, 1.90 ERA) vs. David Arias (5-4, 3.39 ERA)
Kyle Dominy (6-2, 1.61 ERA) vs. Jordan Calderon (4-3, 3.43 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-5, 3.55 ERA) vs. Matt Sealock (6-2, 2.55 ERA)
Angelo Montano (0-1, 7.36 ERA) vs. Mike Mihalik (8-2, 2.98 ERA)

Calderon was the only southpaw to utterly dominate the Raccoons here. The Elks were without Ramon Cabral, their shortstop, laboring on a tender shoulder. Other than that, they’d show up in force.

Game 1
VAN: SS Sibley – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – 1B J. Lopez – LF DeVita – 3B R. Ashley – P D. Arias
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Bedrosian

Then there was a 6-run beating right in the first inning, but to anybody’s surprise it was Arias getting raked and not Bedrosian – not that Bedrosian was bad, but who thought the Raccoons could score six runs? In an inning! Maldonado singled, Cosmo tripled, Manny singled, and Morales homered to right – four batters, four runs. Oliver Anderson’s double, an error by Marc DeVita, Tony Hunter’s RBI single, and finally a run-scoring wild pitch made it half a dozen. Of course things had to go wrong right away after that, with Cosmo hitting a double in the bottom 2nd, then banged his knee sliding into second base and had to leave the game. Jon Caskey replaced him. Fernandez singled Caskey in, and Arias was done at that point. Two productive outs got Manny, who reached second base on Ryan Phillips’ futile throw to home plate, around to score as well, giving Portland an 8-0 lead.

Bedrosian was strong through four innings, then got whacked around a bit for four hits and three runs in the fifth inning. Phillips and Ross Sibley hit doubles in the inning, the latter driving in two runs with two outs. The Critters made up one run in the bottom of the inning, Greenway driven in by Hunter, but Glenn Sprague hit a leadoff single in the sixth and the damn Elks sandpapered Bedrosian down in that inning in a string of long at-bats, and Marc DeVita’s RBI single ended the game for Bedrosian after six. At least it might still be enough for a win! Maldo and Manny hit singles in the bottom 6th and Morales hit a run-scoring grounder in that inning, running the score to 10-4.

Then the Coons’ pen got involved… Garavito was in first, retired nobody, and was yanked after an Aaron Foss homer, Sibley reaching on a Caskey error, then a walk to Timóteo Clemente, and an RBI double by Jerry Outram. Exit Garavito, enter Campbell, enter a fastball to Glenn Sprague, and exit that fastball, stage, left. 10-9. Four runs off the pen, for no outs. Campbell and Alex Ramirez somehow made it through the eighth on a grounder and two deep flies, none of which dropped in for a double… or into the Willamette to get wet. Rico Sanchez got the ninth. Clemente singled. Outram doubled. Sprague homered to left. That made it 12-10 for the damn Elks, and the taste of blood in the mouth for me. There would be a bottom of the ninth against former Coon Josh Boles – Anderson grounded out. Kilgallen singled, Hunter singled. Jeff Kilmer hit for the closer, who didn’t close, but truck out, and Maldonado popped out. 12-10 Canadiens. Maldonado 2-6; Trevino 2-2, 3B, 2B, RBI; Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; Anderson 3-5, BB, 2 2B; Kilgallen 1-1; Hunter 2-5, RBI;

(stands in the tunnel to the clubhouse, yelling obscenities at his own players)

Also, Cosmo had a bruised knee and would be hobbled for the rest of the week.

Game 2
VAN: LF Foss – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – SS Sibley – 1B DeVita – 3B R. Ashley – P J. Calderon
POR: CF Maldonado – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Salazar – 2B Kilgallen – 3B Caskey – P Dominy

The dimwit Coons took another early lead on Tuesday, like that was gonna fool anybody. (bangs fists on desk) WE’RE NOT GETTING FOOLED BY YOU ANYMORE!! – (Steve from Accounting and Cristiano Carmona exchange looks, while Slappy merrily keeps drinking) … It was Matt Kilgallen hitting a homer to left after Damian Salazar got nailed, which was pretty much the only way for him to reach base, ever. …or so I thought. Next time around, Salazar landed his maiden ABL hit, a 2-out RBI single to cash Tony Hunter and run the score to 3-0, but I refused to show happiness or any emotion but flickers of disgust at all. They were just going to blow it late again!

