[Westheim]

Raccoons (5-8) @ Canadiens (9-2) – April 20-22, 2054

The only thing worse than starting the season like the Coons had done was to see the damn stinking Elks in first place with an excellent start… and then having to send the boys up there, where judging by how it had been going so far (splendidly! No panic whatsoever!), they’d catch at least frostbite and perhaps a few more digits for that ghastly rotation ERA… The Elks had beaten the Coons 10-8 last season, and so far had allowed the fewest runs in the CL, while scoring the fifth-most, with a +18 run differential (Coons: -9). The Elks had Dan Mullen on the DL, while the Raccoons carried around Ken Crum on the roster. He was unlikely to appear in this series at all.

Projected matchups:
Arthur Pickett (0-0, 3.75 ERA) vs. Terry Herman (0-1, 1.20 ERA)
Kyle Brobeck (0-0, 4.15 ERA) vs. Jesse Bulas (1-0, 4.72 ERA)
Seisaku Taki (1-2, 7.02 ERA) vs. Andy Overy (2-0, 2.02 ERA)

Overy would only be the second left-handed opponent we came up against this year.

Game 1
POR: 3B Venegas – SS Lavorano – 2B Waters – LF Puckeridge – C Gowin – 1B Ramsay – RF Cox – CF Suzuki– P Pickett
VAN: CF D. Moreno – 1B Wheeler – 2B Aparicio – C Waker – RF Magnussen – 3B F. Marquez – LF T. Turner – SS Uranga – P Herman

Lonzo hit a single and stole second in the opening inning, but was left on base. Things went better in the second inning, with Gowin, Ramsay, and Suzuki loading the bases with a bunch of singles before Tony Aparicio dove but missed a Pickett grounder for another single, that one scoring the game’s first run. Herman walked in the second run against Anton Venegas, but then Lonzo popped out to Aparicio and Waters flew out to Adam Magnussen to strand three runners. It didn’t take long for the gobby Elks to draw even again facing Tommy Pickett, who gave up a leadoff double to Tristan Waker in the bottom 2nd, conceding that run on two groundouts, and then Pickett blundered a Jose Uranga grounder to begin the bottom 3rd, and the Elks would push that run around to score as well with the help of a Damian Moreno single. Finally in the bottom 4th, Waker walked and Tim Turner cranked a 2-run six-pointer to dead-center, giving the Elks a 4-2 lead, and leaving me back home in Portland with a desire to call 9-9-9 for assistance…

Assistance was duly rendered by the top of the order to begin the fifth inning. Venegas singled, Lonzo got nicked, a double steal put them in scoring position, and Matt Waters obliged with a 2-run single to right, evening the score at four. Another double by Pucks put two in scoring position again. Gowin’s sac fly gave the Coons a 5-4 lead, but the inning fizzled out from there. The union jack would be lowered in the bottom 6th; Waker singled to right to lead off, but was forced out by Magnussen. Ball four to Felix Marquez ended Pickett’s day before tea time, however, and the ball went to Sencion for the left-handers at the bottom of the pile. He got Turner to ground out before inexplicably walking both Jose Uranga and PH Ricky Jimenez (!) to tie the game. Pucks secured a Moreno fly to end the inning, all even at five. Alfaro also walked a pair in the bottom 7th, but had Mikio Suzuki haul in a couple of dangerous fly balls to at least not allow any runs… Dan Lawrence and Brett Lillis jr. exchanged scoreless eighth innings, but the Coons still couldn’t reach base against Ruben Mendez the inning after. The Elks then walked off against Jason Terrell, who retired nobody. Moreno singled to center, Jeff Wheeler walked, and Aparicio hit another single to center that brought the curtains down. 6-5 Canadiens.

Everybody in the lineup – including Pickett – had exactly one base hit. I would have preferred a W.

