[Westheim]

Raccoons (0-0) vs. Titans (0-0) – April 1-3, 2052

The Raccoons got to open the season on Monday this time, and would host the Titans, whom they had just debareled, for a set of three games. The Titans had finished bottoms in the offseason WAR gains table and were not expected to go anywhere nice this year. They also opened the season against the two CLCS teams from last year, so there was that on top of everything else. Last year, this set had been 9-9 at the end of it all.

Projected matchups:
Jason Wheatley (0-0) vs. Kyle Turay (0-0)
David Barel (0-0) vs. Thomas Turpeau (0-0)
Victor Salcido (0-0) vs. Jamie Guidry (0-0)

After the right-hander Turay, we’d straight up be served two southpaws.

Game 1
BOS: 2B Whitlow – SS A. Montes de Oca – LF D. Gonzalez – 1B L. Rodriguez – RF T. Lopez – C R. Gonzalez – CF Bumpus – 3B J. Rodriguez – P Turay
POR: LF del Toro – SS Lavorano – CF Puckeridge – 1B Crum – 2B Waters – 3B DeMarco – RF Maldonado – C Suggs – P Wheatley

The season was fun for exactly eight batters. Nobody reached in the first inning, and Larry Rodriguez reached on an error by Nick DeMarco to begin the top 2nd. Wheatley retired Tony Lopez and Ruben Gonzalez, who got a nice enough hand during introductions, but didn’t throw another pitch and instead waved for the attention of Dr. Padilla, who would after a brief consultation disappear in the tunnel with Wheats. While Paul Miles warmed up on the mound, I stoically opened a bottle of Capt’n Coma and muttered curses onto the baseball gods, which they’d surely appreciate. Miles was also the first Raccoon to reach base with a single through the left side in the bottom 3rd in what only lacked a bullpen blowout to inch itself into the top echelon of worst Opening Days ever.

Angel Montes de Oca obeyed and hit a 2-out, 3-run homer in the fifth inning to break the ice on the season. Ahead of him, Jose Rodriguez had doubled to right and Eric Whitlow (who?) had drawn a full-count walk. Miles finished the inning, then was hit for with one gone in the bottom 5th after Maldo and Suggs hit singles off Turay. Ed Crispin grounded into an inning-ending 4-6-3, which sugged. Frankly, everything sugged. The top six in the Coons lineup stretched their non-hitting off Turay to 0-for-15 before DeMarco hit a 1-out single in the bottom 7th – that was with Ken Crum getting hit by Turay… twice. Maldo lined out to Jose Rodriguez, Suggs grounded out to Whitlow.

But the game had more to give; the Coons’ pen with Snyder, Sencion, and Johns held the line in the 3-0 game through eight innings before Turay finally laid an egg and gave up a leadoff jack to a new batter in the #9 hole in the bottom 8th – Matt Glodowski. The 1-2-3 batters then immediately went about extending their oh-fers, and it didn’t get any better in the ninth against Eddie Sotelo; Crum, Waters, and DeMarco went in order. 3-1 Titans. Glodowski 1-1, HR, RBI; Wheatley 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K; Johns 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

Don’t shoot the messenger – Dr. Padilla wasn’t 100% whether he could trust me with that one and sent Cristiano Carmona with the news instead.

Wheats is gonna miss two months? – Shoulder tendinitis? – Maybe three?

(pulls out the blunderbuss from under the desk and Cristiano spins around in his wheelchair to seek safety in flight) – Stop it, Cristiano! Come back! I’m not shooting you! – Come here. – Come here. – (hands Cristiano the blunderbuss and then dramatically tears off his shirt to expose his hairy chest) – Come on, Cristiano! Be a ******* man! Right in the heart!!!

Cristiano refused, and so I was left to put Wheats on the DL. The Coons had Thursday off and then the Monday two weeks from now, which made for ten games in between, which sugged. We’d probably bring back Kyle Brobeck for that, but for the rest of this series added another reliever in Matt Dixon, who flew to Florida in the morning and flew back to Oregon in the evening on this ****** Monday.

Game 2
BOS: 2B Whitlow – SS A. Montes de Oca – RF T. Lopez – 1B L. Rodriguez – C R. Gonzalez – LF D. Gonzalez – CF Bumpus – 3B J. Rodriguez – P Turpeau
POR: CF del Toro – SS Lavorano – LF Crum – 2B Waters – RF Glodowski – C Suggs – 1B Maldonado – 3B DeMarco – P Barel

Straight singles by Lonzo, Crum, and Waters plated a run for Portland in the first inning before Glodowski walked and Suggs grounded into an inning-foiling double play, which sugged. In the fourth, Maldo walked, scored on a DeMarco double, and Barel singled home the third baseman for a 3-0 lead. At that point Barel not only had an RBI, which tied him for the team lead, but also a perfect game with six strikeouts, although Ruben Gonzalez’ single up the middle took that away in the fifth inning.

