[Westheim]

Raccoons (39-29) vs. Canadiens (28-41) – June 22-24, 2071

First-place Elks were dangerous, but nothing was more dangerous than last-place Elks, especially when the Raccoons were trying to be something other than mediocre. This was true especially when the Coons were so far up 6-0 in the season series. Elk City ranked ninth in both runs scored and runs allowed, with a -41 run differential. The rotation was a particular weak spot, and they were not in the top three in any major category in the CL. No injuries, though; however – the Raccoons got John Katzman back for this series! Benito Otal (.152, 0 HR, 2 RBI) was removed from the roster to AAA.

Projected matchups:
Vinny Morales (3-1, 3.95 ERA) vs. Juan Rosado (3-8, 6.58 ERA)
Jimmy Wharton (7-2, 2.76 ERA) vs. TBD
Nick Walla (6-3, 2.22 ERA) vs. Dallas Samson (3-6, 4.07 ERA)

Rookie Esteban Ferrer (1-5, 5.66 ERA) had been in the open spot in that rotation, but the Elks were assumed to replace the 21-year-old, although it wasn’t clear yet who would take a spot start or be called up. All starters on the roster were right-handed.

Game 1
VAN: SS Barraza – 1B Spicer – CF D. Moore – RF Bustillos – LF Lozada – 2B Ratliff – 3B Eggert – C Ma. Lopez – P J. Rosado
POR: LF Humphries – 2B Yocum – SS Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Olivares – RF Colter – 3B Hernandez – C Rivas – P Morales

Vinny Morales came out and got beaten up, issuing a leadoff walk to Roberto Barraza before giving up hits to Malcolm Spicer, John Bustillos, and Andy Ratliff. The latter two each drove in a run, and Morales plated Barraza himself with a wild pitch for the game’s first run. After getting that quick 3-0 lead, Rosado allowed a leadoff single to Humphries, nicked Yocum, and walked Katz to fill the bases for the overpaid bum. Wharton whiffed, Olivares flew out to shallow left, and Hernandez popped out … only Jamie Colter drew another bases-loaded walk to drive in a singular run. Yocum and Katz would be on base again to begin the fourth inning, hitting a pair of singles before Wharton gracefully grounded to third base. Dan Eggert picked the ball on the run, but flubbed it briefly when he tried to take it out of the glove, then rushed a terrible throw to first that skipped right past Spicer for a 2-base error, allowing Yocum to score and the tying and go-ahead runs into scoring position with nobody out. Olivares’ grounder up the middle tied it, and Colter’s RBI single made it 4-3 Coons. Hernandez also singled, but Gabe Rivas’ double play grounder to second ended the inning.

Mario Lopez’ 2-run homer in the fourth, with Eggert on base, flipped the score right back to the Elks, as Vinny Morales remained *useless*. A walk to Spicer to begin the fifth and then drilling Dan Moore vacated the mound for Dan Graham, and potentially a spot in the rotation for Harrison Hunt in the long run, but in the immediate aftermath the Elks got an extra run and a 6-4 lead on Bustillos’ and Roberto Lozada’s groundouts before Andy Ratliff whiffed.

To anybody’s surprise, Katz’ leadoff double to left in the bottom 5th was then briskly followed by Tyler Wharton’s SECOND home run of the season, a no-doubter to left, leading to both pitchers being yanked after 4+ innings of 6-run ball (but only Morales’ had all been earned). The Coons then got two innings from Holzmeister and then abused brittle Brad Fails, who didn’t fail, pitching on the third straight day in the eighth inning, all while the game remained tied at six, on nine hits a side. And we were running out of pitching *rapidly* … the only other pitcher in the pen that had not pitched on both of the last two days was Pedro Valentin, and after that it would be Jimmyboy and chaos. Valentin got around a Barraza single and stolen base with two outs in the ninth inning, while the Coons had the 2-3-4 batters up against Guillermo Arzola, southpaw, in the bottom 9th, but made straight outs. Valentin had a 1-2-3 tenth when the game went to extras before Arzola walked Olivares to begin the bottom 10th. Colter then singled to right, and Olivares chugged it all the way to third base as the winning run. After two double switches, Jesus Morentin was batting seventh, and the option on the bench was Jack Hamel, so Morentin batted, but grounded out most poorly, holding the winning run at third base, and Rivas whiffing and McFarland grounding out wasted the opportunity.

