[Westheim]

Raccoons (67-69) @ Indians (55-80) – September 2-4, 2041

The only way for the Raccoons to stave off a losing season was to exploit their last seven games this year with the terrible Indians. We were up 10-1 in the season series, and they appeared to be as rancid as ever. Ninth in runs scored, last in runs allowed, their -95 run differential however was not all that much worse than the Raccoons (-63). They also liked to mash homers, and our staff liked to give up homers. A match made in hell.

Projected matchups:
Josh Brown (13-6, 3.70 ERA) vs. Ayden Cobb (6-10, 4.07 ERA)
Jake White (0-0) vs. Alex Flores (9-13, 4.85 ERA)
Corey Mathers (0-3, 2.78 ERA) vs. Manuel Herrera (8-11, 4.83 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (9-11, 5.05 ERA) vs. Jake Jackson (10-13, 3.86 ERA)

This was a 4-game set conducted in three days, with a double header on Monday. It looked like the Arrowheads would only cart up right-handers, though.

Game 1
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – C Morales – 1B Goetz – LF Reyna – RF Balaski – CF Nettles – P Brown
IND: LF D. Gonzales – 3B Hutson – C Mordino – RF Sanderfer – 1B Dodson – SS D. Serrato – CF D. Rivera – 2B Peets – P Cobb

Art Goetz killed the first inning with a double play ball when the Raccoons had one in and two on, although for once I would not blame that one on the batter. Goetz lined out to short and Tony Morales, who had just doubled home Alberto Ramos, was caught WELL off the base and erased on a 6-unassisted credited to Dave Serrato. Cosmo was stranded at third base. Portland also turned a not-that-common double play in the first, a 3-6-3 on Dan Hutson after a leadoff walk to David Gonzales. Brown walked the leadoff batter twice in the first two innings, and seemed to lack stuff in general. He lasted only five innings, running numerous long counts and issuing four walks in total alongside four hits and a lone run, a solo shot by David Gonzales that got us tied after five, because who here really had the Raccoons tacking on to an early lead on their bingo card? Bottom 6th, back-to-back extra-base screamers by Danny Rivera and Will Peets off Pointless Deadline Acquisition #2 gave the Indians a 2-1 lead, but to anyone’s surprise that was not game over yet. Facing lefty Aaron Curl in the eighth inning, Miguel Reyna dropped a 2-out single, and then Balaski whacked a screamer into the gap for an RBI triple, getting everybody level at two. Balaski of course would be stranded. Pinch-hitter Rikuto Ito walked, and Van Anderson grounded out easily. After Zack Kelly held the Indians where they were in the bottom 8th, the ninth opened with a Berto single. He advanced to second on Cosmo’s grounder, then to third on Jeff Diaz’ error at first base on Hunter’s roller. Runners on the corner for Tony Morales, facing right-hander Greg Colwill, a 35-year-old veteran of eight ABL appearances between 2034 and 2041. He lined out hard. Art Goetz, though, this time came through, whipping a single to center to break the tie in Portland’s favor. Reyna struck out, and Wyatt Hamill walked a pair of Indians before Mario Ochoa popped out to end the game. 3-2 Blighters. Ramos 2-3, 2 BB; Reyna 2-5; Balaski 2-4, 3B, RBI;

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – LF Reyna – SS Hunter – C Kilmer – 1B Goetz – RF Balaski – 3B de Wit – CF Anderson – P White
IND: LF D. Gonzales – 3B Hutson – RF Sanderfer – 1B Dodson – SS D. Serrato – CF D. Rivera – C Alfonso – 2B Munoz – P A. Flores

Jake White’s major league career began with two soft outs, then two walks, but he got out of the first inning unharmed. His first career K was Danny Rivera in the bottom 2nd. I also would have liked to report on who got him his first major league lead, but the Raccoons had no hits against Alex Flores through three innings, and at that point things already derailed for White in spectacular fashion. Alex Sanderfer, Dave Serrato, and Danny Rivera all whacked homers to left off him in the bottom of the third inning, and Gonzales and Pat Dodson were also on base, handing White a 5-run beating. Funnily enough, that was all the earned runs he allowed in six innings of work – although a grim throwing error by Aruba’s Finest, Jay de Wit, facilitated an unearned run in the fifth inning.

