[Westheim]

Started this week Monday, but ran out of time before I had to go zzz. Finished it on Tuesday AND played another week, then had no internet connection once again and couldn’t post it.

Yes, I try to win the lottery, to devote myself full time to the old Fuzzballs in the future. And pay for three separate internet contracts in the vain hope that at least one ******* works at any one time…

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Maud, why are there two municipal employees digging holes and planting young trees behind first base? – This is NOT a city park!! – What city ordinance? – I see, Maud, every green space bigger than 250 square feet is now a public city park.

(grabs blunderbuss to shoo away the municipal employees) This town drives me crazy.

Raccoons (59-65) vs. Indians (55-69) – August 25-27, 2042

Last in runs scored, seventh in runs allowed, and perhaps just as confused as we were about a few young trees growing on the right side of the infield were the Indians, who sat fifth in the division and like the Raccoons were out of it by many games and at least a couple of months. We were up 8-4 in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Cory Lambert (2-5, 3.98 ERA) vs. Orlando Altreche (9-11, 4.21 ERA)
Jake Jackson (7-11, 4.11 ERA) vs. Drew Johnson (8-7, 2.54 ERA)
Corey Mathers (3-9, 4.30 ERA) vs. Alex Flores (6-11, 4.50 ERA)

We would get all right-handers here in this series, and also a very interesting matchup of a former Indian going for the Raccoons and a former Raccoon going for the Indians in the middle game on Tuesday.

Game 1
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF D. Rivera – 1B J. Diaz – 2B E. Vargas – C Custello – SS Russ – P Altreche
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Gutierrez – 3B Maldonado – LF Fernandez – 1B Yamamoto – RF Waltz – CF Nettles – C Kilmer – P Lambert

The Indians put runners in scoring position on a Nick Crocker single and a Mario Ochoa double to begin the game, while the Raccoons would have three on and nobody out from their 4-5-6 batters in the bottom 2nd. A grand total of one run was scored from those situations, Jeff Kilmer barely beating out the return throw from second base on a grounder to short to allow Manny Fernandez to score the first run of the game. Portland tacked on a run an inning later, which began with Cosmo and Omar Gutierrez reaching the corners with a pair of singles, and Maldonado plating a run with a sac fly. Lambert did not put another earned runner on base until two outs in the fifth, when he walked Crocker and Ochoa singled with two outs – they were stranded on a groundout by Dan Hutson – but in between the trees at first base interfered with the Raccoons twice on defense, leading to a pair on hard-luck errors on Yamamoto and Gutierrez for bad throws and unpicked bounces, but even those didn’t concede any runs to the Indians, who trailed 4-0 through five; the Coons doubled their run total in the bottom 5th on RBI base hits by Gutierrez and Yamamoto, although inexplicably the Indians intentionally walked Jesus Maldonado in his absolute death slump after Gutierrez doubled home Cosmo.

While the counts on Lambert grew longer in the middle innings, running up his pitch count, the Coons got Nettles on base to begin the bottom 6th. He stole second, then was plated on a screaming single by Kilmer before Lambert bunted into a double play. Gutierrez added a leadoff homer off right-hander Tony Correa in the seventh, while the Raccoons though to themselves, to heck with it, and just kept Lambert in the game. He threw 92 pitches through seven, then had an 8-pitch eighth, and with a 6-run cushion was brought back for the ninth, with some semblance of relief soft-tossing in the bullpen. Jeff Diaz grounded out to short, but Enrique Vargas walked in a full count that grinded on forever. When Lambert also walked Roger Custello, he was lifted two outs short of a shutout. Jon Craig replaced him and retired Andrew Russ and David Gonzales without much fuss to maintain a clean pitching line, though. 6-0 Raccoons. Trevino 2-5; Gutierrez 3-5, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Maldonado 0-1, 2 BB, RBI; Lambert 8.1 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 4 K, W (3-5) and 1-4;

