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jg2977 · 07-29-2025, 12:22 PM

Aight, lemme holla at you real quick, 'cause what we got here? This ain’t just some regular-degular award list — nah, fam. This is the Western Conference Platinum Stick crew, 2002 edition. These boys? They ain’t just swingin’ for the fences. They dismantlin’ scoreboards and ruining pitchers' dreams in broad daylight. And some of 'em? They been doin’ this. Others just arrived at the table — and already eatin’ like kings.

Let me break it down for you in a way even Bellick could understand.

🎯 Catcher – Tsuneo Okuhara (Colorado Avalanche)
.321/.380/.596 | 34 HR | 110 RBI | 3.4 WAR
Okuhara behind the dish like a ninja with a bat. Might not lead the league in flash, but he solid like the bars on Cell Block D.

🎯 First Baseman – Marty Funkhouser (St. Louis Blues)
.404/.503/.922 | 78 HR | 181 RBI | 10.9 WAR
Don’t let that suburban name fool you — Marty bringin’ the funk and the fury. You throw heat, he turn it into fireworks. Straight savage.

🎯 Second Baseman – David Puddy (Utah Mammoth)
.485/.618/1.264 | 87 HR | 195 RBI | 19.1 WAR
Puddy? Man plays like he just got paroled — no fear, no hesitation, just damage. And with numbers like that, he got the league shook.

🎯 Third Baseman – Corey Perry (Los Angeles Kings)
.536/.654/1.434 | 118 HR | 282 RBI | 23.2 WAR
Yo, Perry out here cookin’ like he tryna get transferred to minimum security. MVP numbers in an MVP body. He don’t play — he dominate.

🎯 Shortstop – Ron Hextall (Chicago Blackhawks)
.423/.504/1.124 | 122 HR | 230 RBI | 19.1 WAR
Wasn’t he a goalie? Yeah, well now he a walking nuke. This man hittin’ like he mad at the ball for callin’ his momma names.

🎯 Left Fielder – Amenzu Jabiri (Dallas Stars)
.504/.619/1.248 | 106 HR | 252 RBI | 21.8 WAR
This dude Jabiri? He ain’t from this planet. Makes the bat look like a magic wand. Poof — ball gone. Just like that.

🎯 Center Fielder – Connor Bedard (Chicago Blackhawks)
.528/.642/1.413 | 118 HR | 307 RBI | 24.5 WAR
Bedard ain’t just a name — he a problem. Dude got more power than the warden, more speed than a yard break. Pure beast mode.

🎯 Right Fielder – Nick Foligno (Chicago Blackhawks)
.533/.664/1.426 | 110 HR | 304 RBI | 24.8 WAR
Foligno and Bedard in the same outfield? Man, that’s a maximum security lineup. One swing away from ending your season. Foligno got that “I dare you” swag.

🎯 Designated Hitter – Jose Santa Cruz (Vancouver Canucks)
.356/.417/.752 | 67 HR | 191 RBI | 6.4 WAR
Santa Cruz? He the silent killer. Don’t run, don’t steal, don’t talk. Just walks in, drops bombs, walks out. Cold as solitary.

Yo, this squad ain’t just hitters — they assassins with Louisville Sluggers. You bring 'em heat, they bring the smoke. So next time you face these dudes? Just hope you got protection — and insurance.

C-Note out. Respect the stick.

07-29-2025, 12:22 PM	#2695
jg2977 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 24,482	2002 West Aight, lemme holla at you real quick, 'cause what we got here? This ain’t just some regular-degular award list — nah, fam. This is the Western Conference Platinum Stick crew, 2002 edition. These boys? They ain’t just swingin’ for the fences. They dismantlin’ scoreboards and ruining pitchers' dreams in broad daylight. And some of 'em? They been doin’ this. Others just arrived at the table — and already eatin’ like kings. Let me break it down for you in a way even Bellick could understand. 🎯 Catcher – Tsuneo Okuhara (Colorado Avalanche) .321/.380/.596 \| 34 HR \| 110 RBI \| 3.4 WAR Okuhara behind the dish like a ninja with a bat. Might not lead the league in flash, but he solid like the bars on Cell Block D. 🎯 First Baseman – Marty Funkhouser (St. Louis Blues) .404/.503/.922 \| 78 HR \| 181 RBI \| 10.9 WAR Don’t let that suburban name fool you — Marty bringin’ the funk and the fury. You throw heat, he turn it into fireworks. Straight savage. 🎯 Second Baseman – David Puddy (Utah Mammoth) .485/.618/1.264 \| 87 HR \| 195 RBI \| 19.1 WAR Puddy? Man plays like he just got paroled — no fear, no hesitation, just damage. And with numbers like that, he got the league shook. 🎯 Third Baseman – Corey Perry (Los Angeles Kings) .536/.654/1.434 \| 118 HR \| 282 RBI \| 23.2 WAR Yo, Perry out here cookin’ like he tryna get transferred to minimum security. MVP numbers in an MVP body. He don’t play — he dominate. 🎯 Shortstop – Ron Hextall (Chicago Blackhawks) .423/.504/1.124 \| 122 HR \| 230 RBI \| 19.1 WAR Wasn’t he a goalie? Yeah, well now he a walking nuke. This man hittin’ like he mad at the ball for callin’ his momma names. 🎯 Left Fielder – Amenzu Jabiri (Dallas Stars) .504/.619/1.248 \| 106 HR \| 252 RBI \| 21.8 WAR This dude Jabiri? He ain’t from this planet. Makes the bat look like a magic wand. Poof — ball gone. Just like that. 🎯 Center Fielder – Connor Bedard (Chicago Blackhawks) .528/.642/1.413 \| 118 HR \| 307 RBI \| 24.5 WAR Bedard ain’t just a name — he a problem. Dude got more power than the warden, more speed than a yard break. Pure beast mode. 🎯 Right Fielder – Nick Foligno (Chicago Blackhawks) .533/.664/1.426 \| 110 HR \| 304 RBI \| 24.8 WAR Foligno and Bedard in the same outfield? Man, that’s a maximum security lineup. One swing away from ending your season. Foligno got that “I dare you” swag. 🎯 Designated Hitter – Jose Santa Cruz (Vancouver Canucks) .356/.417/.752 \| 67 HR \| 191 RBI \| 6.4 WAR Santa Cruz? He the silent killer. Don’t run, don’t steal, don’t talk. Just walks in, drops bombs, walks out. Cold as solitary. Yo, this squad ain’t just hitters — they assassins with Louisville Sluggers. You bring 'em heat, they bring the smoke. So next time you face these dudes? Just hope you got protection — and insurance. C-Note out. Respect the stick.