And the Raccoons? Still getting no-hit. Jeff Kilmer drew a leadoff walk and was stranded at third base in the fifth inning, and that was IT for them through six innings. In the seventh, Reyna struck out, Hunter flew out to Juan Salinas in leftfield, and then Kilmer found the gap for a double, taking all the oxygen away from the 9,000 faithful that still bothered coming to the ballpark. Goetz then struck out to clean up the bases. No other Raccoon reached base until Flores leaked a 2-out walk to Reyna in the ninth inning. Hunter grounded out to end the game after all. 6-0 Indians. Kilmer 1-2, BB, 2B;

I am mellowing. Having to pick between hugging and smooching Kilmer and yelling obscenities at everybody else, I hugged Kilmer.

Oh, Jeff, your fur is so soft. How do you do that??

Game 3
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – C Kilmer – 1B Goetz – LF Anderson – RF Ito – CF Nettles – P Mathers
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF D. Rivera – 1B Dodson – 2B Sanderfer – C Mordino – SS D. Serrato – P M. Herrera

The Raccoons did get a few hits early in the Tuesday game, they just didn’t get a run. The Indians also failed to score against winless Corey Mathers, despite being heartily invited in the bottom 4th. Dan Hutson singled and Danny Rivera walked, and Mathers threw a wild pitch to move them to scoring position with nobody out. And then, a pop, a K, and a fly to Nettles stranded them there. The scoreless duel stretched into the sixth when the Indians got a single (Ochoa) and a walk (Dodson) again, and then also a 2-out RBI single from Alex Sanderfer to break the ice. Sal Mordino grounded out to end the inning, but the Raccoons were now down a whopping 1-0 and had their work cut out for them. Their immediate offensive counterattack was limited to Stephon Nettles getting drilled, though, and nothing else, and in the bottom 7th Mathers hung around long enough to put Nick Crocker on base and get taken deep by Mario Ochoa, 3-0. Despite all their multiple shortcomings, the Raccoons would get the tying run to the plate against Joe Robinson in the ninth inning when Ito and Chris Lancaster both hit singles to go to the corners with one out. Berto hit a sac fly to Salinas, which didn’t help too much except staving off consecutive shutouts, but Cosmo singled to move Lancaster to second base. Hunter, though, flew out to Crocker. 3-1 Indians. Ito 2-4, 2B; Lancaster (PH) 1-1;

(looks bitter)

The Raccoons were a reliever short on Wednesday then. Zack Kelly came down with pinkeye, and was locked away in his hotel room, because that was ******* disgusting to look at.

Game 4
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – C Morales – 1B Reyna – LF Anderson – RF Ito – CF Nettles – P Moreno
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF D. Rivera – 1B Dodson – 2B Sanderfer – C Mordino – SS Russ – P J. Jackson

The Indians got the fast start, scoring an unearned run in the first inning when Crocker reached right away on a Trevino error. Ochoa singled, and two productive outs produced the run. The Raccoons ACTUALLY tied the game right away, with Nettles hitting a 2-out single when he found Reyna and Anderson on the corners in the top 2nd. Moreno then struck out, stranding two, then managed to hold on to that lowly tie through six innings without whiffing a single Indians batter. He allowed four hits total and a walk. The Raccoons sprinkled six hits around in six innings, but never got anything chained together again, and struck out seven times against Jake Jackson. The Raccoons also neatly managed to always bring up Moreno with two outs and some poor sod on base in the even-numbered innings, and it never went well for either one of them…

Miguel Reyna broke the tie in the seventh, singling home Tony Hunter with two outs to give the Coons a sniff of a split in this set. Even then, the Indians helped out, with Colwill, who had lost the opener on Monday, nailing Tony Morales to give them an extra runner and move Hunter to second base in the inning. Danny Rivera’s throw home was late, but allowed both remaining runners into scoring position, which they would have reached anyway on Van Anderson’s walk drawn in a full count afterwards. Ito socked in two runs with a single to knock out Colwill, and Chris Haskell walked Nettles. Balaski hit for Moreno before a decent-enough day could turn into a late nightmare, and also drew a walk to push home another run. Berto then flew out to Rivera to end the inning, up 5-1. After the Raccoons got two scoreless innings from Josh Rella, they gave the ball to Pointless Deadline Acquisition #2 in the ninth inning. Craig walked Sanderfer and Morales got his paw caught in a Mordino swing to create a save situation with two outs as catcher’s interference was called and put a second runner on base in a 4-run game. Alex Ramirez came out against righty batter Andrew Russ, who legged out an infield single. Jim Drews came up as the tying run – and struck out. 5-1 Raccoons. Nettles 2-4, BB, RBI; Balaski (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI; Moreno 6.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 0 K, W (10-11);

Every positional starter had at least one base hit in this scraper of a win (which also mathematically eliminated Indy for the year).

