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1916 AL Platinum Stick winners
Well hi-diddly-ho, baseball fan-a-renos! It's a dandy diddly day for some slugger-celebratin’, because the Commissioner of Major League Baseball has officially handed out the ol' Platinum Stick Awards for the 1916 American League season! These holier-than-home-run heroes sure swung their sticks with heavenly might—praise the Lord and pass the pine tar!
Now let’s give a neighborly tip of the cap to your nine bat-swingin’, base-stealin’, stat-stuffin’ recipients:
⚾ Catcher:
Jesus Fagundes (Boston Red Sox)
Why, this fine fella was a backstop blessing! Batting a righteous .294 with a .378 on-base and a sluggerific .476 slugging, he also swiped 14 bags! And don’t even get me started on that divine 7.0 WAR—woo doggy!
⚾ First Baseman:
Eric Rehfeld (Chicago White Sox)
This gent was a base-hit machine with a .311 average and a heavenly 165 wRC+. And holy smokes—46 stolen bases? That’s faster than Maude racing to the bake sale!
⚾ Second Baseman:
Ethan Holtzen (Minnesota Twins)
Well butter my biscuit and call me Homer! Ten wins above replacement?! A .435 OBP?! This Holtzen feller played second base like he had the Good Book in his glove and a thunderbolt in his bat.
⚾ Third Baseman:
Angel Pena (Cleveland Indians)
With a name like Angel, he’s gotta be divinely inspired! A .336 average and 167 wRC+? Sounds like a halo-worthy hitter if I ever saw one!
⚾ Shortstop:
Mike Lord (Oakland Athletics)
A perfect name for a fella who lorded over shortstop! The man hit .304 and swiped a sanctified 72 bases. That’s more steals than the Leftorium clearance rack, neighbor!
⚾ Left Fielder:
Jon Dunham (Houston Astros)
Dunham got it done-ham! Four dingers, 73 steals, and a .381 OBP? That’s hustle with a capital H-E-double-hockey-sticks (uh, whoops)!
⚾ Center Fielder:
Andres Segovia (Houston Astros)
Segovia played center field like it was the Garden of Eden out there—clean, fast, and fruitful. A slick 4.6 WAR for this humble hitter.
⚾ Right Fielder:
Nate Cech (Seattle Mariners)
He wasn’t just Cech-ing boxes—he was checkin’ in as one of the best! With a .292 average, 6 home runs, and 6.7 WAR, this right fielder was diddly-right on the money!
⚾ Designated Hitter:
Luke Satterwhite (Chicago White Sox)
A holy roller of a DH, Satterwhite delivered 15 homers, 49 steals, and drove in a blessed 101 runs. He might not wear a glove, but he sure wore out that scoreboard!
So let’s raise our root beers and give thanks for another glorious season of baseball, brought to you by hard work, hustle, and just a dash of divine intervention. Congratulations to the Platinum Stickers of 1916—you’ve earned your spot in the kingdom of clout!
Okily-dokily, that’s all from me—now go play some catch with the kids and don’t forget to stretch before church league!
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