[Westheim]

(reads from the mailbag and shakes his head) These people have so little faith today...!

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Raccoons (6-6) vs. Indians (7-5) – April 22-24, 2042

After an off day on Monday, the Raccoons would host the Indians, who they had mauled in 2041, winning 15 of 18 games. The Indians had started the year 7-1, but had lost four in a row now. They were sixth in runs scored and third in runs allowed. I wasn’t really seeing a reason why they would be much improved over their wretched ’41 season, although they had added some solid pitching options.

Projected matchups:
Jake Jackson (0-1, 5.14 ERA) vs. Luke Moses (2-0, 0.64 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (0-0, 6.35 ERA) vs. Alex Flores (1-0, 0.00 ERA)
Corey Mathers (0-2, 4.38 ERA) vs. Ayden Cobb (2-1, 5.40 ERA)

We would get all right-handers here, but will not catch a glimpse of last year’s Critter, Drew Johnson (1-1, 1.89 ERA), who had pitched on Sunday, but the Indians would see Jake Jackson, who had wound up for them for a while.

Game 1
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF D. Rivera – C Mordino – 2B Sanderfer – 1B Dodson – SS E. Vargas – P Moses
POR: 1B Ramos – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – 3B Maldonado – RF Reyna – CF Romero – C Kilmer – 2B Gutierrez – P Jackson

The Indians made defensive errors in each of the first two innings, but the Coons could not seize the opportunity, while Jackson conceded a run to the Indians without giving up a base hit. Danny Rivera drew a leadoff walk in the second, stole a base, and advanced on two productive outs, the latter Alex Sanderfer’s sac fly. The Indians didn’t get a hit until the fourth, then a Sal Mordino RBI single cashing in on Dan Hutson, who had drawn another leadoff walk. It didn’t get any better – Pat Dodson singled and Enrique Vargas walked in the fifth inning. Moses bunted them over, and Nick Crocker slapped a ball through between Berto and Gutierrez for a 2-run single. Jackson made the first out in the bottom 5th, before Berto drew a walk off Moses. The Raccoons then doubled their hits total from two to four with a pair of singles by Tony Hunter and Manny Fernandez that loaded the bases for Jesus Maldonado, who hit a rocket to center that was regrettably caught by Crocker, but was a sac fly at least. Reyna shoved a 2-out RBI single into shallow left, 4-2, and Moses hit Romero with a 2-0 pitch. That brought up Jeff Kilmer, hitting 0-for-2 in this game and .118 as a while, and we knew Kilmer better than being this terrible. He was 3-1 ahead before he swung and whacked a ball. I screamed, but it fell in left-center, and two runs scored, tying the score at four. Gutierrez then chopped a single on a 1-2 pitch, and the Indians expected Jackson to make the third out in addition to the first out in the inning – but he shot a single up the middle and brought in two runs to take the lead, 6-4! That was the end for Moses, yanked for lefty Aaron Curl, who got Berto to ground out to end the 6-run onslaught.

Unfortunately, the lead was not permanent. Jackson walked Rivera to begin the sixth, then gave up a blast to Sal Mordino that tied the game. Three leadoff walks – all scored. The Indians took the lead on Rella, who put Sanderfer on, and Jones, who conceded the run on a Keith Thomson double from the #9 hole. Thomson and Hunter locked knees at second base and the Indian got the worst of it, having to leave the game with a knee contusion. Crocker then made the third out. Portland had Hunter and Manny on base in the bottom 6th, then had Maldonado hit into a double play to kill the effort. Kilmer hit a leadoff double in the seventh inning, but between Gutierrez, Cortes, and Ramos, the Raccoons again couldn’t get a ******* clutch hit.

Bottom 8th, Maldonado was back at the plate with Hunter on second after a single and stolen base, and Fernandez on first, drawing a walk from Orlando Altreche. Maldo singled to right, with Mario Ochoa on the ball quick and Hunter being stopped at third base. Oh crap – three on, no outs. One to tie, two to take the lead. Reyna hit into the obvious force out at home plate. Jay de Wit hit for Brent Clark in the #6 hole, and at least tied the game with a sac fly to Ochoa. Kilmer flew out. – Maud, I will need that good piece of rope you’ve been hiding from me.

