Portland Raccoons (ABL)

[Westheim]

2023 PORTLAND RACCOONS – Opening Day Roster (first set in parenthesis shows 2022 numbers, second set career numbers; players with an * are off season acquisitions):

SP Jonathan Toner, 32, B:R, T:R (8-5, 3.80 ERA | 153-63, 2.55 ERA) – there is missing half the season with an injury again, and then there is posting another 3.50+ ERA campaign after he spent more or less his entire 20s pitching to ERAs in the 2.30 range. While 2021 was downright the worst FULL season for Jonny Toner, 2022 didn’t see him get any better. The four-time Pitcher of the Year is in a contract year, and looking at the numbers as a whole it also looks like his Hall of Fame campaign, that never seemed in doubt even two years ago, is brittle around the edges at least.
SP Rico Gutierrez, 23, B:L, T:L (8-10, 3.11 ERA | 8-10, 3.11 ERA) – The main surprise of the 2022 season (positive at least), Gutierrez exerted decent control while keeping batters alert with a move-happy 96mph heater. Like anybody else he got little to no run support and posted a losing record, but he at least generates some mild hope for better days ahead … or he goes the Ricky Martinez route and crashes and burns badly this season and gets traded for an old fart a winter from now.
SP Jesus Chavez, 25, B:R, T:R (4-5, 4.04 ERA | 5-9, 4.57 ERA) – signed for hard cash and a 4-year deal out of Cuba prior to ’21, Chavez so far hasn’t done anything much for the Raccoons, struggling mightily in 20 starts dispersed across two seasons. Cream, they say, rises to the top, and I sure hope his slider finally gets creamy...
SP Ryan Nielson, 30, B:L, T:L (7-7, 3.61 ERA | 12-12, 4.03 ERA) – working 100+ innings at the major league level for the first time at 29, Nielson was a surprise last year in that he didn’t fall apart like the other nine guys ahead of him on the depth chart. Rising to the occasion of getting another reluctant chance, he delivered some major league-appropriate pitching – of course a winning record wasn’t in the cards, because the team wouldn’t score for him either. Of course his borderline repertoire of two-and-three-quarters of pitches will totally be sufficient once more this year, else “Tragic” Travis Garrett might reappear again in this spot.
SP Matt Huf, 23, B:R, T:R (3-6, 4.16 ERA | 3-6, 4.16 ERA) – acquired in a mid-season trade for Frank Kelly from the Blue Sox, Huf struggled badly with his control, walking more than five batters per nine innings. This is something that usually gets better for young pitchers, so we are totally zen with him being in the rotation again for 2023.

MU Adam Cowen, 28, B:R, T:R (0-1, 3.94 ERA | 3-7, 3.55 ERA) – hopeless quad-A reliever with a limited repertoire that has been making sporadic appearances all the way since 2018 and has never stuck around. No more than long man material.
MR Francisquo Bocanegra *, 33, B:L, T:L (6-1, 4.00 ERA, 1 SV | 15-13, 4.50 ERA, 6 SV) – returning Raccoon after six years abroad, Bocanegra is not exactly going to overpower anybody, and the Raccoons hope to use him as a 1-year bridge to help David Kipple develop into a proper pitcher and take this roster spot next year.
MR Billy Brotman, 24, B:L, T:L (0-1, 5.06 ERA | 0-1, 5.06 ERA) – his debut was uninspiring to say the least, and while he struck out 15 batters in 16 innings, he also walked eight and was taken deep twice, which are all non-good numbers. Despite all this, Brotman is the leading lefty in the pen now (outside of Lillis) and another one of the plenty of youngsters that all have to click for the Raccoons to avoid 90 losses.
MR Kevin Surginer *, 23, B:R, T:R (rookie) – taken in the rule 5 draft for the second consecutive season, but this time actually sticking around rather than being returned to the Rebels, Surginer will make his major league debut as one of plenty of fastball/curveball pitchers in the Raccoons’ pen.
MR Joe Moore, 25, B:R, T:R (0-0, 2.53 ERA | 0-0, 2.53 ERA) – armed with a wipeout curveball that was as close to unhittable as pitches came, Moore had been a trade addition in the Coons first deconstruction spell in July of ’21, and had found promotion to the majors almost exactly a year later. He walked five per nine innings but somehow seemed to escape major damage most of the time. He also struck out more than eight batters per nine, which isn’t bad for rookie relievers…
SU Vince Devereaux *, 24, B:R, T:R (5-6, 3.42 ERA | 9-9, 4.10 ERA, 2 SV) – this trade addition has a nasty curveball in combination to 97mph heat and should make hitters fear for their lives… because sometimes pitches could end up in the general region of their head. No, no, it will all be fine with Devereaux as setup man, and his walks have already gone down a lot from the 7.5 BB/9 in ’21.
CL Brett Lillis, 34, B:L, T:L (3-4, 2.31 ERA, 34 SV | 36-54, 3.10 ERA, 248 SV) – his cutter/curve combo kills, most of the time at least. Lillis had some odd meltdowns from time to time, but the Raccoons have been used to those from their every closer ever since Angel Casas departed… besides closing, we also count on Brett to be a responsible herder of all the kits in the pen this season…

C Elias Tovias, 23, B:S, T:R (.232, 2 HR, 4 RBI | .232, 2 HR, 4 RBI) – an international free agent addition in July of 2017, Tovias moved his way up the ranks with so-so batting results, but has also shown to be a great defensive catcher with some smart pitch calling behind the plate, so if he hits anything at all in his rookie season he could well become a two-way asset.
C/1B Tony Delgado, 35, B:R, T:R (.238, 2 HR, 18 RBI | .261, 79 HR, 466 RBI) – will provide veteran support to the rookie Tovias, who is one of 17 unexperienced key ingredients in our major cunning plan to roll up the field from behind.

3B/2B/1B/SS Shane Walter *, 33, B:L, T:R (.335, 3 HR, 53 RBI | .308, 41 HR, 517 RBI) – Walter returns to the Raccoons in a switch for Gil Rockwell, which basically dumped a chunk of salary on the Raccoons, but also robbed them of their last true home run hitter. In turn we get a high-contact bat with steady production for many years, and, well, get to reunite with a key piece of the most recent Coons playoff efforts from 2017 through 2019. When Walter left as free agent after ’19, success left as well…
2B/LF/3B/SS Jarod Spencer, 25, B:R, T:R (.289, 0 HR, 41 RBI | .289, 0 HR, 54 RBI) – considering ball four as an insult, Spencer has not only not hit a home run in 722 AB in the majors .
SS/2B Tim Stalker, 24, B:R, T:R (.246, 6 HR, 43 RBI | .246, 6 HR, 43 RBI) – very good defensive shortstop, more than just token speed, but somehow the expectation of him being more than just that soft-hitting defensive shortstop didn’t quite come to fruition in his unassuming rookie campaign in which he amounted only to a drab .667 OPS. The sky is the limit, they say, but Stalker is going to be 25 in July, and what is the latest that power can break out for a guy?
3B Matt Nunley, 32, B:L, T:R (.269, 13 HR, 79 RBI | .284, 97 HR, 582 RBI) – excellent defensive third baseman that has somehow yet to win a Gold Glove, and also an institution on the roster at this point. 2023 marks Nunley’s tenth appearance on the Opening Day roster, and it’s hard to imagine the hot corner without him at this point. Good ol’ #42 might well lead the team in home runs this year unless Omar Alfaro breaks out, which also means he’s going to be our cleanup hitter – hooray!
1B Russ Greenwald, 29, B:L, T:L (.311, 0 HR, 4 RBI | .256, 2 HR, 19 RBI) – festering in AAAgony for years and years, it had been three years since his most recent major league appearance when he was called up to the majors again late in the 2022 season in a desperate attempt to get whatever going. He showed no power in 79 plate appearances, but power is no longer the Raccoons’ way of life anyway, it seems, and he can still try to make a living coming off the bench.
3B/2B/SS/1B/RF Sam Armetta, 26, B:S, T:R (.266, 1 HR, 14 RBI | .232, 3 HR, 25 RBI) – an oddball infielder to somehow stick around for a team that recycled more than half the personnel on last year’s Opening Day roster, Armetta figures to get the odd pinch-hitting and fatigue-relief assignment again. His bat is not one you want to see in the lineup day to day, which is a way of stating that, yes, he’s a Raccoon.