The grounds crew worked all morning to remove all the trees before the middle game. Maybe that would cut down on our errors on defense…

Game 2
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF D. Rivera – 1B J. Diaz – 2B E. Vargas – C Custello – SS Russ – P D. Johnson
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Gutierrez – 3B Maldonado – LF Fernandez – 1B Yamamoto – CF Nettles – C Kilmer – RF Casaus – P Jackson

The bags were full against Johnson in the bottom 1st after Cosmo stretched a hitting streak to 16 games with a leadoff single, Maldonado got nailed, and Manny singled right into the guns of Danny Rivera and his plus arm in leftfield. Yamamoto flew out to deep-ish leftfield for the second out, Cosmo went for home and mostly scored on Rivera’s hard, but off-line throw, and the Coons took a 1-0 lead. The remaining runners were stranded when Nettles grounded out to Russ, but the Coons tacked on three more runs in the second inning, which weirdly enough featured Maldonado getting hit *again*. Kilmer and Jackson hit singles to go to the corners before being tripled in by Cosmo line-hugger that stopped dead in the rightfield corner. Gutierrez’ sac fly made it 4-0.

Jackson retired ten Indians in a row to begin the game before Ochoa hit him for a single and Hutson followed up with a double in right-center. The Indians also waved Ochoa around third base and saw him thrown out at home plate, keeping them shut out in the series. Jackson also hit another single in the bottom 4th, then scored on a 2-out single by Manny Fernandez to extend the lead to a pawful. Jeff Diaz (single) and Enrique Vargas (walk) reached base to begin the fifth. Custello hit into a double play, while Russ was walked intentionally. The Indians lifted Johnson for a pinch-hitter, Mike Sawyer, who struck out to end the inning. The bottom of the inning saw Nettles reach base on a Vargas error; the Indian threw a grounder away when he stepped into a not quite properly filled former tree hole.

After a few bumpy innings, Jackson kept the Indians to precious little in the next frames, and completed eight innings on 93 pitches. Like Lambert, he batted for himself in the bottom of the eighth. He hit another single, which led to a lengthy on-base presence as the bags slowly filled up against right-hander Chris Volk, only for Manny to ground out to end the inning with nobody scored and Jackson stranded on third base. Top 9th, Dan Hutson flew out to deep center. Jackson lost Danny Rivera on balls, then got Diaz on a fly to right before running a full count to Enrique Vargas, who singled. Custello, hitting .227 with no homers, would be his final batter (after which we’d have a save situation and Josh Rella coming in), but Custello popped out to end the game. 5-0 Raccoons. Trevino 4-5, 3B, 2 RBI; Maldonado 1-2, BB; Fernandez 2-5, RBI; Jackson 9.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 7 K, W (8-11) and 3-4;

Fourth career shutout for Jackson, and the second this year and for the Coons. He had already tossed a 2-hitter against the Bayhawks in July.

This was also the season series in the bag.

Game 3
IND: CF Crocker – RF M. Ochoa – 3B Hutson – LF D. Rivera – 1B J. Diaz – 2B E. Vargas – C Custello – SS Russ – P A. Flores
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Gutierrez – CF Nettles – LF Fernandez – 1B Yamamoto – RF Waltz – 3B de Wit – C Sieber – P Mathers

Just like on Tuesday, it took the Indians an 11th batter to even get on base in Wednesday’s contest, then with an Ochoa double in left-center. Ochoa was also immediately dutifully stranded on a grounder and a strikeout by Dan and Danny, Hutson and Rivera. The Raccoons were up 1-0 at that point, courtesy of singles by Sieber, Cosmo, and Gutierrez in the third inning. But the Indians would not remain shut out forever – they plated four runs in the fifth inning, and while Corey Mathers certainly had a paw in the meltdown, all the runs were unearned, scoring with two outs in an inning that had notably begun with a throwing error by Omar Gutierrez – never mind the four hard whacks for base hits that followed.