Game 2
POR: SS Lavorano – CF Suzuki – 2B Waters – LF Puckeridge – C Gowin – 1B Ramsay – RF Cox – 3B Crispin – P Brobeck
VAN: CF D. Moreno – 1B Wheeler – 2B Aparicio – C Waker – LF K. Hawkins – RF Magnussen – 3B F. Marquez – SS Uranga – P Bulas

Brobeck got a 2-0 lead when he took the mound, courtesy of the 3-4-5 batters cluttering the bases in the top 1st after two outs were made, and then Ramsay finding a cozy spot to hit a single to in shallow rightfield, plating a pair to triple his annual RBI total to three. Brobeck promptly walked two Elks in the bottom 1st, although a double play bailed him out there. Felix Marquez drew a 2-out walk in the bottom 2nd and went for third base on Uranga’s single to right, but was thrown out there by Matt Cox. Tony Lopez 2.0 then doubled with one out in the fourth inning, but Crispin couldn’t get him home. Brobeck did, though, singling to center to extend his lead to 3-0. Lonzo reached on an error, but Suzuki grounded out to end the inning. Ed Crispin was batting again with the bases loaded in the fifth after the 5-6-7 batters had all flocked on base with two outs, but again had nothing countable to offer, grounding out to Aparicio.

The Elks reached the scoreboard in the bottom 5th then, getting going with 2-strike leadoff singles by Marquez and Uranga. The runners were in motion on a 3-2 pitch to Bulas (which in itself was a sad point to reach), who struck out, but Gowin for reasons only sounding logical in his own numb skull tried to throw out Marquez at third base. Instead he fired the ball past Crispin for an error, a run scored, and Uranga moved to third base. Damian Moreno’s wallbanger triple in right-center narrowed the score to 3-2, Brobeck fumbled Wheeler on base with four balls, and then somehow bailed out when Aparicio found another 6-4-3 double play to hit into, with the Critters still 3-2 ahead.

Top 6th, Brobeck led off and reached base when Uranga threw away his grounder for two free bases. The Elks walked the Coons’ RBI leader, Lonzo, but Bulas got burned by Suzuki with an RBI double to left, 4-2. Two in scoring position, nobody out, the Coons managed to not score any more runs with three absolutely pathetic groundouts in a row, at which point I tried to suffocate myself with a pillow, which somehow refused to work, and Honeypaws was unwilling to render assistance either. At least Brobeck retired another eight Elks before Tristan Waker’s 2-out single in the bottom 8th sent him to bed after 111 pitches. Kyle Hawkins flew out to left against Sencion to end the inning. Sencion also collected a groundout from Magnussen before Daley entered the bottom 9th with a third of the job already done. Marquez hit a single, but Uranga and Dan Riley grounded out to end the game and level the series. 4-2 Raccoons. Puckeridge 2-5; Ramsay 2-4, 2 RBI; Brobeck 7.2 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 5 BB, 5 K, W (1-0) and 1-4, RBI;

Brobeck’s performance is only worth mentioning because we’ve been fiendishly starved for ANY pitching performance that didn’t move one to tears…

For the rubber game, the Coons managed to put Ken Crum together so far that he could at least man first base, where not a lot of throwing duty was to be expected, giving Ramsay the day off against the southpaw.

Game 3
POR: LF Venegas – SS Lavorano – 2B Waters – 1B Crum – RF Puckeridge – 3B Blackshire – C Philipps – CF de Lemos – P Taki
VAN: CF D. Moreno – 1B Wheeler – 2B Aparicio – LF K. Hawkins – RF Magnussen – 3B F. Marquez – C Julio Diaz – SS Uranga – P Overy

Crum singled to begin the top 2nd, but was forced out by Pucks and the inning led nowhere in particular. The Coons would do the double steal with Venegas and Lonzo and then a 2-run single by Waters again in the third inning, but by then that merely tied the game at two after Taki had taken another one to the snout in the bottom 2nd, offering a single, a walk, and then having Philipps bobble a pitch for a passed ball. Bobbleheads, all o’ them! – The Elks went on to plate both runners on a sac fly by Uranga and a 2-out single by Overy (…), then took a 5-2 lead in the bottom 3rd on a huge homer by Marquez. (picks up the phone to call the office) – Yes, Cristiano? Can you check the contract with… yes, do we have a return policy for Taki to send him back to the Fukushima Lemon Biters? – I thought so. – (calmly puts down the phone and cries into a pillow)