Bottom 5th, the Coons loaded them up with straight singles by the 3-4-5 batters and one out, which brought back Suggs in a double play situation. He popped out this time, but Maldo also tamely flew out to Tony Lopez, which wasn’t helping. The Coons stranded another pair in the sixth when Lonzo flew out to Lopez and left DeMarco and del Toro on the corners, and Lopez then dropped a single in the seventh inning, which extended the Titans’ time at-bat long enough for Ruben Gonzalez to bury a 2-out, 2-run homer in the leftfield stands.

With the score down to 3-2, the Raccoons had another three on, one out situation in the bottom 7th. Turpeau gave up a double to Waters, then was lifted for Gabe Blanco, who walked Suggs and nicked Maldo to fill the sacks. DeMarco brought home a run with a grounder up the middle. Jason Lettner at short only had a play on Maldo. Pucks batted for Barel, but grounded out, and the tying runs were on against Justin Johns in the eighth inning as Adam Bumpus singled and Lettner in the #9 hole drew a walk. With Elias Rodriguez (how many Rodriguezes do you need on a roster??) pinch-hitting for Whitlow, the Coons went to lefty Brett Lillis jr., who gave up a first-pitch single over Lonzo, then walked in a run against Ian Davison, 4-3. Exit Lillis, enter Paul Crisler, and also enter a score-flipping Tony Lopez double into leftfield, and your scorecard at home. And a 2-run single for Larry Rodriguez.

The Coons entered the bottom 9th against Eddie Sotelo with a 3-run deficit, but after Waters popped out, both Suzuki and Crispin jabbed pinch-hit singles. Maldo came up as the tying run with one gone, but grounded out to Larry Rodriguez. DeMarco, though! Sharp grounder to the left side, and through…! It went for a 2-run double, and put the tying run in scoring position for … well, pinch-hitter Tyler Philipps. Who grounded out. 7-6 Titans. Crum 3-5; Waters 3-5, 2B, RBI; Suzuki (PH) 1-1; Crispin (PH) 1-1; DeMarco 2-4, BB, 2 2B, 4 RBI; Barel 7.0 IP, 3 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 9 K and 1-2, RBI;

Game 3
BOS: 2B Whitlow – SS A. Montes de Oca – LF D. Gonzalez – 1B L. Rodriguez – RF T. Lopez – C R. Gonzalez – CF Bumpus – 3B J. Rodriguez – P Guidry
POR: 2B Waters – SS Lavorano – CF Puckeridge – LF Crum – 3B DeMarco – RF Glodowski – 1B Maldonado – C Philipps – P Salcido

Salcido struck out four against two hits the first time through, then smacked a leadoff double to left in the bottom 3rd to get the ******* offense going. Waters singled, putting runners on the corners, and Lonzo made it 1-0 with a sac fly to Lopez in deep right. That was all we got in the inning, however, and running the bases also messed up Salcido’s pitching, which soon led to a leadoff double in Larry Rodriguez’ and Boston’s own right in the top 4th, then two walks straightaway. Bumpus’ comebacker was taken for an out at home, but Salcido ran another full count against Jose Rodriguez, who ended up flying out to right. Glodowski made the catch, then fired home to strike down Tony Lopez and end the inning in 9-2 style. Salcido barely completed five innings of shutout ball in the end, with nothing but long counts to finish the outing. All in all, he walked four and struck out seven for over 100 pitches.

Snyder and Dixon offered scoreless innings against the Titans after that, but the offense remained on vacation until Juan del Toro batted for Dixon with nobody on and two outs in the bottom 7th, homering to right-center for his first in a Coons shirt. Eloy Sencion turned away the Titans’ 1-2-3 on five pitches in the eighth inning, and Hitchcock axed the Titans in order as well in the ninth to finally break into that win column… 2-0 Coons. Waters 2-4, 2B; DeMarco 1-2, BB; del Toro (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI;

Lick wounds. Rinse, repeat.

Maybe with better results.

Raccoons (1-2) vs. Condors (1-3) – April 5-7, 2052

The Condors had lost three of four to the Aces to begin the season, scoring 18 runs and giving up a league-worst 29 markers. Eh, it was early. They had also stolen seven bases, while the Coons had yet to get a single one, but that also had to do with Lonzo and Pucks batting a combined 1-for-21 against Boston… The Coons had won this series last year, 6-3, and in fact had a 7-year winning streak going on against the Condors.