Cosmo singled and stole second base in the bottom of the fifth, which despite a 4-1 disadvantage on the board led to congratulations and a standing ovation by the (thin) crowd, since it was his 700th career stolen base, a mark only reached by one other player in league history. Nettles scored him with a single after all the handshakes and backpats, Manny added another single, and Yamamoto drunkenly fell face first into the wedding cake by hitting into an inning-ending double play. That was mostly the game right there, because Mathers allowed another run on a Russ RBI triple in the seventh inning before being replaced with Chuck Jones, who stranded Russ, but it was now a 5-2 game. David Harroun hit for Jones to lead off the bottom 7th and doubled, then scored on Gutierrez’ single, but that merely got us back to two runs down. There were a few innings left, though, and Alexis Cortes and Zack Kelly held the Indians to the five runs (four unearned) they already had. Unfortunately the same was true for the Indians’ Willie Gonzales and Vincenzo Battaglia, who refused to let Critters on base in the eighth or ninth innings. 5-3 Indians. Trevino 3-4; Gutierrez 2-5, 2 RBI; Fernandez 2-4; Harroun (PH) 1-2, 2B;

Raccoons (61-66) @ Bayhawks (62-64) – August 29-31, 2042

This series would also decide a season series locked at three wins per side. The Bayhawks were reasonably out of it, 8 1/2 games behind and in fourth place in the CL South. They were eighth in runs scored despite having the second-highest team batting average, and were in the bottom three in runs allowed, with a creaky rotation and the worst bullpen. Their pitching however had also been completely ravaged by injuries, putting six pitchers on the DL in addition to July acquisition Carlos Cortes (have we heard of him?) and Dick Oshiita.

Projected matchups:
Nelson Moreno (10-10, 4.69 ERA) vs. Bobby Waters (2-3, 2.97 ERA)
Cory Lambert (3-5, 3.57 ERA) vs. Jeff Draper (8-4, 5.61 ERA)
Jake Jackson (8-11, 3.89 ERA) vs. Noe Candeloro (7-7, 4.81 ERA)

Southpaw Sunday! … also another left-hander on Friday, with the 27-year-old rookie Waters, which was the state of the Bayhawks’ pitching with a casualty list that rivalled the 1918 Argonne’s in length.

Game 1
POR: 2B Trevino – RF Waltz – 3B Maldonado – CF Fernandez – 1B Yamamoto – SS Harroun – C Kilmer – LF Casaus – P Moreno
SFB: SS J. Gonzalez – RF Haertling – 3B Sifuentes – 1B D. Cruz – CF M. Hall – LF M. Castillo – C Pasko – 2B C. Russell – P B. Waters

Waters didn’t retire any of the first six Coons he faced, issuing four singles for a run before allowing a bases-loaded walk to Yamamoto and a 2-run single to Harroun before the bottom of the order made three frighteningly poor outs. At least Nelson Moreno made the game competitive by coming onto the mound still ashamed for making the final out and giving up four singles himself for two runs when a shutdown inning would have been the classy thing to do. The bottom 2nd only got worse, with a leadoff single by Chris Russell, an RBI single by Ed Haertling, a clumsy walk to Ramon Sifuentes, and finally a score-flipping triple smashed by old and slow Danny Cruz, putting San Francisco on top, 5-4. Man – and the blunderbuss was in Portland…!!

Moreno was yanked and hopefully beaten to death by the coaches without me having to get involved after giving up a leadoff triple to Mel Castillo in the third inning. ******* sucker, not good for ******* anything!!! Derek Barker conceded the run (and two more on top of that) on three hits and a walk in the bottom 3rd as the gross meltdown continued. Cortes pitched in the fourth, walking three and giving up two hits for one run. Manny Fernandez threw out a runner at the plate, and stranded three more when he chased down a Haertling drive in deep center to get the elusive third out. Brent Clark gave up a run in the fifth, but also singled and set up an RBI single for Cosmo (driving home the otherwise mostly useless Sandy Casaus) in the top of the sixth, the first Coons score since the opening frame, which had been so delightful, and after the Baybirds had scored ten unanswered runs. Clark then began the bottom 6th by hitting relief pitcher Jose Lerma, which was such a good way to start an inning, loaded the bases without getting anybody out, and conceded another four runs as the cascade of runs continued, two of them unearned thanks to an error by ****wit David Harroun. The Raccoons trailed by … a lot through six innings.