Hamill pitched scoreless ninth and tenth innings for Portland. Nobody reached against Altreche in the ninth, while lefty Eric Peck was out for the bottom 10th and the 2-3-4 hitters. Hunter singled to center, and the Raccoons reached into their box of tricks and called a bunt for Manny. Dan Hutson had played so far back that even a so-so bunt by Manny was good enough to leg it out and move the winning run to second base. And here was Maldonado, with one more chance to get rid of the Goon of the Day award, and for the third time hitting with Hunter and Manny on and nobody out. He singled to right this time, and Hunter was sent around third base and for home plate and – was thrown out by Ochoa. The trailing runners advanced, so a sac fly would – no, for the moment, Reyna was walked intentionally, and the Coons sent Jeff Wilson to hit for Hamill. He popped out. Kilmer flew out. The game raged on.

Zack Kelly pitched two scoreless, which included allowing a single by Sanderfer in the 12th, but Kelly picked him off to end the inning. The Coons did nothing in those innings. Kelly was still on it in the 13th, with Juan Salinas reaching via four balls dealt to him. He was caught stealing. Alex Ramirez was the only reliever we had left here, so I would very much welcome an end to the game here. No Raccoon reached base against Vincenzo Battaglia in the bottom 13th, though. Ramirez walked two in the 14th, but Mordino killed the inning with a 6-4-3 double play. Portland did get Berto on base with two outs, but that was all. The meat of the order was up for the home team in the 15th against Battaglia, and nobody reached.

At that this stage, Nelson Moreno, tomorrow’s scheduled starter, was active in the bullpen. Ramirez squeezed one more scoreless inning out of his arm, but after that we’d be without reliever-relievers. Only starter-relievers left. Steve Nickas batted for Ramirez to begin the bottom 16th against the durable Battaglia, our last bat off the bench. He flew out, and only Gutierrez reached on a 2-out walk. Cortes stranded him. Battaglia lasted until Tony Hunter drew a full-count walk off him, then was lifted after 5.1 innings of stellar, suffocating relief. Mike Iannone took over with one out in the 17th. Manny struck out. Maldonado hit a fly to center, but it stretched beyond the reach of Crocker, and dunked in for extra bases. Hunter raced all the way around and scored. 8-7 Blighters. Hunter 3-7, 2 BB; Fernandez 4-8, BB; Maldonado 3-7, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Hamill 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K; Kelly 3.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 2 K; Ramirez 3.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 3 K;

I am tired, Slappy. I want to go to … (mumbles intelligibly while falling asleep against Slappy’s shoulder)

Contrary to popular belief of all doomsayers in all ballgames north of the 13th inning, the sun rose on Wednesday. The Raccoons obviously voided Nelson Moreno and moved up Mathers to pitch on regular rest. Also, four relievers had thrown an inning or less after an off day, so we still had arms available. If Mathers got knocked out early, THEN things would get dicey.

Game 2
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF D. Rivera – C Mordino – 2B Sanderfer – 1B Dodson – SS Russ – P Cobb
POR: CF Romero – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – 3B Maldonado – RF Reyna – 1B Cortes – C Wilson – 2B Nickas – P Mathers

Indy scored early again, with Danny Rivera tripling home Nick Crocker and his leadoff single with two outs in the top 1st. The Raccoons answered with an unearned run in the bottom 1st. Romero walked, Hunter reached on a Dodson error, and after Manny grounded out to advance both into scoring position, Maldonado hit an RBI single to right. Romero came in, while Hunter was thrown out when he tried to get some, too. Mathers walked Sanderfer in the second inning, then fell behind on a 2-out RBI single by Ayden Cobb. – Maud, I *really* need that good rope…!!

The third inning then saw the grisly end for Mathers, which was exactly that worst case scenario that we had conjured up. Starting with the #3 hitter Hutson, the Indians butchered him via single, single, double, triple. While Dodson struck out, Andrew Russ hit an RBI single with two outs. Cobb then ripped a double, with Russ thrown out at home plate by Manny Fernandez to end the inning with a 6-1 score. The Raccoons had no choice but to fully embrace the sour grapes and give up on the game, so we could maintain a shred of a bullpen for the rubber game on Thursday. The score ballooned to 7-1 in the fourth when Rivera doubled in Ochoa, the final run beaten out of Mathers’ lifeless body through six innings. Maldonado hit a 2-run homer to right off Cobb in the fifth, but we had a hunch that it would not matter in the long run…. And it didn’t. Nobody scored for the next three innings after the Maldonado homer, with two scoreless innings delivered by Jon Craig. Brent Clark allowed a run on two singles in the top 9th, while Nick Lando hit a pinch-hit single and made it around to score on a Hunter sac fly in the bottom 9th. The Coons still lost by plenty. 8-4 Indians. Fernandez 2-5; Maldonado 2-5, HR, 3 RBI; Wilson 2-3, BB; Lando (PH) 1-1; Craig 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

I had great pleasure imagining a fiery demotion for Corey Mathers (0-3, 6.38 ERA), but I couldn’t stand the shame of axing another #5 starter in April, so we’d concede another loss in his next start, and then axe him in May instead.

