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COWHERD VS. RUSSO — PADRES AT DIAMONDBACKS, WILD CARD GAME 2 (1929)
Arizona 14, San Diego 6 — D-Backs Sweep
COWHERD (calm, polished, big-picture take):
“Folks… this wasn’t a baseball game. This was a statement.
Arizona didn’t just beat San Diego — they overwhelmed them.
Twenty hits. Fourteen runs. Triples, doubles, homers — they filled every statistical bucket available.
And Austin Montes…
Eleven total bases. Two triples. A homer. Six RBIs.
That’s not a stat line — that’s a superstar announcing himself to the National League.
And Steve Schleicher?
Series MVP hitting .800. Not .380. Not .480.
Point-eight-zero-zero.
I don’t care if it’s Little League — nobody does that by accident.
San Diego? Look, folks... good story early in the year, but by October, you need pitching.
The Padres rolled out J. Brown, S. Zeitlin, J. Smith — and it looked like three different versions of the same problem:
Can’t miss bats.
Can’t get out of innings.
Can’t stop momentum.
This series was over by the second inning today.
Arizona is deeper. They’re smarter. They’re more athletic.
And now they get Atlanta, the league’s gold standard.
Don’t be shocked if Arizona pushes them.
This team has juice. Real juice.”
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RUSSO (fired-up, incredulous, yelling three seconds in):
“HO-O-O-LY COW, ARIZONA!! FOURTEEN TO SIX?!
I MEAN WHAT ARE WE DOIN’ SAN DIEGO?! WHAT ARE WE DOIN’?!
I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT J. BROWN, THIS GUY J. SMITH, ZEITLIN —
THEY COULDN’T GET ANYBODY OUT!!
THEY TURNED A DIAMONDBACKS BATTING PRACTICE SESSION INTO AN ACTUAL GAME!!
TWENTY HITS!! TWENTY!!
THEY GOT TRIPLES ALL OVER THE PLACE, MONTES LOOKS LIKE FRIGGIN’ WILLIE MAYS OUT THERE — TWO TRIPLES, A HOMER, SIX DRIVEN IN —
WHAT ARE WE DOIN’ PADRES?!
AND SCHLEICHER — I MEAN COME ON — .800 FOR THE SERIES?!?!
THAT’S A VIDEO GAME NUMBER!! THAT’S A TYPING ERROR!!
THE PADRES COULDN’T GET HIM OUT WITH A BUTTERFLY NET!!
AND LOOK — I DON’T WANNA HEAR THE EXCUSES ABOUT ‘OH WE HAD 13 HITS’ —
YOU SCORED SIX RUNS AND STILL GOT BLOWN OUT OF THE BUILDING!!
YOU CAN’T GIVE UP FIVE RUNS IN THE EIGHTH INNING OF AN ELIMINATION GAME!
CAN’T DO IT!!
ARIZONA — GOOD FOR THEM. THEY CAME TO PLAY. THEY SWEEP. THEY DESERVED IT.
BUT SAN DIEGO? EMBARRASSING. ABSOLUTELY EMBARRASSING.
ATLANTA’S NEXT. AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN’:
IF ARIZONA HITS LIKE THIS,
THE BRAVES BETTER WAKE UP, GET OUTTA BED, AND START PITCHIN’!”
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COWHERD (closing thought):
“Arizona’s not perfect — but they’re confident, loose, and hot.
That combination can ruin someone’s October.”
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RUSSO (closing thought):
“AND SAN DIEGO? PACK THE BAGS, GO HOME, SEE YA IN APRIL!”
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