[Westheim]

Blue in the face by season’s end and posting 89 losses, the Raccoons had been a disappointment in 2070 to say the least, and the panic of a budget slash in the front office was so big that we went out of our way to place people on waivers before the offseason even began to avoid paying them a minimum salary in 2071. Manny Arredondo, Gabe Gomez, Victor Chavez, Cody Childress, Matt Schmieder, and Tony Spink all found themselves removed from the 40-man roster that way, saving around $2.3M on the books for the time being.

Adam Valdes was indeed not overly amused that we not only spent the entire $66M budget, but also almost the entire cash reservers – of which $36k and a few chicken bones were left over in October – to finish fifth, 23 games out, and one game outta last place.

Punishment came swift in form of a $3M budget slash down to $63M so we may learn from our mistakes. I cried for a week, not knowing how to keep the four position players together that cost nearly $27M to feed and somehow make up a pitching staff.

The Raccoons dropped from a tie for 10th place to a tie for ******* 15th in the league, even with the Scorpions.

Top 5: Thunder ($94M), Titans ($93M), Stars ($86M), Knights ($86M), Crusaders / Capitals ($81M)
Bottom 5: Condors ($55M), Wolves ($53M), Aces ($52M), Bayhawks ($52M), Falcons ($45M)

The remaining CL North teams were to be found in 9th (VAN, $70M), 10th (MIL, $69M), and 18th (IND, $57M).

We were behind the Loggers. THE LOGGERS…!

The average budget went up $660k to $67.96M, while the median budget actually fell by $2M to $64M.

+++

With the offseason begun and us already broke, there was no hope whatsoever. All that was left to do was to shrug, look at the arbitration and free agency list, and try to find more areas in which to make vicious cuts.

The Raccoons had just three free agents, those being J.P. Gallo, a type-B free agent that almost led the team in homers (Wharton beat him by one, whee…), and who I briefly considered bringing back, but he made nearly $3M in 2070, and we didn’t have nearly $3M at all. The other two were relievers Danny Nava and Victor Ramirez, who had almost single-pawedly (add McMahan, on a good day) held the pen together between whichever starter felt like not getting whole bats up his tush on any given day and Pedro Valentin.

McMahan was to be found on the arbitration list, just short of the six years of service time required for free agency as well. He was joined by pitchers Vinny Morales and Gabriel Rios (hardly expendable, either), catcher Jake Flowe (eeeeeeeh), and pick-up infielder Rafael Murcia, who wasn’t exactly worth the $840k estimate (although McMahan was more expensive than that).

Truth be told, the Raccoons appeared beyond ******. The whole team was built around a quadruplet of position players to produce runs on budgets totalling $27.1M, and who were constantly on the DL, and if you made allowances for scouting, player development, and various admin and donuts, we could maybe squeeze out $52M for payroll – and those four made over half of that, to play together 33 times and finish ninth in ******* runs scored.

(despaired screeching into the paws)

…

Sorry, I needed a moment.

So, what do we have? On the pitching side, we have a rotation that is best described as adequate, even though they all had their black months this season. Walla, Gaytan, Rios, Morales, and Jimmy Wharton remained around one way or another. We had a very good closer in Valentin, but the entire seventh/eighth inning was about to be blown up entirely. Only McMahan would be left as a reliable, experienced reliever beyond that. Holzmeister was experienced. Sullivan (though 23) appeared reliable. Gutierrez, George, Hunt, and Centeno, the sad-sack remainders on the roster, were neither. A functioning bullpen could not be made with these pieces.

Catching was an unmitigated disaster. The Raccoons had tried four backstops this year, none of whom had been able to bat for anything. We had by now very much sobered up on Jake Flowe, to the point where I was considering non-tendering him. If we had a total blackout at the plate for a catcher we might just as well go with Sam Brown (52 OPS+) instead of Flowe (61), as Brown at least had the decency to make the minimum of $379k. Jalomo had batted .119 across 84 at-bats and I didn’t want to talk about it. First base was no better, despite a late rally from Dan Gomez (98).

Then you had Wharton (131 OPS+, somehow), Katz (128), Yocum (131), and Humph (122), who had missed a grand total of 154 games this year, and were hogging, respectively: center, short-or-third, second, and left in the field. Josh Mireles (80) was largely listless. No other infielders were even on the chainsawed extended roster.

In the outfield we had Jose Corral (91) draw a $3.2M salary for no particular reason. He was in a contract year and probably not removable from the roster by legal means. Van Otterdijk batted just the same from the right side – in fact it was spooky how their slash lines were almost identical. One went .245/.307/.372, the other .249/.317/.364, and I’m not gonna tell you which one was which. Benito Otal was similarly pathetic (88). Jamie Colter hit for a 101 OPS+, but after six years of AAAA service we stopped caring. Jesus Guerrero (60) managed to cost half a WAR despite appearing in just 30 games.

That was all there was left. There were two very young pitchers in AAA that would be rushed and burned if added to the Opening Day roster, 21-year-old starter Crispino “Crispy Bear” D’Urso, who pitched a single AAA game after going 11-9 with a 3.67 ERA in Ham Lake all year, and 22-year-old closing prospect Noah Newhard, who we declined to bring up as a September decoration. The only position player prospect I felt like mentioning was 24-year-old corner outfielder Dave Falquez, hitting .325 with one homer and missing half the season, while playing a power position with such bad defense we’d turn him into a first baseman, but he couldn’t even handle THAT.

Did I mention we also needed a whole new set of coaches, because outside of Luis Silva and Oscar Semchez they had all been let go? Pitching coach Ross Schneider was going to be promoted from AAA, everything else had to be brought in for coin.

That was it. And $2.5M to fix it all.

Tearing it all down and trading some or all of the four position players that had played together all of 33 times for all the best prospects would be madness.

And not tearing it all down and sell for all the best prospects would be madness, too.

Welcome to Portland, 2071. ****** if you do, ****** if you don’t. Season tickets on sale now.