[Westheim]

Raccoons (75-48) vs. Canadiens (60-65) – August 23-25, 2044

The damn Elks were 16 games out and only left for spoiler purposes. We were up 7-5 on them this year, but beware their spoiler capabilities… They did have the second-most runs scored (587) in the CL, just narrowly behind the league-leading Coons (595). The Elks’ issue had been an utter lack of pitching, defense, speed, power, and literally anything else. They had one of the most amazing players in the league in Jerry Outram, they had Dan Schneller, who was still striking fear with the stick at age 36, but was definitely costing them on D, and while there were a few accomplices to these two’s shenanigans (of which Arnout van der Zanden was on the DL), it just wasn’t enough. Schneller was a free agent this fall, and Outram next year. The damn Elks stared into the abyss.

Been there, done that.

Projected matchups:
Brent Clark (8-11, 3.63 ERA) vs. David Arias (9-6, 3.31 ERA)
Jason Wheatley (7-3, 4.12 ERA) vs. John Roeder (2-6, 4.48 ERA)
Jake Jackson (12-5, 3.63 ERA) vs. Paul Medvec (11-7, 4.89 ERA)

Jason Wheatley would return from The Barfs to pitch in the middle game where he’d oppose the only left-hander scheduled to come up, Roeder. Tony Negrete, who had done *okay* on Sunday, but had taken the loss, was sent back to AAA for Preston Porter.

Game 1
VAN: 3B Malkus – C Clemente – CF Outram – 2B Schneller – RF V. Vazquez – LF C. Robinson – 1B J. Lopez – SS Riquenes – P D. Arias
POR: LF Baskins – 1B Ayala – 3B Maldonado – RF Toohey – SS Waters – CF Phinazee – C Kilmer – 2B Carreno – P Clark

Clark struck out four the first time through the Elks’ order, but also spent lots of time in endless counts, needed over 40 pitches, and surrendered a run on a walk to Victor Vazquez and an RBI single by Johnny Lopez in the second inning. The Raccoons had Bryce Toohey on to begin the bottom 2nd, but Waters whiffed and Phinazee hit into a 3-6-3, which was always great, but then put runners on the corners with a Kilmer double and a Carreno single to begin the bottom 3rd. Clark fell to 0-2 before hitting a sac fly to tie the score, which was decent enough. Carreno failed to get a steal off, then was double up by Baskins’s grounder to short, ending the inning. The damn Elks took the lead back right away, with Dan Schneller, hitting .288 with 17 homers, drawing a leadoff walk and being doubled in by Chris Robinson. Robinson hurt himself in some way or shape, getting replaced with Steve Jorgensen, who was stranded on third base when Lopez grounded out and Sergio Riquenes whiffed. The Coons wasted a Toohey double in the bottom 4th, then saw Travis Malkus and Jerry Outram (.323, 15 HR, 64 RBI) draw up on the corners with two outs in the fifth. Clark rung up Schneller on three pitches, concluding the top 5th, but was also closing in on 100 pitches on a rather busy day.

A 1-out single by Carreno put the tying run on base again in the bottom 5th. He was bunted to second by Clark, and Baskins drew a walk to take the open base behind him. Sal Ayala was next and hit a blast to right. I was already screaming homer and jumping on the couch, but the ball dove to hit the top of the fence in rightfield instead before bouncing back into the field. At least it bounced away from Vazquez and with two outs the runners had been flying anyway, so we’d settle for a score-flipping 2-run double. Maldonado fouled out behind home plate to leave Ayala on second.

It all came apart in the seventh again; the Raccoons used four pitchers, which was not great to begin with. Clark faced Arias, gave up a leadoff single, and was yanked. Norris was no help, getting a force at second that replaced the slow runner with a fast runner, then walked Timóteo Clemente. Exit Norris, enter Chuck Jones, who struck out Outram. With Schneller right-handed, a double switch brought on Nelson Moreno, who walked Schneller anyway, then gave up a 2-run single to Vazquez before PH Rick Price grounded out to short, and now the damn Elks were up by one again. Further relief work in regulation was spotless, which was cold comfort given the offense’s inability to restart. They put a runner on first in each of the seventh and eighth, then kept him there each time. For the bottom 9th, the bottom of the order was up against Sebastien Parham and his 1.80 ERA. Kilmer lined out to Riquenes. Carreno grounded out to Riquenes. Van Anderson grounded out to Mel Hernandez at first. 4-3 Canadiens. Toohey 2-4, 2B; Carreno 2-4;

