BNN Weekly Report
This Week in the CBO, BMU, and GBRL
by Nat Wright-Kawolski
11 April 2023
Angelwings Gets His Angel Wings
It's a wild, wild world, and we are lucky to be in it. It is not every day that we have to report sad news, but a GBRL player for the Neponset Park Criticals, a Salem Witch Hats affiliate, has passed away due to injuries from an explosion.
According to an official statement from the Salem organization, Andrew Angelwings, a second-year player and the 38th overall pick in the 2301 Rookie Draft, died after mistaking a baseball grenade as a baseball with loose strings.
Angelwings purportedly pulled the pin of the baseball grenade believing it to be a loose string. The baseball grenade then exploded in his hand, rendering him lifeless.
Angelwings was preceded in death by his parents, Arch and Earth Angelwings; his brothers, Chicken, Buffalo, Broken, and Red; and his sisters, Acute, Try, Los, and Rekt.
The Criticals plan to honor Angelwings by retiring his #29. Salem is considering honoring that same retirement with the permission of current reliever John Peters. Peters had indicated he would not take action until he heard three crows.
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Note: By my dice rules, I roll for special occurrences. In this case, I rolled an incident at the GBRL level: random numbered team, random numbered player on team, and then the dice roll determines the severity of the event. Well, a single 6 equals one year, but a second 6 is a multiplier with a third six being a career ender. A fourth six is a no doubt death. He's the second quadruple 6 naturally rolled in my league.