…or in the middle. Kyle Dominy asked for medical advice in the fourth, and left the game with Dr. Padilla, causing me to faint. By the time I came back to my senses, Aaron Foss singled up the middle against Chuck Jones, plating Sibley and Ray Ashley with two outs, and flipping the score to 4-3 Elks in the sixth. All runs were shown as belonging to Travis Sims, which was just as well, because I’d definitely shove some fireworks up his *** after this game, orient him towards St. Petersburg, and light the damn ****. For the rest of the game, the Raccoons never reached scoring position again. Fantastically though, Jones, Campbell, and Garavito pitched another three scoreless innings to make sure to lose by no more than one run. 4-3 Canadiens. Hunter 3-4; Fernandez 2-4;

(sits, frozen and stone-faced and doesn’t blink)

Travis Sims (9.95 ERA) was waived and DFA’ed after this disaster. I also called for damnatio memoriae and that his name must never be brought up again. Francisco Pena took the roster spot.

No news on Kyle Dominy (6-2, 1.65 ERA), and I can’t tell whether Dr. Padilla is just waiting for the right moment to slip it to me that he’s not coming back. Nevertheless, a pitching moratorium was called on Nelson Moreno in AAA. If Dominy went on the DL, Moreno was coming up.

Things got even more complicated when Wednesday’s game was rained out and rescheduled for a Thursday double header.

Game 3
VAN: LF Foss – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – 1B J. Lopez – SS M. Roberts – 3B R. Ashley – P Sealock
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 3B Ramos – SS Hunter – P Chavez

Sealock faced the minimum the first time through, although Alberto Ramos singled (yay!) but was then caught stealing (…). Berto also allowed only one single the first time through (to Sealock…), and one more to Outram in the fourth, but Jerry Outram was at that point in his career where I’d take the single every time if only that meant he wasn’t gonna ram one out. Speaking of ramming one out, Outram rammed one out against Bernie in the sixth, breaking a scoreless tie with the solo shot, and Johnny Lopez hit a homer in the same inning, but not until after Ryan Phillips had singled, 3-0. Bernie was whacked around for another three hits and two runs on an RBI triple by Foss and an RBI single (…) by Outram (…) in the seventh, while the Raccoons barely mustered enough strength to reach home plate from the dugout, conserving energy for the second game of the day, I presume. The Raccoons scored a run in the eighth on two hits and a throwing error by Outram. The ******* damn Elks scored four on Pena in the ninth, having the bases loaded with two outs upon which Pena threw a wild pitch, taking a grand slam away from Ryan Phillips. Pena, that cheeky bugger. 9-1 Canadiens. Fernandez 3-4, 2B, RBI;

Bright sides, Pena soaked up the last two innings Bernie couldn’t be bothered with, and we now have almost all the pen readily available to pick up 6.2 innings after the inevitable painful and grisly drawing and quartering of Angelo Montano. (pats Montano on the fuzzy cheek a few times) Goodbye, Angelo. We hardly knew ye.

Game 4
VAN: LF Foss – 1B J. Lopez – CF Outram – 2B Sprague – RF R. Phillips – SS Sibley – C James – 3B R. Ashley – P Mihalik
POR: CF Maldonado – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Hooge – 1B Salazar – 3B Caskey – 2B Kilgallen – P Montano

