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“Ohhh! The Pittsburgh freakin’ Pirates, baby! They take down the Reds, 5–2. They’re up two-games-to-one in the series. That’s right — one win away from the LCS. Boom!
Ya got Isidro Pruneda — the kid’s goin’ 3-for-3, three singles, takes a walk, drives in a couple runs. He’s on base more than me in Atlantic City on payday, ohhhh!
And Mikey Santana for Cincinnati? Fuggedaboutit. The guy’s hittin’ bats like he’s throwin’ batting practice. Eleven freakin’ hits in less than five innings, five runs. Hey, nice job, pal. Maybe next time you actually try to get somebody out, huh? Hickory dickory dock, your ERA’s up near ten o’clock! Ohhh!
But how about them Buccos? Pruneda drivin’ in runs, J. Pitre bangin’ a double, Verni chip in. And Mikey Orton on the hill — seven innings, seven Ks, givin’ up only two runs. That’s how ya do it, sweetheart. Then ya bring in Montgomery to close the door, fuhgeddaboudit. Game over!
So now, Pittsburgh one win away from sendin’ Cincy home cryin’ to mama. Reds had a chance, Dunham goes deep, Cook smacks three doubles — THREE! — ties a freakin’ playoff record. And still, still, they can’t get it done.
Ohhh, the crowd in Pittsburgh? 47,000 strong, screamin’ their heads off, they’re smellin’ the LCS, baby. One more win, the Reds are dead. Stick a fork in ‘em. It’s Bucco time, Jack! OH!”
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