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"Heh heh... MVP? Freakin’ sweet."
By Peter Griffin
Okay, so check it out, folks. Jaylin Gaddy—yeah, that Jaylin Gaddy from the St. Louis freakin’ Cardinals—just won the 1915 National League MVP, and honestly? I haven’t seen a guy this underrated since Quagmire tried out for "Dancing with the Stars" and accidentally ended up in a lumberjack competition.
So get this: Gaddy’s 33 years old. That’s like 80 in baseball years! And yet he still goes out there, hits .272, racks up 151 hits, and tosses in a little bit of everything—18 doubles, 12 triples, 5 home runs, 68 RBIs, 88 runs scored—it’s like the guy ordered the sampler platter off the offense menu and ate the whole thing. He’s basically the Cheesecake Factory of baseball.
Now let me hit you with the real meat and potatoes—the MVP voting:
Gaddy took home 15 first-place votes, total 314 points
Angelo Liotta, who I’m pretty sure sounds like a guy who’d sell you gabagool from behind a butcher counter, got 6 first-place votes, 287 points
Alex Ojeda, also from Cincinnati (seriously, what’s in the chili there?), grabbed 5 first-place votes, 258 points
And then a bunch of other dudes showed up in the standings like:
Joe Stacks (that’s either a baseball player or a bootleg casino dealer)
Steven Janczak (sounds like a Bond villain, pitches like one too)
Oscar Arispe, Vince Brown, even a guy named Chang-keun Pyo, which honestly sounds like a drink I’d order at a fancy bar in downtown Quahog.
Anyway, the point is—Jaylin Gaddy just said “nope!” to Father Time and slugged his way to MVP glory like it was Sunday brunch at the Clam. Dude’s a baller. A legend. And most importantly, he’s Peter Griffin Approved™.
🎉 So here’s to you, Gaddy. Go pour yourself a Pawtucket Patriot, and try not to pull a hammy jogging back to the dugout next year. Heh heh... freakin' MVP.
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