(hacks)

Game 2
VAN: 3B Malkus – RF C. Robinson – CF Outram – 2B Schneller – C Julio Diaz – LF V. Vazquez – 1B M. Hernandez – SS Price – P Medvec
POR: LF Baskins – 1B Ayala – 3B Maldonado – RF Toohey – SS Waters – CF Phinazee – C Kilmer – 2B Carreno – P Wheatley

With Roeder bumped to make room for a right-hander, the Raccoons ran out the same lineup as the day before, lacking bright ideas in general. The damn Elks then put runners on base by an Outram error, an infield bobble by Hernandez, a hit by pitch, and the Raccoons ACTUALLY also scored in that comically inept bottom 1st, Waters singling home one run before Phinazee struck out. Maldonado had already hit into a double play before that… Wheatley looked alright the first time through, then promptly issued 1-out walks to Malkus, Robinson, and Outram in the top 3rd, leading me to glumly open a new bottle of booze and a pill container with something against nausea. Schneller struck out, which was surprising, and Phinazee caught up with Julio Diaz’ fly, stranding all the free passes just doled out by Dimwit Wheatley.

Nevertheless, Wheats got his ERA under four with 4.2 scoreless innings to begin this game, getting Malkus to pop out to Baskins to reach 3.99; Robinson then singled, but Outram flew out to center without causing panic. The score remained 1-0 all the time, the Raccoons being remarkably resilient to scoring if not specifically invited by the other team. Carreno hit a leadoff double in the bottom 5th for example that definitely went to waste. Of course, so much rank stupidity and/or gross ineptitude would be punished with the purple poopers in the house. Wheatley walked Schneller to begin the sixth, and Hernandez doubled in the tying run with two outs before overrunning second base and being slapped out on the way back there to end the inning, but the run had already scored by then.

Top 7th, Rick Price opened with a drive to left. Baskins made a leaping grab on the warning track, came down weirdly and slammed into the fence, then sat at the base of the fence, ball in glove, until he was picked up by Dr. Padilla and the medical cart. I reached for Slappy’s paw for comfort and he kindly squeezed mine. Maldonado moved to left, Ricky Jimenez took over third base, batting leadoff. Wheatley completed the inning, then was hit for to begin the bottom 7th in the 1-1 tie. Jose Cruz grounded out before Lazaro Cavazos walked both Jimenez and Ayala. Maldo grounded out in a full count, advancing the runners so that Toohey could strand them in scoring position with another groundout. Hey, another no-decision for Wheats! Neats. Dan Schneller homered off Zack Kelly to give the damn Elks the lead in the eighth, 2-1, while the increasingly annoying Raccoons got a 1-out walk drawn by Phinazee before Malkus fumbled Kilmer’s double play attempt for an error and a second runner. Carreno hit into a fielder’s choice, and Jose Zarate batted against new lefty reliever Ryan McConnell. He struck the 1-0 pitch to left, through Malkus, and up the line! Tying run in, here came Carreno, and it was a 2-out, 2-run, score-flipping double for Zarate …! Jimenez added an RBI single to center for good measure before Ayala grounded out, which sent out Josh Rella for the ninth. The Elks went in order, with two strikeouts. 4-2 Blighters. Jimenez 1-1, BB, RBI; Ayala 2-3, 2 BB; Zarate (PH) 1-1, 2B, 2 RBI; Wheatley 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 4 BB, 3 K;

Now the bad news – Derek Baskins had strained a hamstring on the landing, but at least hadn’t broken 15 bones on impacting the wall. He’d be out until late September, but Dr. Padilla thought him to come back in time for the playoffs.

So here was another outfielder to the DL, which the Raccoons would try to compensate with Gene Pellicano.

Game 3
VAN: 3B Malkus – RF C. Robinson – CF Outram – 2B Schneller – C Julio Diaz – 1B J. Lopez – LF J. Becker – SS Price – P Roeder
POR: SS Waters – 1B Ayala – LF Maldonado – RF Toohey – C Zarate – 2B Carreno – 3B Jimenez – CF Pellicano – P Jackson

Jackson was perfect the first time through, whiffing four, which gave him as much of a share of a potential win as Slappy or me, given that the Raccoons landed four hits in the first three innings, and frittered away all of them. Malkus then opened the fourth with a double of the wall, and with a Robinson single the damn Elks were on the corners. Outram fouled out behind the plate, though, and Schneller hit into a double play to keep them off the meaningful part of the board. Then Jackson’s spot came up with the bags full and one out in the bottom 4th. Zarate had double, Carreno walked, and Pellicano singled. Jackson struck out in a full count, something also run by Matt Waters before he grounded out to Schneller. The Coons had Ayala, Zarate, and Carreno on base in the fifth, then with two outs and Jimenez batting, and the somehow-ROTY from 2043 popping out to Schneller on the first pitch. – Maud, I can’t take it anymore! Do something! – … and there she went to bake some muffins. Better than nothing.