Split secured against the last-place team! The sky is the limit now!

Maud, who’s next? – Oh ****.

Raccoons (69-71) vs. Canadiens (74-65) – September 6-8, 2041

Last dibs against the damn Elks this year. They were by now also 7 1/2 games out and looked beaten. Playing half the year without Dan Schneller and Jerry Outram had turned out to be a bit too much bereavement for them. They still were first in runs scored, but had sagged to sixth in runs allowed. The season series saw the Critters behind, 8-7, with a chance to still win it with a sweep! (giggles)

Projected matchups:
Drew Johnson (6-13, 4.13 ERA) vs. Matt Sealock (14-8, 3.39 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (9-10, 3.57 ERA) vs. Paul Medvec (3-9, 4.68 ERA)
Josh Brown (13-6, 3.64 ERA) vs. Eric Weitz (13-9, 3.83 ERA)

More right-handers!

Game 1
VAN: CF Peralta – SS Obando – 2B J. Becker – C Clemente – RF V. Vazquez – 1B J. Lopez – LF Jorgensen – 3B R. Ashley – P Sealock
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – C Morales – 1B Goetz – CF Reyna – LF Ito – RF Balaski – P Johnson

Cosmo and Hunter reached base in the first inning and advanced on Tony Morales’ groundout, allowing Art Goetz to plate a pair with a ball whacked near the leftfield line, with Steve Jorgensen holding him to a single. Reyna grounded out then. Johnson hung one to Ray Ashley to get the damn Elks halfway the first time through, and the second time through Johnny Lopez did the remaining honors with two outs in the fourth for a 2-2 tie. The Raccoons did … not a whole lot, really.

With both teams on two runs and five hits, the Raccoons got singles from Morales and Ito in the bottom 6th, but stranded them on the corners when Balaski grounded out to Justin Becker. In turn, PH Jamie Meehan reached second base to start the seventh inning on a gross throwing error by Hunter. Roy Pincus broke the tie with a pinch-hit single to right. Johnson was visibly grumpy coming off the mound for the seventh-inning stretch, and would not get a chance to redeem himself either, with his spot leading off the bottom 7th. Van Anderson singled to left, and Berto singled to center, springing a blossom of a comeback chance. Cosmo grounded out to Johnny Lopez, advancing the runners… and then Hunter hit a comebacker to Marcus Goode, keeping them pinned, and Tony Morales flew out to Steve Jorgensen…

After Alex Ramirez left a guy on in the eighth, the Raccoons got runners into scoring position in the bottom 8th – with nobody out! Goetz singled, Reyna doubled to left, and new pitcher Juan Dias, a righty, would make his debut in that calm spot, 3-2 in the bottom 8th against the damn Elks’ bitter arch rivals. Ito came up, hit a bouncer to Meehan at third base, and I was ready to scream, until Meehan, who had to bare-hand it, had the ball glance off his thumb and into foul ground. Goetz, who had shadowed him for a few yards, dashed home at once, tied the game, and the Raccoons got to the corners, still with nobody out. Bill Balaski then broke the tie with a sac fly, 4-3, but that was all the team got before throwing Hamill onto the mound. He walked leadoff man Matt Dear, but Pincus hit into a double play. Guillermo Obando grounded out to short. 4-3 Raccoons!! Ramos 2-5; Trevino 2-5; Goetz 2-4, 2 RBI; Ito 2-4, RBI; Anderson (PH) 1-1; Johnson 7.0 IP, 6 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 6 K;

Win!!

