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NO MORE TRADES FOR YOU!
You had your chance. You had months! You had spreadsheets, war rooms, burner phones, coffee-fueled analytics interns—but now? Now it’s over!
Deadline? Passed.
Negotiations? Finished.
Front office? Back burner.
You think anyone cares about that big deal you almost made?
No playoff wins for almost!
You think anyone remembers the free agent who “nearly signed” or the prospect you “refused to give up”?
Hah! NO GLORY FOR HESITATION!
Now… is the time of truth. The lineups are locked. The rotations are set. Every manager, player, and third base coach who still waves runners home on a routine single—they’re on the spot now.
This is not about rumors. This is not about hypotheticals. This is not about “what if.”
This is about what is.
And what is… is the POSTSEASON.
And here… are your Wild Card matchups:
Baltimore Orioles — BYE. Good. You earned it.
New York Yankees vs. Texas Rangers – One goes forward, one goes home.
Chicago White Sox vs. Minnesota Twins – A clash of Midwestern madness.
Seattle Mariners — BYE. Don’t get comfortable.
San Francisco Giants — BYE. Yes, yes, enjoy the quiet… for now.
Miami Marlins vs. Philadelphia Phillies – Florida humidity meets Philly intensity.
Washington Nationals vs. Cincinnati Reds – Someone’s bullpen is not making it.
New York Mets — BYE. Do not Mets this up. I swear.
There will be no soup for the losers.
Only banners for the champions.
You want a parade? A trophy? Your name etched in history?
Win. The. Whole. Thing.
Otherwise?
NO RING FOR YOU! 👋
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