LF/CF/RF Ricardo Carmona, 31, B:L, T:R (.317, 0 HR, 38 RBI | .321, 19 HR, 498 RBI) – injuries found Cookie in leftfield, and I have nowhere else to hide him from them; and despite the first signs of age showing with decreased speed, Cookie remained a high-average singles-slapper that was a constant threat to get on base and advanced into scoring position on his own, stealing 28 bases in just 116 games in ’22. He also signed a 4-year extension prior to the season, keeping him in the brown shirt through his age 35 season.
RF/LF/CF/2B Josh Stevenson, 30, B:R, T:R (.250, 5 HR, 35 RBI | .260, 33 HR, 253 RBI) – delivered a second-consecutive unimpressive season and continued to get hurt as well while attempting to hold down a centerfielder’s job that is totally his because the Raccoons fail to find anything in their CF prospects. Is in a contract year, so maybe he can find some motivation to pick it up, somewhere...
RF/LF Omar Alfaro, 22, B:S, T:L (.159, 1 HR, 19 RBI | .159, 1 HR, 19 RBI) – the Age of Omar arrived in ’22 with a bang – of an exploding tire. Alfaro batted well for two weeks or so, then never met a ball again, batting .100 for the latter half of his 150+ at-bats in ’22. The general consensus is that it can not get any worse.
LF/RF Will Newman *, 34, B:R, T:R (.310, 2 HR, 19 RBI | .289, 96 HR, 566 RBI) – the old fart mentioned above was picked up late in the offseason on a straight salary dump from the Miners, and figures to be a more expensive version of Eddie Jackson for the 2018-2021 Raccoons, a capable bat off the bench that was not a pleasure to watch in the field – just at twice the price. Newman would however take over as rightfield starter if Alfaro would continue to bat .159, and soon.
LF/RF/CF Frank Santos, 29, B:R, T:R (.198, 1 HR, 4 RBI | .263, 3 HR, 47 RBI) – claimed off waivers by the Wolves (…!), Santos batted anemically late in the 2022 season, yet somehow stuck around as our officially endorsed backup centerfielder, although his defense in centerfield is not great at all. Nobody quite knows what this franchise is doing anymore...

On disabled list:
MR Cory Dew, 26, B:R, T:R (4-4, 2.77 ERA, 1 SV | 11-12, 3.00 ERA, 5 SV) – Dew’s 92mph fastball and nasty curve have been a welcome addition to the bullpen, and he pitched well enough to be a hot candidate for the setup reliever’s job in 2023, but unfortunately he tore his rotator cuff at the end of the 2022 season and will spend the first half of the season on the DL and then head for rehab at AAA.

Otherwise unavailable: Nobody.

Other roster movement:
MR Will West, 29, B:R, T:R (0-1, 1.93 ERA | 5-8, 4.36 ERA) – like Cowen a quad-A reliever with no serious pedigree, West is waived and DFA’ed at the start of the season after the addition of Devereaux squeezed the capacity of the pen.
SS/3B/2B Daniel Bullock, 25, B:S, T:R (.236, 0 HR, 15 RBI | .241, 0 HR, 35 RBI) – excellent defensive shortstop that debuted with a splash mid-2021 and then slowly faded to obscurity. If you lose your backup spot to a 28-year-old backup first baseman with no resume, you know it’s on you.

Opening day lineup:
LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Toner

There is no distinction between the left- and right-handed opposing pitcher lineups this year. Pitchers will never face more than two consecutive batters of their handedness in the lineup above, which at the same time is all we can jigsaw-puzzle together with the pieces at hand. Platoon potential is extremely limited, f.e. Greenwald and Santos have the same handedness as the guys they would replace, and Delgado and Newman are trapped behind switch-hitters. Armetta is a switch-hitter himself, and not a great one at that.

OFF SEASON CHANGES:

The Raccoons came off 91 losses and knew that their rookies and sophomores had not delivered in that rugged 2022 campaign. They also knew that there was no way to rebuild on the spot with the manifold bald patches in their fur. 2023 was always coming to be a tryout season for the youngsters, and sieving out those that would not deliver at all. From that point going forward, the Raccoons were generally lethargic during the offseason and only engaged in player shuffling when other teams enticed them. Of the three trades we did, two were salary dumps by other teams, and only the Devereaux trade was actually started by the Coons. We also added less than 1 WAR in free agents, so it’s not a surprise that the Coons came in near the bottom of the BNN offseason WAR gains chart, ranking 16th with -1.9 WAR.

Top 5: Condors (+11.3), Aces (+7.7), Gold Sox (+3.1), Crusaders (+3.0), Warriors (+2.8)
Bottom 5: Canadiens (-4.4), Miners (-4.9), Scorpions (-5.4), Knights (-8.6), Stars (-9.8)

PREDICTION TIME:

Last year I predicted a slow start, a steady decline, and a selloff in July before the team would end up 74-88, and I was not that far from the truth. While there had been an outside chance on success, it had been the same outside chance an actual raccoon would have had at riding a motorcycle and jumping over a ramp and 15 semi trucks without crashing and burning to death.

This year is hard to predict, because you have to predict how many of the dozen-or-so scraps that no other team would even look at for two seconds and that still had made their way onto the roster would actually break out. The list of on one hand scraps that had impressed in ’22 and were expected to so again, and on the other hand rookies we had considered future keystones to the franchise not doing anything in ’22 was a long one and encompassed about half the roster. Then include obvious wastes of roster space and salaries like Frank Santos…

The rotation is mostly unguessable because even Toner these days is volatile and the other four guys we are basically including on wings and prayers only. The bullpen consists of rookies with mediocre debuts and old bums that nobody likes, and Lillis. We have rookies and second- and third-year players that have so far not set the world on fire in four lineup spots, and no power in the lineup at all. And Matt Nunley as cleanup man is probably the red flag being raised on Opening Day, but we can’t exactly help it.

The eternal optimist, I expect nothing to get better, some things to get worse, maybe more demotivational trades in June, and the Raccoons to end up 67-95 and beaten, physically as well as spiritually.

PLAYER DEVELOPMENT:

The Coons are in the unenviable spot of having the worst farm system in the league (again), down from 15th place last season. The main reason for this might be that of the six ranked prospects we had last season, the top 5 (Chavez, Moore, Stalker, Brotman, and Gutierrez) all promoted to the majors and none retained eligibility, and the sixth ranked prospect the pundits soured on. The Raccoons only have four ranked prospects this season, only one above the A-level, and are probably going to have another nine losing seasons to soldier through at this point.

