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BIFF TANNEN STYLE — COMIN’ IN HOT FROM HILL VALLEY HIGH, BABY
Well, well, well... look who just punched the rest of the American League right in the kisser!
Josh Freeman! MVP! Again!
That’s two of ‘em now — TWO! Count ‘em! One, two!
You know what I call that?
McFLY-LIKE DOMINATION.
The guy’s basically been running laps around the league all year like it’s his own personal Pepsi Free.
He batted .372, knocked out 207 hits, 40 homers, and drove in 118 ribbies.
What’s he hittin’ with, a Louisville Slugger or a hoverboard?!
And guess what? The voters weren’t dumb this time—
28 first place votes outta 30. The other two probably had too much manure in their eyes.
Now let’s see who finished behind him, just to have a good laugh:
Player Team 1st Place Total Points
Josh Freeman Seattle Mariners 28 410
Tony Guerrero Texas Rangers 0 244
Mark McCall Seattle Mariners 0 227
Nate Cech Seattle Mariners 0 216
Sal Cantu Baltimore Orioles 2 156
Christian Villa Chicago White Sox 0 150
Ethan Holtzen Minnesota Twins 0 122
Mike Lord Minnesota Twins 0 65
Mike Deming New York Yankees 0 62
Manuel Felix Chicago White Sox 0 26
Luke Satterwhite Chicago White Sox 0 22
Sergio Herrera Baltimore Orioles 0 17
Mark Crane New York Yankees 0 12
Jon Dunham Houston Astros 0 11
Kevin Johnson Baltimore Orioles 0 10
Cole Galindo Seattle Mariners 0 8
Alex Pena Minnesota Twins 0 7
Pedro Alicea Anaheim Angels 0 3
Chris Alfonso Baltimore Orioles 0 2
HA! You see that? Seattle didn’t just win the MVP—they basically filled the whole top-five like it was a high school prom ballot!
And Freeman?
He’s the king, baby.
Forget “Mr. Sandman”—this guy’s more like Mr. Slugman, and he just sent every pitcher in the league straight back to dreamland.
So here’s your reminder, world:
When Josh Freeman steps up to the plate, you better duck, or you’ll be eating manure sandwiches for breakfast.
That’s the power of love... and a .372 batting average.
Now get outta here before I call you butthead.
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