The Coons pressed a third and final inning out of their closer in the 11th, and his spot led off the bottom of the inning, batting first after, well, double switch shenanigans galore. Arzola also went a third scoreless inning, allowing a 2-out double to Katz, but Wharton flew out to center. And then we burned Jimmy Wharton… He had a quick 12th, and Arzola was still pitching for the Elks in his fourth inning. He was about to get the Coons 1-2-3 before the second 2-base throwing error by an Elks third-sacker in the game, this time Juan Terrazas putting Morentin on with two gone. Rivas grounded out. Jimmy Wharton held the store closed in the 13th and hit a single, but nothing came of that, either, and in the 14th Olivares hid a good drive to deep right off Danny Nava, but Bustillos made the catch at the fence. Colter gave a ball a fly to ride, but that one was also caught on the warning track by Lozada.

Dan Moore broke the bloody tie with a 2-out homer in the 15th inning instead, taking Jimmyboy to deep left after 3.2 innings of scoreless ******** relief. Bustillos and Lozada both singled after that, but Ratliff grounded out to Yocum. Bottom 15th, and Esteban Ferrer appeared for a save chance, so wasn’t gonna start on Tuesday (kinda like Jimmy Wharton…). It only got worse (than losing!) for the Coons, as Rivas hit a 1-out double, but McFarland in the #9 hole remained useless, and now Jimmyboy in the #1 hole was the final out of the game – and Jack Hamel was still on the bench. We could not make the final out with the pitcher while having a batter on the bench. Hamel was sent to pinch-hit, SMASHED a double to left, and we were tied again! Yocum’s infield roller became a single, putting bodies on the corners for Katz, and Katz slapped a 2-1 pitch up the middle and into centerfield for a walkoff single…!!! 8-7 Furballs!! Hamel (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Yocum 2-6, BB; Katzman 4-7, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Olivares 2-6, BB, RBI; Colter 2-6, BB, 2 RBI; Holzmeister 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K; Valentin 3.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K; J. Wharton 4.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, W (8-2) and 1-1;

Kaaaaaaaatz!!

Oh god, our pitching is so ****** now…! (whines!)

The Raccoons had to get a starter onto the roster somehow for a spot start on Tuesday, for which Jesus Morentin (.180, 0 HR, 5 RBI) got optioned. However – Val Centeno was not ready. Victor Chavez was not ready. In terms of prospects, Crispino D’Urso had pitched on Monday AND had tweaked his ankle and was day-to-day. So the Raccoons ended up bringing 2068 supplemental-rounder and #40 pick Jaquan Riggs. The right-hander had made ONE start in AAA, getting stuffed for five runs in as many innings. He had made 59 starts in Ham Lake before that. Control was off. But he was the only warm body we had.

Benito Otal ended up on waivers to make room on the 40-man roster.

And it wasn’t like we had a lot of bullpen available behind Riggs, either.

Game 2
VAN: SS Barraza – 1B Spicer – CF D. Moore – RF Bustillos – LF Lozada – 2B Ratliff – C Ma. Lopez – 3B Terrazas – P C. Torres
POR: LF Humphries – 2B Yocum – SS Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Olivares – C Brown – 3B Hernandez – RF Hamel – P Riggs

Both starters made their first appearance in the 2071 season, although Carlos Torres was 38 years old and just hanging on. He had pitched with the damn Elks before and also with the Crusaders. Riggs got two outs to begin the game before a Moore double, Bustillos’ RBI single, another single by Lozada, a walk to Ratliff to load the bases… and then finally Mario Lopez would ground out to Hernandez. Olivares tied the game with a solo homer in the second inning, but Moore smacked another double to begin the third and scored on productive outs by Bustillos and Lozada, who hit a sac fly to give the Elks a 2-1 lead. Riggs and Humphries drew 1-out walks in the bottom 3rd and Torres threw a wild pitch, then walked Yocum to fill the bags. Katz grounded out for an out at home, though, and Wharton whiffed dramatically, leaving the bases loaded.

