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Texas Knocks Out Baltimore in Game 1
So the Texas Rangers beat the Orioles 6–1. And honestly? It wasn’t even that close. Rangers pitcher Jon Tucker basically put the Orioles in a sleeper hold for eight innings. It was like watching your uncle at Thanksgiving dominate the ping-pong table. You don’t know how he’s still good, but he is, and he won’t shut up about it.
Then you had Jung-hoon Kim. Guy goes yard for a three-run homer in the seventh, and suddenly the Orioles look like they’d rather be at Whataburger. I mean, Kim hit that ball so far it might’ve applied for statehood. And Texas fans loved every second of it. Baltimore fans? They looked like they just found out their Uber driver canceled mid-pickup.
The Orioles had their chances — thirteen men left on base. Thirteen! That’s not a stat line, that’s a bad prom date. They were out there swinging like they were auditioning for “Dancing with the Stars,” except nobody was impressed.
Meanwhile, Texas played it cool. Manager Jason Siry says it was a “no nonsense” game. Translation: “We won, and we didn’t choke. You’re welcome.”
Game 2 is tomorrow. And if Baltimore doesn’t figure out how to, you know, score, this series is going to be shorter than a Lizzo TikTok.
Oh, and one more thing: this game supposedly took place in 1918? Sure. Just like Fauci was calling balls and strikes behind the plate.
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