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Mike: “Alright, folks… strap in, ‘cause I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a game like this, but Marty Funkhouser—I mean the guy’s 37 years old—comes in and just drops a bomb on Colorado. Five hits, seven RBI, two home runs, a triple, two singles… I mean, it’s like he’s got the cheat codes for baseball!”
Mad Dog: “I’m tellin’ ya, Mike… this is the kinda performance that makes you wonder why we even have pitching rules! 20 runs for Edmonton! TWENTY! And Colorado scores 13! This is like an episode of ‘Hardcore Hockey meets Home Run Derby.’”
Mike: “I mean, you’ve got Sanchez goin’ two for two with a homer… Makar with a pair of homers… and it still isn’t enough! The Oilers just keep comin’! Funkhouser clears the bases in the second with a triple… bases loaded… two outs… you get the picture!”
Mad Dog: “Colorado’s pitching staff looks like a sieve! Amador, Arevalo… every time they throw the ball, it’s a line drive, a homer, a triple… you name it, Edmonton’s takin’ it!”
Mike: “And let’s talk about the crowd at Rogers Place. 38,882 fans… probably thinkin’, ‘Do we need a scoreboard for this, or just trust Funkhouser?’”
Mad Dog: “Funkhouser ties the Edmonton playoff record for hits and RBI. Sijtsma sets the record for runs. And here’s the kicker—this is Game 5! The series isn’t over. The Avalanche still lead 3-2… but man, if you’re Colorado, you’re sittin’ there, scratching your head, thinkin’, ‘Who just hit us like that?’”
Mike: “Game 6 in Denver on Sunday. I’m tellin’ ya, if Funkhouser shows up like this again, the Avalanche are gonna need a miracle. Marty’s playin’ like it’s his last postseason… and maybe it is, and he’s makin’ it count!”
Mad Dog: “Twenty to thirteen! That’s not a game, that’s a shootout! Only difference? No pads, Mike. No pads, just bats and balls flying everywhere!”
Mike: “Folks, get your popcorn, get your scoreboard ready… and watch Marty Funkhouser do what only Marty Funkhouser can do. I’m tellin’ ya, this is the kind of game you tell your grandkids about!”
Mad Dog: “And we’re not even talkin’ about the wind—12 mph left to right… who cares! Funkhouser’s hittin’ rockets! I love it!”
Mike: “Sunday, Denver. Avalanche need a win. Oilers? They just showed they ain’t goin’ quietly.”
Mad Dog: “Mike, if Funkhouser plays like this, I’m buying a jersey. Maybe two.”
Mike: “Make it three, Mad Dog. Make it three.”
Final Score: Edmonton Oilers 20, Colorado Avalanche 13.
Player of the Game: Marty Funkhouser. Legendary.
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