National Baseball League

[jg2977]

Woad Wunneth tuwned into Woad Wuin... uh-oh!
A wabbit's-eye view of Game Fwee in da Westewn Confewence Finaws

Ohhh, bwoys and giwls... it wooked wike anothew fine day fow basebaww—uh, I mean hockey, oops!—but fow da Dawwas Staws, it tuwned into a weal Acme-style expwosion. Da Chicago Bwackhawks packed up deiw bats, theiw gwit, and a whooole wot of wuns as dey whomped da Staws 12-4 at Amewican Aiwwines Centew, takin’ a 2-1 seweez wead in da Confewence Finaws.

Da hewo fow Chicago? Why, it was dat siwwy owd Ronny Hextaww, who swung his bat wike Ewmah Fudd chases wabbits—vewy pewsistentwy! He hit not one, but two big kabooms, incwudin’ a big ow’ boom-boom in da fiwst innin’ and anothew in da ninth! Pow! Bwam! A 4-WBI night fow da man who hits hawda dan I twy ta pwonounce "Westewn Confewence Finaws!"

Oh! And den wouwd you wook at dat Bedawd fewwa? He cwacked anothew homer too. That's seven! Dat’s mowe homers dan I have hairs on my head... which isn’t sayin’ much, but stiww!

Staws Twy to Fight Back, But—Shhhhhh—It’s Duck Season
It wasn’t aww bad fow Dawwas! Oh no no no! Da wittwe spawk of hope came fwom Amenzu Jabiri, who hit two big bombs and wawked twice. He twied to cwack his bat wike Bugs Bunny cwacks jokes—wight on cue! Two homers, thwee WBI... he was pewfect! If dis was just his show, maybe da Staws wouwd’ve stood a chance.

But da west o’ da team? Hoo boy... dey had wess fight dan a siwwy owd wubber ducky. Seven hits, four wuns, and wots of stwikeouts. Not exactwy a Looney Tune cwassic.

Gushiken Gushes Too Many Wuns
Hyogo Gushiken, Dawwas’ stahtah, went splat! Wike a pie in da face. He gave up seven wuns in da fiwst one innin’! Dat’s mowe dan aww my goof-ups put togethew!

Da buwwpen twied ta patch it up wif chewing gum and hope, but it was too wate. Quezada came in in da ninf wike a twain wif no bwakes—gave up thwee mowe wuns, two mowe homers, and one mowe headache. Ohhh bwoy...

Who’s Got Da Wast Waff?
Well, we'ww see tomowwow in Game Fouw, back hewe in Dawwas. If da Staws wanna keep up in dis cat-and-wabbit chase, dey gotta get deiw act togethew. Mowe Jabiri, wess expwodin’ pitchahs.

As fow Chicago? If dey keep swingin’ wike dat, dey might find demselves in da Stanley Cup Finaws... and dat, fow da west of da weague, is:

"That’s aww, fowwks!" 🥕🎶

Now if you'ww excuse me... I gotta go hunt some Hawks. Heheheh... be vewy, vewy quiet...

[jg2977]

Uhhhhhh... Vandelay just, like, totally scored. Heh heh. Heh.

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS – GAME 3
Montweal Canadweans at New Yawk Wangers – Octobew 5, 2001

BUTTHEAD: Uh huh huh huh… that dude Vandeway hit, like… THREE home wuns. Heh heh… home wuns. He totally… uh… whacked it.
BEAVIS: YEAH! HEH HEH! HEH! He whacked it GOOD! Like… BOOOOOM! He was all like “I am the great Art Vandelay!”
BUTTHEAD: Uh huh huh… yeah, and the Wangers were like “Uhhhhh… we suck.”

So, like, the Canadiens came into Madison Squaw Gawden and just totally kicked butt. Final scowe was 8–6, but it wasn’t even that cwose. Vandeway was, like, going nuclear out there. Dude hit three bombs. Like... THREE! That’s, like… one… two… uhhh... shut up, Beavis, I’m counting.

BEAVIS: Hey Butthead, that Peterman guy hit two home wuns too. He was all like… “Boom! I’m Jacopo, baby!” And then the Wangers pooped theiw pants! AHAHAHAH!!!
BUTTHEAD: Uh huh huh huh... Peterman. That name is cool. Peterman. Sounds like a guy who, like, pets people. Uh huh huh.

Anyway, yeah, Peterman totally took over da 7th and 9th innings, hit one over da wall, then stole a base. Like… what a dweeb, steawing bases. What is this, wittle weague?

BEAVIS: Uhhh… so, like, wisten up. New Yawk hit some dingers too. Wice, Gwubin, Kwamer – BOOM!
BUTTHEAD: But dey still wost. Heh heh. Losers.

That Ewi Gwubin guy didn’t even get a hit. He was, like, 0 for the freakin’ game. Pfft. Guess he wuns outta powah after Game 2. He was wike… “Uhhhh, my bat’s tired, heh heh.”