53rd (new) – INT SS Alberto Ramos, 17 – 2022 international free agent signed by Raccoons
89th (new) – A SP Felipe Delgado, 21 – 2019 scouting discovery by Raccoons
161st (new) – AAA SP Jonathan Shook, 24 – 2020 supplemental round pick by the Cyclones; acquired from Cyclones with Chris McKendrick for Hugo Mendoza
171st (new) – INT SP Gilberto Rendon, 18 – 2021 scouting discovery by Raccoons

The franchise top 10 were completed by unranked ML MR Kevin Surginer, 23 (rule 5 pick from RIC), AA SS/3B Hugo Ochoa, 21 (2018 IFA), AA SS/3B Butch Gerster, 21 (2022 1st Rd.), AA SP Jason Butler, 22 (2020 Supp. Rd.), AA SP Marco Ramirez, 22 (2017 IFA), and A 2B/SS Chris Golka, 21 (2021 2nd Rd.);

The top 5 overall prospects this year are:

#1 TOP AAA SP Nick Danieley (newly drafted in 2022)
#2 OCT AAA SS/2B Alex Serrato (was #38)
#3 NYC A LF/RF Ivan Vega (was #32)
#4 SAC AAA RF/LF/1B Juan Ojeda (was #6)
#5 LAP AA SP Dave Christiansen (newly drafted in 2022)

Last year’s top five seized to exist more or less. #1 Chris McGee dropped to #6, #4 Adam Moran dropped to #8, and #5 Gilberto Castillo fell to #22. The Warriors’ #2 Ricky Tello and the Wolves’ #3 Ben Adams both made their major league debuts and exhausted their eligibility, but neither is on the Opening Day roster this year.

Next: first pitch.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (0-0) vs. Canadiens (0-0) – April 4-5, 2023

You knew the Elks were in mortal trouble the moment they rolled up Bobby Guerrero, an 18-game loser with the ’22 Coons, as their Opening Day hurler. At the same time we knew that we were unlikely to finish last in the North unless our entire team would be wiped out in a ballpark collapse… The Raccoons had beaten the Elks in the last two seasons, both times taking 10 out of the 18 games played.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Toner (0-0) vs. Bobby Guerrero (0-0)
Rico Gutierrez (0-0) vs. Randy Jenkins (0-0)

That is two right-handers, and we know at least one of them very well.

Game 1
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – 1B M. Rivera – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – SS Calfee – CF Coca – RF Houghtaling – 2B Crosby – P B. Guerrero
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Toner

Toner struck out the first two batters in the game and had a perfect first, while the Raccoons scored a run in the bottom of the first inning, but no RBI would be doled out. Cookie drew a leadoff walk and reached third base on Jarod Spencer’s single, then scored when Shane Walter banged a bouncer into a double play started by Adrian Crosby. Toner wouldn’t hold on to the lead for long, drilling Ryan Holliman to get the second inning going, and allowing a single to John Calfee. Now the Elks scored their man from third base with a productive out, Tony Coca hitting a sac fly to Alfaro in right. Bottom 2nd, the bases were loaded after Alfaro’s leadoff walk, Stevenson getting nicked, and Tim Stalker singling through between Crosby and Mike Rivera. No outs for Elias Tovias – no pressure, kiddo! The rookie catcher raked a double to right to score two, and Toner dumped an RBI single into center as Guerrero wasn’t exactly fooling anybody. Cookie popped out, but Spencer hit an RBI single, by then running the score to 5-1, and one more run scored on Walter’s single to left. Nunley also singled, loading the bases, but Alfaro and Stevenson struck out to keep the score at 6-1 over a gasping Guerrero.

What should be a coaster at this point became an utter nightmare instead. Toner came out for the third and walked Jonathan Morales and Rivera in full counts. Alex Torres struck out, but Holliman walked on five pitches, and Calfee walked on four. That pushed in a run. Coca popped out to Spencer and Jeremy Houghtaling struck out, but Toner was not on some 70 pitches, six strikeouts, and five walks. Toner wouldn’t make it past the fifth inning, whiffing 11 on 111 pitches in what was then a 7-3 game. Omar Alfaro had knocked an RBI single in the bottom 4th, while Toner had conceded an unearned run in the fifth after a Nunley throwing error. Kevin Surginer made his major league debut after Toner’s final curtain. He retired his first two batters, Crosby and reliever Vic Mercado, but then hit Morales and was singled on by Rivera. Time to bring in a more experienced reliever … Joe Moore, that grizzled 25-year-old veteran. Torres grounded to third, Nunley made a strong bare-hand play and the Elks were denied to close the 4-run gap, which would only widen in the later innings. While the Coons’ pen was wonky and far from flawless, but would concede only one run charged to Moore, but actually plated by Francisquo Bocanegra with a wild pitch, the Elks would allow runs in the sixth, seventh, and eighth, driven in one by one by – in order – Walter, Alfaro, Cookie, and Stalker, and they could have scored more if Stalker had not been doubled off the base paths on Tovias’ lineout to Crosby in the bottom of the eighth. 11-4 Coons! Spencer 4-5, RBI; Walter 3-5, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Alfaro 4-5, 2 RBI; Newman (PH) 1-1, 2B; Stalker 2-5, RBI; Tovias 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Armetta (PH) 1-2, 3B; Cowen 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K;

That tasted good! 19 hits were rapped out by the Critters, but the real question is how bad the Elks are actually. Are they triple-digit losses bad? Their pitching was surely not up to the task here…

Game 2
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – RF Houghtaling – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – SS Calfee – CF Coca – 1B Onelas – 2B Crosby – P R. Jenkins
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

Again the Coons burst out early against the opposing pitcher, with Jenkins getting shaken for four hits and three runs in the opening inning. Cookie, Walter, Alfaro, and Stevenson all hit singles, but were also aggressive on the base paths. Walter scored from second on Alfaro’s 2-out single and drew a throw that allowed Alfaro to get to second, from whence he scored on Stevenson’s grounder into leftfield. Rico Gutierrez was perfect the first time through the order and whiffed four, but Jonathan Morales reached base on a drag bunt to lead off the fourth inning. While Morales advanced on consecutive groundouts, we were more concerned about Gutierrez suddenly dropping to 3-ball counts to all three batters. Holliman flew out to Alfaro on the first pitch, though, stranding the runner and ending the inning. Tony Coca got on base with a walk in the fifth, but there was still no actual danger.

The Coons had fallen asleep at the wheel after the 3-run first inning, but there was a gasper in the bottom 5th. Cookie and Spencer were on base with two outs when Matt Nunley dished a drive to deep right. Fans were already on their feet when the crosswind got hold of the ball and dropped it into Houghtaling’s glove on the warning track – no 3-run homer, inning over. Houghtaling got one out though, hitting a homer to left in the sixth inning, and also cashed in Morales, who had reached on an infield single again, and the tying run would be in scoring position after John Calfee’s leadoff double in the seventh inning. Gutierrez still remained in the game, getting Coca to fly out to Cookie, then gutted out at-bats against Bobby Rickard and Adrian Crosby, whiffing both to get out of the inning with the 3-2 lead intact. Gutierrez was hit for in the bottom 7th, but the Coons went down in order without achieving a welcome insurance run. Morales hit a double off Vince Devereaux in his Coons debut in the top 8th, but again the Elks would run into strikeouts and strand their man in scoring position, this time at third base, and Brett Lillis struck out the side in the ninth inning, whiffing Holliman, Calfee, and Coca in order to end the game. 3-2 Critters. Carmona 2-4; Nunley 2-4; Stalker 2-3; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (1-0);

Two games into the season, and the three unused starting pitchers aside, the only players that have yet to make their first appearance of the year are Billy Brotman and Tony Delgado.

Raccoons (2-0) vs. Knights (1-2) – April 7-9, 2023

The Raccoons had squeezed out a 5-4 season series win over the Knights in 2022, but we weren’t quite sure how we’d match up with them this year. They had been scorched for 20 runs in the first games of the season, mainly on their bullpen, but numbers like that were usually not very trustworthy. However, their pen consisted mostly of no-names … like ours! There were still some longtime Coon schrecks in that lineup however, like f.e. Ruben Luna, who came in batting .385.

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (0-0) vs. Jonathan Ryan (0-0)
Ryan Nielson (0-0) vs. Dave Butler (0-0)
Matt Huf (0-0) vs. Leon Hernandez (0-1, 7.04 ERA)

Right, left, right from both teams in this series. Also, the Knights have one home run and one stolen base for the season, beating out the Coons with zero in either category.

But hey, at least Omar Alfaro comes in sharing the RBI lead with Shane Walter and I can still claim that I know what I’m doing on the first weekend of the season!

