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San Francisco Giants: 2nd NL pennant
1916 1917
[MIB Agent voice activated… loading mission report.]
CONFIDENTIAL – EYES ONLY – DEPARTMENT 1917 // FILE 102019-GIANT-DOMINANCE
SUBJECT: San Francisco Giants
CLASSIFICATION: Interstellar Powerhouse
EVENT: National League Championship Series
STATUS: Mission Accomplished. Again.
REPORT BEGINS
Agent K and I arrived at Oracle Park, cloaked, as usual. Crowd was loud. Air was tense. The Mets were desperate. But what we witnessed? That wasn’t just baseball. That was containment-level dominance. Let’s break it down:
OBJECTIVE:
Secure the National League pennant.
Result: Mission success. For the second consecutive year.
PHASE ONE: Initial Strike
Top of the 1st? Mets threaten. Double. But then—shut down.
Bottom of the 1st? Boom. 3 runs.
Agent Moser? Calm, calculated.
Codenames activated:
“Rudeseal” (Codename: The Cannon) - 2-run bomb.
“Dominguez” - sac fly, quietly lethal.
“Gargallo” - two doubles, multiple sightings. Definitely not from this planet.
PHASE TWO: Precision Shutdown
Agent Grater? Pitching like he’s seen the hitters’ DNA codes.
7.2 innings, 5 strikeouts, barely broke a sweat.
Agent Dye cleans up the last 4 outs like neuralyzing a bar full of witnesses.
PHASE THREE: Total Containment
Top threats neutralized:
Sloan, Tamura, Porche? Ghosted.
Mets left 12 runners stranded. That’s not bad luck. That’s alien-level defense.
Meanwhile, Nate Moser — the centerpiece of this interdimensional lineup — finishes the series with:
.435 AVG
10 RBI
2 HR
On-base percentage: .536
We checked the human genome. That’s not normal.
SUMMARY:
The San Francisco Giants have now secured back-to-back National League Pennants — 1916 and 1917.
They are advancing to the World Series where they’ll face the Baltimore Orioles — a team of equally strange talents.
The world will be watching. The stakes are high. History will be altered.
[Agent J speaking]:
“Listen... I’ve seen a lot of things in this galaxy. I've seen wormholes open in left field. I’ve seen gravity reverse in extra innings. But I ain’t never seen a team like these Giants. This squad? They don’t play baseball — they bend it.”
[Agent K adjusts shades]:
“Series starts soon. Pack the neuralyzers. This is gonna get loud.”
MISSION STATUS: COMPLETE.
NEXT TARGET: ORIOLES.
LOCATION: WORLD SERIES.
END TRANSMISSION.
🕶️⚾👽
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