Two inept teams were still scorelessly entangled through six before the damn Elks got a leadoff single through the left side from Johnny Lopez in the seventh. And Justin Becker also singled. And Jackson nailed Price, loading them up with two outs. Clemente batted for Roeder, flying to left. Maldonado made the catch, then unleashed hellfire to home plate to strike down Lopez for a 7-2 double play and the 0-0 on the board persisting. The trailing runners moved up while switch-hitter Victor Vazquez batted for Malkus, popping out. THIS GAME! … Ayala opened the bottom 7th with a double into the rightfield corner, so here was more heartbreak coming. Maldo flew out, Toohey was bypassed. Zarate hit into a double play.

Jackson was done after 102 pitches. Chuck Jones retired the 2-3-4 in order in the eighth, while Carreno reached base in the bottom of the inning and was caught stealing. Jimenez singled with one out. Pellicano flew out. Tony Hunter pinch-hit for Jones, grounded to Riquenes, and reached on an error. Juan Vela balked the runners into scoring position. OH, THE TENSION. Matt Waters raked the first pitch to the left side – OVER RIQUENES – and up the line! Finally, runs! 2-run double for Matt Waters! RBI single for Ayala! And Maldo reached! And Toohey reached! And Zarate banged a Cavazos pitch off the fence for a bases-clearing double! WELL, NOW YOU GUYS CAN SCORE ALL THOSE RUNS?? Not only that, but Jon Craig also managed to not implode the damn Elks back into the game in the ninth, maintaining the shutout. 6-0 Raccoons. Waters 1-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Ayala 4-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Maldonado 2-5; Zarate 3-5, 2 2B, 3 RBI; Carreno 1-1, 4 BB; Jackson 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 5 K;

One of these days, a starting pitcher on this team will get a W.

One of these days.

Raccoons (77-49) vs. Condors (50-76) – August 26-28, 2044

We were 3-3 against the Condors this year, so I was looking into every nook and cranny for Mexican assassins as they came to Portland on Friday. They were second from the bottom in runs scored, and were allowing the absolute most runs in the CL. Their run differential was a crikey -150 (Critters: +147). The only thing the Condors were even remotely good at was the power department. They were third in the CL in dingers, with Ricky Espinoza leading the team with 18. He was also their only qualifying batter hitting better than .215 …

Projected matchups:
Sadaharu Okuda (14-5, 2.93 ERA) vs. Marc Hubbard (14-10, 4.12 ERA)
Corey Mathers (10-8, 3.65 ERA) vs. Tommy Kubik (7-13, 4.89 ERA)
Brent Clark (8-11, 3.60 ERA) vs. Aaron Howell (2-10, 4.59 ERA)

Another lefty scheduled for the middle game.

Game 1
TIJ: 2B H. Acosta – RF Waltz – 1B A. Zacarias – SS Espinoza – CF Ito – C T. Black – 3B Barcia – LF Rossi – P Hubbard
POR: 2B Carreno – 1B Ayala – LF Maldonado – RF Toohey – CF Phinazee – C Zarate – SS Hunter – 3B Cruz – P Okuda

Ex-Coon Rikuto Ito drew a leadoff walk in the second inning, Terry Black doubled off the fence (speaking of power…), and the Raccoons conceded a first run on Sergio Barcia’s groudout, but Okuda got poor outs from Nate Rossi and Hubbard to limit the damage. Portland had already stranded a pair in the first, then wasted a Zarate double to lead off the second. Hunter walked, Cruz hit into a double play, and Okuda was rung up, leaving Zarate on third base. The Coons kept scuffling, and the Condors got that first homer in the fifth inning, and it was… Marc Hubbard to take Okuda deep to right. – Maud, these muffins come just at the right time. But I must ask – did you put enough rat poison into them? – Aw.