…and maybe Rich Willett could save us from becoming a fifth-place fixture in the division by winning the rubber game…

Game 3
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF D. Rivera – C Mordino – 2B Sanderfer – 1B Dodson – SS Russ – P A. Flores
POR: CF Romero – SS Hunter – LF Fernandez – 3B Maldonado – RF Reyna – 1B Ramos – C Kilmer – 2B Gutierrez – P Willett

Willett held up to the tune of a hit and a walk through three innings, while the Raccoons scattered three singles the first time through the order, but then got Romero on to start the bottom 3rd, and Romero stole second base. That extra 90 feet didn’t matter, since Hunter buried a triple in the gap anyway to take a 1-0 lead, making up for having been caught stealing earlier in the bottom 1st. Hunter himself scored on a wild pitch after Manny struck out and Maldo got nicked, on the 2-0 to Miguel Reyna, who ended up popping out for the second out of the inning. Berto, dropped to get more out of Romero’s bat, clipped an RBI single to right, though, extending the lead to 3-0. Kilmer walked after that, but Gutierrez popped out, and the Indians answered with a Hutson double to lead off the fourth, and then a Rivera homer to right-center. 3-2. Mordino, Sanderfer, and Russ all whacked hits, the last batter a double, to take a 4-3 lead for Indianapolis in the same inning. (hits head on desk repeatedly)

I cried a little, but the baseball gods laughed tears, good enough for a 90-minute rain delay in the bottom of the fifth, knocking out both starting pitchers. Technically, Willett could still get the W here, and the Raccoons took to the corners with Maldo and Berto in the bottom 5th, with one out Aaron Curl pitching. Kilmer walked on a disputed borderline call, loading them up for Omar Gutierrez, who had been fairly hot in the first week, but had long cooled off, *and* Curl was a southpaw. Cortes, slumping just as badly, pinch-hit for him, and hit a comebacker to get Maldonado killed at home plate. Nick Lando hit for Willett, and flew out to right to strand everybody.

The Coons then shed Manny Fernandez, who crashed off the fence in pursuit of a Sanderfer drive off Josh Rella in the sixth. He made the catch, and also a bee line for the dugout with a painful grimace. De Wit replaced him. Jones pitched in the seventh, served up a homer to Crocker, 5-3, then loaded the bases with a single, a walk, and a hit batter. He was yanked, and three on, one out went to Alex Ramirez. He allowed a run on a Mordino sac fly, then walked Sanderfer… and then was hauled in by Dr. Padilla after making weird motions on the mound trying to shake up some knot in his body or other. Jon Craig came on to strike out Dodson, one of only two batters he faced on his third day pitching in a row. Russ struck out to begin the eighth. At that point, we threw in Zack Kelly and told him that nobody would pick him up. The last five outs were all his. This included bunting in the bottom 8th, slapping a ball into a force at second base, getting Kilmer slapped out. Not that Kilmer had reached meaningfully – a Sanderfer flub had placed him on base. Nobody scored on Kelly, but the Coons also didn’t score on anybody. 6-3 Indians. Hunter 2-4, BB, 3B, RBI; Ramos 2-4, RBI; Kilmer 0-1, 3 BB;

Dr. Padilla brought the good news on Friday morning. Alex Ramirez had a torn flexor tendon in his elbow, and in all likelihood was out for the season.

Manny had a sore back. He’d live, probably, but was day-for-day for the weekend set.

Doesn’t matter. Everything’s crushed to smush already.

…..

Raccoons (7-8) vs. Knights (9-7) – April 25-27, 2042

The Raccoons, drifting face down in the Willamette, hosted the Knights as the fourth and final team on the homestand. Atlanta was eighth in runs scored and runs allowed, with a -5 run differential (Coons: -3), but still two games over .500. Their rotation had a 3.39 ERA, which was probably the best part about their team. We had won six of nine last season. I had no doubt we’d win none of nine now.