By the seventh, things got outright ugly. Maldonado reached base, somehow, then was caught stealing, displaying an appalling lack of situational awareness. Worse yet, with David Hale pitching in the bottom 7th, Graciano Salto landed a pinch-hit single, then stole second base with a lead of 250 runs on the board. Jorge Gonzalez singled him home, while Ramon Sifuentes took a ball to the shoulder that didn’t look like it had just “gotten away” from Hale. Cruz made the third out, trying his darndest to hit a homer. The Coons’ quest for a scoreless pitching inning derailed early in the eighth, with Mike Hall reaching second base on Hale’s throwing error. Mel Castillo singled, stole second (!), and Mark Pasko hit an RBI single. Castillo was also sent, but thrown out at home plate and hit in the face with his glove by Sean Sieber, who had replaced Kilmer at this point. No 11-run rally came forwards in the ninth (nor a base runner), as the series opened with a rout. 16-5 Bayhawks. Trevino 2-4, RBI; Waltz 2-5, 2B; Harroun 2-4, 2 RBI;

Three runs were unearned. Not that it made that much of a difference after that rancid starter set the tone in the first inning. (swipes away Nelson Moreno’s food bowl, which shatters against the wall in the visitors’ clubhouse) You feckless *****!!!

(Moreno stares watery-eyed at the GM, corners of the snout twitching)

Game 2
POR: 2B Trevino – RF Waltz – 3B Maldonado – CF Fernandez – 1B Yamamoto – SS Harroun – LF de Wit – C Kilmer – P Lambert
SFB: SS J. Gonzalez – RF Haertling – 3B Sifuentes – 1B D. Cruz – CF M. Hall – LF M. Castillo – C J. Hill – 2B C. Russell – P Candeloro

Southpaw Sunday was also off with Candeloro moved up into the Saturday game, although it couldn’t have been for the first left-hander having worked out so brilliantly for the Bayhawks (Waters notably did not last long enough to get the W). The Bayhawks would score for a ninth straight inning in the series, getting a leadoff walk issued to Jorge Gonzalez, who stole his 35th base and came around on two productive outs, although Portland flipped the score in the second. Kilmer drew a 2-out walk, Lambert doubled him in (!), then scored himself on a Cosmo single that extended Trevino’s hitting streak to 19 games. The lead stood up through the bottom 2nd as the Bayhawks only got a Castillo single and a Russell walk, but no run(s). What a great success for Portland Raccoons baseball!

Portland Raccoons baseball tacked on an unearned run in the third on two singles and a Gonzalez error, then an earned run in the fifth on doubles by Yamamoto and Kilmer, 4-1. The Bayhawks had runners on base, though, all the time. Gonzalez was on base every time he came up, and also stole second base every time he was on, reaching 37 stolen bags by the bottom 5th, which was swiftly followed by a Haertling homer to right that narrowed the lead to 4-3. That was the last inning for Lambert, who had been ground down for six hits, four walks, and the three runs. Derek Barker blew the lead in the sixth instead, an inning in which Jorge Gonzalez hit a triple and didn’t steal a base for a change… That wasn’t his last ******* triple in the game. Gonzalez hit another one off Jon Craig that broke the tie in the eighth inning, driving home Russell with two outs.

