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“Hello everybody, Harry Doyle here… welcoming you to another thrilling chapter of baseball we swear is professional… though, at times, it looked like both teams were trying to lose this one.”
Well folks, buckle up, because the Seattle Mariners storm into Cleveland and shock the hometown faithful, 9 to 7, tying the series at two games apiece. And if you're thinking that sounds like a normal score, don’t worry — it wasn’t. Not even close.
First inning — BIG TROUBLE!
Seattle jumps out to a 2–0 lead, and Cleveland immediately answers with four of their own. Four! That’s more than the Indians scored in the entire month of June back in ’23. Might wanna save some for later, boys.
By the third inning, Cleveland’s up 6–2, and fans are feeling pretty good. Hot dogs are selling, beers are flowing, and hope is in the air. But hope, as always, is a dangerous thing in Cleveland.
Fast forward to the eighth inning — the wheels fall off, roll into the parking lot, and explode.
Seattle puts up SIX runs. Six! That’s right, the Mariners, who had been mostly quiet since the fourth inning, suddenly remembered they had bats. Doubles everywhere. Triples. Line drives. Jimmy Schultz — who hadn’t hit anything all day except maybe the postgame buffet — smacks a two-run single to give Seattle the lead.
The Mariners dugout erupts. The Cleveland bullpen weeps softly.
And that, folks, was your ballgame.
Let’s talk pitching!
On the Cleveland side, poor Marquos Philippon throws 7 innings of 3-hit ball and STILL gets tagged with the loss. How? Because the minute he left the mound, his bullpen turned into a piñata with a pulse.
Barnard comes in, gives up six runs on seven hits in one inning. One inning! You’d get better results rolling the ball to the plate.
Meanwhile for Seattle, we have V. Brown… who lasts exactly one out. One. He didn’t pitch long enough to break a sweat — or to get his laundry dirty. Fortunately, Gamez comes in, calm as a sleeping cat, throws six innings and keeps Seattle in the game.
Clay closes it out with two clean innings, earning a save and — more importantly — not spontaneously combusting like half the other pitchers today.
Final score:
Seattle 9, Cleveland 7
Series tied at TWO.
And now, the decisive Game 5 shifts back to Seattle — where the fans are loud, the fish are fresh, and the coffee is served stronger than Cleveland’s bullpen performance.
I’m Harry Doyle saying:
“The Mariners win it! … and if you’re a Cleveland fan, might I recommend turning off your TV during the eighth inning next time?”
Goodnight everybody!
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