Game 2
VAN: CF Peralta – SS Obando – 2B J. Becker – C Clemente – RF V. Vazquez – 1B J. Lopez – LF Jorgensen – 3B R. Ashley – P Medvec
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – C Morales – 1B Goetz – CF Reyna – LF Ito – RF Balaski – P Chavez

Tony Hunter hit a jack in the first to give the Critters an early 1-0 lead. Before anybody else scored or the damn Elks even got a hit, we got a half-hour rain delay to throw Bernie Chavez off kilter. Becker had the Elks’ first hit, a single that barely reached the outfield, in the fourth inning. The Critters had Reyna on in the second, and Cosmo in the fourth, and had both caught stealing by Timóteo Clemente, which was one way to not get ahead of the odd homer always falling out of Bernie’s sleeve. It looked like that would be a 3-piece today, in the fifth, with Antonio Peralta driving a baseball LOUDLY to right with Jorgensen (walk) and Ashley (drilled) on base and two outs. Balaski picked the damn thing off the fence, and, luckily, that was the third out, so he had no chance to commit a stupid throwing error afterwards. Instead, Art Goetz conquered the empty space above the fence that marked the boundary, hitting a leadoff jack to left-center in the bottom of the inning, his fifth of his rookie season. Balaski then cut off a double by Victor Vazquez with two outs in the sixth and Justin Becker starting from first base, and hammered the runner out at home to end that inning, too.

Bernie got stuck after six and two thirds, when Marc DeVita singled to knock him out after 108 pitches (and a rain delay!). That was the second 2-out runner for the damn Elks in the inning, with Ashley already on first base, reaching second on the play. Tim Zimmerman replaced Bernie once Pincus batted for Peralta, ran a full count, then allowed a howling liner to left – and right at Ito to end the inning. Zimmerman, who hadn’t allowed a run in a full month, continued in the eighth inning, where Obando reached when Hunter dropped his pop. I groaned, but Becker smacked into a double play, 4-6-3. Clemente flew out easily to right. Nothing good happened offensively at this stage, so Hamill still had the 2-0 lead to work with when the ninth rolled around. He struck out Vazquez. He struck out Lopez. And he struck out Jorgensen! 2-0 Furballs!! Chavez 6.2 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 6 K, W (10-10);

Is it over, Cristiano? Can I look again? Did we win?

(peeks through between two claws)

Whee!!

Game 3
VAN: 2B Agosto – SS Obando – RF J. Becker – 1B J. Lopez – LF Jorgensen – CF V. Vazquez – C James – 3B R. Ashley – P Weitz
POR: 3B Ramos – 2B Trevino – SS Hunter – C Kilmer – 1B Goetz – LF Reyna – RF Balaski – CF Nettles – P Brown

Come on, boys! For honor!!

Hits by Goetz and Reyna, plus a well-placed groundout by Balaski gave the Raccoons another 1-0 lead in the second inning, but the Elks tied the game in the following inning with a 2-out single by Obando and Becker’s RBI double up the leftfield line. A Ramos Special reclaimed the lead – and who knows how many more of those we will get? – when Berto singled, stole second base, and came around on Cosmo’s single in the bottom 3rd. Reyna and Balaski reached the inning after, but Nettles and Brown couldn’t get a ball to fall in and stranded them, and in turn the damn Elks tied the game again in the fifth. Ray Ashley reached base on a single and was plated by Jose Agosto with another single off Brown, who lacked strikeout power in this game. Obando also reached when a pitch tickled his hoof, and a double steal put both runners in scoring position with one out in the tied game. Then Becker popped out and Lopez was rung up to strand them.

Rinse, repeat. Cosmo double, Hunter RBI single – new Coons lead, 3-2, in the bottom 5th. Then Hunter was caught stealing and Kilmer grounded out on a 3-0 pitch to drive me more insane, bit by bit. The Elks were stranded on the corners when Weitz popped out in the sixth; Jorgensen had hit a leadoff single and was moved onwards twice with well-placed outs, and the Coons walked Ashley with intent and two outs.

Brown reached 100 pitches in the seventh inning and his spot also led off the bottom of the frame, so that was it for him in this Sunday affair. De Wit and Berto hit singles up the middle against Weitz to begin the inning, but didn’t advance further until Kilmer was nicked with two outs, loading the bases for Goetz, who hit at a 3-1 pitch and grounded out to Lopez. (sigh!!)