Game 1
ATL: RF Stuckey – SS T. Jimenez – 1B Herlihy – C Luna – LF M. Reyes – 2B Hibbard – 3B Farias – CF Folk – P Ryan
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

Tim Stalker was thrown out at home plate by Johnny Stuckey to end the second inning, Stalker trying to score from first base on Tovias’ double to right center. This was the very best scoring chance for either team in the early innings, with both teams getting only two hits apiece in the first three frames. The Knights would be in business soon against Chavez though, as the Cuban right-hander walked Ruben Luna and Marty Reyes to begin the fourth inning, with Devin Hibbard’s single to center loading the bases for the bottom of the order. Emilio Farias brought in the first run of the game, but it cost the Knights two outs when he banged a ball sharply right at Stalker, who had no trouble turning a 6-4-3. Brody Folk flew out to center to strand Reyes at third base. While that only amounted to a 1-0 lead for Atlanta, they tore Chavez in half in the following inning. Stuckey homered to get to 2-0, and Chavez clumsily continued to concede base runners, allowing singles up the middle to Tony Jimenez and Trent Herlihy, then threw a wild pitch and hung a 3-0 ball in Luna’s sweet zone, conceding two runs on the sharp double into the rightfield corner. That was it for Chavez, who had gotten thoroughly rocked, and was now replaced by Surginer, who whiffed Reyes and Hibbard to get out of the inning.

The scuffling Raccoons were in their own bullpen early, but at least Surginer, Moore, and Brotman managed to hold the Knights at four until the offense finally showed a sign of life in the bottom of the seventh inning. Nunley and Stevenson hit singles, but Tim Stalker hit sharply into a double play to end the inning. So much for life. The Critters went through Cowen and Devereaux without allowing another run, but the offense remained entirely absent against a team that was not the Elks. Russ Greenwald hit a pinch-hit single to begin the bottom 9th against the still active Jonathan Ryan, but Walter flew out easily to right, and Nunley smacked a ball right at Hibbard for another double play, this one ending the game and giving Ryan a 6-hit shutout on 93 pitches. 4-0 Knights. Greenwald (PH) 1-1; Nunley 2-4;

Game 2
ATL: 3B F. Guzman – RF Stuckey – SS T. Jimenez – C Luna – LF M. Reyes – 2B Hibbard – 1B Avalos – CF Folk – P D. Butler
POR: LF Carmona – SS Stalker – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – 1B Greenwald – C Delgado – CF Santos – P Nielson

Brody Folk was a former Elks and a disgusting human being by that standard alone, but I sure as hell didn’t appreciate his 2-out triple in the second inning that drove home Devin Hibbard for the first run of the Saturday game. The Coons would try to answer in the bottom 2nd, and loaded the bases with no outs on straight singles by Nunley, Alfaro, and Greenwald. All three would score thanks to Tony Delgado’s RBI single, Santos’ run-scoring groundout, and after Nielson flew out to center, Cookie’s RBI single to leftfield, giving Nielson a 3-1 lead after two.

The Knights were on him immediately, putting Frank Guzman and Tony Jimenez on the corners with singles in the third inning, but Ruben Luna rocked a grounder at Shane Walter for a double play. Nielson remained shaky, then undid himself masterfully with an error that allowed Guzman to reach leading off the fifth. Hard hits by Stuckey and Jimenez scored a run and put the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position with nobody out. Ruben Luna knocked the first pitch he saw to right for an RBI single, and the go-ahead run scored on Tony Avalos’ sac fly later in the inning, but Avalos would miss Nunley’s 2-out bouncer in the bottom of the inning, allowing Cookie to score on what should have been the final out. Cookie had reached on a leadoff single and had taken an extra base when Marty Reyes had overrun the ball. Nielson wobbled through six, and the first pitch of the bullpen, Bocanegra’s, in the seventh was barfed over the fence by Ruben Luna to break the 4-4 tie. Bocanegra put two more on base, and with one out was relieved by Devereaux to face the right-hander Folk, however the Knights sent Trent Herlihy to pinch-hit, and he drummed the Coons with a 3-run homer.

The Raccoons attempted to swoop back into the game in the bottom 7th, with Cookie singling and stealing the team’s first base of the season, after which Shane Walter hit the crew’s first home run, a 2-piece to right center, cutting the gap to two runs, 8-6, but that was sure some temporary gain. In the eighth, Marty Reyes doubled in a run against Brotman, and the ninth inning saw Brett Lillis scorched for four hits and three runs before he had to be relieved by Joe Moore… and Moore allowed another run to score on Luna’s 2-out RBI single, and the Coons were comprehensively routed. 13-6 Knights. Carmona 3-5, RBI; Walter 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Nunley 2-4, RBI; Alfaro 2-5; Delgado 3-4, 2B, RBI;

Tony Jimenez had five hits in the game, and the Knights had 19 as a whole – the same number the Coons put up against the Elks on Opening Day. Maybe we’re not likely to finish last, but we’re also not likely to finish fourth, either…

Game 3
ATL: RF Stuckey – SS T. Jimenez – 1B Herlihy – C Luna – LF M. Reyes – 3B Avalos – 2B Farias – CF Folk – P L. Hernandez
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – SS Stalker – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – P Huf

Becoming unglued by the second inning, the Raccoons gave their fans an idea of what was ahead in the following 157 games of the season. After a scoreless first, Matt Huf issued walks to Marty Reyes and Tony Avalos before Emilio Farias hit an RBI single for the first counter on the scoreboard. Brody Folk grounded to Spencer for what should be the inning-ending double play, except that Stalker had Spencer’s feed glance off his glove for an error that loaded the bases instead. After Hernandez popped out, Cookie had to lay out to catch Stuckey’s drive to deep left, keeping the score at 1-0 in the middle of the second. Huf would merrily keep walking batters afterwards, issuing two walks in the fourth, first to Avalos, who was caught stealing, and then to Farias with two outs. Folk grounded out. The Knights actually only got that lone Farias single through five innings, but they were still leading, with the Coons not doing particularly much that could excite the home crowd. When Josh Stevenson hit a leadoff single in the bottom 5th and stole second base, the Raccoons would blatantly leave him right there with two pops and a strikeout.

Huf walked two more in the sixth, his final inning, leaving him with six walks and six strikeouts in a puzzling outing. Bottom 6th, Nunley walked with one out, then advanced on Newman’s groundout. Time to roll the dice. Russ Greenwald batted for Tim Stalker, solely to counter Hernandez, but struck out feebly. Surginer and Bocanegra stumbled through the seventh, in which the Knights stranded runners on the corners when Hibbard batted for Herlihy and struck out, and in the bottom 7th the Coons had their best chance yet. Tovias flew out to center, but Stevenson and Armetta hit singles. Stevenson went to third base, drew a poor throw, and Armetta advanced to second, taking the double play away as Cookie came to bat. We just needed somebody to come through now, and that WOULD be Cookie, who snapped a single to left, scored both runners, and flipped the score in our favor! COOKIIIIIEEEE!!! The park burst into cheers at once, and in my office I jumped up and down, Cristiano giddily popped a wheelie in his chair while squealing, and even Slappy, semi-comatose from booze, lifted his dirty green cap in acknowledgement. After Cookie was stranded, Bocanegra staved off Ruben Luna’s double in the eighth inning to keep the 2-1 lead in one piece, which went to Lillis in the ninth. Lillis had been strafed the previous day, and walked Guzman in the #9 spot with one out to create more tension, but Stuckey flew out to center, and Lillis ended the game with a K to Jimenez. 2-1 Furballs! Carmona 1-4, 2 RBI; Stevenson 2-3; Armetta 1-1;

In other news

April 3 – The Gold Sox rout the Stars on Opening Day, 13-1, while actually pushing runs across in only three innings, a 5-run second and 4-run fifths and eighths. C Matt Harry (.800, 1 HR, 4 RBI) and INF/LF/RF Rich Hereford (.400, 2 HR, 4 RBI) both drive in four runs, three of those coming on long balls for each of the two Gold Sox.
April 4 – Outfielder Nate Ellis (.600, 1 HR, 3 RBI) will be missing from the Wolves’ lineup for the next three weeks after suffering a strained back muscle in a game against the Pacifics.
April 5 – TOP 2B Marco Hernandes (.000, 0 HR, 0 RBI) will be out for three weeks with a strained hamstring.
April 6 – A broken thumb will cost LVA LF/RF Dan Brown (.154, 0 HR, 0 RBI) the rest of this month at the very least.
April 7 – The Capitals beat the Gold Sox, 1-0 in ten innings, on LF/CF Todd Sanborn (.500, 1 HR, 1 RBI) going deep as pinch-hitter.
April 9 – MIL CF/RF Ian Coleman (.440, 0 HR, 6 RBI) extends a hitting streak that originated in 2022 to 20 games with an impressive 4-hit day in the Loggers’ 10-5 win over the Aces.