Projected matchups:
Josh Brown (1-1, 2.50 ERA) vs. David Farris (2-0, 1.29 ERA)
Nelson Moreno (1-0, 5.84 ERA) vs. Bill Nichol (0-2, 2.75 ERA)
Jake Jackson (0-1, 6.63 ERA) vs. Jose Medina (1-0, 2.61 ERA)

The 37-year-old Medina would continue the time-honored tradition of Southpaw Sunday … unless the Knights’ off day on Thursday would lead to them doing funky moves.

The Raccoons made a roster move, disabling their by far best right-handed reliever for the year, and called up … hey, anybody remember Travis Sims?

I don’t care, Maud. Give me the rope, or you’re fired.

Game 1
ATL: LF Hester – 1B Jam. King – 2B Crim – CF Oliver – C Krumholz – RF Kristoff – SS McKoy – 3B Holmes – P Farris
POR: 1B Ramos – CF Romero – SS Hunter – 3B Maldonado – LF Reyna – C Wilson – RF Cortes – 2B Gutierrez – P Brown

Farris lasted five outs before leaving with an injury, so the Knights would have to dig into their bullpen right away here. We knew the feeling. In any case, the game was scoreless through two innings. David Fernandez, longtime Coons left-hander, replaced him and was also the first Knight to reach with a single through the left side. (bangs both fists repeatedly on the desk and screams skywards) ARE YOU HAPPY UP THERE?? ARE YOU???? … Singles by Billy Hester and Jamie King loaded the bags for Atlanta, but Joe Crim would ground out to strand everybody in the top 3rd, so the answer was probably yes.

The stupid Knights had three base hits again in the fifth inning and took a 1-0 lead this time. Tyler McKoy hit the first single and moved up on Ryan Holmes’ groundout, and, yes, David Fernandez singled to center to get the runner home. Hester also got on base again, but King hit into a double play. Andy Montes would pinch-hit for David Fernandez in the seventh inning. I didn’t exactly know why. But I never exactly knew why. (crumbles dish washer tabs into a glass of Capt’n Coma)

Bottom 7th, the so far useless Raccoons got Wilson on with a 1-out single off righty Tim Scott. A wild pitch advanced the runner before Cortes walked anyway, which didn’t help his .145 batting average. After Gutierrez popped out on a 3-1 pitch (…), Manny Fernandez grabbed a stick out of desperation, batting for Brown with two outs, bad back be damned. He dropped a single to load the bases, but Hester kept Wilson from going further than third base. Berto came up with two outs and the plates stuffed… and struck out. Bottom 8th, Romero landed a single and stole second base, his seventh of the year. Hunter then drew a walk against Scott. Maldonado flew out to Justin Kristoff before left-hander Vinny Ramirez came on to see after Reyna. Jay de Wit pinch-hit, slashed a 1-1 pitch through the left side, and Romero raced around to tie the game. And then Wilson grounded out and Cortes softly lined out to McKoy…….

Hamill kept the game tied in the ninth, retiring three in a row, before the Raccoons began the bottom 9th with Lando batting for Gutierrez against the left-hander Ramirez on the mound. He drew a 4-pitch walk, at which point Kilmer sat down quickly and Hamill was retained to bunt instead. He tried to bunt until he struck out. Berto grounded out, moving Lando to second base, and Romero grounded out to keep the silly game going. (stares at the angry bubbles in his glass) Hamill allowed a single in his second inning of work, but struck out three to get the top of the 10th over with. The Raccoons would bring up the meaty part of the order against another former Critter, right-hander Rico Sanchez (who was not quite as ******* fondly remembered here…); Hunter popped out, Maldo got nicked, and de Wit hit a single to right, sending the winning run to third base with one gone. Wilson popped out in a full count. Cortes struck out. I hit my head on the desk again.