Montano walked three damn Elks and gave up three damn runs in the second inning, and nobody was surprised. Actually, I was more surprised that Ray Ashly was so ******* stupid to be caught stealing third base during THAT inning. That was actually the only inning in which Montano was out of control – the rest of the way he was more slapped around for singles, with the damn Elks scoring one more run in the fourth, but nothing else through six. The Coons didn’t exist as an offensive entity through five, but Tony Hunter got on, stole second, and was singled around by Manny in the bottom 6th. Yay, offense… Down 4-1, Morales singled, and Ed Hooge came up as the tying run … and jammed a grounder into an inning-ending double play. Montano made it through six and two thirds before being removed with Foss (single) and Outram (walk) on base. Brent Clark struck out Sprague to end the inning. Come the eighth, Mihalik was still going, but Maldo (forced out by Hunter) and Manny reached base with soft singles. The tying run was up again in Tony Morales, who hit into a double play on the first pitch. Watching them flail was a ******* delight. Berto, Salazar, and Caskey were retired in order in the ninth. 4-1 Canadiens. Maldonado 2-4; Fernandez 3-4, RBI;

Yes, thank you Dr. Padilla. (pours mixed pills into a glass with bleach while Dr. Padilla hurries out)

This just in. Kyle Dominy has a compressed radial nerve and is out for the season. We won’t get a prospect in a trade or a dandy draft pick for him. We won’t get anything.

(stirs concoction with a claw, then downs it in one go)

Maud, you said this would kill me! – Well, you lied to me! Just like the last seventeen times!!

Raccoons (29-32) vs. Pacifics (23-37) – June 8-10, 2040

The Coons were heading where the Pacifics in the FL already were, last in their division and in runs scored, although they were fifth in runs allowed, and that wasn’t something I saw happening for these Portland punks. They were second from the bottom in bullpen ERA though, so not all was lost in us getting swept here. Again. Portland had won the last four series against L.A. (and the last World Series, too), most recently sweeping the Pacifics in 2038.

Projected matchups:
Nelson Moreno (0-0) vs. Keith Black (5-6, 3.90 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (4-5, 3.30 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (1-5, 5.77 ERA)
Ryan Bedrosian (4-0, 2.19 ERA) vs. Terry Garrigan (3-7, 4.91 ERA)

Nels had pitched on Saturday and was thus sufficiently rested to take the ball on Friday. Sabre and Bedrosian would be pushed back a day.

The Pacifics would send a right-hander into every game in the set. They also had a few injuries, with Mario Hurtado and Brian Bowman missing on the infield, while ex-Coon (twice) Chris Miller was also on the DL. Their team home run leader, 26-year-old rookie Ryan Tolman (.253, 5 HR, 16 RBI), was in AAA at this point.

Game 1
LAP: SS Miles – 2B J. Cruz – LF Gouveia – RF J. Becker – C E. Ramos – CF Pohl – 1B Allucingoli – 3B Lusk – P Black
POR: SS Hunter – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – CF Hooge – 3B A. Ramos – 1B Anderson – P Moreno

Nelson Moreno’s first pitch in the majors was rolled for a grounder to short by Tyler Miles. After that Nels went single, wild pitch, single, sac fly. Good – kid is fitting in seamlessly right away! He then struck out Edwardo Ramos to end the inning before it could get really ugly. The Pacifics got another run off him in the third inning, while the Coons didn’t really wake up until the middle innings. Manny Fernandez doubled and was singled home by Hoogey, 2-1, and Berto even drew a walk to keep the line moving, and Anderson hit screaming liner … which Luis Allucingoli leapt for and caught, ending the inning. What a killjoy.

The debutee in brown got into a tie the following inning when the Raccoons actually converted a 1-out double to left by Tony Hunter. Cosmo singled him home right away, tying the score, but then was starved on base. Hoogey hit a leadoff double to right to begin the bottom 6th, though, and the Raccoons had to plate him to give Moreno the win – the rookie had gone into some amount of long counts at this point and was not going to be back for the seventh inning, although the game was still tied at two. Black struck out Berto, but Oliver Anderson pushed a single through the right side this time, good enough to plate Hooge with the go-ahead run. Maldonado then popped out and Hunter grounded out, and Jermaine Campbell blew the lead right away in the seventh on a Kyle Lusk double and a Tyler Miles single. Good times. The Raccoons did win eventually, with Jimmy Lohrey allowing a leadoff single to Matt Kilgallen in the #9 hole in the bottom 9th. Hunter’s bunt and a wild pitch moved him to third base, from where Manny – after an intentional walk to Cosmo – scored him with a sac fly. 4-3 Critters. Hunter 2-4, 2 2B; Trevino 2-4, BB, RBI; Morales 2-4; Hooge 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Well. (pats Moreno on the back) I hope you liked that, kid, there’s much more like this coming for you in the next few years.

