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DEE REYNOLDS PRESENTS: MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL
(because I can do sports journalism, okay?)
So like, the Cleveland Indians come waltzing into Texas thinking they’re hot stuff, and guess what? They actually were. They completely destroyed the Rangers, 9-4, in Game 1. And of course, some guy named Raul Gonzalez decides he’s, like, Beyoncé with a bat—hits a homer, smacks a double, struts around the bases. Honestly? Kind of rude.
Then, in the fifth inning, Israel Fernandez is like, “Oh, I guess I’ll just be the hero now.” Boom. Two-run single. Cleveland suddenly flips the game like it’s one of those reality shows where everyone’s crying and throwing wine glasses.
Meanwhile, the Rangers… oh my god. Sad. Embarrassing. You had J. Tucker pitching like he was auditioning for a rom-com where the quirky loser just keeps messing everything up. ERA? Thirteen point five. That’s not baseball—that’s a crime.
But of course, the Rangers had a little drama. J. Norwood and D. Martinez hit solo shots, and for, like, a second you thought, “Ooh, maybe it’s a game.” But then Cleveland just stomped all over that hope like Dennis crushes my dreams on a daily basis.
So yeah—Cleveland’s up 1-0 in the series, and honestly, Texas is gonna need some kind of miracle makeover montage to not get completely swept here.
Oh, and the attendance was 47,834, which is insane because, like, if I was playing, you know that number would be at least doubled. People would be like, “Dee! Dee! Dee!” while I hit, like, a thousand home runs. But whatever.
Final Note: Player of the Game? Raul freaking Gonzalez. Ugh.
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