BEAVIS: That Sanchez dude on the mound was wike “I don’t care if you get 13 hits, I’m gonna just… stand hewe… and wig it!” Heh heh… he gave up 3 homewuns but STILL got the win!
BUTTHEAD: Yeah, and that Fiori dude almost biffed it, but den van Bussel came in and was all like “I’M A CLOSER, BUTTHOLE.” Game ova.

BUTTHEAD: So now it's 2–1 in the seweez, and if the Wangers don’t stop sucking, they’re gonna be watching da Stanley Cup on, like… a TV in the back of a Denny’s or something.
BEAVIS: YEAH! And they’ww be like “I’d wike to owder some… regwet!” HEH HEH HEH!

BUTTHEAD: Next game’s tomowwow. Wangers shouwd, like, maybe twy not giving up SEVEN home wuns. Just a thought.

FINAL THOUGHT:
BUTTHEAD: Vandeway was, like, the MVP of sucking the coolness away fwom the Wangers.
BEAVIS: YEAH! MVP stands for Massive Vowcanic Powah! Heh heh… AHHHHH! VANDWAY! I AM CORNHOLIO!!!

[jg2977]

FRANK COSTANZA PRESENTS: “THE BLACKHAWKS TAKE DALLAS BY STORM!”
Chicago Wins Game 4, Moves One Step Closer to the Cup — AND I’M LOSING MY MIND!

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I’ve been to a lot of hockey games. I once saw Gordie Howe fight a man with one eye and a missing tooth. But this?! This was bedlam! This was chaos! THIS WAS CHICAGO HOCKEY, DAMMIT!

The Blackhawks walked into Dallas — a city that serves chili without beans, by the way, don’t get me started — and they took care of business! Final score: 8–5. I haven’t seen that many home runs in a hockey game since… SINCE NEVER!

RON HEXTALL! THIS MAN… THIS MAN IS A WARRIOR.
Two hits! A three-run bomb! Stolen base! THREE double plays turned like it was a Bar Mitzvah buffet line! I was yelling at the TV so loud Estelle thought I was reliving ‘Nam!

“MY JOB IS TO GO OUT AND PLAY HARD,” he said.
YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS, RON! YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT!
THE THIRD INNING. THE THIRD INNING, I TELL YA!
Trevino homers. Hextall homers. Rivera homers. The Dallas pitcher — Shigeru Nakamura — I don’t know what he was throwing but it sure as hell wasn’t baseballs! MAYBE WET SOCKS!

And what’s he doing giving up 3 home runs in 2.2 innings?! I’ve had longer naps than his start!

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT DALLAS DEFENSE!
Ten hits, five runs, and they still couldn’t pull out a win! Montez, Jabiri, Grubin — THREE guys get 10 hits combined and NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT! I’ve seen more clutch from my Uncle Morty’s old Buick!

BUT I GOTTA HAND IT TO CHICAGO’S PITCHING.
Almaraz, Dieguez, Krueger — they kept it together like a deli sandwich under pressure. You get 6 innings from your starter, no errors, no wild pitches — THAT’S BASEBALL! That’s how my father taught me to throw a slider — with rage and honor.

NOW LISTEN UP, BLACKHAWKS!
You’re up 3-1 in the series. I’ve seen leads like this blown before. YOU GOTTA CLOSE IT OUT! DON’T LET ‘EM CRAWL BACK IN! DON’T MAKE ME PACE MY LIVING ROOM WITH A BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF!

Game 5 is Sunday. At the United Center. If you let Dallas win in your own building, I SWEAR ON THE FESTIVUS POLE I WILL LOSE IT.

IN CONCLUSION…
Ron Hextall is a god. The Stars are a mess. The nachos at American Airlines Center cost $12 and were lukewarm. But the Blackhawks? THE BLACKHAWKS ARE A TEAM OF DESTINY.

AND IF THEY DON’T WIN THIS SERIES — I’M BOYCOTTING THE WHOLE DAMN SPORT!

SERENITY NOW!!!

[jg2977]

MORTY SEINFELD REPORTS FROM GAME 4 OF THE EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS:
Montreal 13, New York 5
"WHO’S PAYING FOR THIS MESS?!"

Let me tell you something, I’ve seen a lot of hockey in my day — I’ve watched games in Montreal, in Long Island, even once in Newark — but this game? This was a disaster for the Rangers! A complete collapse! They lost 13–5! THIRTEEN! That’s not a score — that’s a bowling frame!

And you know who’s to blame? Art Vandelay. That’s right. That boy — he was all over the field! Two home runs! A grand slam! Six RBIs! And four runs scored! FOUR! I haven’t scored four runs since the 1947 stickball championships in Bay Ridge!