Game 2
LAP: SS Miles – 2B J. Cruz – LF Gouveia – 1B Wotring – RF J. Becker – CF Pohl – C F. Chavez – 3B Lusk – P Nora
POR: CF Maldonado – 2B Trevino – LF Fernandez – C Morales – RF Greenway – 1B Anderson – 3B A. Ramos – SS Hunter – P Sabre

Nora started his day with two walks, then gave up a 3-piece to Tony Morales for a 3-0 Coons lead in the first. Tony Hunter would be on base to begin the bottom 2nd, but was doubled up by Sabre’s bunt. Maldonado reached after that, then was tripled home by Cosmo, 4-0. The Pacifics loaded the bases in the third inning, getting a walk and two clumsy hits out of Sabre, but Josh Wotring then popped out to second base to piss that away. Top 4th, Justin Becker double, Pat Pohl single, a full-count walk to Francis Chavez, and the bags were loaded yet again for Sabre… This time they scored. Kyle Lusk singled in a run, and Nora also got home a run, albeit on a double play grounder, and Cosmo handled a quick bouncer from Tyler Miles for the third out, stranding Chavez on third base.

And by now it was really Sabre’s problem. He was not fooling anybody. The Pacifics had leadoff base hits in both of the next two innings, and only didn’t score because they were always hitting the ball at the wrong defender. Then Fernando Nora challenged the wrong batter; with Berto on first in the bottom of the inning he hurled a fastball down the middle to Tony Hunter, who turned it into a 2-run homer and a refreshed 6-2 lead. Sabre came back for the seventh, getting two outs on hard-hit balls, but also had a runner on base and was replaced with Pena. That sucker had nothing better to do than fill the bases, then give up a bases-clearing double to Pohl, tearing the lead down to a skinny run. That final run proved remarkably resilient though. Neither Chuck Jones, nor Rico Sanchez could make that one go away, and the Raccoons held on to win after all. Sanchez even – novel concept, we might have to look into it further – retired the Pacifics without allowing a base runner. 6-5 Raccoons. Morales 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Anderson 2-4; Ramos 2-4;

Game 3
LAP: SS Miles – 2B J. Cruz – LF Gouveia – 1B Wotring – RF J. Becker – C E. Ramos – CF Pohl – 3B Lusk – P Garrigan
POR: CF Maldonado – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – C Kilmer – RF Greenway – 3B Ramos – 1B Salazar – 2B Kilgallen – P Bedrosian

Bedrosian allowed a single, two walks, and a 2-run double to Justin Becker in a by-and-large unsuccessful first inning. The Critters made up a run in the bottom 1st, with Maldonado hitting a triple into the gap before scoring on Hunter’s sac fly. The bases where then loaded again for L.A. in the third inning. Jose Cruz reached on an error by Salazar, and a walk and a single made it three on, nobody out. Justin Becker hit a sac fly, 3-1, while Edwardo Ramos popped out and Pat Pohl whiffed. Bottom of the inning, Garrigan struck out two before Manny singled, Kilmer walked, and Greenway dropped in a single for a run to score, 3-2. Garrigan lost Berto on balls, but struck out Salazar, who didn’t look like the answer to any particular question I liked to ask.

Bedrosian, on the hook after not losing a game all year, kept batting, whiffing eight through six innings, but still losing 3-2 (one run unearned). Maybe things would get better in the bottom of the sixth, with Garrigan leaking more walks, issuing #4 and #5 to Greenway and Berto to begin the inning, which only served to bring up Salazar again. This time Oliver Anderson hit for him, walked, and it was three on and nobody out. And then Kilgallen popped out to second base. Awesome. Cosmo batted for Bedrosian in this spot, and *barely* got the tying run home for a grounder to the right side, when Jose Cruz took the safe out at first rather than the dicey one at home. Maldo grounded out, keeping the game tied.

