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Lemme tell you somethin’, Ernie—Kelly Dacey? That boy ain’t playin’ around. He’s 24 years old, and already makin’ everybody in the Eastern Conference look like little kids out there. That MVP award? Well-deserved. That’s not just good, that’s turrrible for the pitchers who had to face him all season.
This dude hit .506—I mean, c’mon, man, that’s just disrespectful! That’s like hittin’ the ball every time you look at it. You see a .506 average, .629 OBP, 110 home runs, 225 RBIs, and you just gotta sit down and ask yourself, "What are we even doin’ out here?"
I mean, it ain’t fair. You give that man a bat, and next thing you know, your outfielders are walkin’ back to the warning track like they forgot their car keys. And don’t even get me started on those 250 runs scored. That’s video game numbers. That’s like when Shaq used to dominate in the paint and you couldn’t stop him even if you tried—and believe me, people tried.
Now yeah, Auston Matthews and Art Vandelay? They had great seasons, I ain’t takin’ nothin’ away from them. But Dacey got 18 first-place votes, and he earned every single one. He’s the kind of guy who makes your pitcher question his life choices.
Look, if this is what Kelly Dacey’s doin’ at 24, y’all better buckle up, because this dude’s gonna be a problem for a long time. Like that gum you step in and can’t get off your shoe—he’s stickin’ around.
Final word? MVP. Period. Now somebody get that man a Gatorade and a statue.
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