Taki fooled his way into the fourth, but was sent packing with 2-out singles by Wheeler and Aparicio. Hawkins grounded out against Lillis, while the Coons made up a run in the top 5th with some sod or other on base (it was hard to see with wet eyes) and Hawkins dropping a fly ball for a 2-base error. Top 6th, a Venegas triple and Lonzo single narrowed the score further to 5-4, but Lonzo was left on base. The tying run was on again in the eighth inning when the Elks still had Dan Lawrence left over from the seventh, but once Suzuki batted for de Lemos, they went to Bernardino Risso. Suzuki reached, if only on an error, then was thrown out at second base on a failed hit-and-run with Ramsay hitting for the pitcher in the #9 hole. Both Ramsay and Venegas made outs to end the inning. Hitchcock held the Elks to their 1-run lead in the bottom 8th, while it was Ruben Mendez against the 2-3-4 batters in the ninth. Lonzo grounded out, but Waters singled. Crum forced out the lead runner with another grounder, but Pucks singled and sent Crum to third base with two outs. Ed Crispin batted for Blackshire against the right-hander Mendez, but struck out, and that was that… 5-4 Canadiens. Venegas 2-5, 3B; Lavorano 2-3, RBI; Waters 2-5, 2 RBI; Crum 2-5, 2B; Bak 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

Blargh.

Raccoons (6-10) @ Knights (9-7) – April 24-26, 2054

The Knights had a negative run differential (-6) with the third-most runs allowed in the CL, but the Coons were still worst in that regard. With them, it was a highly explosive bullpen though, the rotation ranked second in ERA. They ranked fifth in runs scored (Coons: 3rd). The Raccoons had won the season series three years running, 6-3 in 2053.

Projected matchups:
Jason Wheatley (0-3, 6.00 ERA) vs. Jeremy Baker (1-1, 4.05 ERA)
He Shui (1-2, 6.11 ERA) vs. Matt Weber (2-1, 3.60 ERA)
Arthur Pickett (0-0, 4.67 ERA) vs. Carlos Malla (2-0, 4.08 ERA)

Here came the southpaws – ex-Coon Baker to start the series, and almost-Coon Malla to end it with a Southpaw Sunday.

Game 1
POR: LF Venegas – SS Lavorano – 2B Waters – 1B Crum – C Gowin – 3B Blackshire – RF Cox – CF de Lemos – P Wheatley
ATL: CF Alade – C Almaguer – SS W. Acosta – 1B J. Rogers – LF Kirkwood – RF Wada – 3B Villacorta – 2B Housey – P J. Baker

While Wheats walked the leadoff batter Jon Alade and bailed out with a 4-6-3 double play hit into by Pedro Almaguer in the first, the Coons couldn’t score in the second with the benefit of a leadoff walk to Ken Crum, a passed ball AND a wild pitch on the Knights’ confused battery. Jay Rogers’ leadoff double to left in the bottom 2nd did lead to a run on two productive groundouts, and here Wheats was, trailing again. And, Wheats, honey, I don’t want to sound smart or anything, but maybe try to NOT put the leadoff man on base from time to time? The Knights’ leadoff batter reached in EVERY ******* INNING (but the fifth), with leadoff walks in the third and fourth, the latter leading to the Georgians’ second run with a wild pitch and two more HELPFUL outs, and again in the sixth, although then Rogers found another double play to wobble into. Baker by then was in a real groove, holding the Raccoons to two hits and a walk, and certainly no runs. Wheats pitched the seventh, putting on the leadoff batter the sixth out of seven times, this time, uh, only briefly, as Chris Kirkwood went all the way ‘round with a leadoff jack to left. Terrell pitched a scoreless eighth, while the Knights had David Hardaway in against the top of the Portland lineup in the ninth inning. Venegas flew out to right, Lonzo flew out to left, and then Waters flew out to center – all the way out, 430 feet and clonking high off the batter’s eye to break up the shutout. Crum’s grounder ended the crummy game. 3-1 Knights.

Wheats allowed three hits, but five walks, and I’m currently a bit cautious with offering him a 5-yr, $25M extension…

Dr. Padilla, I could use something to pull up the old corners of the snout. – What do you mean, you already took it all yourself??

Game 2
POR: 3B Venegas – SS Lavorano – 2B Waters – CF Puckeridge – LF Crum – C Gowin – 1B Ramsay – RF Cox – P Shui
ATL: CF Alade – C Almaguer – SS W. Acosta – 1B J. Rogers – LF Kirkwood – RF Wada – 3B Villacorta – 2B Housey – P Weber

Kirkwood lasted only an inning and a half before tearing out a limb on a headfirst slide and catch of a Chris Gowin liner, to be replaced by Dylan Wright, who threw poorly to home on Venegas’ single to left in the third inning, allowing Matt Cox to score from second base for the first run of the game. Shui survived scattering three hits and a Lonzo error the first time through the Knights order, as well as nicking Rogers and walking Wright in the bottom 3rd. Light rain started in the fourth, as did the Knights rallying to make up the narrow deficit with a leadoff triple for Leo Villacorta. Matt Housey popped out, but Weber’s sac fly tied the game at one.

