[Westheim]

The long and painful search for a #2 starter concluded in late January with the addition of Zach Stewart, who signed a still lucrative 3-year contract after a real down year in Washington. Now we just had to figure out the other three fifths of the rotation! This signing also bumped the Raccoons to just over $90M for new contract commitments this offseason.

I was sure Nick Valdes was clutching at his chest somewhere.

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January 27 – The Thunder signed up former division rival, ex-Condors SP Juan Juarez (50-56, 3.73 ERA), to a 3-year, $7.56M deal.
January 28 – The Raccoons sign former Capitals starter Zach Stewart (47-54, 4.04 ERA) on a 3-yr, $9.3M contract.
January 28 – The Caps console themselves with the addition of former Nashville catcher Jose Cantu (.280, 165 HR, 756 RBI), who agrees to a $4.88M deal over two years.
January 29 – Pittsburgh signs up ex-NYC SP David Concha (100-78, 3.67 ERA) for $26M over four years.
January 29 – The Crusaders add former Cyclones SS/3B Juan Ojeda (.295, 21 HR, 510 RBI). The 30-year-old would receive $2.16M for a 1-year deal.
February 1 – Oklahoma rejoices over the addition of former Dallas southpaw starter Thomas Turpeau (70-58, 3.33 ERA) on a 4-year, $15.36M contract.
February 3 – The Bayhawks acquire 30-yr old OF Adam Bumpus (.276, 32 HR, 216 RBI) from the Scorpions for 29-yr old OF John Gough (.275, 26 HR, 160 RBI).

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Colby Bowen was waived and designated for assignment to make room for Stewart on the 40-man roster. Okay, now that our pitching is starting to shape up – … what is it, Cristiano? I am explaining how all my moves are a stork of genius. – I said “stork of genius”! – That is totally how you say that!! – What *is* it, then!? – Matt Walters had an accident ice skating? – *How* bad?

(big black googly eyes water up)

Turns out in addition to lacking half a rotation the Raccoons would also start the season without a closer after Walters cracked his kneecap in an attempt to jump the shark on a skating rink on the other side of town. Now, before you are concerned for the shark – it’s a life-sized plastic replica in bright pink. We are a very animal-friendly town. (Trent Brassfield’s head pops over the edge of the rancid dumpster behind the ballpark, cheeks munching)

Walters was out for *at least* the first two months of the 2058 season, robbing the Raccoons of their two-time CL Reliever of the Year and twice-defending CL saves champ. Now what? Eloy Sencion? Tanizaki? No idea. For starters I will sob profusely while holding on to the nearest bottle. (grabs bright green bottle of Drain Buster, the official unclogging fluid of the Portland Raccoons)

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February 5 – The Raccoons acquire left-handed SP/MR Neal Hamann (45-41, 3.79 ERA, 6 SV) and C Morgan Lathers (.281, 5 HR, 29 RBI) from the Capitals for 3B/SS/RF Daniel Espinoza (.261, 2 HR, 32 RBI) and AAA LF/RF David Flores.
February 14 – The Capitals sign the remaining big-name international free agent, 34-year-old Korean 2B Joo-chan Lee, to a 2-yr, $5.14M contract.

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Totally not an overreaction to the loss of Matt Walters. There was more to this trade, though. The Raccoons had already sniffed on Lathers in January, but the Capitals were notoriously broke and didn’t want any of our minimum players in return – especially not Espinoza, who was probably not going to be on the Opening Day roster anymore anyway. Flores had been ranked as high as #25 as an actual prospect but had never made the jump to the major league team and was now 26 years old in an organization flush with quad-A talent. The thing that actually got the trade done was the addition of Hamann, who was on a rather luxurious (but thankfully expiring) contract for another one of those too-bad-to-start, too-expensive-to-relief pitchers we liked to hog. He was a left-hander for sure, though, which would allow us to be a bit more flexible in trying to cover the eight and ninth innings between our assumed makeshift backend of Takenori Tanizaki and Eloy Sencion, with a helping of Mike Siwik and Ricky Herrera where required. It was that quasi-promotion of Sencion to potential ninth-inning duties that really spurred the need for another left-handed pitcher and Adam Harris wasn’t what we were looking for here.

The nice thing about Lathers was his defensive prowess and that he batted left-handed, a rarity for a backstop. Since Flores had been on the 40-man roster as well, we didn’t have to make any shuffles there for now.

J.J. Sensabaugh changed numbers to #48 for Neil Hamann to keep his old #56.

And finally, more new deals for old Critters: John Scott took a $1.04M offer from the Rebs; the Blue Sox hired Ricky Jimenez for $570k; the Knights put pay the same salary to Matt Waters; the Buffos paid $540k for Victor Merino; the Wolves got Jason Monson for $470k;