[jg2977]

AL WILD CARD MADNESS: ASTROS BLAST MARINERS, 3-1 — BY BART SIMPSON

Whoooaaa, dude! The Houston Astros just came rollin’ into Seattle like they owned the place and BAM! They smacked the Mariners around in Game 1 of the American League Wild Card Series like it was dodgeball in the Springfield Elementary gym.

Final score: Astros 3, Mariners 1. Smell ya later, Seattle.

Let’s talk about Luke “Lights-Out” Peters for a sec. This guy was a total machine on the mound—seven innings of pure domination, five hits, one run, seven Ks. That's more heat than Homer gives the grill on BBQ night.

And check it out—Houston got their groove on early. Second inning? Brendan Morine grounds one out and somehow that scores a run. Not flashy, but hey, it got the job done. Kinda like when I turn in a homework assignment on time—rare, but effective.

By the time Seattle figured out what was happening, it was too late. They got one back on a Josh Freeman triple (okay, that was pretty gnarly), but other than that? Zilch. Nada. Goose eggs all over the board. The Astros bullpen came in and just slammed the door shut. No candy, no mercy.

And get this—Seattle had more hits. More hits! But with three errors? C’mon, man. That’s like fumbling the Krusty Burger bag on the walk home. Total buzzkill.

So now Houston's up 1-0 in the best-of-three and looking like they’ve got cheat codes. Game 2’s tomorrow, and if the Mariners don’t clean up their act, they’re gonna be watching the rest of October on their couch. Probably with Comic Book Guy.

Don’t have a cow, Seattle... just play better.

Player of the Game: Luke Peters
Player Most Likely to Get a Detention: Seattle’s defense

Cowabunga, baseball fans. Bart out. ⚾��