Double plays kept Riggs alive in the following innings as the Elks almost constantly had a presence on base. Humph got on base to begin the bottom 5th, but was caught stealing. Yocum and Katz then splashed singles to go to the corners for Wharton, who drew a walk, which once more didn’t get a runner home from third base. Olivares then crashed into a 5-4-3 double play.

Riggs kept going, allowing singles to Ratliff and Terrazas in the sixth, but he also struck out Mario Lopez and Torres in the inning, the latter to end it. The Coons pressed Riggs for seven innings on 113 pitches, and he allowed another run in the seventh as Malcolm Spicer doubled, stole third base, and then came home on Moore’s sac fly to deep right. The Coons failed to score when Humphries drew a leadoff walk against Travis Davis in the bottom 7th, getting forced out by Yocum, and Katz hit into a double play altogether. Davis continued and walked Olivares with one out in the bottom 8th. Sam Brown smashed an RBI double to left, shortening the score to 3-2. Elijah LaBat replaced Davis, lefty for lefty, but allowed a single up the middle to Jordan Hernandez. Moore had played too deep on the play, and Brown managed to come home to score. Moore’s desperate wild throw gave Hernandez second base as he carried the go-ahead run. Hamel slapped a single that dropped in front of Lozada and Hernandez had to be held at third base. Josh Woodley then pinch-hit for McMahan, who had put out a scoreless eighth, and CRANKED a 3-run homer just inside the foul pole to take the lead…!

There were not a lot of options for the 3-run save in the ninth inning. Valentin was obviously not an option after the long outing on Monday, and we ended up going with Rismiller. He walked the leadoff batter Dan Eggert in the #9 hole. Barraza flew out, but Spicer singled sharply. Moore flew out to Humph. We almost went to Graham with Bustillos drawing up as the tying run, but then stuck with Rismiller – and he got it done, getting a first-pitch bouncer to Yocum for the last out. 6-3 Raccoons! Hernandez 3-4, 2 2B, RBI; Woodley (PH) 1-1, HR, 3 RBI;

No victory for Riggs on debut (that one went to McMahan), but he at least held his ground for a 3.86 ERA. He gave up nine hits, three walks, and struck out four, and was off the roster before midnight. LF/CF Jesus Guerrero replaced him. He had hit .197 in 30 games with Portland last year, and right now was at .246 with 8 homers in AAA.

Game 3
VAN: SS Barraza – 1B Spicer – CF D. Moore – RF Bustillos – LF Lozada – C Ma. Lopez – 2B Eggert – 3B Terrazas – P Samson
POR: LF Humphries – 2B Yocum – SS Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Woodley – C Rivas – 3B Colter – RF Hamel – P Walla

The Elks again scored first on Wednesday, socking doubles with their 3-4 hitters against Walla, and then Lozada chipped an RBI single to make it 2-0. Walla lost Lopez on balls before getting Eggert on strikes. He spent 34 pitches on the first inning; Samson threw 11. Another 12 pitches by the Elks right-hander loaded the bags though on three singles by the Coons’ 4-5-6 batters in the bottom 2nd. The Coons didn’t score (…) as Colter fanned, Hamel popped out, and Walla floated out to Lozada.

Everything that could find a hole against Walla, though, found that hole. The Elks chipped nine hits off him in four innings, and scored another run on two singles and a sac fly in the third inning to take a 3-0 lead. The Coons had three on and nobody out AGAIN in the bottom 4th, then after Woodley and Rivas singles and a walk drawn by Colter. Hamel klutzed into a double play (which scored a run) and Walla fanned to end the inning… Bustillos’ leadoff double and two productive outs then pulled the run right back in the fifth inning. Barraza would knock him out in the sixth with a 2-out double, the *twelveth* hit off Walla in the game. Dan Graham struck out Spicer to end the inning.

