[jg2977]

Newman (opening):
“Keith Hernandez… oh, how I hate you. But the miscreants at the network are making me do the commentary with you anyway! And here we are, Great American Ball Park, where your precious New York Mets have bludgeoned the Cincinnati Reds, 11 to 4. Eleven runs! Fourteen hits! Ohhh, the humanity!”

Keith Hernandez (dryly):
“Well, Newman, that’s called playing good baseball. The Mets had a balanced attack today — Contreras was locked in all night. Three-for-three, a home run, three RBIs, and two walks. He reached base five times. That’s how you win playoff games.”

Newman (snarling):
“Ricardo Contreras… the man just will not go away! I suppose you’ll say his three-run homer in the third was some kind of turning point?”

Keith:
“Of course it was. Reds starter Alex Miranda left a changeup up in the zone with two outs, and Contreras crushed it. That gave the Mets a 3–2 lead, and from there, Cincinnati was chasing.”

Newman (gritting teeth):
“And then—ohhh, and then—as if that weren’t enough punishment for the poor Reds… in the seventh, with the game tied, who comes up but Alan Sloan, the Mets’ designated hitter. And what does he do, Keith?”

Keith (matter-of-fact):
“He does what good hitters do. He punished a mistake. A three-run homer, right into the seats in right. That made it 8–4 and completely deflated Cincinnati. It was over right there.”

Newman (mock-dramatic):
“Yes, over! Over for the Reds, who now trail two games to one in the series. The dream of a comeback slipping away like a slice of pie at Monk’s Café.”

Keith (ignoring him):
“And let’s not forget Kevin Brubaker. Two hits, four RBIs, and the sacrifice fly that broke the 4–4 tie. This Mets lineup, Newman, is relentless. They wore down Miranda, knocked around the bullpen, and just kept adding on.”

Newman (bitter sigh):
“Relentless… yes, like a rash that won’t go away. Eleven runs! The Reds fans paid to watch a playoff game, and instead, they got a Mets coronation.”

Keith (smirking):
“Bottom line, Newman: the Mets are one win away from their fourth trip to the League Championship Series. They’ve got the offense, they’ve got the pitching, and they showed it again tonight.”

Newman (groaning):
“Ohhh, curse you, Keith Hernandez… and curse your Mets! But alas, I must say it — the final score, the New York Mets eleven, the Cincinnati Reds four. Misery, thy name is baseball.”