Ito hit a 2-run homer in the sixth, cashing in a walk to Alex Zacarias to put the game more or less away at 4-0. Couldn’t say I hadn’t seen it coming, but that wouldn’t buy us a win, either. The Raccoons remained utterly *****. Maldonado singled in the bottom 6th, Phinazee walked, and then they croaked again. Okuda was knocked out in the seventh after Hubbard doubled off him (…!), and then it was of course Justin Waltz, the ******* dimwit, who drove in he extra run with a 2-out single off Preston Porter. Down 5-0, the team loaded the bases with Hunter, Cruz, and Carreno in the bottom 7th, but at that stage there was already a Hugo Acosta error involved. Ayala hit the first pitch he got back to Acosta, 4-6-3, inning over. Ricky Espinoza homered off Porter in the eighth, ending Porter’s spell of 16 scoreless innings. Hubbard finished a 7-hit shutout. 6-0 Condors. Phinazee 1-2, BB;

Let’s just say I visited the players in the clubhouse after the game and I had a good yell.

You could read all about it in Saturday’s Agitator. They had pictures of me unhinging my lower jaw, and of me sitting slumped against a locker and being tended to by Dr. Padilla and being waved cool air with a towel by Jose Cruz.

Game 2
TIJ: RF Waltz – C T. Black – 2B H. Acosta – SS Espinoza – CF Ito – 1B A. Zacarias – LF Reidinger – 3B Barcia – P Kubik
POR: SS Waters – 1B Ayala – LF Maldonado – RF Toohey – C Kilmer – 2B Carreno – 3B Jimenez – CF Pellicano – P Mathers

Kilmer was rung up to strand two in the opening inning for Portland, which was exactly the hot start I had been hoping for. At least Maud’s muffins became a lot more calming once laced with a hit of fly agaric extract. Ricky Jimenez hit a 1-out double to left in the second, Pellicano failed, but somehow Mathers clipped a 2-out RBI single for the first marker on the board.

While Mathers 2-hit the Condors through five innings and was rarely ever in real trouble, RBIs for Raccoons position players in this series remained excruciatingly absent. The 2-3-4 made another appalling appearance in the bottom 5th, after which “Kitten” Kubik opened the top 6th with a single and was doubled home by Terry Black, thus tying the game. On to the seventh, where Ito drew a leadoff walk, then was singled in by Barcia with two outs, because why not. Kubik came up, hit a looper to right, Toohey came on sliding, missed it, and that became a bouncer to the corner and a 2-out RBI triple. Waltz hit an RBI single to chase Mathers, but Nate Norris was no help whatsoever. Black singled. Acosta hit a gapper for a 2-run triple. Somehow Espinoza made an out, but did it matter anymore? Five 2-out runs, a 6-1 deficit, and another ******* stupid loss. For illustration purposes of what we mean by “another ******* stupid loss”, Pellicano opened the bottom 7th with a single off Kubik, then was doubled off by Tony Hunter. Jon Craig and Nelson Moreno combined for another two runs (one earned) in the ninth inning, not that anyone cared. The dejected fans had already left in disgust. Gene Pellicano hit a home run off Ricardo Marquez in the ninth inning. I remained frozen on the couch. 8-2 Condors. Pellicano 2-4, HR, RBI;

I sat frozen until Sunday afternoon for the final game in the set.

Game 3
TIJ: 2B H. Acosta – RF Waltz – 1B A. Zacarias – SS Espinoza – CF Ito – C T. Black – 3B Barcia – LF Rossi – P Howell
POR: 2B Waters – C Zarate – LF Maldonado – 1B Toohey – CF Phinazee – SS Hunter – 3B Jimenez – RF Anderson – P Clark

Clark walked three in the first inning, which wasn’t great, although the Condors’ run scored on a pickoff attempt by Zarate on Ricky Espinoza at first base, which hit Espinoza in the bum and bounced away, allowing Hugo Acosta to score from third base. I showed no reaction, being dead inside. Zarate had the common decency to draw a walk himself in the bottom 1st, to expose himself to the inevitable double play, but much the contrary Maldonado whacked a 2-run homer to right, the first sign of offense from the middle of the order in a few days. Howell walked the bags full with Hunter, Anderson, and Waters in the bottom 2nd, but by then there were also two outs on the Critters. Zarate batted, knew better than to hold out when ahead 2-0, and hit a ball up the middle. Acosta missed it narrowly, and the Raccoons got a 2-run single out of the whole shebang. Maldo grounded out, keeping it 4-1.