Complaints and stuff

We drew six walks in the first five games of the season, which is alarming at the very least. Nobody drew more than one; Jarod Spencer drew none.

Okay, we took two from the Elks, but I am not sure whether the Elks are actually a professional team at this point. They got stuffed with more than twice the number of runs they scored themselves, and are in the bottom two in either category.

Fun Fact: The only Raccoon with more franchise at-bats without ever hitting a home run than Jarod Spencer, who has 739 AB without going deep? Nick Brown, who had to pitch for 18 years to beat out Spencer, but figures to lose the title by July or so.

Brown’s 1,122 homerless at-bats still reign supreme, but who’s after Spencer in the list? It takes a while to even complete the top five, because EVERYBODY hits a dinger once in a while. Well, there are two more starting pitchers in the top five, with Jason Turner (564 AB) tying for third, and Randy Farley (481 AB) in fifth. Tying Turner is recent demotee to AAA, Daniel Bullock.

Many people ask me how I feel like, feeding a dead duck. I don’t get the question.

Also, Cristiano reminds me that he wants to hear no bad word about Daniel Bullock and wants him to return to the majors soon so that he can finish his drawing of him.

By the way, Cristiano, you forgot to draw his uniform. Or any clothes at all.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (3-2) vs. Aces (4-3) – April 10-12, 2023

The Aces had started 4-0, then had lost three in a row. They were second in runs scored and tenth in runs allowed, but part of that was the fact that they had already played seven games. The Coons had taken the season series in 2022, 6-3.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Toner (1-0, 3.60 ERA) vs. Chris Wickham (1-0, 3.00 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (1-0, 2.57 ERA) vs. Enrique Guzman (0-0, 6.75 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (0-1, 8.31 ERA) vs. Colin Peay (0-1, 6.00 ERA)

Left, right, right, as far as Vegas was concerned. What would the Raccoons do about that? We had scored 11 runs in four games after stuffing the Elks with 11 runs on Opening Day, so the season could still go either way for the offense, which came in ranking ninth in runs put on the board.

Game 1
LVA: LF Serrano – 3B J. Navarro – CF A. Martinez – 1B A. Young – SS A. Medina – C Schoeppen – RF Raynor – 2B Moroyoqui – P Wickham
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – P Toner

Jarod Spencer scored twice in the first three innings, the only runs early on, hitting a single in the first and a triple in the third inning. Walter and Nunley singled to bring him around the first time, and the second time a groundout to Jesus Moroyoqui was enough of a job by Shane Walter to get the run in. Jonny Toner had started the game with a pair of strikeouts, but would not get another one until Adam Young – still love that guy! (sharpens Bowie knife) – came around in the fourth and whiffed in a full count. The Aces singled twice in between, but never got far, with Armando Martinez getting caught stealing before the Young strikeout. Vegas would have the tying runs aboard with one man down in the fifth inning, courtesy of Ron Raynor walking and Moroyoqui reaching on a Nunley error. Chris Wickham’s bunt bounced to Walter quickly, and Walter threw out Raynor at third base, then handled Danny Serrano’s grounder for the third out in the inning, but the Aces would not be denied their first run the following in which Jose Navarro opened with a triple to center.

Toner remained stuck on three strikeouts in six innings, which was concern for sure as much as the Raccoons’ putrid offense, that managed only two hits in the middle innings of the game and could not add on to the 2-1 lead, and they could not exploit an error by Andres Medina in the seventh inning, either. Toner went through eight, whiffing five on 90 pitches, but didn’t look quite like Toner at all … meanwhile the Coons got another chance to score an insurance run in the bottom 8th against right-hander Danny Lobato. Walter singled, but there were already two outs after a Nunley pop when Walter moved to second base on a wild pitch by Lobato, who then ended up walking Omar Alfaro altogether. Will Newman batted for an 0-for-3 Stalker, but fouled out, wasting yet another chance. Brett Lillis went out to work for the third straight day and blew the lead on a 1-out homer by 24-year-old pinch-hitter Allen Retzer, his second career home run. The Raccoons had to face Noah Bricker in the bottom of the ninth, which was a “Bloody” proposition to begin with, especially for the bottom of the order. Stevenson struck out, after which Greenwald hit for Tovias and singled. Sam Armetta had entered with a Lillis in a double switch that had been a terrible idea – his bunt was terrible and got the lead run forced at second base, AFTER which Cookie hit a single to center. Would Greenwald have scored from second base? Who knows these things!? Armetta reached third with two outs, bringing up Spencer, who ended the game with his third hit of the day, a walkoff single up the middle. 3-2 Critters. Spencer 3-5, 3B, RBI; Walter 2-4, RBI; Nunley 2-4, RBI; Greenwald (PH) 1-1; Toner 8.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 5 K;

Game 2
LVA: SS A. Medina – 3B J. Navarro – CF A. Martinez – C Spears – LF Raynor – RF Curro – 1B Serrano – 2B Moroyoqui – P E. Guzman
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – 2B Armetta – C Delgado – P Gutierrez

Somewhere, the Aces had gobbled up enough switch-hitters to stuff five of the buggers in their lineup, which was likely to become a living hell for inexperienced sophomores with a so-so scouting report. Indeed, the Aces put Gutierrez on a stick and roasted him right in the first inning, railing off three straight hits after Andres Medina’s initial groundout. After Raynor struck out, Corey Curro singled and Serrano walked to load the bases. Four straight balls to Moroyoqui pushed in the third run of the inning, and Guzman’s single to right made it 5-0. Medina grounded out again to finally end the onslaught, but Gutierrez would not make it out of the second inning alive, hitting Navarro to start the inning, and then allowed an RBI single with two outs to Raynor, followed by Curro’s 2-run homer to right. 8-0! Can we just go home in dignity?

The Aces had none of that, but they also would not score on Kevin Surginer in the following 3.1 innings, which only took the game through five. No significant rally effort took place as far as the Furballs were concerned. The offense was mostly limited to a pair of 2-out singles by Cookie Carmona, who stole a base once, and was always left on by Stevenson. After Surginer, the Coons used Adam Cowen for ONE out, after which Cowen left the game with an abdominal strain. Good grief! Billy Brotman took over, while the Raccoons finally made it onto the scoreboard in the bottom 6th. Matt Nunley hit his first home run of the season, and the second home run for the team in ’23 (…), collecting Walter aboard to cut the gap to merely six runs, or in Portland terms: three games’ worth. The Aces pulled a run back right away against Brotman in the seventh, with Armando Martinez hitting a leadoff single on an 0-2 pitch before stealing second base, his third stolen base in this game. Brotman would plate him with wild pitches exclusively while facing Errol Spears and Corey Curro, respectively. Devereaux and Moore caused more mess in the ninth inning, with two singles and two runs on the former, and Moroyoqui’s 2-out, 2-run triple on the latter. The Coons scored a run in the bottom 9th, but I wasn’t even watching anymore at that point. 11-3 Aces. Carmona 2-5; Nunley 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Delgado 2-4, RBI; Surginer 3.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

That old gypsy woman that occasionally sets up tent behind the ballpark must be going blind. She read my hand before the game and said I’d have a good day.