Four outs by Graham and three supplied by Holzmeister got the game to the bottom 8th, Portland still down 4-1, but stumbling into the next scoring opportunity with nobody out, this time with the top of the order. Yocum slapped a leadoff double off Samson, who then lost Katz on four pitches. Wharton was the tying run, but grounded out on a 3-1 pitch, which made me audibly facepaw. The Coons only got one run on Woodley’s groundout, and Rivas floated out to Lozada. Samson went on to pitch a complete game 6-hitter, and the Elks put out 15 hits and scored two more runs on a very tired Raccoons bullpen in the ninth inning. 6-2 Canadiens. Woodley 2-3, RBI; Rivas 2-4;

Indy took two of three games from the Crusaders, so the Coons’ lead grew to 1 1/2 games. Both teams were then off on Thursday. In fact, the entire North was idle on that day.

Raccoons (41-30) @ Falcons (33-39) – June 26-28, 2071

The Falcons had the second-fewest runs on the board and were giving up the fifth-most for a -35 run differential. The Coons had a 2-1 lead this yest against a team that was at the bottom of the league in home runs, and almost at the bottom for stolen bases. The only thing they were kinda good at were defense. Yay, more double plays to hit into. For injuries, starter Jack Moses and first baseman Kevin Huffman were out.

Projected matchups:
Tony Gaytan (3-7, 3.67 ERA) vs. Howard Peek (2-1, 2.61 ERA)
Gabriel Rios (3-7, 4.04 ERA) vs. Edgar Mauricio (5-6, 3.64 ERA)
Harrison Hunt (0-1, 2.45 ERA) vs. Randy Rautenstrauch (2-3, 4.53 ERA)

Peek was a 30-year-old southpaw pitching in the majors for the first time in five years. The others were right-handed, and if the Coons didn’t put at least five runs on Rated-R Rautenstrauch, I was gonna ******* murder them all.

Hunt got the starting assignment over Vinny Morales, who had the fewest innings pitched and some of the worst (but not all of the worst) stats of the five starters on the roster since Opening Day.

Game 1
POR: LF Humphries – 2B Yocum – SS Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Olivares – 3B Hernandez – C S. Brown – RF Hamel – P Gaytan
CHA: 2B J. Brown – 3B A. Rodriguez – C O. Matos – CF L. Collins – SS Tr. Taylor – 1B Terrell – LF Bakker – RF Bazua – P Peek

Humph walked, reached third on Yocum’s single to center, and watched in disbelief as Katz popped out on a 3-0 pitch. Wharton hit a sac fly at least, for his well-earned 20th RBI of the season. Yocum stole second, but was left on base as Olivares flew out to right. The Falcons tied it up right away with a leadoff walk drawn by Josh Brown, whom Sam Brown failed to throw out upon stealing second, and ultimately Landon Collins’ RBI double with two outs.

Top 3rd, another lead as Humph drew a 1-out walk and Yocum got brushed. Katz’ RBI single made it 2-1 Critters, and Wharton hit another sac fly to left, but this one was real robbery by Matt Bakker, dashing into the corner to take away what looked like a sure RBI double, but a run still came home as Yocum scored from third base. Peek hit Olivares, but Hernandez grounded out, and Gaytan blew the 3-1 lead immediately, giving up a homer to Oscar Matos, and then two more hits and a walk in the same inning to get the game tied…

The Coons wasted doubles by Hamel in the fourth and Wharton in the fifth while Gaytan kept giving up fly balls to try and wear down the outfielders. Bakker finally came through for a 1-out double to left in the bottom 6th, and then went home when Raul Bazua singled to center – but Wharton threw him out at the plate. Gaytan struck out Peek to complete six messy, messy innings and then was swiftly hit for to begin the next inning. Guerrero did nothing in the spot, Yocum and Katz hit 2-out singles, and then were left on when Wharton grounded out…