Projected matchups:
Seisaku Taki (0-0) vs. Hyuma Hitomi (0-0)
Rafael de la Cruz (0-0) vs. Omar Lara (0-1, 6.00 ERA)
Kyle Brobeck (0-0) vs. Larry Colwell (0-1, 10.50 ERA)

The opener would see two Japanese pitcher that both made their first ABL start; although Hitomi had already pitched out of the pen for the Condors in 2051. Lara was the third southpaw we’d get to see this week.

Game 1
TIJ: SS C. Navarro – 1B G. Cabrera – C Mittleider – LF T. Duncan – CF Ransford – RF Blackburn – 2B Steel – 3B Chapa – P Hitomi
POR: LF del Toro – SS Lavorano – CF Puckeridge – 1B Crum – 2B Waters – 3B DeMarco – RF Maldonado – C Suggs – P Taki

Taki’s major league career began with three groundouts in the first inning before Tim Duncan socked a double to open the second. Dustin Ransford’s pop to short, and two poor outs from Brian Blackburn and Jesse Steel, however, stranded the runner right there in place. Then a Waters error put Luis Chapa on board to begin the third inning. After a Hitomi bunt, Taki was swatted for singles by Chris Navarro, Jon Mittleider, and Duncan, and gave up two unearned runs. The Coons had yet to get on base, and only did so in the fourth inning with a leadoff walk drawn by del Toro. Lonzo forced him out with a grounder, but stole second base. Pucks walked, but Crum popped out and Waters grounded out to end the inning. It took the old man Maldonado to get a hit on the board in the fifth inning, but his 1-out double also led nowhere nice and he was also flatout stranded in scoring position.

While Taki held the Condors where they were and allowed no base hits in the middle innings of the game, the Coons stirred again with two outs in the bottom 6th. Pucks singled to right. Ken Crum scratched out a shy single to left. Waters hit a ball up the rightfield line, but couldn’t quite beat Blackburn to the fence; while Pucks scored on the double, Crum had to hold at third base with the tying run, and there he remained once Duncan clutched a fly by DeMarco.

…and while Seisomething Taki pitched his arm off in his debut and didn’t allow any base hits in the last three innings of the game either, the Raccoons just kept failing. Pucks erred into scoring position with a hit in the eighth inning, but was also left there by Crum, and then it was already the ninth against right-hander Kevin Daley. Waters led off with a sharp single to center, putting that tying run on base again. DeMarco worked a walk, Maldo worked a double play, and Ed Crispin batted for Suggs, and ended the game with a foul pop behind home plate that was shagged by Mittleider. 2-1 Condors. Puckeridge 2-3, BB; Waters 2-4, 2B, RBI; Taki 9.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 6 K;

Complete-game effort, no earned runs allowed, and an L … (pats Taki on the back) You had to blend right in, didn’t you?

Game 2
TIJ: SS C. Navarro – 1B G. Cabrera – C Mittleider – LF T. Duncan – CF Ransford – RF Blackburn – 2B Whitehurst – 3B Lamotta – P O. Lara
POR: 2B Waters – SS Lavorano – LF del Toro – 3B DeMarco – CF Puckeridge – RF Glodowski – 1B Maldonado – C Suggs – P de la Cruz

Both teams scored in the first; Duncan doubled home Chris Navarro, who had walked to open the contest, while a Nathan Whitehurst error allowed Matt Waters across, with Waters having socked a leadoff double himself. The Critters then went up 2-1 in the second; Glodowski led off with another double to right, advanced on Maldo’s groundout, and then went home when Suggs hit a sac fly to Ransford. But the play at the plate was contested and the Condors disagreed with the safe call, angrily fluttering with their wings and crowing at the umpire.

Raffy offered more leadoff walks to Navarro in the third and Duncan in the fourth, but both were doubled up to short-circuit those innings, although in the latter case not until Whitehurst batted with one out after another walk to Ransford. Ex-Coon Ricky Lamotta also reached base leading off the fifth, but that was with a single. He was stranded with a bunt and two groundouts. By the sixth, we were back to a leadoff walk to Mittleider, and I was about ready to have a good old manly cry. AGAIN the Condors found a double play, this one started by Raffy on a comebacker, to dissipate the free runner, but then Raffy nicked Ransford, who stole second, and was singled home to tie the game by Blackburn…

Raffy departed after ANOTHER leadoff walk to Lamotta in the seventh. Paul Crisler worked out of the inning and kept the game tied at two. The Coons were also still at two in the H column, which wasn’t exactly the thrill I was seeking. Maldo did offer a third base hit with a single to center in the bottom 7th, which also sent Glodowski to third base with two outs against George Youngblood, who struck out Suggs, which sugged. Everything sugged.

