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CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS AT DALLAS STARS — OCTOBER 12, 2002
Written in the style of Julian from Trailer Park Boys
Alright, let’s break this down like professionals.
Chicago came into Dallas with their backs against the wall—Game 6, elimination night—and they came out swingin’ like Ricky in a bottle depot scrap. Final score: 12-7, Blackhawks. That means we’re headed to Game 7, boys. One game. All the chips on the table. No do-overs.
Let’s start with Connor Bedard. Guy’s an absolute weapon. If I had a crew like him back when we were running jobs, we’d never have got caught. Bedard went 3-for-4 with a bomb, a double, and four ribbies. Also swiped a bag. He’s hittin’ over .500 in the series, and I’m not talking about coin toss odds—this guy’s seeing the ball like it owes him money.
First inning? Boom. Bedard jacks one with a man on. Two batters later, Hyun-woo Kim unloads a three-run nuke—one of those moonshots you don’t even chase. That’s a five-spot before the Stars even had time to get their whiskey warm.
Now listen, the Stars didn’t just lie down. B. Grubin put up two homers and drove in three—kid’s got wheels and a bat, dangerous combo. His brother R. Grubin slapped out four hits too. The Stars actually clawed back to make it interesting in the 8th. Three runs, narrowed it to 9-7. I had to put my drink down for a second. That’s how serious it got.
But then Chicago said, “No more screwin’ around.” Foligno tripled, Diaz doubled, and Bedard drove in another. Three more runs, game over. Final: 12-7. Clean, calculated, professional win.
Now, the pitching... yeah, let’s talk about that mess.
Dallas started C. Kim, and it went sideways fast—0.2 innings, 5 earned runs, 2 homers. That ERA? Looks like a busted safe combination.
They went through five pitchers, trying to plug holes like Lahey fixing leaks with duct tape. Didn’t work.
Chicago’s bullpen? Not amazing, but V. Sanchez came in and settled things down—two innings, no runs. That’s what you want: a guy who doesn’t panic when the fire starts.
No errors on either side, which is rare in a game with this much chaos. Just pure, old-school offense. 21 runs, 20 hits, 5 homers—that’s the kind of night where your scorekeeper needs a drink and a nap.
Player of the Game:
Connor Bedard — MVP-type performance, and if he shows up like that in Game 7, Dallas better hope for divine intervention.
Game 7 Info:
Monday night, United Center, Chicago. This is it, boys. Winner goes to the Cup Final. Loser hits the golf course.
Julian’s Final Word:
If you’re Dallas, you better sober up and tighten your operation. Chicago’s rolling, Bedard’s a machine, and your bullpen looks like it’s been held together with duct tape and bad decisions. You want to win Game 7? Keep the ball in the yard and stop giving Bedard anything he can drive.
And for God’s sake, somebody get B. Grubin some help out there.
Stay calm, keep your drink steady, and handle your business.
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