Brad Fails failed in the bottom 7th, allowing a leadoff single to Josh Brown, who stole second, advanced on Alex Rodriguez’ groundout, and then scored… on a wild pitch. That gave the Falcons the lead, and it gave me throbbing veins in the temples. Top 8th, and the Coons loaded the bases, Olivares singling and Peek walking the bags full with the 7-8 batters before getting yanked and replaced with right-hander Dan Speake. Woodley batted for Fails and failed straight into a double play, and nobody ******* scored. McMahan held the game close before Orazio Cecere came out to see the top of the Coons’ order for the ninth inning. Humph struck out in a full count, but he walked Yocum to put the tying run on base. Katz fell to 0-2 before spanking a fly into the right-center gap that dropped, but was cut off by Adam Campbell from rightfield, and the Coons threw the anchor on Yocum, who had to hold at third base. With the infielders in, Wharton obviously grounded out to the ******* shortstop who shooed Yocum back to third, and Olivares flew out to center. 4-3 Falcons. Yocum 2-3, BB; Katzman 3-5, 2B, RBI;

Dimwits.

Game 2
POR: LF Humphries – 2B Yocum – 3B Katzman – CF T. Wharton – 1B Olivares – C Rivas – SS McFarland – RF Colter – P Rios
CHA: LF J. Brown – 3B A. Rodriguez – C O. Matos – CF L. Collins – SS Tr. Taylor – 1B Terrell – RF E. Mullen – 2B Bazua – P Mauricio

On Saturday, the dimwit was on the hill again as Rios got a 3-0 lead spotted in the second on homers by Olivares and Colter (with Rivas aboard) and then blew it utter dunce cap fashion in the third inning, allowing leadoff singles to Eddie Mullen and Bazua, who got bunted into scoring position. From there, it got ugly as Brown hit an RBI single and Rios then walked FOUR BATTERS IN A ROW, three in full counts, and as many with the ******* bases loaded, to fall 4-3 behind. Brady Terrell then hit into a double play on a 3-1 pitch, because every time had twats like that.

After Humph flipped the score to 5-4 Coons with a 2-out, 2-run double up the leftfield line, driving in McFarland and Colter in the fourth, Rios almost got yanked after walking Bazua in the bottom 4th, but then got outs from the next two batters; Mauricio was already hit for here. Instead, he gave up a game-tying homer to Rodriguez in the next inning, and through five the teams were even at … five.

The sixth was uneventful, and in the seventh Brad Fails ruined another ballgame, giving up a leadoff double to Brown, and then homers to Matos and Taylor to bury the Raccoons, three runs deep. Almost immediately the Raccoons hit two 1-out singles with their 5-6 hitters in the top 8th, bringing the tying run to the plate. And immediately after that McFarland smashed into a ******* double play. Sam Brown hit a double in the ninth against Cecere, but he was quite alone in doing anything that close to dinner time. 8-5 Falcons. Olivares 2-4, HR, RBI; Rivas 2-4; Colter 2-4, HR, 2 RBI;

I feel like I’m gonna scream very soon.

Game 3
POR: LF Humphries – 2B Yocum – SS Katzman – 1B Olivares – C S. Brown – 3B Hernandez – RF Colter – CF Guerrero – P Hunt
CHA: LF J. Brown – 3B A. Rodriguez – C O. Matos – CF L. Collins – SS Tr. Taylor – 1B Terrell – RF E. Mullen – 2B Bazua – P Rautenstrauch

The Coons left the bases loaded with Humphries, Yocum, and Brown right in the first inning on Sunday, getting two walks and a single from Rated-R, but no R-Runs. Hunt put a pair on base in the first inning as well, but the Falcons didn’t score there either. But, boy, did they score in the third inning. Leadoff walk, on four pitches, to ******* RANDY RAUTENSTRAUCH, and then the Falcons went off: double, double, walk, double, sac fly … four runs scored in a hurry, and the inept Raccoons were basically already swept.