Mark Pasko grounded out to Cosmo to end the inning, but the Raccoons faced right-hander Jon Salls in the ninth inning now with a 1-run deficit. Waltz struck out to begin the inning, but Maldonado doubled to right. Manny walked, putting the go-ahead run on base, too. They both scored when Yamamoto overcame Salls with a huge 3-run homer to left…! That would give Josh Rella something to do in the bottom of the ninth inning – he hadn’t been off his bum since shadowing Jake Jackson on Tuesday, but hadn’t actually gotten into that complete-game shutout. The tying runs reached after a Sifuentes strikeout when Cruz hit a comebacker that Rella fumbled for an error, then issued a walk to Hall. Castillo flew out, moving Cruz to third base. John Hill popped out to Cosmo to end the game and even the series. 7-5 Raccoons. Trevino 2-5, RBI; Maldonado 2-3, BB, 2B; Fernandez 2-4, BB; Yamamoto 2-4, BB, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; de Wit 3-5, RBI;

This is not a pleasant series.

Game 3
POR: 2B Trevino – SS Gutierrez – 3B Maldonado – LF Fernandez – 1B Yamamoto – RF Waltz – CF Nettles – C Sieber – P Jackson
SFB: SS J. Gonzalez – 1B J. Diaz – 3B Sifuentes – RF C. Cortes – CF M. Hall – LF M. Castillo – C J. Hill – 2B C. Russell – P Draper

Both teams’ first run scored in the same fashion on non-Southpaw Sunday, getting a guy to hit a single and having said guy tripled in afterwards. The singles were hit by Carlos Cortes in his return to the lineup in the bottom 2nd and Cosmo to extend his hitting streak to 20 games in the third inning. Mel Castillo and Omar Gutierrez provided the RBI triples, respectively, and neither of them scored. More offense came by way of Manny Fernandez, who hit a leadoff single and stole second base in the fourth inning for no greater good, but in the fifth found Cosmo and Gutierrez on base and belted a tie-breaking 3-run homer to right. The Raccoons, truly elite in their chosen profession, went on to piss away two runs right away in the bottom 5th which would be unearned on Jackson. Chris Russell doubled and scored when Maldonado threw away Jeff Draper’s bunt. Draper scored on a 2-out single by Sifuentes. At least Manny raced in to catch a Cortes bloop to end the damn inning, still up 4-3…

Jackson was chewed up after six innings thanks to the defense being no more help than a can opener in keeping his pitch count down, but would not bid the Baybirds adieu without clipping a 2-out RBI single to score Justin Waltz (leadoff walk) in the top of the sixth, then holding the 5-3 score until his departure. Draper was also gone, with replacement Jose Lerma, the washed-up, once-great starter, putting Gutierrez, Maldonado, and Fernandez on base with nobody out in the seventh inning. Yamamoto grounded to short for a force out at home plate, but Waltz grinded out another walk that pushed home a run. Sieber would add an RBI single with two outs, in between hopeless outs by pinch-hitters Casaus and de Wit, so the Coons were up by a slam with nine outs to collect. Cortes doubled in one run against Jon Craig in the bottom 7th – that, too, was unearned, with Sifuentes having reached on a Yamamoto error… At least Kelly and Rella were less unfortunate and would get the game into the books without more sabotage by the eight-headed wrecking crew around them… 7-4 Coons. Trevino 2-5; Gutierrez 3-5, 3B, RBI; Fernandez 3-5, HR, 3 RBI;