I didn’t.

The Raccoons placed Adam Cowen on the DL (which is ONE place where you can earn your minimum salary…) after the game. While he wasn’t going to miss two weeks, there was no point in dragging him along. Will West was called up from AAA.

Game 3
LVA: RF Curro – 3B J. Navarro – CF A. Martinez – 1B A. Young – SS A. Medina – C Schoeppen – LF J. Baker – 2B Moroyoqui – P Peay
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – P Chavez

Chavez retired the Aces in order until Colin Peay hit a 2-out double in the third inning, which completely threw Chavez off the rails. He walked Curro, Navarro singled, and the count on Martinez ran full before Martinez hacked at an obvious ball four to strand the full set of runners. The Critters were pretty reliably putting one man on in every inning, which was usually not a recipe for great success, and it was not in this game, either.

Top 5th, singles by the #7 and #8 hitters, followed by Peay’s obvious bunt put the go-ahead runs in scoring position with one out for the Aces, and Chavez was already on 85 pitches and needed a clear plan to get out of this one. Throwing fastballs down the middle was one way to progress in a major league career, and maybe not the best one, but at least Stevenson got hold of Corey Curro’s drive, holding the leadoff batter to a sac fly and Alfaro caught Navarro’s fly ball to hold the Aces to one run in the fifth inning of what was no longer a scoreless game. Somehow the Aces failed to put another sixteen runs on Chavez, despite him issuing leadoff singles to Martinez and Young in the sixth … AND a wild pitch. No, the runners remained stranded, but Chavez also remained on a 1-0 hook for now, although the Coons stirred in the bottom of the inning. Omar Alfaro drew a 1-out walk, with Stevenson adding himself to the bases with a 2-out single. Elias Tovias singled past a diving Adam Young – much to the home crowd’s and my own delight – scoring Alfaro with the tying run from second base. Newman walked in Chavez’ spot, filling the bags for Cookie, whom Peay lost in a full count, leading to the go-ahead run (Stevenson) being pushed across home plate and to Cristiano rolling into my office to express in many words how happy he was to be witnessing this game. My feelings were more so-so…

Spencer grounded out, leaving a ruffled bullpen to defend a 2-1 lead for nine outs, with Moore getting the first four, while the Coons failed to add on in the bottom 7th despite Walter and Nunley opening the frame with a pair of singles. Bocanegra completed the eighth, the bottom of which saw Tovias hit a leadoff double to left. Newman grounded out, advancing him, but Cookie had been removed after his bases-loaded walk as we tried to give everybody a breather once in a while. Russ Greenwald batted for Bocanegra in the #1 spot, but was walked intentionally with right-hander Franklin Alvarado serving. Three pitches later Alvarado drilled Spencer, loading the bases. C’mon boys! Punish them already! Walter singled to right, a soft looper that fell into no man’s land to score one run, 3-1, while Nunley rocked a hard line to center for a 2-run single! Alfaro struck out and the inning fizzled out afterwards. Will West failed to retire anybody in the ninth; Casimiro Schoeppen and Josh Baker both singled, bringing Lillis into a 4-run game. Another single followed swiftly, but on Moroyoqui’s liner that dinked in front of Alfaro, the Aces underestimated the sophomore Raccoons’ arm and Schoeppen got thrown out at home plate. A strikeout to Spears helped a good deal, with runners still in scoring position after advancing on Alfaro’s throw with two outs. Corey Curro grounded to Nunley, whose throw to first base hit Curro in the arm and bounced away. The game was NOT over, and the runs scored. Lillis struck out Navarro to finally put the deal away. 5-3 Coons. Carmona 2-3, BB, RBI; Spencer 2-4; Walter 2-5, RBI; Nunley 2-5, 2 RBI; Stalker 3-4, 2B; Tovias 2-4, 2B, RBI; Chavez 6.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R; 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W (1-1);

Raccoons (5-3) vs. Titans (4-5) – April 13-16, 2023

Last year’s affair with the Titans had led to the Raccoons’ first-ever 2-16 campaign against a CL North opponent, but at least the Titans had won the World Series, so we could claim being overmatched fully and wholly by the best of them. They had stumbled out of the gate this year, so they were surely cackling with glee at the prospect of beating up the Critters over four games on a long weekend. Boston ranked seventh in runs scored and eighth in runs allowed early on, with an unsightly -7 run differential. Their bullpen had run up a 6+ ERA, 11th in the league.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Nielson (0-0, 3.00 ERA) vs. Brian Cope (1-0, 0.00 ERA)
Matt Huf (0-0, 1.50 ERA) vs. Chris Klein (1-1, 5.25 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (1-0, 2.08 ERA) vs. Alan Farrell (0-0, 3.27 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (1-1, 10.38 ERA) vs. Jose Fuentes (0-1, 4.63 ERA)

All right-handers here, so that’s that. The Titans had placed Willie Ramos (.176, 1 HR, 4 RBI) on the DL already with an oblique strain, so there was one less weapon at the top of their order for sure. Despite batting little, Ramos had actually reached base at a .375 clip in the first seven games of the year before getting hurt.

Game 1
BOS: 3B Baptiste – CF Reichardt – RF Braun – C Leonard – 2B Casillas – 1B Cornejo – LF Cisneros – SS Jam. Wilson – P Cope
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – CF Stevenson – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – 1B Greenwald – C Tovias – P Nielson

A single batter reached base in the first three innings, Keith Leonard cracking a leadoff jack in the top of the second to set Boston 1-0 ahead. Nielson would then implode finely in the fourth inning, allowing singles to Adrian Reichardt and Adam Braun to begin the frame, then walked Leonard and drilled Tony Casillas. That was ONE way to get runs across! Gil Cornejo plated a pair with a single, 4-0, Javy Cisneros hit a sac fly, and Jamie Wilson came up with an RBI single, 6-0. Nielson got yanked after a 2-out walk to Tristen Baptiste, with Will West taking over to pitch a few innings that we should never talk about. He was not scored upon (though Billy Brotman would, later), but it was as far from pretty as could be.

Offensively, the Coons plated single runs in the fourth and fifth innings, with the runners that scored not getting a base hit themselves. Spencer got knocked in the fourth, Stalker walked in the fifth. Nunley’s RBI double in the bottom 4th was the Raccoons only actual hit in five innings, but he hit into a double play to end the bottom 6th with Cookie and Stevenson, who had both singled, on the corners, and Greenwald lined into a double play with Tim Stalker caught astray in the seventh. Nope, the team was not going to go anywhere in this game. Stalker batted in the bottom 9th with two outs and two on after last-ditch singles by Nunley and Alfaro. He grounded out to Jamie Wilson. 7-2 Titans. Nunley 2-4, 2B, RBI; West 3.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 1 K;

Game 2
BOS: 2B Casillas – C Leonard – CF Reichardt – LF Cornejo – 3B Jam. Wilson – SS Kane – RF Braun – 1B Stephens – P Klein
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 3B Walter – RF Newman – SS Stalker – C Delgado – 1B Greenwald – CF Santos – P Huf

Spencer hit a ball quite a bit in the bottom of the first inning, but Gil Cornejo made the catch on the warning track. Maybe with more than a 15mph wind out to leftfield… it was also drizzling, a wonderful April day in Portland. Spencer held Huf together defensively as well, making strong plays to end both of the first two innings; the latter play was more or less flinging Tony Casillas’ grounder in Greenwald’s general direction with the tip of the glove. Greenwald’s swipe was good, and Huf’s 2-out single allowed to the opposing pitcher that loaded the bases prior to the Casillas at-bat didn’t end up costing the Coons another nine runs. The volatile Huf walked four and whiffed three in his first three innings of work, putting him at or above nine per nine innings pitched in both categories… The Raccoons would score the first run of the game in the bottom 3rd, which saw Cookie hit a 1-out single, steal a base, and after Spencer’s single come home on a Walter sac fly eventually. Three singles by Casillas, Leonard, and Cornejo would amount to the tying run in the top of the fifth, however, and Huf got torn up in the sixth. Braun singled, stole second, and scored on Jonathan Stephens’ bouncer into left center, and after Chris Klein grounded out with a 2-1 lead, Casillas rocked a 385-footer to leftfield that Cookie could only sadly watch escape into the stands, upping the score to 4-1. Despite there being two outs already, the Raccoons managed to fill the bags with Titans; Huf allowed another single to Leonard, then nicked Reichardt, and following his removal it was Bocanegra to put another man on, drilling Gil Cornejo. Wilson popped to short to let the Coons get away despite them not deserving it.

