[jg2977]

MIKE FRANCESA:
Alright, let’s—let’s just take a breath here. The National League Championship Series is now tied at two games apiece after, uh… this… in St. Louis. Cardinals beat the Giants 30 to 9. Thirty. To. Nine. Dog—
MAD DOG (losing it immediately):
MIKE, DON’T EVEN START WITH THE CALM VOICE, OKAY?! DON’T!
THIS WAS A DISGRACE. THIS WAS A JOKE. THIS WAS A SPRING TRAINING SCOREBOARD WITH A BROKEN SWITCH!
MIKE:
They scored 13 in the first inning—
MAD DOG:
THIRTEEN! THIRTEEN IN THE FIRST!
MIKE, I TURNED THE GAME ON, IT WAS 2–0 GIANTS, I BLINKED, AND IT WAS 13–2! WHAT IS THIS, A SOFTBALL TOURNAMENT IN CENTRAL PARK?!
MIKE:
DuPont couldn’t get out of the first—
MAD DOG:
COULDN’T GET OUT OF HIS OWN WAY!
Five walks! FIVE!
He’s nibbling, the defense is booting the ball, nobody knows where to stand, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT—BOOM—GRAND SLAM, RICKY MARTINEZ, GAME OVER, SEE YA!
MIKE:
But Dog, the Giants actually scored nine runs—
MAD DOG:
MIKE, STOP IT. STOP IT.
THIS GAME WAS OVER BEFORE THE NATIONAL ANTHEM FINISHED ECHOING.
Nine runs? WHO CARES! THEY GAVE UP THIRTY!
MIKE:
They also gave up 14 runs in the fifth inning.
MAD DOG (screaming):
FOURTEEN! IN ONE INNING!
MIKE, THAT IS NOT MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL. THAT IS BATTERY CHARGING!
You had Alvarez hitting bombs!
You had Baugh hitting bombs!
You had Stephens hitting bombs!
YOU HAD PEOPLE I’VE NEVER HEARD OF RUNNING THE BASES LIKE IT’S A TRACK MEET!
MIKE:
The Cardinals had 21 hits—
MAD DOG:
THEY HAD 21 HITS AND IT FELT LIKE FIFTY!
EVERY BALL WAS IN THE GAP, OVER THE WALL, OR ROLLING TO THE ARCH!
And don’t tell me about the bullpen—
THE BULLPEN GOT LIT ON FIRE, MIKE.
PETROFF COMES IN, THROWS TWO PITCHES, GIVES UP TWO HOMERS, AND LEAVES WITH A ZERO-POINT-ZERO ERA BECAUSE HE DIDN’T RECORD AN OUT!
THAT’S A TRIVIA QUESTION, NOT A STAT LINE!
MIKE:
Harabedian at least gave them 3⅓ scoreless—
MAD DOG:
OH, FANTASTIC! PUT IT IN THE MUSEUM!
“CONGRATULATIONS, YOU STOPPED THE BLEEDING AFTER THEY LOST A GALLON OF BLOOD!”
MIKE, THIS IS A 125-WIN TEAM!
A HISTORIC TEAM!
AND THEY JUST GOT EMBARRASSED ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON IN OCTOBER!
MIKE:
So now it’s a best-of-three.
MAD DOG:
AND THAT’S THE PART THAT MAKES ME SICK!
THE GIANTS SHOULD BE UP 3–1, PACKING FOR THE WORLD SERIES!
INSTEAD, THEY LET ST. LOUIS TURN BUSCH STADIUM INTO A LAUNCH PAD!
This wasn’t a loss.
This was a WARNING.
MIKE:
Game 5 tomorrow.
MAD DOG (lower, furious):
If they come out flat again, Mike…
If they mess around again…
THIS SERIES IS OVER.
You don’t just give a team THIRTY RUNS and expect amnesia.