The Coons used Sims in a scoreless 11th, then batted for him while getting nobody on between Lando, Kilmer, and Berto in the bottom of the inning. Josh Rella had a clean 12th, then walked Marc DeVita in he #1 hole and conceded the run on Brian Oliver and Zachary Krumholz singles with one out in the 13th inning. There it was, the run that would mean defeat. The Raccoons brought up the 5-6-7 batters in the second inning of right-hander Rich Ray in the bottom 13th. De Wit led off with a double to right, setting off fireworks in Aruba. Wilson flew out. Cortes grounded out. Lando was next … and he had to bat – only Steve Nickas was left on the bench, and we needed the “threat” of him so the Knights wouldn’t just intentionally walk the #8 hitter here, then feast on a pitcher. Perversely, Nick Lando dropped a single into left to tie the game. Then Nickas struck out… Brent Clark was in for the 14th inning. He allowed a leadoff single to McKoy. Holmes grounded out, sending the runner to second, and then Clark fell to 3-0 against Ray and allowed a single to center. McKoy was sent – and thrown out by Romero. DeVita grounded out. The Coons remained hopeless, while the 15th saw the Knights make another out on the base paths, this time Jose Garcia being thrown out at third base by Cortes when Oliver singled. They didn’t get a run across against Clark, wonky to the n-th degree. He got more time to lose the game, though, since while Cortes hit a 2-out double in the bottom of the inning, Lando stranded the runner with a groundout. Indeed, DeVita singled in the tie-breaking run after Clark had already allowed a hit and a walk in the top 16th, AND then Brent Clark had to lead off the bottom 16th batting, because we were out of useful bums on the bench. He grounded out. Berto doubled to left. Romero grounded out. Hunter whiffed. I finally poured the foaming contents of the glass. 3-2 Knights. De Wit (PH) 3-4, 2B, RBI; Fernandez (PH) 1-1; Brown 7.0 IP, 7 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 4 K and 1-1; Hamill 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 4 K;

Yes, Maud. Cancel he steak breakfast tomorrow. All they are ever gonna get to nom is broccoli, until they play like a ******* baseball team!!

Game 2
ATL: RF Kristoff – 1B Jam. King – CF Oliver – 2B Crim – C Horner – LF Hester – SS McKoy – 3B Holmes – P Nichol
POR: 1B Ramos – CF Romero – SS Hunter – 3B Maldonado – RF Reyna – LF de Wit – C Kilmer – 2B Nickas – P Moreno

Bill Nichol walked three Coons in the bottom 1st, but thanks to Hunter’s double play grounder in between, nobody scored. Moreno struck out four in the first three innings, and the only hit was a breaking pitch into Justin Kristoff’s bum in the third inning, which did no permanent harm. The Raccoons scored in the same inning, getting on Romero, who stole another base before being singled in by Maldonado with two outs. Come the fourth, Moreno offered a leadoff walk to Brian Oliver. Joe Crim singled over Hunter’s head, and Adam Horner homered over the fence in centerfield, giving Atlanta a 3-1 lead. The Raccoons had three baserunners in the fifth again – and also found another double play, this time a 6-4-3 sponsored by Romero, and stranded Moreno and Hunter on the corners when Maldonado flew out to Oliver, staying 3-1 behind through five.

Moreno had suffered through extensive innings in the fourth and fifth and was just shy of 100 pitches as the sixth inning began. He got two grounders before Holmes singled. Nichol struck out, but that would be all from the right-hander in this start, and then it was back to the battered bullpen. While the Raccoons couldn’t ******* score even with Nichol offering six walks in six innings, they continued to yield runs; Zack Kelly served up a 2-run homer to Joe Crim in the seventh to put the game out of reach. Two more runs scored in the eighth, with Billy Hester doubling to left against Kelly, and McKoy tripling to left facing Sims before scoring on a groundout. The Raccoons did nothing but nonsense at the plate for the remainder of the game. 7-1 Knights. Nickas 1-2, BB; Wilson (PH) 1-1;

(sits around the table with the crew during Sunday morning poker)

(while Honeypaws has already folded, Cristiano shows his pair of fives) … (Slappy reveals a pair of sevens) … What do I have? A giant wallowing hole where my soul should be. Also three queens. (drops cards on the table and reaches for the chips) … (freezes mid-motion once Chad shows his three kings)

(screams into pillow)

Game 3
ATL: RF Kristoff – 1B Jam. King – CF Oliver – 2B Crim – C Horner – SS McKoy – LF Montes – 3B Holmes – P J. Medina
POR: CF Romero – LF de Wit – SS Hunter – 3B Maldonado – 1B Wilson – C Kilmer – RF Cortes – 2B Lando – P Jackson

Wilson hit a solo jack to left for the first hit of the game, one down in the bottom 2nd. At that point Jackson had already walked two and had run 98 long counts, so the bullpen was hurrying on their oxen roast before they would all have to get burned again in another futile, dousing 6-1 loss. Jackson, however, also hit a 2-out RBI single, cashing Cortes in the same inning (just ignore that Cortes only reached by forcing out Kilmer with a ****** grounder), with Lando also having dropped a 2-out single. Romero grounded out to keep things at 2-0.