But the Critters were in business in the bottom 6th. Spencer and Walter hit leadoff singles to right center, followed by Will Newman’s drive to right center that went past Adam Braun and fell in for an RBI double. The tying runs were now in scoring position with nobody out, but Stalker, Delgado, and Greenwald made three outs in order that were so pathetic that nobody scored anymore. The teams dingled along in the steady drizzle until the bottom of the ninth, in which Frank Santos’ 1-out single up the middle against Ron Thrasher meant that the tying run would come up again. Stevenson batted for the pitcher in the #9 hole, but flew out to Braun. Cookie grounded out to Casillas, ending this sad game. 4-2 Titans. Spencer 2-4; Newman 2-4, 2B, RBI;

With the exception of Stevenson and Tovias, all position players in the Opening Day lineup have still appeared in all games this season.

Game 3
BOS: 2B Casillas – C Leonard – CF Reichardt – LF Cornejo – 3B Jam. Wilson – SS Kane – RF Braun – 1B Stephens – P Farrell
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Toner

Agony found the Coons right in the first inning, when Mike Kane stepped on Cookie’s ankle in an entanglement on second base. Cookie could not put weight on his foot afterwards and had to be dragged off the field by the other ankle by the Druid. Cristiano was close to tears, and so was I. Newman replaced Cookie, who was irreplaceable. Following Nunley’s double, that put a pair in scoring position with two outs, Alfaro struck out, so the actual Age of Omar was still not arriving. Alfaro would bat again with two outs and plenty of Critters on base in the third inning. Newman had walked, Walter and Nunley had singled, and Alfaro chipped an 0-2 pitch in play, a high pop to center that was no challenge for Adrian Reichardt.

So it was on the Titans to score the first run, and they did so in odd fashion when Jonathan Stephens hit a leadoff homer off Toner in the fifth inning. It was only Stephens’ sixth career homer at age 28, but that was still six more than Jarod Spencer had. Toner reached 101 pitches through six innings, but the Raccoons at least managed to take him off the hook in the bottom 6th. Nunley singled, advanced on Alfaro’s groundout, and then scored on Stevenson’s single to right center. Since Nunley drew the throw, Stevenson advanced to second base, but Stalker struck out, prompting an intentional walk to Tovias, which was enough to get Toner out of the game. Russ Greenwald batted for him, but poorly grounded out to Stephens at first base. The tie didn’t hold up for long thanks to Francisquo Bocanegra making a mess out of the seventh inning. Chris Almanza hit a pinch-hit leadoff double, but he also walked Braun, and couldn’t get any kind of strike past Farrell, who hit a 3-0 grounder to drive home the run and give himself a 2-1 lead. The Coons’ pen narrowly staved off more runs to fly onto the board in the final innings, but the offense remained lame even before they had to face Ron Thrasher again, with the #9 spot up first in the bottom 9th. Tony Delgado batted for Kevin Surginer and crashed a home run outta leftfield to tie the game at once! A struggling Thrasher walked Will Newman, who was bunted over by Spencer. Walter was walked intentionally to get to a .429 batting Matt Nunley, whose grounder to short erased Walter, but the inning kept going with the winning run at third base for … Alfaro. The thing was that we were kinda thin on the bench, and he was still 0-for-4, and oh dear we’re so doomed. He struck out.

By the 11th inning, both teams were short on players, which made the agony only worse when Vince Devereaux had Tristen Baptiste at first base, two outs, and walked ****ing Ron Thrasher. Casillas struck out, somehow, to keep the Titans from pushing one or seven runs across. Bottom 11th; facing Julio San Pedro, Spencer and Walter hit 1-out singles in the inning, with Spencer making for third base aggressively and beating out Adam Braun’s throw. Even a sac fly was now good enough from Nunley, but he walked, which pulled up the dudding Alfaro again, who had not hit much of anything this week and had sunk his line to .222/.300/.222 – and had stranded about 60 runners in this game already. But a sac fly was enough! He struck out. Stevenson popped out to Braun in rightfield, Jamie Wilson hit a sac fly in the 12th, and the Raccoons deserved their third consecutive loss and to drop under .500… 3-2 Titans. Carmona 1-1; Walter 3-5, 2B, RBI; Nunley 3-5, 2B, RBI; Delgado (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI; Toner 6.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K; Surginer 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Tim Stalker flailed for a golden sombrero, but the better line was Alfaro’s, who struck out “only” three times, but went 0-for-6 and was charged with ELEVEN runners left on base.

HOW THE **** DO YOU DO THAT??

Meanwhile, the Druid had put a stupid brace thing on Cookie’s ankle, and he was off on crutches and to the DL. We think it might be three weeks for that sprained ankle to heal. By then we might well be ten games under .500.

We’ll call up OF/1B Greg Borg from AAA, a 24-year-old right-hander that we acquired from the Loggers in the Michael Foreman trade in July of 2021. Another player that sprung from the trade was Jarod Spencer. Borg is excellent on defense, including in centerfield, and has batted .500 in the first few games of the Alley Cats’ season, so why the **** not? He was also already on the 40-man roster unlike f.e. Justin Gerace, who was also doing well in AAA and had some power. Borg would make his major league debut right away.

Game 4
BOS: 3B Baptiste – CF Reichardt – LF Almanza – C Leonard – 1B Cornejo – RF Cisneros – 2B Stephens – SS Kane – P J. Fuentes
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – LF Stevenson – CF Borg – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

There were four left-handers in the Titans’ lineup so I had some hope for Rico to maybe make it through six or so, which would be swell, because we haven’t had anybody get through more than six in a while, and the entire bullpen was blue in the face at this point. Plus, I hate pitchers with double-digit ERA’s to wear the brown cap. Groundouts by Baptiste and Reichardt to begin the game dropped Gutierrez’ under ten, so we were good on that side for now… at least until the second inning, when Gutierrez had spilled runners onto the corners and allowed a 2-out double to Mike Kane. Javy Cisneros scored from third anyway, and Jonathan Stephens got sent from first, but Stalker’s relay killed him at the plate, ending the inning with a 1-0 deficit only. Bottom 2nd, Greg Borg hit a single in his first major league at-bat, followed by Elias Tovias cleaning up with a double play grounder…

