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“Well folks, buckle up, because if you like runs, you came to the wrong ballpark. Here at Jacobs Field, the Rangers and Indians treated us to ten innings of… well… nothing. Absolutely nothing. Zip. Zero. A big ol’ pile of offensive diarrhea. But hey—great day for the pitchers, I guess.
We finally made it to the tenth inning—by then most fans had either fallen asleep or started questioning their life choices—and Cleveland loads the bases. And how do they win it? A walk. Yes, a walk-off walk. Thrilling stuff. Fireworks probably died of embarrassment.
Jesus Satiago strolls up, shows the patience of a man waiting at the DMV, and takes ball four to end this masterpiece, 1–0. The crowd goes… mildly conscious.
Marquos Philippon was fantastic—eight shutout innings, probably thinking he’s going to have to pitch tomorrow at the rate his offense was going. And Grondin cleaned it up from there.
So the Indians even the series at one apiece. The Rangers? Well, they’ll try hitting the ball again on Wednesday. Might want to practice between now and then.
Final score: Cleveland 1, Texas 0. And if you missed it… consider yourself lucky.”
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