[Westheim]

The Raccoons signed a new head scout in the middle of November. Steve Hansen was from the land of hockey (shivers) and had scouted for the Loggers for a bunch of years, so how far could be realistically get with him? – Steve, why is your office decorated with all sorts of sorts of Edmonton Boilers stuff? – But would it hurt you to hang ONE little Raccoons pennant in the corner…?

I question his loyalty already. We should trade him to the Elks. Preferably for a starting pit- … (looks at the Elks’ roster) … okay, I’ll come back to that later.

Buffing the rotation was a high priority even though the offense had been what had really let the Critters down in 2060 (and every year before that, ever). The thing was that the options on the market were not *that* exhilarating and we’d have to swing something via a trade, perhaps, although it turned out that we had one or two unexpected assets on paw. This included Duarte Damasceno, who had come back to Portland in a bit of a nothing deal two winters ago and had since played a bit of a nothing role as a quad-A starter since then, with 65 appearances (63 starts) split almost evenly between St. Pete and Portland. He had gone 12-11 with a 3.87 ERA with the big club – but that was more than three quarters of a run better than his FIP; …which Cristiano insisted mattered in some way and we should trade him for anything other teams would give us for him.

What we wanted was a true horse that could punch people out in line with Bobby H. and the rejuvenated Tyler Riddle. Groundballers were just such a finicky thing with this defense with three shortstops, all 30 or over. Can’t go wrong with strikeouts.

Two teams were actually not laughing me off the phone right away, the Thunder and the Gold Sox. The Thunder’s Aaron Harris had gone 13-13 with a 2.96 ERA this year, whiffing seven per nine and getting close to leading the league in fewest BB/9, which he had done once before in 2058. He was a former Rookie of the Year and had 29 years old was firmly established in the league. The right-hander threw five pitches, all of quality. There was not that *one* wipeout pitch, but the broad setup with a 96mph heater and four more offerings kept hitters uncomfortable and guessing, often wrong. Harris also had not missed a start since making his debut (as reliever) in 2055, and had taken the ball 171 times (!) in the previous five seasons. The only thing I wasn’t a fan of was his contract for the next two seasons (2062+2063), where he would make $6.2M annually, almost double his $3.56M salary for 2061. The Thunder were however also demanding an arm and a leg in compensation beyond DD.

The Gold Sox were a bit more open to the idea of trading left-hander Nick Robinson for DD and something else, with the “something else” part not necessarily being AA outfielder Jose Corral, who at 19 years old looked like the real ****. Naturally, Robinson was the less impressive guy in anything but contract (two years at $3.72M each). He was older (32), he had less stamina, he was more susceptible to the home run, and he had a more selective arsenal, dominated by a 95mph heater and a nasty curveball. The slider was hit-and-miss (mostly hit) and there was a changeup, but he was really getting onwards with the first two. He was not racking up that many strikeouts because he pitched fewer innings (never more than 208.1 in his career), but he had led the FL in wins and ERA in different seasons, so he had to be doing something right. If Aaron Harris, who was as good and maybe better than Bobby H. and Riddle, wasn’t in the cards, Robinson was surely an improvement over DeRose and Fox and a close #3.

At this point the Raccoons had also made an offer to Cory Ritter, me in my general delulu state being confident that he just needed a change of wallpaper. There were also offers out there for a couple of position players.

We should now also have a talk about Jose Corral, our top-ranked prospect and #4 in the league before the start of the 2060 season. Corral, who would turn 20 in December, had been signed for $350k out of the Dominican Republic in the July 2057 brown-skinned teenager auction and… – Maud, why do you look so aghast? – Well, what else *is* it if we’re outbidding the other teams for 16-year-old boys from Venezuela and the Dominican Republic…? – Synonyms, Maud, synonyms.

Anyway, Corral had been signed for six figures, but not at an outrageous rate. He had made his pro debut in Aumsville in mid-2059, batting .250/.328/.378 in 81 games, with three homers and 45 RBI. He played just 12 games for the Beagles in 2060 before being promoted to Ham Lake, where he batted .269/.365/.415 for 115 games, hitting 51 extra-base hits including nine homers and driving in 49 runs. The kid had a stick! What he didn’t have much of was straightline speed or range, so he was not going to steal 30 bases a year (and perhaps not even three), nor was he ever gonna be a Gold Glove candidate. Very strong throwing arm, so he would not embarrass himself in rightfield. He had tremendous power potential ascribed to him.

All that was a lot of words to say that he wasn’t gonna be thrown into a deal just to improve the rotation by 6% to try and close a 13-game gap to the Crusaders, who seemingly pressed whomever into service in their lineup and still scored the most runs in the country. But if Corral was off the table, then Aaron Harris was, too, and with him the appealing option of confusing absolutely everybody by having not only two pitchers named Herrera but also two named Harris, and “A. Harris” at that. How about having four Nicks on the roster? And two Foxes with the offer we have out there to – (suddenly realizes he’s spilling all the beans and covers the babbling snout with both paws)

So while I was working on cramming half the roster into the “Nick Harris-Herrera” mold, Lonzo’s spot was still secure and I’d rather finish last than move him out of the #2 slot. – OVER MY DEAD BODY, CRISTIANO! MY VERY DEAD BODY!!