Vandelay, Vandelay!
I knew a Vandelay once. Had a Buick. Wouldn’t rotate his tires. Now this Vandelay — he doesn’t drive Buicks. He hits moonshots over the wall at Madison Square Garden! That grand slam in the sixth? That thing was so high it passed a weather balloon!

And don’t even get me started on the baserunning. He stole two bases! TWO BASES! My doctor told me not to bend down to pick up a quarter, and this kid is out there stealing second and third like it’s nothing! Does he stretch? Does he hydrate?!

Montreal! They ran all over them!
Thirteen runs, twelve hits, six walks — and the Rangers committed two errors! It’s like they’d never seen a baseball before! What is this, spring training in Syracuse?!

The Rangers’ pitching was… I don’t want to say terrible, but it was abysmal! They went through six pitchers! Six! I’ve seen fewer attendants at the airport baggage carousel!

And how about R. Sang?!
Two home runs! Including one in the ninth, when the game was already out of reach. Why are you pitching to him?! Intentionally walk him! Send him to a deli! Just don’t throw him a strike! This isn’t rocket science, it’s baseball!

The Rangers? Oy vey.
They hit a couple homers early — Kramer, Alcala, Chisholm — sure, nice, cute. But then they just disappeared! Kaput! Nothing! And R. Torres? I didn’t even know he was playing! What’s he doing out there, balancing his checkbook?!

So now it’s 2–2.
The series is tied. Montreal heads home. And let me tell you something — they’ve got the momentum! You don’t score thirteen runs and just forget how to hit! Not unless you’re my friend Bernie from Del Boca Vista.

And if the Rangers don’t fix their pitching, their infield, and their entire mental approach to the game — they're going home. And not to play another game — to CLEAN OUT THEIR LOCKERS!

That’s it. I’m writing a letter.
To the commissioner. To the bullpen coach. To whoever let Art Vandelay hit a grand slam with the bases loaded. You people are an embarrassment!

Player of the Game: Art Vandelay
Player of the Month: Art Vandelay
Player of the Century? Jury's still out.

And remember — I once sold raincoats to Calvin Coolidge’s nephew. I know greatness when I see it.

[jg2977]

🎙️JERRY SEINFELD PRESENTS: “WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE BLACKHAWKS?!”

So let me get this straight…
Chicago is going to the Stanley Cup Finals again. Second time in three years! First time, back in 1999? They got swept. SWEPT! Four games, boom boom boom boom — get outta here. The Long Island Islanders made 'em look like a bunch of confused guys trying to assemble IKEA furniture on ice skates.

But now? Oh, now they’re back. Back for revenge. Back for glory. Back... for the Cup!

And what was this game?!
Final score: 9 to 8. Is this the NHL or the NFL preseason? You score nine runs and you're hanging on by your fingernails? That’s not hockey — that’s a high-speed math test.

Dallas, the defending champs — defending! — just gave up 14 hits and still almost won! You know how bad that pitching has to be? They practically mailed the puck into the net. "Dear Chicago, here’s your goal. Love, Dallas."

Ron Hextall!
He’s the MVP! And not just of this series — he might be the MVP of the entire planet! .421 average? 12 RBIs? 7 runs? I mean, come on!
You know who gets 12 RBIs in a playoff series? Nobody! Not even a video game character with the difficulty set to ‘grandparent.’

Emilio Trevino!
Three hits, three RBIs, a home run AND two doubles?! This guy’s not playing baseball — he’s conducting a clinic. He’s in the batter’s box like, "You there! Watch how it’s done!"

And Dallas? Oh, Dallas...
Your starter gave up six runs in the first inning! You know what they call that in hockey? A retirement party.
You give up six runs, you’re not a starting pitcher — you’re a loud exit.

And they still scored eight! And still lost! That’s the kind of loss that makes you lie down in the locker room and wonder, “Is it me? Am I the problem?”

Let’s not ignore the chaos, either.
Four Chicago errors! FOUR! That’s not defense, that’s interpretive dance. People are running in circles, missing throws — I haven’t seen coordination this bad since my uncle tried yoga in sandals.

And now, the Blackhawks... wait. They still don’t even know who they’re playing!
Rangers or Canadiens. It’s like a weird vacation booking:
"Would you like New York or Montreal?"
“Whichever comes with fewer injuries and a tired bullpen.”

But now the stakes are high.
They’ve got the momentum. They’ve got the motivation. They’ve got the ghosts of ‘99 lurking in the shadows. And they’re looking for payback.

Will they win the Cup?
Will they be swept again?
Will Ron Hextall spontaneously combust into an MVP-shaped pile of confetti?!

I don’t know!
But I’ll tell you this: I’m watching.
Because whatever happens next — it’s gonna be something.

[jg2977]

Dallas vs. Chicago

[jg2977]

GEORGE STEINBRENNER (SEINFELD VERSION) RECAPS GAME 5:
“Road wins, road wins — that’s the name of the game, Costanza!”