Top 8th, Brent Clark offered a leadoff walk to Lopez, who was run for by speed demon Alex Perez as the tying run – the damn Elks were eight games out and could not afford another loss. They HAD to turn this one around. Jorgensen popped out. When Dear hit for Vazquez, a righty for a switch-hitter, the Raccoons sprung the bullpen door open and brought Pointless Deadline Acquisition #2. Dear reached when Balaski dropped his fly for an error (…!!), sending Perez to third base with one gone, but the damn Elks didn’t run for Dear, and when Derek James grounded to short, they were doubled up, 6-4-3 …! The Raccoons could not get the offense going again, so there was no cushion for Alex Ramirez in the ninth – Hamill was unavailable – which opened with DeVita pinch-hitting in the #8 spot. Ramirez hadn’t allowed a run since JULY, and started the inning with a grounder to Trevino for the first out. Next he waved for the trainer and was collected by Dr. Padilla after a short discussion. Dismayed, the Raccoons found Clemente batting ninth now, so had to bring another righty. Between him, Sims, and Rella, they picked Zimmerman every day of the week. First pitch was hit to right by Clemente, and Balaski not only got there, but for a nice change also actually caught the ******* thing. Pincus pinch-hit in the #1 hole again, and popped out to Hunter on the first pitch he saw. 3-2 Furballs!! Ramos 2-4; Trevino 2-4, 2B, RBI; Reyna 2-3, BB; de Wit (PH) 1-1; Brown 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, W (14-6);

SWEPT THE ******* ELKS!!

(boogie-woogies around the desk)

Ow! Dr. Padilla! I pulled something!

In other news

September 2 – Charlotte’s RF Chris Robinson (.295, 15 HR, 68 RBI) cracks three home runs, all solo shots, as the Falcons drop a 14-13 circus game to the Thunder, who score nine runs in the bottom of the ninth to get the walkoff win. The 26-year-old Robinson is a full-time player for the first time in his career and has 34 career homers with 154 RBI, batting .280, now.
September 3 – LVA OF Justin Beaudoin (.218, 3 HR, 19 RBI) will labor all winter on a torn flexor tendon in his elbow, but should be available for Opening Day.
September 3 – CIN C/1B Ricky Rodriguez (.243, 7 HR, 48 RBI) hits a homer for a 1-0 win over the Blue Sox.
September 5 – The Thunder pick up MR Marty Madera (4-4, 2.95 ERA) from the Aces, who receive #88 prospect SS Pedro Quinonez.
September 6 – TIJ 3B/2B Nick Rozenboom (.265, 10 HR, 80 RBI) is out for the year with an elbow sprain.
September 7 – The Falcons beat the Aces, 11-10, on a walkoff grand slam by CHA C/1B Mitch Cook (.286, 8 HR, 39 RBI) served up by Vegas’ Aaron Duval (4-11, 4.50 ERA, 35 SV).
September 8 – NAS LF/RF Sean Ashley (.289, 21 HR, 92 RBI) procures a 3-0 win for the Blue Sox with a walkoff home run off Richmond’s Yeom Soung (4-4, 2.79 ERA, 30 SV).

FL Player of the Week: PIT LF/CF Bill Reeves (.245, 17 HR, 69 RBI), hitting .462 (12-26) with 4 HR, 11 RBI
CL Player of the Week: CHA C/1B Mitch Cook (.283, 8 HR, 39 RBI), playing .476 (10-21) ball with 2 HR, 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

(wears a stupid grin)

The weekend set makes it 585-585 all time against the dismal hooved demons from the North, and with three weeks to play it also shot all their playoff hopes to bits. The only thing irking me is that they will be able to blame it all on injuries because their two best hitters have missed 109 games and counting so far.

How good is our offense? Corey Mathers is getting less than two runs of support per start. That is how good our offense is.

The Raccoons moved David Lindstrom to the 60-day DL this week to make room for ******* Travis Sims. No idea how to replace Ramirez – Dr. Padilla says he has rotator cuff inflammation and has to be shut down for the year. There’s some Taiwanese bob in AAA named Chuah-kah Yuen (or so) with a 7.91 ERA that could perhaps … Ah! Josh Rella can pitch setup for all I care! We swept the stupid smirk of the damn Elks’ stupid visages!

Fun Fact: Only once before did a Falcons player hit three home runs in one game; Ryan Feldmann did so in a 6-3 win over the Aces in 2017.

The 3-time All Star did so in his age 30 season, the first full season after being traded over from the Condors. He never led the league in any category, but won two Platinum Sticks (2013-14) for .810+ OPS seasons as a centerfielder. He finished his career with 1,906 hits and a .259/.344/.425 clip as well as 252 homers, 1,101 RBI, and 98 stolen bases.