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Alright, alright, alright... hold everything. Let’s talk about what just happened at Madison Square Garden — and no, I’m not talking about Billy Joel playing “Piano Man” for the 800th time.
I’m talkin’ pucks, sticks, fists, and FIRE — because the New York Rangers just bodybagged the Tampa Bay Lightning, 12-5, in a game that felt like it was over before the first intermission snack.
🗽 BIG APPLE BEATDOWN 🗽
This wasn’t a hockey game — this was a public execution on Broadway. And you know who delivered the guillotine? BEN. FREAKIN’. RICE.
Four hits. Two RBIs. Three runs. A double. Two stolen bases. The guy was everywhere.
You look up the word "dominant" in the dictionary, and Ben Rice is there eating sunflower seeds and flipping you off while stealing third.
“Player of the Game”? NO KIDDING. He basically hijacked the Lightning’s bus and drove it straight into the Hudson.
🔥 SIXTH-INNING SLAUGHTER 🔥
Let me set the scene for ya: Bottom six. It’s close. Tension’s rising.
Tampa’s bullpen opens the door... AND NEW YORK DRIVES A TRUCK THROUGH IT.
Escandon? RBI single.
E. Grubin? See ya! Two-run homer.
A. Grubin? Triple and two RBIs.
Rice? AGAIN. RBI double.
Sattler? Two-run double just for good measure.
Six runs. One inning. They turned Tampa into a tourist trap.
😬 TAMPA BAY? MORE LIKE TAMPA BLEH
Listen, I’ll give Tampa a little credit. They tried.
Sifonte hit a bomb. Chew and Perez both went yard. And sure, Embree had two hits. Woohoo.
But Z. Ndadaye? My man threw 122 pitches and couldn’t get out of the sixth!
AND THEN! You bring in A. Hernandez, and the guy immediately gives up 4 runs on 4 hits in 12 pitches! That ERA? Not a typo — it’s 54.00.
I've seen better pitching at a lemonade stand in Newark.
🎤 QUICK HITS — RANT STYLE:
E. Grubin? Three bombs in two games. I don’t know what he’s eating, but get him tested.
M. Grubin? Zero hits, but stole a bag. Good hustle, kid. Stop swinging like you’re playing Home Run Derby.
W. Cuylle? Clean up your glove. Cost the team an error and nearly cost Menendez a clean inning.
W. Diaz? Came in, gave up a homer, shrugged it off. That’s confidence. Or indifference. Either way, it worked.
🏟️ MSG WAS ROCKIN’… AND WET
Yeah, it was raining and windy as hell, but the fans didn’t care. You give them 12 runs, a bunch of homers, and a Grubin family reunion at the plate — they’ll scream like it’s Game 7 in June.
📢 BOTTOM LINE:
The Rangers are up 2-0 in the series, and if you’re Tampa? You better regroup. You’ve got less than 48 hours to remember how to play hockey before Game 3 in Florida.
Because if this thing goes 3-0?
It’s OVER.
And I’ll be here to say: "I told ya so."
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Back after this with your calls: is Ben Rice the best second baseman in the playoffs, or the best second baseman ever? Discuss.
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