Let me tell ya somethin’, I’ve been around this sport a long time. I’ve seen pucks fly, sticks break, coaches cry — and I’ve never in my life seen a series where NOBODY wants to win at home. You kidding me?! Home-ice advantage? Not in this series, baby! Five games — FIVE ROAD WINS! You’d think these teams were allergic to their own fans!

THE RANGERS, THE RANGERS, THEY’RE DOING IT, COSTANZA!
They go up to Montreal — Bell Centre, 48,000 screaming Habs fans — and what do they do? They drop a ten-spot on ‘em. That’s right, ten runs! KOSMO KRAMER! You see this guy?! Hits a homer in the first, double in the second, triple in the eighth — if he gets a single in the ninth, he’s hittin’ for the cycle! The man is a LUNATIC — and I LOVE IT!

KOSMO KRAMER, COSTANZA!
We tried to sign him back in ’97, but he said he was working on a coffee table book about coffee tables — whatever that means. Still hits like a freight train! Drives in three, scores three, wearing his helmet sideways, running like he’s chasing a bus — that’s baseball, baby! Er, hockey!

AND HOW ABOUT THE START OF THIS GAME?!
Top of the first: BAM — B. Rice goes yard! BAM — Kramer, two-run bomb! BAM — R. Torres joins the party! That’s five runs before Montreal’s even found their skates. You want a statement game? THAT’S A STATEMENT! You walk into the other guy’s house, eat his dinner, scratch up his hardwood floors, and take his dog for a walk. That’s what the Rangers did!

Now listen, I’m not sayin’ Montreal didn’t fight back — no, no, no! They had 17 hits! Peterman hit a bomb, Newman went deep twice — twice! Vandelay had four hits, stole a base, filed some kind of export paperwork midgame. Still not enough!

WHY? BECAUSE THE RANGERS WANTED IT MORE!
Garza, Ochoa, Vera — even Menendez, who looked like he was pitching underhand — they held on! Vera with the two-inning save, cool as a cucumber. That’s what I like — ice in the veins, fire in the heart!

And now, Game 6 goes to Madison Square Garden. You know what that means, Costanza? The Rangers are one win away. One win from the Stanley Cup Finals. One win from immortality!

But don’t get too confident! Remember the trend:
The road team wins every time! We’re better off playing this game in a parking lot in Schenectady!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go fire three assistant GMs, yell at a Zamboni mechanic, and redesign the commemorative towel giveaway.

RANGERS WIN! RANGERS WIN! THAT’S BASEBALL— I MEAN HOCKEY— THAT’S RANGERS HOCKEY, BABY!

[jg2977]

RANGERS SHOCK HABS IN THRILLER!
AVERY’S 2-STRIKE ROCKET SENDS BLUESHIRTS BACK TO THE STANLEY CUP FINAL
By THE NEW YORK POST SPORTS DESK | October 11, 2001

NEW YORK — YOU COULD HEAR THE ROAR FROM RIVERSIDE TO ROCKAWAY.

Bottom of the ninth. Two outs. Two strikes. One strike away from another home loss and a Game 7 in Montreal.

Then came Avery Grubin.

The Rangers’ right fielder stepped in, locked in, and crushed a 2-2 pitch from Montreal reliever A. Pasillas into the Manhattan sky — a two-run, walk-off home run that turned Madison Square Garden into a madhouse and sent the Canadiens packing.

Final: Rangers 8, Canadiens 7. Series over. Dynasty alive.

With one epic swing, Avery punched New York’s ticket to the Stanley Cup Final for the second straight year, the third time in four seasons, and a record-extending 14th appearance overall.

And now? Just four wins stand between the Blueshirts and Stanley Cup No. 10.

“I was just trying to keep the line moving,” Avery said, moments after being mobbed at the plate. “Then I saw it. And I swung.”

Yeah. He swung. And he launched it.

KRAMER KEEPS COOKING
While Avery sealed it, Kosmo Kramer once again ran the show. The series MVP ripped two doubles, scored twice, and finished the series batting .444 with 3 homers and 9 RBI.

“Every time you look up, he’s doing something nuts,” said manager Artie Constanzo. “He’s got chaos in his bat.”

EARLY HOLE, VINTAGE COMEBACK
The Rangers looked rattled early. Montreal opened the game with back-to-back-to-back jacks — Vandelay, Newman, and Montreal’s own Asher Grubin (yes, different Grubin) taking Hector Macias deep.

But the home team didn’t fold.

Ben Rice crushed a two-run homer in the 4th. Sacrifice flies from Torres and Kim chipped away. Kramer doubled twice. And the bullpen — Garza and Vera — held the fort just long enough for Avery to drop the hammer.

NEXT STOP: CHICAGO
The Rangers now face the surging Chicago Blackhawks, who steamrolled Dallas in five. They’ve got youth, speed, and confidence — but not a single Cup.

The Rangers? They’ve got nine.