Chuck Jones in the seventh and Alex Ramirez in the eighth got rid of the Pacifics quickly, while the most the offense scratched out was a Berto walk and a stolen base in the bottom 8th, but with two outs and leading nowhere in particular. Ramirez and Garavito combined for the ninth, even though Ramos singled and Garavito nailed Allucingoli, but there was still a chance to walk off against right-hander Chris Tompkins in regulation, but the Coons didn’t get more than a Hunter single with two outs, and then Manny popped out, sending the game to extras. Rico Sanchez did the 10th, with Kilmer then leading off the bottom 10th against Tompkins with a single to center. Then Greenway, Berto, and Anderson made three embarrassing outs in really quick order… The Coons shrugged, planted Pena on the mound for the 11th, and didn’t think a 12th would be necessary. A 12th was necessary, because the Raccoons couldn’t even turn a scoreless Pena inning into something nice. Two scoreless Pena innings? Facing Jimmy Lohrey in the bottom 12th, Manny hit a leadoff single to right. Kilmer whacked another single to right. That brought up Greenway, batting a sturdy .170, with Pena in the slot behind him. Only Hoogey was left on the bench, and he’d of course hit for Pena, then with Greenway also on base after a bloop single. Uh-oh, three on, no outs. C’mon Hoogey – I wanna go home…! (begs) One pitch was enough – Hoogey slapped the baseball through the right side, everybody advanced a base, and the Coons had the sweep in the books. 4-3 Critters. Maldonado 2-6, 3B; Fernandez 2-6; Kilmer 2-5, BB; Greenway 2-5, BB, RBI; Hooge (PH) 1-1, RBI; Pena 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, W (2-1);

In other news

June 5 – When CIN SP Chris “Tuba” Turner (7-2, 3.64 ERA) hits a sac fly off Pittsburgh’s Josh Heckman (2-3, 3.99 ERA), it walks off the Cyclones for a 6-5 win and ends six hours and 20 innings of baseball. Both teams had blown leads in the ninth inning, then refused to score all the way until Turner’s heroic flyout.
June 6 – The Cyclones follow up with a 7-6 win in 16 innings on Wednesday, beating the Miners on a walkoff single by CF/LF Mike Gray (.231, 1 HR, 3 RBI). Both teams are relieved to have Thursday off.
June 8 – SAC OF/1B/3B Phil Rogers (.243, 10 HR, 23 RBI) is going to be out for a month with an oblique strain.
June 8 – RIC LF/3B Josh Frazier (.198, 6 HR, 20 RBI) would miss until the All Star Game with a sprained ankle.
June 9 – The Loggers draw *15* walks from the Warriors in a 16-3 rout in which they have only 11 base hits. Milwaukee’s Ted Del Vecchio (.246, 5 HR, 28 RBI) hits 1-for-2 with four walks and an RBI.

FL Player of the Week: SAL 1B/LF/RF Jose Rivera (.320, 10 HR, 42 RBI), hitting .524 (11-21) with 2 HR, 8 RBI
CL Player of the Week: IND 1B Pat Dodson (.250, 9 HR, 26 RBI), batting .455 (10-22) with 3 HR, 11 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Nelson Moreno learned a valuable lesson right away on his debut – it doesn’t matter how good you are, because there’s always some ****** on your team that will piss it all way. I also told him that I had much more wisdom where this one came from and you could always come to me looking for inspiration.

Or did I say spirits?

(rubs his reddish nose with both paws)

*hcks!*

What else? Well, the season is obviously in the bin. The future, too, with Dominy becoming worthless one inning to the next. That was a neat move, baseball gods. (glances upwards) Neat move. What next? (shakes fist) WHAT NEXT??

Actually, next are the Blue Sox and Indians, after an off day on Monday.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have never not won at least two games from a CL North opponent in any season.

Well, but they bloody won’t this year against the ******* ******** (shatters empty bottle against the wall) ******* **** *** ELKS!!!!!