Shui would face only one more batter, walking Almaguer to begin the bottom 5th before the rains got too heavy and a rain delay of over an hour knocked him from the game. When play resumed, Eloy Sencion walked Rogers and gave up a double to Wright, and Hitchcock threw a wild pitch that almost took Jushiro Wada’s legs off, plating a total of two runs before Villacorta grounded out to end the damn inning.

Top 6th, Eli Dupuis gave up a leadoff double to Lonzo and walked Pucks with one out. Crum popped out, but Gowin singled to left, allowing Lonzo to reach home plate and narrow the score to 3-2. A walk to Ramsay loaded the bases for Tony Lopez 2.0, who nevertheless dumped a single into shallow right to tie the game. Crispin batted for Hitchcock and made him a potential winner with a 2-run single through the left side. The Knights brought a new pitcher, and Bill Quinn secured a groundout from Venegas to end the 4-run inning, although Hyun-soo Bak gave back one run right away. Pat Stipp singled to right, Cox overran the ball for an extra base, and Almaguer singled with two outs, 5-4, but Bak and Lillis held the score from here until Lonzo got on with a single in the ninth inning, stole two bases, and scored on Pucks’ sac fly for an insurance run, 6-4. Daley began the bottom 9th on the wrong paw right away, with a sharp single for Jon Alade, and another sharp liner by Almaguer that somehow ended up in Crispin’s glove at third base. Daley balked the runner into scoring position, then conceded the run on a 2-out single by Jay Rogers. Oh my, thank golly goodness we got that insurance run just five minutes earlier…! What would we have done without that one…!?

Turns out we would have lost just as ******* badly on Dylan ******* Wright’s 2-strike, 2-out, 2-run walkoff bomb, 439 ******* feet into the nearest ******* peach orchard. 7-6 Knights. Lavorano 4-5, 2B; Gowin 2-4, RBI; Cox 3-4, RBI;

(staggers into the visitors’ clubhouse with a bottle in his paw, glimmering cigarette in the corner of his snout, wearing very dark shades and no pants) **** peaches!! And… (wobbles up to Kevin Daley and starts kicking him) AND **** YOU!!!

Daley survived, but only because Ken Crum and Matt Waters pulled me off him when I was already on his neck. Eric Hartwig opined they should have let me have a go, though, since according to him, Daley was just as useless as any other player on the roster.

…

Before the Sunday game I shared a cancer stick with Arthur Pickett, who wondered out loud whether the team was always this dysfunctional. – Nah, only when we’re playing .333 ball…

Game 3
POR: LF Venegas – SS Lavorano – 2B Waters – 1B Crum – C Gowin – RF Puckeridge – 3B Brobeck – CF de Lemos – P Pickett
ATL: CF Alade – 3B Villacorta – SS W. Acosta – 1B J. Rogers – RF Woden – C S. Suggs – LF Wada – 2B Housey – P Malla

The Raccoons ran up four in the first inning, which started innocently enough with Venegas walking. Malla then threw away a pickoff attempt, and Waters doubled home the runner, taking over the team RBI lead from Lonzo with 14. Gowin walked with two outs, Pucks singled to right, and Waters bid for home from second base on the play. The throw was well late, but allowed the trailing runners to reach scoring position, from where Kyle Brobeck, making another excursion to third base, singled them home to get to 4-0 – with Monday off, we were still two days away from his next scheduled start. Brobeck also shone on the other side of the box score with a 5-U double play in the bottom 1st, when the Knights had Alade and Acosta in scoring position and one out and Rogers lined right into his mitten. Alade had left the base and was casually doubled up when Brobeck clawed the bag ahead of him.