“This is what we play for,” Avery said. “This is New York. We don’t chase banners. We collect them.”

AVERY GRUBIN. BROADWAY HERO.
RANGERS. STANLEY CUP BOUND. AGAIN.

[jg2977]

NY Rangers vs. Montreal

[jg2977]

2001 Stanley Cup Final

[jg2977]

WHATCHA GONNA DO, CHICAGO, WHEN THE RANGERS RUN WILD ON YOU?!
MARK GRUBIN AND THE RANGERS DROP A 19-BOMB IN GAME 1 BROTHER!!
By Hulk Hogan, reporting straight from the squared circle of the Stanley Cup Finals!

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS — LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN’, MEAN GENE!

The Rangers walked into the United Center, looked the Blackhawks straight in the eyes, and said: “We’re the champions of the universe, JACK!” And then they did what real champs do, brother — they dropped the leg, the elbow, AND the big boot — most in the first six innings!

It was a 19-4 SMACKDOWN, courtesy of Mark Grubin, the heavy-hitting Hulkamaniac of center field, who went 3-for-5 with two monster homers, drove in four runs, and ran wild all over the Windy City!

THE MADNESS STARTED EARLY, DUDE!

In the very first inning, the Rangers didn’t just come out swingin’ — they came out flexin’, pumpin’, and slammin’ with a 4-run blast that sent shockwaves through Chi-Town! Bobby Rice? Double. Torres? Double. And oh yeah — Omar Alcala smashed TWO home runs like a steel chair to the face!

The Blackhawks didn’t know what hit ‘em, brother!

HULKAMANIA’S RUNNING THROUGH THE GRUBIN FAMILY!

Mark Grubin wasn’t alone in dishing out the punishment, brother. Elliot Grubin dropped TWO bombs of his own! And Avery? While he didn’t go yard this time, he doubled in the 4th and kept the heat on like a 24-inch python squeezing the life out of the opposition!

Even Kosmo “Krazy Legs” Kramer got in on the action with a two-run jack, showing why he’s the MVP of your heart, dude!

THE GI-HUN EXPRESS KEEPS ROLLING!

And while the bats were body-slamming everything in sight, starter Seong Gi-Hun went the distance with a complete game, 9-hit performance, keeping the Blackhawks in a figure-four leg lock all night long!

He wasn’t walking anybody. He wasn’t messing around. Just throwin’ strikes and droppin’ fools.

SO WHAT’S NEXT, BROTHER?!

Game 2. Same arena. Different night. But the message is clear, man:
You step into the ring with the New York Rangers, you better bring more than skates and sticks — you better bring HEART, brother!

Because the Rangers are out for Cup #10... and there ain’t a thing the Blackhawks can do if they don’t stop the Grubin Bros., Kramer, and the rest of the Ranger Maniacs from storming all the way to glory, brother!

So I got one question for ya, Chicago:

WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE RANGERS DROP 19 ON YOU… AGAIN?!

💪🎤 HULK OUT!

[jg2977]

YABBA-DABBA-DON’T, RANGERS!
BEDARD BOMBS BLAST BLUES AWAY AS BLACKHAWKS TIE THE SERIES!
By Fred Flintstone, Bedrock Sports & Slabball Correspondent

CHICAGO — Welllll, blow me down with a bronto bone, Wilma! The Rangers got Bedrock’d in Game 2, and it was all thanks to that dino-mashing slugger Connor “Bam-Bam” Bedard, who clubbed not one, not two, but THREE home runs! Yabba-dabba-doozy!

The New York Rangers came out swingin’ like a mastodon tail, but in the end, the Blackhawks cracked 'em like a giant pterodactyl egg, 6-5, evening the Stanley Cup Finals at one game apiece.

BEDARD BRINGS THE CLUB, FRED STYLE!

This Bedard fella, he’s got arms like a quarry crane and timing like a saber-tooth on the hunt! He went 3-for-4 with 4 ribbies, including a two-run yabba-dabba-dinger in the 7th that sent O. Menendez to the showers faster than you can say “Flintmobile!”

“That kid’s got more pop than a bubbling tar pit,” I said to Barney between bites of mammoth ribs. And Barney said, “Yup, and he swings harder than Dino on bath night!”

RANGERS RALLY... BUT TOO LATE!

Now don't get me wrong — the Rangers gave it a real Stone Age shake! Kosmo Kramer kept up his MVP act with a big 2-run blast in the 8th. Right behind him? Mark “The Marvel” Grubin, sending one over the rocks too!

But it was too little, too late for the boys in blue and bone. Despite 9 hits and 5 runs, the Blackhawks slammed the cave door shut with a double play and some clutch closing from that fire-throwin’ caveman C. Krueger.

