[Westheim]

I was still busy composing a 480-line poem in six-footed iambic hexameter to praise the Thunder’s elimination of the damn Elks in the CLCS when Nick Valdes’ angry notes about the 2050 season fluttered in.

In short, he wasn’t any happier than me about how the season had gone. He did appreciate being rewired an amount in excess of $10M that hadn’t been used from the 2050 budget, and to encourage further savings in the future (in spendings; not necessarily in wins), he slashed the new budget from $53M, which had been seventh in the league, all the way down to $45.5M, merely 14th in the league.

Yey.

This would be the Coons’ lowest budget in six years, although in all fairness they were also at their low point for the last six years (and beyond). In fact, it had been *17* years between seasons of 88 losses or more, with that absolutely putrid 68-94 campaign in 2032 being the low mark prior to 2050. Back then we had not had any pitching whatsoever, and 2050 hadn’t been too dissimilar.

Anyway, in blunt money and budget terms, the Raccoons were no longer a big-buck team, although we knew that it wasn’t about having the biggest, it was more about technique! …and we had also shrunk our payroll in the last few years and it was expected to go down even further, but more on that later on. First, a look at the other teams in the league in terms of disposable dosh:

Top 5: Gold Sox ($71M), Miners ($67M), Canadiens ($64M), Thunder ($64M); Stars ($60M),

The bottom of the league was brought up by the Falcons ($36M), Wolves ($34M), Aces ($33M), Indians ($32.5M), and Loggers ($28M).

Missing from the CL North at this point were only the Titans (8th, $49M) and Crusaders (t-11th, $46.5M).

The average budget for a team in the league rose to $47.61M, up $610k from last season. The median team budget was $46.25M, up $1.5M from last season.

+++

There weren’t many free agent and arbitration cases coming up this year. Only three free agents, in fact, and none of them considered a key to success right now. Danny Landeta had always just been a toss-in from the Thunder that was dutifully used by a bottom-feeding team and could now go wherever he damn well pleased. Preston Porter had been a staple of the ring-gobbling Coons, but had been through a wretched couple of years since. And Matt Watt had worked quite well as leadoff man for a few years, but in 2050 had dumped his slash line to .220/.346/.262, a drop of 66 points of OBP compared to ’49, and 114 points of OPS. He *was* a switch-hitter, and for that alone was maybe still gonna get an offer, but the voices in my head were still feverishly debating that one.

As far as arbitration candidates were concerned, there were only four of those either, including three pitchers and defensive backup catcher Juan Jimenez. No big complaints about Jimenez; he had not been expected to hit for a Platinum Stick, and that was about that. Anything that could keep the pitching in shape, really. So he would be back. Same for Bubba Wolinsky and Kevin Hitchcock, both being no-brainers.

And then there was Bob Ibold. He, too, like Porter, had been a key part to success in the seventh/eighth inning area of Raccoons’ championship teams of the previous decade, and then basically his arm came off. He pitched like arse coming off almost a full season on the DL in September 2049, and then for another 40 innings in 2050 before being dumped to the Alley Cats, where, plainly, it didn’t get any better. He was all over the place, Pat Degenhardt had some harsh words about him, as did Dr. Padilla, and the Raccoons at this point had to sigh and let him go. Or so you’d think. Might he get an offer still? (twitches)

Meanwhile, the books were almost clean. Ignoring minimum contracts and arbitration cases, the Raccoons entered the offseason with just SIX guaranteed contracts totaling $19.58M exactly, which was frighteningly close to half the budget. Those six were starters Jason Wheatley ($3.5M) and Victor Merino ($1.5M), reliever Julian Ponce ($1.7M), catcher Ruben Gonzalez ($1.4M), middle infielder Matt Waters ($1.98M), and old man Jesus Maldonado ($5.5M). This was to be the final guaranteed season on Maldo’s big 7-year deal. (pretends that Maldo wouldn’t fire the 2052 player option)

To be honest, of those six contracts, about four look pretty dodgy at this point…..

So, give or take a Matt Watt, half the roster is gonna be minimums next season unless we can find some neat things on the market. And, ho, do we need neat things…

The Critters came tenth in runs scored and ninth in runs allowed in the CL in 2050, with a -79 run differential. Our expected record would have been 72-90, last in the North when we actually came tied for fourth with the Loggers and two ahead of the Indians. (As an aside, while we got allocated a worse pick than the Loggers for the 2051 draft, we still lucked into beating out the Condors and Scorpions, who also finished 74-88, and got the #8 pick for our troubles) Bottoms in extra-base hits, second from the bottom in OBP and slugging, bottoms in walks… the only upsides with the stickmen was that they didn’t strike out (third in CL) and stole just nine tenths of a bag per game (second in CL), with almost half the thievery committed by Lonzo.

Pitching-wise we came second in strikeouts, fifth in balls, fifth in pen ERA, and virtually all other stats were essentially crummy, ninth in the league, give or take a spot. The rotation and pen needed makeovers, but so did the lineup. The outfield was an embarrassment especially. How much of an embarrassment? Well. Matt ******* Glodowski led the outfielders in OPS. By *a lot*.

Matt ******* Glodowski!!

Jesus H. Christ……