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NLCS Game 3
OH! OHHHHHH!!! YOU CALL THAT BASEBALL?! THAT’S NOT A GAME—THAT’S A BAR FIGHT WITH BATS!!!
SEVENTEEN TO FOURTEEN?! WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE—KEEPING SCORE OR TAKING INVENTORY?!
You got the Chicago Cubs coming in like—“Hey, we’ll just casually drop EIGHT RUNS IN TWO INNINGS!!” EIGHT!! BEFORE THE FANS EVEN FINISH THEIR HOT DOGS!!!
And then—AND THEN—Birgir Irving… THIS GUY… THIS GUY THINKS HE’S PLAYING HOME RUN DERBY!!!
THREE HOME RUNS?! THREE?!
OH, YOU DIDN’T JUST BEAT THE PITCHER—YOU RUINED HIS LIFE!!!
FIRST ONE—BOOM!
SECOND ONE—BOOOOM!!
THIRD ONE—OH, NOW YOU’RE JUST BEING MEAN!!!
FIVE RUNS SCORED?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TAKING A JOG BETWEEN BASES OR RENTING PROPERTY OUT THERE?!
And the Padres?! DON’T THINK YOU’RE OFF THE HOOK!!!
YOU GIVE UP 17 RUNS—AND YOU STILL SCORE 14?!
WHAT IS THIS, A TRACK MEET?! NOBODY CAN STOP ANYBODY!!!
You got balls flying out of PETCO Park LIKE IT’S A FIREWORKS SHOW!!!
Pitchers are out there like—
“Hey coach… you got anything?”
“Yeah—I GOT NOTHING!!! GET BACK OUT THERE!!!”
Danny Speigel—TWO HOMERS!
Setton—THREE-RUN BOMB!
Jimenez—ANOTHER ONE!
IT DOESN’T MATTER!!! YOU’RE STILL LOSING!!!
AND THE CUBS BULLPEN—DON’T THINK I DIDN’T SEE YOU!!!
YOU TURN A BLOWOUT INTO A HEART ATTACK!!!
15-7… 17-13… 17-14…
I’M WATCHING THIS LIKE—
“ARE YOU TRYING TO WIN OR START A SUPPORT GROUP?!”
But in the end—Chicago walks out with it, 17-14, series lead 2-1…
AND EVERY PITCHER IN THIS GAME?
NEEDS ICE… THERAPY… AND A NEW CAREER!!!
OH! OH! OHHHHHH!!! WHAT A DISASTER!!! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER!!!
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