STONE COLD FACTS:

🦴 Bedard ties the Chicago playoff record with 3 homers in a single game
🦴 The Grubin gang (Mark, Elliot, and Avery) totaled 4 hits — but couldn’t quite chip away the lead
🦴 Ol’ Menendez pitched like he’d just rolled out of a tar pit — giving up 5 runs and 3 dingers

WHAT’S NEXT FOR THE DINO-MEN OF NEW YORK?

Game 3 heads back to Madison Stone Garden, where the Rangers will need to channel their inner Rockzilla if they wanna bash back. You can bet your last slab of ribs they’ll be ready to rumble!

So grab your giant horn-shell popcorn, polish up that sabretooth jersey, and hold on tight, because these Stanley Cup Finals are heating up hotter than a lava-flow lunch break!

UNTIL NEXT TIME... THIS IS FREDDY FLINTSTONE SAYIN’:

YABBA-DABBA-DOOOO GO RANGERS! 🏒🦕🔥

[jg2977]

Alcala’s Power Surge Lifts Rangers in Game 3 Victory Over Blackhawks
By Buster Olney | ESPN Senior Writer

NEW YORK — Octavio Alcala is not typically the headliner for a Rangers team that boasts a star-studded roster with marquee names like Kosmo Kramer, Mark Grubin, and Elliott Grubin. But in the pivotal Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals, it was Alcala who delivered the signature moments.

The 27-year-old first baseman, a steady if understated presence in the heart of the New York lineup, turned in one of the defining performances of the postseason. Alcala crushed two solo home runs — one in the 6th and another in the 8th — and helped power the Rangers to an 8–4 victory over the Chicago Blackhawks, giving New York a 2–1 lead in the best-of-seven series.

“He’s a guy who doesn’t get rattled by the moment,” Rangers manager Kosmo Kramer said after the win. “He stays within himself, trusts his swing, and when he connects — it’s gone.”

A Deep and Relentless Lineup
What’s becoming increasingly clear is that this Rangers team is not just a top-heavy collection of sluggers. In Monday night’s win at Madison Square Garden, six different players homered, including Ben Rice, Mark Grubin, Avery Grubin, Kramer, Elliott Grubin, and Alcala. The Rangers’ offensive depth is both suffocating and unrelenting — a relentless sequence of professional at-bats and power potential from top to bottom.

Even after falling behind 2-0 early, New York counterpunched in the 4th inning with back-to-back solo shots by Elliott and Avery Grubin. The fifth inning saw a stunning display of muscle: three home runs in the span of five batters, capped off by Kramer’s opposite-field blast, his ninth of the postseason.

“Some teams hit homers. We wear pitchers down,” Rice said. “Then we hit homers.”

Macias Steadies, Vera Closes
On the mound, Hector Macias delivered what can only be described as a gritty, bend-but-don’t-break effort. The right-hander allowed seven hits and four runs (three earned) across seven innings, but worked around a pair of defensive miscues — one of them his own — to keep Chicago from mounting any momentum.

Reliever Tomas Vera, a breakout star of this Rangers bullpen, recorded the final six outs, picking up his fifth save of the postseason in effortless fashion. He’s now thrown nine straight scoreless innings in playoff action.

Chicago, meanwhile, struggled to generate sustained offense. Connor Bedard did launch his 12th postseason home run — a majestic solo shot to left — but the rest of the lineup was neutralized. The Blackhawks struck out eight times and managed just one base runner after the sixth inning.

A Statement Game
If Game 2 was a slugfest and a lesson in resilience from the Blackhawks, Game 3 marked a shift back toward dominance for the Rangers — not just in the box score, but in tone and tempo.

“This was a tone-setter,” said a National League scout in attendance. “New York hit six balls out and could’ve hit three more. This was their way of reminding everyone: this is still their series.”

Game 4 is set for Tuesday night in New York, where the Rangers will try to push the Blackhawks to the brink. If Alcala and the Grubins keep swinging like this, the Rangers may very well be skating toward another Cup parade down 7th Avenue.

—


Madison Square Garden, New York
Projected starters: RHP Gi-Hun (NYR) vs. LHP Lugo (CHI)

—Buster Olney, ESPN

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HOLY COW! BLACKHAWKS BLAST RANGERS IN GAME 4, TIE THE SERIES AT TWO!
By Harry Caray (in spirit, ya know!) | October 16, 2001 | Madison Square Garden, New York

Well hey there, baseball—I mean hockey—fans! If you like home runs, fireworks, and a whole lotta Bedard, then boy oh boy did you get a treat tonight from the Windy City boys in pinstripes—I mean, the Blackhawks! WHEW!

The Chicago Blackhawks came stormin’ into Madison Square Garden and absolutely walloped the New York Rangers, 12–4, to knot this Stanley Cup series at two games apiece. And let me tell ya, folks—Connor Bedard had himself a game! The young fella went 4-for-5 with two dingers, a double, and a steak dinner—well, maybe not the steak, but he sure ate tonight!