Jimenez doubled home Toohey for an extra run in the third inning, at which point it was clear that both pitchers were a hot mess. Howell walked five in three innings, allowing five runs on three hits. Clark had walked four, conceding the one run while not giving up a base hit yet, but he had already spun 60 pitches. Clark went 1-2-3 in the fourth, while Howell walked Maldo and Toohey, but got Phinazee to end the inning with a groundout. Tony Hunter’s leadoff walk in the bottom 5th was the NINTH walk given up by Howell in the game, and singles by Jimenez and Anderson loaded the bases. The Condors hung with him against Clark, who hit a sac fly, 6-1, then brought Steve Bass from the pen. Waters hit a single, Zarate drew a bases-loaded walk, and Maldonado jammed a ball into a double play to close out the fifth, up 7-1.

After throwing 60 pitches in three innings, Brent Clark threw 39 pitches in the next four, adding up to 99 through seven. He issued one walk in those four innings, and nothing else. The Raccoons’ staff shrugged and sent him to bat in the bottom 7th and back to the mound in the eighth. The no-hitter was broken up at once with Nate Rossi’s double to left to lead off the inning. Marty Reidinger pinch-hit for the pitcher, which was a lefty bat, so Clark would still face him, gave up a single, then was yanked. Norris replaced him and got out of the inning for nothing more than an Acosta sac fly in terms of runs scored, keeping the Coons ahead by five. Porter allowed two singles in the ninth, but otherwise put the Vultures down. 7-2 Raccoons. Jimenez 2-4, 2B, RBI; Anderson 2-2, 2 BB; Clark 7.0 IP, 2 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 5 BB, 6 K, W (9-11);


In other news

August 22 – MIL SP Mackenzie O’Toole (1-0, 3.43 ERA) pitches a 3-hit shutout in his first start of the season, shutting out the Crusaders in a 6-0 game.
August 24 – The Thunder beat the Bayhawks, 1-0, on just two singles. The astonishing part is the San Francisco team pouring out 11 hits, including two doubles, but not managing a single run.
August 25 – RIC 3B Josh Frazier (.271, 19 HR, 69 RBI) is out until about May with a badly broken elbow.
August 27 – Denver’s SP John Kennedy (11-5, 2.76 ERA) 2-hits the Cyclones in a 4-0 shutout.
August 27 – VAN C Julio Diaz (.288, 10 HR, 62 RBI) drives in four runs on three hits in the Canadiens’ 11-inning, 11-7 win over the Falcons, all in one stroke for a walkoff grand slam off Emmanuel Lizarraga (8-6, 3.65 ERA).
August 28 – OCT SP/MR Victor Marquez (5-9, 3.01 ERA) 2-hits the Loggers, striking out eight, in a 7-0 Thunder shutout.
August 28 – BOS SP Jamal Barrow (8-14, 3.76 ERA) is headed for Tommy John surgery and a full year on the shelf with a torn UCL.

FL Player of the Week: SAC 1B/LF/RF Eddie Moreno (.316, 32 HR, 103 RBI), crushing .400 (10-25) with 4 HR, 15 RBI
CL Player of the Week: ATL RF/LF Billy Hester (.252, 13 HR, 42 RBI), hitting .474 (9-19) with 8 RBI

Complaints and stuff

They say that you can’t win the division in the first half, you can only lose it. The Raccoons appear determined to prove them wrong. We’re merely 23-19 since the All Star Game, which remains not that much.

The weekend’s display against the Condors was utterly shambolic. That’s not how you have to even travel to Atlanta in October. I am even more incensed for the fact that they gave the Agitator another chance to run laps around us.

DO YOU HAVE NO COMMON DECENCY?? (hits Bryce Toohey with a rolled-up Agitator)

…

Next week: road trip to the east coast, hitting up Atlanta and New York. The rosters will expand for the latter series. The Knights have fallen to third place in the South, but I believe in four All Star starting pitchers more than anything else.

Fun Fact: Five years ago today, Salem centerfielder Armando Herrera had the first of his two 6-hit games in an 11-0 rush of the Miners.

Both of his 6-hit games actually came against the Miners.

Herrera, 30, is an excellent defensive centerfielder hitting .314/.366/.404 for his career. He has 1,685 hits, 20 homers, and 544 RBI. He also has won a myriad of Gold Gloves and the 2042 batting title.

With the Wolves collapsing and Herrera’s contract expiring, there’d be an excellent CF option on the market this winter…!