At least the pen worked, sorta. Crisler, Lillis, and Hitchcock kept the Condors from scoring any more than they already had up to this point through nine innings, and the Coons brought the 3-4-5 batters to the plate against righty Aaron Erwin in the bottom of that inning. Del Toro hit a bouncer that bounced over Whitehurst’s glove and thus also bounced del Toro’s average over the good ol’ .100 mark. He was caught stealing, DeMarco whiffed, Pucks popped out, and we got to extra innings. Eloy Sencion got the ball, imploded for a Navarro double, two walks, and a run, and was only bailed out by Justin Johns. The 3-2 lead went to right-hander Adrian West in the bottom 10th. Suzuki, Maldo, and Crispin went in order without creating much of a headache for the Condors. 3-2 Condors. Glodowski 1-2, 2B, RBI;

All the headaches to me…! (slightly mangles the consonants with a bottle of booze in each paw)

Game 3
TIJ: SS C. Navarro – 1B G. Cabrera – LF T. Duncan – CF Ransford – RF Blackburn – 2B Whitehurst – C Robbinson – 3B Chapa – P Colwell
POR: LF del Toro – CF DeMarco – RF Puckeridge – 1B Crum – 2B Waters – 3B Crispin – SS Sivertson – C Philipps – P Brobeck

Sixth game, sixth different starting pitcher for the Coons. (sour look) Brobeck scattered three hits to the Condors in the first three innings before the Raccoons got any, then put the 7-8-9 batters on base with three straight singles to begin the bottom of the third inning. Juan del Toro was still new here and didn’t yet know what to do as a real Coon with three on and nobody out, so he peppered a homer to left. GRAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!

Brobeck didn’t allow base hits in the middle innings, but instead had to contend with errors by Sivertson and Crum behind him, but kept the Condors off the bases. When Whitehurst led off the seventh with a sharp single to left, he was out of the game though, having thrown 93 pitches and with lefty hitters coming up in the 4-0 game. Lillis got the ball, two outs, but then walked PH Carmem Barrento. Crisler came on for Navarro at the top of the order, entering in a triple switch in the #6 hole, with Sivertson to third base and Lonzo in at short. Lonzo then promptly almost got pummeled by a rushing DeMarco on a pop into shallow center and only got out of the way at the last second, while DeMarco made the catch to end the inning. Crisler and Miles both put a batter on base in the eighth inning then, but were bailed out by Justin Johns, and by the way, no, we were not skipping any precious offensive moments by the Critters here; it was still del Toro’s slam and absolutely nothing ******* else until Ken Crum yanked a solo homer to right with two outs in the eighth. Johns finished the game in the ninth inning, which even gave him a 5-out save, since he came into the game four ahead with two on base. 5-0 Coons. Del Toro 1-3, BB, HR, 4 RBI; Philipps 2-3; Lavorano 1-1; Brobeck 6.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K, W (1-0) and 1-1; Johns 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, SV (1);

In other news

April 2 – The Capitals’ new addition of 3B Randy Wilken (.636, 2 HR, 10 RBI) introduces himself in style in a 19-3 drumming of the Blue Sox, going 5-for-6 with two homers, a double, two singles, and a whopping 8 RBI.
April 2 – LVA SP Chris Cornelius (0-0, 0.00 ERA) is expected to miss most if not all of the season for surgery to relief radial nerve compression.
April 2 – A double by Charlotte’s Mike Allegood (.375, 0 HR, 0 RBI) is all that stands between ATL SP Kodai Koga (1-0, 1.13 ERA) and a potential no-hitter. As it is, the Knights employ CL David Hardaway (0-0, 0.00 ERA, 2 SV) to close out the 4-1 win.
April 5 – Another combined 1-hitter, this time for NYC SP Jeff Johnson (1-0, 0.00 ERA) and CL Ryan Sullivan (0-0, 4.50 ERA, 1 SV), the former allowing a third-inning single to CHA OF Oscar Caballero (.118, 0 HR, 3 RBI) and nothing else in the Crusaders’ 2-0 win.

FL Player of the Week: TOP 2B/SS Tony Aparicio (.423, 4 HR, 6 RBI)
CL Player of the Week: LVA 3B/SS Jeremy Welter (.462, 2 HR, 11 RBI)

Complaints and stuff

Early signs for trouble included the Raccoons being bottom of the division on Friday, while the Loggers were in first place. Yeah, yeah, early days… No, I meant trouble for the universe and humanity as a whole…!

But here’s a tidbit worth a chuckle – the Coons are in last place with a +2 run differential! (giggles)

(giggles)

(giggles harder)

I can’t (giggles) breathe…!! (giggles ever more)

(cough!)

Next week, Thunder and Elks. I’m afraid.

Fun Fact: The Coons are in last place while holding four starting pitchers with an ERA of ******* zero.

Salcido didn’t allow a run. Brobeck didn’t allow a run. Taki didn’t allow an earned run in a complete-game loss. Wheats didn’t allow a run, but didn’t have much chance to.

And my eyes are already getting wet again.