Malla didn’t make it out of the second inning, in which Lonzo also took back the team RBI lead with a triple to left-center when Pickett and Venegas were on the corners. Waters popped out, but Crum singled home Lonzo, 7-0, which was the end for Malla, and maybe now Pickett could get his first decision as a Raccoon! …especially since the team produced yet more offense. Lonzo batted with Pickett (who had bunted badly to force out Brobeck) and Venegas on the corners yet again in the third inning, and that time around settled for a 2-out RBI single to center off Sam Geren. Waters flew out to strand two, but another pair was in scoring position with nobody out in the fourth as Crum walked and Gowin doubled. Pucks was half-heartedly walked, but Brobeck hit an RBI single to extend the lead to 9-0. De Lemos struck out, but Pickett’s sac fly and Venegas RBI single added two more runs before Lonzo was retired on a grounder to short to end the inning. Pickett shuffled the bags full with the 3-4-5 batters to begin the bottom 4th, but then got a Sean Suggs grounder to short for a run-scoring double play, which sure sugged for the former Raccoons catcher. Wada’s groundout ended the inning.

Right-hander Jeff Frank, who had been on the Crusaders for a number of years, then shut down the offense for a while, but three innings into his outing ran into Waters and Gowin on base and Pucks singling to center with two outs. Waters went for home and scored when Alade’s throw was cut off, 12-1. Brobeck hit a hissing liner, but that one went right to Alade for the third out. The Coons then removed some regulars at the seventh inning stretch, while Pickett would be done after seven innings and 98 pitches. Sencion and Alfaro pitched the rest of the way. 12-1 Raccoons. Venegas 3-5, BB, RBI; Lavorano 2-5, 3B, 3 RBI; Blackshire 1-1; Waters 2-5, BB, 2B, RBI; Gowin 3-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Puckeridge 2-4, BB, 2 RBI; Brobeck 2-4, BB, 3 RBI; Pickett 7.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, W (1-0) and 1-3, 2B, RBI;

In other news

April 20 – The Thunder are going to lose SP David Barel (3-0, 0.75 ERA) for at least two months with a herniated disc in the 32-year-old’s back.
April 23 – IND SP Jimmy Charles (1-1, 2.18 ERA) collects his first major league win at age 33, shutting out the Loggers on three hits in his third career start. The Indians run away with it, too, winning 8-0.
April 25 – The Crusaders trounce the Falcons, 14-5, including an 11-spot in the fourth inning. NYC INF Prince Gates (.485, 0 HR, 10 RBI) has four hits with a double and two RBI, the only Crusaders hitter to have more than two in hits or RBI or runs scored.
April 26 – Gold Sox SP Chris Jones (2-2, 1.69 ERA) throws a no-hitter in a 4-0 win over the Rebels! Jones walks two and strikes out eight Rebs in the triumph. This is the second Gold Sox no-hitter in just over eight months after Nick Robinson no-hit the Stars on August 23, 2053.

FL Player of the Week: LAP RF Matt Diskin (.353, 4 HR, 15 RBI), batting .429 (9-21) with 3 HR, 10 RBI
CL Player of the Week: NYC INF Prince Gates (.486, 0 HR, 10 RBI), hitting .654 (17-26) with 5 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Is it getting late early?

The rotation remains the worst in the league, but at least we scrubbed the ERA down to 5.27 this week and everybody but Wheats has won a game by now. Wheats remains a soggy 0-4 with a 5.40 ERA. Too many walks, but also too many hits and an unkind BABIP. There’s definitely room for improvement.

Besides, we know he’s totally a second half pitcher. (takes another big gulp from a bottle with a label reading just “XXX”)

We’re in Vegas on the way home, then will host the Loggers and Titans during a 7-game homestand. The Coons will not cross the Mississippi in all of May – only three road series, and the furthest east there would be Dallas. In fact, our next series in the eastern half of the country won’t be until June 16, the start of a 6-game trip to Nashville and Indy. Don’t get me started on the travel itinerary in the second half of the year, though… Those New York / Elk City road trips just never get old…

Fun Fact: The Rebels have been no-hit three times in the last seven seasons.

There’s Jones on Sunday, and then there was a pair of no-hitters that the Buffaloes hung on them in the 2047 season: Jose Arias’ perfect game on April 30, and then a more standard no-no by Kuniyoshi Nagai on September 8, both taking place in Topeka.

The most recent Rebels no-hitter took place, funnily enough, against the Gold Sox: Todd Wood did the honors to them in Denver on July 25, 2025. That one came in between two perfect games in three years against the Rebels: WAS Eric Williams’ on September 8, 2024, and IND Chris Sinkhorn’s on August 17, 2027. Or in other words, there have been only four perfect games in league history, and three of them were against the Rebels.

The fourth, but chronogically first, perfect game was Cincy’s Juan Garcia’s on May 19, 2008 against the Buffos.