That didn’t mean the Falcons would let off Hunt, who was admittedly beyond **** and allowed a leadoff single to Bazua in the bottom 4th. He walked the bags full with the 1-2 hitters, a run scored on a fielder’s choice, and Collins doubled in two more. That was the end for Hunt, but that didn’t mean that braindead pitching was over. Mullen tripled in a run against Holzmeister in the fifth, and Rismiller was completely outta whack in the sixth and allowed two runs (one earned) on a hit, two walks, and an Olivares error. The Raccoons had basically nothing. Sam Brown batted in a pathetic run at some point or other, not that anybody cared. 10-1 Falcons.

In other news

June 23 – The Capitals send 3B/RF Eric Frasher (.256, 1 HR, 16 RBI) to the Buffaloes for INF Tony Gaines (.292, 3 HR, 32 RBI) and a prospect.
June 23 – In a separate deal, the Capitals also acquire LF/CF/2B Darby Laybolt (.238, 1 HR, 9 RBI) from the Rebels for RF/LF Alex Romero (.412, 0 HR, 2 RBI) and #42 prospect CL Alex Tabares.
June 23 – The Falcons beat the Thunder, 5-4 in 14 innings.
June 24 – Indians SP Mike DeWitt (7-2, 2.03 ERA) puts together a 2-hit shutout against the Crusaders to claim a 4-0 win.
June 26 – Boston would be without OF Eddie Marcotte (.226, 12 HR, 32 RBI) for a month as he had a pinched nerve in his back.
June 26 – Denver acquires SP Jesus Alcantar (4-9, 5.78 ERA) from Nashville in exchange for #102 prospect OF/2B/3B Jose Lucero.
June 27 – The Canadiens lose INF/LF/RF Juan Terrazas (.249, 0 HR, 13 RBI) for a month due to a bruised wrist.
June 27 – The Condors win a 5-4, 15-inning game from the Loggers.
June 28 – PIT SP Brian Jones (12-4, 2.43 ERA) throws eight no-hit innings and strikes out 14 Stars, but runs out of glue before he can complete the deed. PIT CL John Faughnan (3-1, 2.08 ERA, 26 SV) blows the no-hitter by allowing a single to DAL C Steve Varner (.299, 11 HR, 33 RBI), but at least nails down the 1-0 win.
June 28 – As the Knights crunch the Titans, 16-4, ATL SP Scott Triebwasser (3-4, 7.41 ERA) pitches a complete-game 8-hitter and drives in five runs on a bases-clearing double, an RBI single, and an RBI groundout in the game.

Player of the Week (FL): WAS OF Tyler Chenette (.261, 10 HR, 36 RBI), batting .448 (13-29) with 3 HR, 10 RBI
Player of the Week (CL): IND OF Jose Hilario (.354, 9 HR, 33 RBI), hitting .600 (15-25) with 1 HR, 4 RBI

Complaints and stuff

Pathetic. Terrible. Embarassing. Can’t hit. Can’t pitch. Can’t field. Don’t exactly smell of roses.

Since the Crusaders also got swept by the Thunder on the weekend, the Raccoons remained in first place in a division that was beginning to cuddle, now with four teams within a series’ worth of games of first place.

Benito Otal went unclaimed and was assigned back to AAA. Oh miracle of miracles. Who’d want anybody too useless to play on THIS rancid team??

Keep in mind that there’s no money to fix it, so nobody’s gonna trade for the scum of the earth here, so all we can do is play .400 to the finish from here and maybe a fire a few people, or drown them in the Willamette.

The ******** would continue with a 7-game homestand against the Baybirds and Titans. In fact, after the San Francisco series we’d play 15 straight games against the other teams in the top four in the division, plus three against the Elks on the far end. If that wasn’t enough to enter a tailspin, nothing was.

Fun Fact: Jaquan Riggs posted the best starter’s ERA on the team this week.

Lock them in a box and throw the key away.