|
DALLAS 10, CALGARY 5
As reluctantly reported by Samir Nagheenanajar, TPS-report survivor
Okay. So. Dallas won again. That’s, what, three in a row now? Yeah, they lost the first two, but apparently they decided, “Hey, let’s stop losing,” and now they’re up 3–2 in the series. I mean... it must be nice to do your job competently and get credit for it. Unlike some of us.
Amenzu Jabiri hit a grand slam in the sixth inning. A grand slam. Four runs with one swing. I guess that’s what happens when your boss doesn’t make you fix formatting issues on your own birthday.
Jabiri and the Stars: Like a Good TPS Cover Sheet
Yeah, so, Jabiri had a triple, a grand slam, and just generally decided, “No, I will not go quietly into that night.” The guy finished with five RBIs. And here I am, getting lectured for using the wrong stapler.
And then you’ve got George Costanza — no, not that one — hitting bombs, legging out triples, and just generally showing the kind of hustle that would’ve saved Initech if we had more guys like him. And less like Lumbergh.
Calgary: Not Gonna Work Here Anymore
Okay, I’ll admit it — N. Kadri is terrifying. Six homers in the series? He might be the Michael Bolton of playoff hockey — lots of hits, little appreciation. But it wasn’t enough.
Their pitcher, Asai? He gave up seven runs. Seven! You know how many customer satisfaction surveys you’d have to mess up to get seven dings? Actually, don’t answer that. I already know.
So Now What?
Game 6 heads back to Calgary. Dallas needs one more win to advance. One. If they pull it off, they'll move to the Conference Finals, and I’ll still be stuck explaining to HR why “Samir.Nagheenanajar” doesn’t fit in the login field again.
You know what would be nice? A little recognition. Maybe a Player of the Game ribbon for “Didn’t yell at the printer even though it jammed during timesheet submission.” But I digress.
Final Notes (Because If I Don’t Submit These, I Get Another Meeting Invite)
Player of the Game: Jabiri. Obviously.
Pitching MVP: Fernandez. 6.2 innings. 8 strikeouts. Didn’t collapse. Gold star.
Most Underappreciated: Probably me. But fine, give it to George Costanza if you must.
Time of Game: 3 hours, 22 minutes. Longer than my lunch break, shorter than a team-building workshop.
Attendance: 41,030 people who don’t have to file their own parking validation forms.
Anyway, if you need me, I’ll be over here... staring at a broken copier... wondering how Jabiri gets to play in front of 40,000 fans while I get to explain the difference between a PDF and a Word doc again.
|