You could smell the meatballs flyin’ outta the press box after the top of the first! Armando Gonzalez—he's not just good at pasta night, folks—crushed a three-run homer that left this stadium quieter than a mime convention. That made it 4-0 right outta the gate, and let me tell ya, you don’t usually see that kinda eruption unless there’s a firework show over Lake Michigan!

Willie Diaz took the hill for the Rangers, and hoo-boy, it was not his night. Seven runs in less than two innings? Holy cow! He looked more lost out there than I did during my first hot dog eating contest. Chicago tagged him for two homers—including Bedard’s first bomb—and that was all she wrote.

By the time the second inning was done, it was 8-0, and the Rangers looked more frozen than a wooly mammoth in the Ice Age.

Now don’t get me wrong—the Rangers ain’t quitters. Kosmo Kramer hit his 10th homer of the playoffs, Hoon Kim added one of his own in the ninth, and even that whippersnapper Chisholm knocked in a run with a double. But folks, it was too little, too late. Like puttin’ ketchup on a burned bratwurst—it just don’t fix what’s already cooked.

I. Salgado pitched a gem for Chicago, going 8.1 innings with just three runs allowed. He threw 110 pitches, and probably coulda thrown 110 more! That’s a workhorse, baby!

So now the series is tied 2-2, and we’re headin’ back to Chicago for Game 5 at the ol’ United Center. The way these teams are playin’, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see another dozen dingers before this thing’s over.

And let me tell ya, folks—if Connor Bedard isn’t from another planet, then I’m not Harry Caray! He’s hittin’ so many home runs, NASA called to ask if he needed clearance for liftoff!

Game 5’s on Thursday, and I suggest you grab your popcorn, your peanuts, your Cracker Jack, and maybe even your earplugs—because the bats are LOUD, the crowd is rowdy, and this Stanley Cup Final is hotter than a Wrigley dog in July!

HOLY COW! What a night!
Let’s play two! … Oh wait, wrong sport. YEE-HEE!

—Harry

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YESSS!! THE RANGERS TAKE GAME FIVE AND MOVE WITHIN ONE WIN OF STANLEY CUP GLORY!
By Marv Albert (stylized commentary) | October 18, 2001 | United Center, Chicago

Yesss!! A resounding road win for the New York Rangers as they go into the raucous United Center and silence the Chicago Blackhawks, 8 to 1, in Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Finals! The Rangers now take a commanding 3-2 lead in the best-of-seven series—and folks, they are just one victory away from hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup for the tenth time in franchise history!

And how about this performance from the ace of the New York staff—Seong Gi-Hun! Absolutely masterful on the mound tonight! Seven innings, five hits, just one run—and that came on a solo shot from Connor Bedard, who continues to be an unstoppable force. But outside of that—Gi-Hun was brilliant. Confident, composed, clinical. The Rangers gave him a lead and he ran with it like Clyde Frazier on a fast break!

Now let’s talk about the big blow—the swing that changed the entire trajectory of this ballgame. Fourth inning, two men on... Eli Grubin steps up to the plate and—YESSS!! A towering three-run blast to deep left field! You could feel the oxygen leave the building as that ball took flight! That gave the Rangers a 3–1 lead, and they never looked back.

Add a little Ben Rice power in the 8th, a solo shot to pad the lead—Yesss!—and mix in Octavio Alcala, Ruben Chisholm, Rafael Torres all chipping in, and you've got a Rangers lineup firing on all cylinders. Patient at the plate too—10 walks drawn on the night. That’s how you win on the road in October.

And while we’re at it—tip of the toupee to the bullpen! Rafael Cora and Arturo Garza closed the door without so much as a peep from Chicago’s bats. That’s shutdown relief. Ice in the veins.

As for Chicago, the story was missed opportunities and quiet bats. Yes, Connor Bedard did his usual thing with a solo homer in the first, but after that? Nada. Zip. Zilch. Just seven scattered hits, and only one extra-base knock. The rest was a parade of strikeouts, pop-ups, and frustration.

So now, the series heads back to Madison Square Garden, where the Rangers will have a chance—a golden opportunity—to clinch the Cup in front of the home fans on Saturday night.

Can they do it? Will this be the night Ranger fans have waited for? Will Gi-Hun’s gem go down in the annals of franchise lore?

Find out next time... but for now, from Chicago...

YESSSSSS!!! The Rangers are on the brink!

[jg2977]

Th-th-th-that’s a Game 7, folks!

By Daffy Duck, Special to BNN Sports
October 20, 2001 – Madithon Thquare Garden, New York

Ho-ho-hoooo boy! Wouldja look at that?! The Blackhawks come waddling into the Garden like they own the joint, and th-th-th-they just SMACKED the Rangers right in the beak, 8 to 3! Woo-hoo! We're goin' to Game Seven in the Stanley Cup Finals, and if that doesn't make your tail feathers stand up, I don't know what will!