The Knights did not get a base hit until the fifth inning, but then landed a leadoff single to left from McKoy. Jackson retired Montes and Holmes before Medina hit a double to right to drive in McKoy. Man, Honeypaws, I tell you, I saw that coming. Kristoff reached base before Jamie King finally flew out, but Oliver opened the sixth with a double and was just narrowly stranded at third base, Romero throwing himself into a laced liner by McKoy, making the catch *and* surviving.

Jackson maintained the 2-1 lead through seven, then was hit for by Reyna in the bottom of that inning. Reyna whacked a 1-out single, then was very obviously stranded. Then Chuck Jones jammed again, though it wasn’t all of his own making. Oliver reached when Wilson dropped Lando’s throw on a grounder with one out. Crim flew out to right, but Horner singled, sending the tying run to third base. With McKoy up, the Raccoons reached for a right-hander, and with Jon Craig stepping onto the rubber, the Knights reached for a left-hander, Billy Hester. He tied the game with a first-pitch single that Hunter kept on the dirt, but couldn’t play anymore. Montes grounded out, but the damage was done again. The Coons’ pen kept the Knights even through regulation, with Kelly combining with craig for a scoreless ninth inning, which left the chance for a walkoff against Rich Ray – like that had ever worked before. Cortes, Lando, and Reyna went down in order in the ninth inning, bringing on more extra innings. (hits head on desk again and again) Kelly retired three in a row in the 10th inning, but I was beyond feeling any hope here. Romero flew out to center. Berto pinch-hit for Kelly and flew out to left. Hunter … walked. And stole second. And reached third on Zachary Krumholz’ throw that bounced in front of and then over Jeremy Camden at second base. Maldonado was in the box, chucked a bouncer past Crim, and that ended this miserable ballgame. 3-2 Coons. Reyna (PH) 1-2; Jackson 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 4 K and 1-2, RBI;

In other news

April 23 – NYC SP Casey Pinter (2-0, 1.16 ERA) 2-hits the surprised Loggers in a 5-0 Crusaders shutout.
April 25 – NYC 2B/1B Mario Briones (.318, 2 HR, 11 RBI) has five hits and as many RBI in a 10-1 rush of the Condors.
April 26 – LAP CL Jesse Allison (0-1, 6.75 ERA, 4 SV) will miss three months with shoulder inflammation.
April 26 – Out-hit 5-2 by the Wolves, the Miners still eek out a 4-0 win. It helps that one of their two base hits is a 3-run bomb by slugger John Marz (.290, 4 HR, 14 RBI).
April 26 – The Falcons out-last the Canadiens in a 16-inning game, winning 4-3. The only player to reach base safely more than twice in the game is VAN OF Jerry Outram (.400, 3 HR, 17 RBI), with two hits and three walks to his name.
April 27 – The Thunder receive LF/RF Adrian Wade (.100, 0 HR, 0 RBI) and cash from the Miners for SP/MR Marty Madera (3-1, 3.25 ERA).

FL Player of the Week: NAS C Jorge Santa Cruz (.345, 5 HR, 22 RBI), batting .474 (9-19) with 3 HR, 10 RBI
CL Player of the Week: LVA 1B/RF/LF/2B Pat Gurney (.400, 3 HR, 12 RBI), hitting .652 (15-23) with 1 HR, 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Uncle Augustus always said it’s important to learn an honorable trade. He watched out that all his kids acquired an honorable trade, even the smart ones that he sent to school past sixth grade, and even the girls. Cousin Herbert became a carpenter. Cousin Manfred learned the butcher trade before becoming an inventor – all he ever invented was a giant hole in the ground where once the shed stood. Cousin Frieda became a nurse, and then married and had four kids. Cousin Alberta became a hairdresser… and then married and had five kids.

I never learned a proper job. Now I am condemned to suffer through worse and worser with this wretched baseball franchise, rotten to the core and beyond reproach, for all eternity. It’s all I’m qualified to do.

(downs more Capt’n Coma)

I think I’m done with Carlos Cortes. That was quick. **** first baseman. We’ll just sit Berto and his fat *** on first base. If they can’t touch first base, they can’t ever get on base. Why has nobody ever thought of that??

Cosmo Trevino is hitting .327 in his rehab assignment in AAA. He will rejoin the team early next week, maybe even before his rehab assignment expires on Friday.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have not improved their win total three years in a row since the 2022-2026 period.

That was from the lows of 71 wins in ’22 all the way up to a 94-68 campaign and a championship in ’26.

I’m not saying that we will culminate with a ring here. I’m saying we’re not gonna improve on 85 wins.