In other news

August 26 – Tijuana RF/1B/LF Willie Ojeda (.338, 15 HR, 58 RBI) reaches 2,000 career hits at age 30 with a 3-for-5 day in a 7-5 loss to the Bayhawks. Ojeda, who debuted with the Condors at age 18 in 2030, is an 8-time All Star and 2-time hitting champion in the Continental League and batting .319 with 153 HR and 882 RBI for his career. He also has 299 stolen bases. The milestone is a double off San Fran’s Rafael Pedraza (5-5, 5.97 ERA, 1 SV).
August 26 – CIN SP Chris “Tuba” Turner (13-2, 3.18 ERA) is expected to miss 10 months with a torn flexor tendon in his elbow, rendering him out until the middle of the 2043 season.
August 26 – The hitting streak of BOS CF Mark Vermillion (.308, 6 HR, 64 RBI) ends at 24 games after a hitless appearance in a 9-3 win over the Canadiens.
August 27 – TOP SP John Kennedy (7-13, 4.84 ERA) 3-hits the Miners in a 7-0 shutout.
August 28 – Pittsburgh’s rookie OF Archie Turley (.285, 7 HR, 37 RBI) drives in five runs on three hits, two singles and a home run, in a 15-0 rout of the Buffaloes.
August 31 – RIC SP Ryan Person (10-9, 3.52 ERA) would miss two weeks with an abdominal strain.

FL Player of the Week: NAS LF/RF/1B Sean Ashley (.290, 10 HR, 56 RBI), hitting .524 (11-21) with 3 RBI
CL Player of the Week: IND RF/LF Mario Ochoa (.281, 15 HR, 55 RBI), batting .522 (12-23) with 2 HR, 4 RBI

FL Hitter of the Month: DEN INF/RF Ronnie Thompson (.316, 3 HR, 29 RBI), batting .402 with 2 HR, 13 RBI
CL Hitter of the Month: CHA SS Tony Aparicio (.297, 17 HR, 80 RBI), slamming .357 with 10 HR, 32 RBI
FL Pitcher of the Month: SAC SP Craig Czyszczon (13-4, 2.99 ERA), pitching to a 5-0 record with 3.09 ERA, 30 K
CL Pitcher of the Month: VAN SP Mike Mihalik (15-8, 3.38 ERA), hurling for a 4-0 tally with 2.58 ERA, 23 K
FL Rookie of the Month: PIT OF Archie Turley (.288, 7 HR, 38 RBI), hitting .329 with 5 HR, 19 RBI
CL Rookie of the Month: POR INF/LF Omar Gutierrez (.337, 4 HR, 21 RBI), flicking .466 with 2 HR, 12 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Snuffed for Player of the Week was 20-Game Hitting Streak Trevino, batting .536 (15-28) this week with 4 RBI. I will have Maud call League HQ to complain.

I don’t know what’s up with Omar Gutierrez, our 27-year-old Rookie of the Month. I don’t know how that happened. He’s eating weird stuff, bananas and yogurt, and green things, and very little steaks and chicken drums. We’ll call our behavioral therapist, Matt Nunley, to get him straightened out.

If you saw the Indians and the Bayhawks hitting this week, you might have been excused for wondering aloud whether those two even belonged to the same species, let alone both of the groups being professional baseball players being paid for their craft. The Indians were shut out twice and scored only one earned run in three games. The Raccoons then did plenty of stepping on their own tails, but the Bayhawks also manhandled the Raccoons enough that at times I thought we’d take the field in Oklahoma on Monday with a 5-run deficit from surfeit baseball buttsex.

(Cristiano breaks into laughter and rolls in a circle around the GM, who stands somewhat drunk in front of the Ballpark at the Bay)

Cristiano, if you don’t behave, you’re not gonna be taken on another road trip any time soon!!

…although I *do* love the merits of wheelchair parking at the ballpark. – I know you know that, Cristiano. – I always park in your wheelchair parking spot back home in Portland.

Speaking of wheelchairs, morbidly obese Berto started a rehab assignment on Sunday and would not make the expanded roster right away on Monday. We’d have him get warm for a few days with the Alley Cats first after missing about two months. Miguel Reyna would spend another week on the DL before we could consider activation. Fortunately there was no lack of marginal talent in AAA to stuff the major league roster with in the meantime.

Fun Fact: 35 years ago today, Craig Bowen hit FOUR home runs in a 14-2 rout of the Loggers!

Which is still an achievement that has never been matched, let alone exceeded, in the entirety of the league. The Raccoons still have the greatest single-bomber game in all of baseball!

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Also attached, a taste of what’s to come.