And lemme tell ya, folks—Chicago shortstop Ronny “Boom-Boom” Hextall was a one-duck wrecking crew tonight! THREE hits, TWO of ‘em goin' yard, and a DOUBLE for good measure. He walked, he ran, he danced across that diamond like he was on Looney Toons on Ice. Scored three times and drove in a pair! Hextall was abthurd! Ahem. Absurd.

But wait, wait, wait! That’s not all! Oh, no no no, dear viewers of violence! The mighty Emilio Trevino let one FLY in the fourth inning—KA-BOOM!—a two-run tater tot right into the upper deck! Yessiree, that gave Chicago the 3-1 lead and they never looked back. I mean, I woulda looked back, but I'm a bit cross-eyed under pressure, don'tcha know.

And then there’s Connor Bedard, who, I say, he just keeps swingin’ that bat like he’s got a vendetta against baseballs. Another homer! That’s SIXTEEN for the postseason! It’s like he’s auditionin’ for the Acme Bat Demolition Derby. Kablammo!

Now, the Rangers? Pbbbt! Not their finest hour, no sir. Couple o’ hits here and there—Grubin, Grubin, and Rice tryin’ to stir the soup—but not enough ducks in the pond. Pitching? Macias looked like he'd swallowed a cannonball—BOINK! Two bombs off him, one off poor Ochoa, and wheeew! The bullpen got roasted like marshmallows at a campfire.

Kang Song—wait, I mean K. Song for Chicago—seven innings, only four hits, and one measly dinger from M. Grubin. He looked cooler than Porky Pig in a snowstorm, just hummed those pitches in there like “Th-th-that’s a STRIKE!”

So now, ladies and gentle-birds, we’re goin’ back to the Windy City. Game Seven. Monday night. Winner gets the glory, the Cup, the parade, the confetti... the works! The loser? Well... they get a th-th-thank-you note and a long, lonely offseason.

I’ll be there, popcorn in hand, feathers ruffled with anticipation! ‘Cause lemme tell ya...

This series is cookin' with ACME rocket fuel!

Th-th-th-th-th-th-th-that’s not all, folks.
Game Seven… is comin’.

[jg2977]

Blackhawks Defeat Rangers in Game 7 to Capture First Stanley Cup Title
By The Associated Press
October 22, 2001 – CHICAGO (AP)

The Chicago Blackhawks are Stanley Cup champions for the first time in franchise history.

In a tense, back-and-forth Game 7 at United Center, the Blackhawks rallied late to defeat the New York Rangers 7–5, clinching the 2001 Stanley Cup Finals and capping a remarkable postseason run with their first-ever title. Connor Bedard, who was named series MVP, went 3-for-4 with a two-run home run and two stolen bases, leading a decisive eighth-inning surge that secured the win.

"We felt like this was our year all season long," said Bedard, who finished the postseason with 17 home runs and 36 RBIs. "It was our destiny to win it, and we did."

Chicago trailed 5–4 entering the bottom of the eighth before center fieldier Connor Bedard put the Blackhawks in front 6-5 with a two-run homer (his 17th) off reliever Tomas Vera. Moments later, Ron Hextrall launched a solo shot over the left-center wall to give Chicago a 7-5 lead, sending the sellout crowd of 41,915 into a frenzy.

The Rangers, bidding for their 10th Stanley Cup, took an early lead behind a solo home run from Eli Grubin and RBI from M. Grubin and A. Grubin. But despite a strong performance at the plate from H. Kim (3-for-4), New York’s bullpen could not hold the lead late.

“They’re the champions, and they deserve it,” said Rangers manager Manuel Santiago. “We played good ball—they just played better than us.”

Chicago’s bullpen, by contrast, held firm. After starter C. Kim allowed four runs over 4.1 innings, three relievers combined to allow just one more run over the final 4.2 innings. C. Krueger earned the win, pitching two innings in relief and striking out two.

The win capped a dominant season for Chicago, who finished with a 126–36 regular-season record and first place in the Western Conference. But despite the accolades and statistics, the title was never a foregone conclusion.

“New York gave us everything we could handle,” said Chicago manager Jae Kim. “We had to fight for this. And we earned it.”

Third baseman Ruben Sanchez and Hextall also homered for Chicago, while designated hitter Emilio Trevino chipped in a pair of RBIs. The Blackhawks scored in four straight innings after falling behind 3–0 early.

For New York, the loss ends a strong playoff run that included a 3–2 series lead in the Finals. Grubin’s fifth-inning home run gave the Rangers brief hope, but the Chicago bats proved too potent down the stretch.

As fireworks echoed above the skyline and confetti rained from the rafters, the Blackhawks hoisted the Stanley Cup for the first time in the franchise’s storied history. Bedard raised the Conn Smythe Trophy to a deafening roar, concluding one of the most thrilling Finals in recent memory.

“This is a moment we’ll never forget,” Bedard said.
“We made history tonight.”

[jg2977]

2001 Stanley Cup Finals

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