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[Scene opens: the Bears guys, seated around a table stacked with sausages and Old Styles. A TV in the background flashes the score: Calgary 17, Minnesota 3. The guys look stunned but keep eating.]
Bill: Dis week… Western Conference Finals, Game Two… Flames at da Wild. And lemme tell ya… dis wasn’t hockey, dis was… a massacre.
Pat: Da Flames!
Carl: Yeah, Calgary puts up 17 runs on Minnesota. Seventeen! Dat’s more than da Bears scored in da ’85 Super Bowl.
Bill: [nodding] Jose Ramirez… 3-for-4, two homers, a double, seven RBIs. Seven! Dat’s like Ditka orderin’ seven sausages at once — and finishin’ ‘em before da anthem’s done.
Pat: [chimes in] Don’t forget Mila Grubin. Three-run bomb in da fifth, puts Calgary up 5–3, and after dat, da Wild… [waves hand] nuttin’.
Carl: Minnesota’s pitchers? Dey looked like kielbasas gettin’ grilled. Berkley, Almaraz, Hidalgo, Garcia, Hashimoto… all cooked.
Bill: Final score, Flames 17, Wild 3. Series now 2–0, Calgary.
Pat: Okay, but hear me out, fellas. What if… Ditka was pitchin’ for Minnesota?
Carl: [thinks] Ditka throws a no-hitter, Wild win 1–0.
Bill: [serious] Correction. Ditka no-hitter, and he drives in da only run with a homer off himself. Final: Ditka 1, Flames 0.
Pat: [smiles] Now… picture dis… Ditka on da mound, facin’ Ditka at the plate.
All three together: Ditka wins.
Bill: Anyway, Game Three’s in Calgary. If Minnesota don’t figure out Ramirez and Grubin… dis series is over faster than you can say “Polish sausage.”
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