Gutierrez clung on to dear life in the following innings and held the Titans to only one hit from the third through sixth innings, for which he would be rewarded with the lead by the bottom 6th. The Raccoons hadn’t done much either in between, but after Spencer hit a leadoff single in the inning, Shane Walter cracked a homer to right center, flipping the score in the home team’s favor at 2-1, and becoming the first Raccoon to multiple home runs and double-digit RBI. While Gutierrez actually did retire somebody in the seventh inning, Cisneros only grounded out after a leadoff walk to Leonard and Cornejo’s infield single, so now Gutierrez had runners in scoring position and was in a terrible bind. He was not going to come out, there were two more left-handers approaching, and I wasn’t going to switch lefty for lefty…! Kurt Evans actually pinch-hit for Stephens, but he was STILL a left-hander. He also got the upper hand on an 0-2 pitch and grounded to Spencer, allowing the tying run to come home. Mike Kane then flew out to Borg in deep center, and the Raccoons did nothing in the bottom 7th, leaving Gutierrez with a no-decision when Joe Moore took over and loaded the bases with a 2-out single (Reichardt) and a pair of walks after that. Gil Cornejo grounded out, keeping the game tied. Lillis struck out the side in the ninth, allowing the Coons another laughable attempt at walking off with their bottom of the order, facing San Pedro yet again. Stevenson led off in the bottom 9th, grounding out to Jamie Wilson. Borg grounded out to the pitcher, but Tovias singled up the middle. Oh look who’s creeping up to bat with two outs. Omar Alfaro. He had entered with Lillis in a double switch, and it was not like I had any smart ideas. He grounded out to Cornejo, and we went to extras. Lillis remained untouchable, giving the TOP of the order a chance to attempt a walkoff now in the bottom 10th, and Spencer doubled into the leftfield corner against San Pedro with one out, setting up Walter and Nunley, who would counter the Boston swingman the Coons would have liked to have on their roster. Again, Shane Walter was walked intentionally to increase the odds that something dumb would happen to the Coons, but instead something dumb happened to the Titans. Jarod Spencer took off for third base on the first pitch. Nunley got out of the way, Leonard fired a ball up the line – HIGH AND PAST BAPTISTE!! – and Spencer jumped up after his slide into the base and raced for home plate like he was being chased by a thousand hornets. No throw was ever made by the scattered Titans defense, and the Raccoons salvaged a .500 homestand on a walkoff error. 3-2 Coons. Stalker 2-5; Spencer 3-5, 2B; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 4 K; Lillis 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 5 K, W (2-0);

Brett Lillis now leads the team in wins, and he’s second in strikeouts, and maybe he can find a way to challenge for the team ERA crown as well?

In other news

April 11 – SAC CF Justin McAllester (.389, 2 HR, 4 RBI) is out of action with an elbow sprain and figures to miss at least a month.
April 15 – Milwaukee’s Ian Coleman (.477, 1 HR, 11 RBI) stretches his hitting streak to 25 games with a sixth-inning single in a 2-0 loss to the Crusaders.
April 16 – Stars rookie SP Jeff Dykstra (1-0, 0.84 ERA) has a no-hitter broken up at the start of the ninth inning by L.A.’s Nick Herman (.385, 2 HR, 8 RBI), whose single remains the Pacifics’ only base hit in the game. Dykstra takes home the W in the 7-0 game.
April 16 – The Capitals burn the Miners for eight runs in the first inning and keep adding to that, eventually routing them 13-1. WAS RF/LF/1B Matt Hamilton (.255, 1 HR, 9 RBI) drives in four runs with a 2-hit effort.
April 16 – In the 11th inning in their game hosting the Bayhawks, the Condors not only make up a 3-2 deficit from the top of the inning, but also walk off on a walkoff slam by 1B Mike Gershkovich (.306, 2 HR, 9 RBI).

Complaints and stuff

The Elks started the season 0-6 before winning the odd game here and there mainly against the Indians, but I am watching at their cluster**** of a roster and think to myself, eh, life ain’t that bad after all. I mean, nothing against Bobby Guerrero, but if he’s your Opening Day guy, you might be in trouble.

Also in trouble of course, the Coons. Losing Cookie is terrible enough, but after a decent first week it looks like Alfaro is a dunce again, and the bottom of the order is generally not very helpful. We have Matt Nunley batting .400 which will definitely not last forever, and Shane Walter has also been giving his all so far, and we still can’t score a meaningful amount of runs. The Coons so far have only plated 3.5 runs per game, and our run differential is -14, hinting at bad times ahead.

ABL CAREER STRIKEOUT LEADERS
44th – Juan Valdevez – 2,279 – active, free agent
45th – Ricardo Torres – 2,273
46th – Jason O’Halloran – 2,266 – HOF
47th – Salvador Fierro – 2,242
48th – Harry Griggs – 2,234
49th – Jonathan Toner – 2,194 – active
50th – Ramón Ortíz – 2,188
51st – Antonio Donis – 2,164 – HOF
52nd – Ian Rutter – 2,156 – active

Juan Valdevez spent all 17 years of his major league career with the Aces, including partaking in both championships they got their hands on in 2018 and 2019. The 37-year-old right-hander was a reliable front-of-the-rotation staple and one of the most adept pitchers at all times in picking away at the corners. He has led the Continental League in fewest walks were nine innings *12* times, including eight times consecutively from 2014 through 2021! On the other hand, he’s also been a human catapult, conceding raw amounts of home runs. In fact, he has allowed almost as many home runs (378) as walks (468) in his major league career, which is something. He dropped out of the rotation in early ’22 and was used in the bullpen after that after not making a single relief appearance in his first 16 years in the league.

Fun Fact: Jarod Spencer is not only the Raccoon with the most at-bats without ever hitting a home run, but he is also leading all active position players in at-bats without going deep in the majors, with a 410 AB gap to second-place and totally obscure Dan Cobb.

Consolation for poor Mama Spencer is there, however, because her kid is nowhere close to the all-time record for most at-bats without a home run – although Jarod ranks fifth all-time – which stands at 2,407 at-bats, put up by Jorge Ortega, who was a Crusaders middle infielder during the time they piled up two three-peats of championships. That little sucker has six rings while being a .278/.340/.336 batter for his career, while Nick Brown never got to sniff one …

Excuse me, I have to go down and find the box with the 1993 team photo and ... well, I just want to be with it.

No, Cristiano you can’t come along. – Umm, uh… because… uh, because there is one HUGE step down there. Not … not quite a staircase, just one … one drop of … some … uh, six feet? – Yeah, the people who built this park didn’t spend much thought on accessibility of the catacombs for wheelchair users. (fakes a laugh and weasels off)

[Westheim]

Raccoons (6-6) @ Crusaders (7-5) – April 18-20, 2023

Following a much-needed off day on Monday, the Critters broke out of their den for the first time in 2023 to head to New York, where the Crusaders were in a virtual tie for second place with the Titans at this point. They had not scored any runs so far, ranking tenth in the CL with only 41 counters to their credit. On the other hand, their pitching had been mildly amazing, holding opposing teams to less than three runs per game, the best mark in the Continental League. Tough times ahead for the young Raccoons? The Critters had already been ripped pretty badly by the Crusaders last season, losing a dozen out of the 18 head-to-head contests, their worst performance against the purple-clad team in nine years.

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (1-1, 4.35 ERA) vs. Tim Dunn (1-0, 1.59 ERA)
Ryan Nielson (0-1, 7.45 ERA) vs. Joe Jones (0-0, 4.26 ERA)
Matt Huf (0-1, 3.86 ERA) vs. Alejandro Mendez (1-2, 2.57 ERA)

The Crusaders had had two consecutive off days on Thursday and Monday and so had ample room to make some moves with their rotation. As things were, they would send up their two left-handers first, but a skip of Jones, who had walked six in 6.1 innings, was in the air as far as I could gather from the overall stats. If so, “Ant” Mendez and Mike Rutkowski (3-0, 2.57 ERA) would move up, both right-handers.

Game 1
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – CF Stevenson – C Delgado – LF Santos – P Chavez
NYC: C Asay – 3B Schmit – 2B S. Valdez – RF Fullerton – 1B I. Flores – LF J. Williams – SS Vacarri – CF Douglas – P Dunn

Tim Stalker started the game with an instant blast, his first home run of the season, and that was not the last hard-hit ball off Dunn in the early innings. Frank Santos ripped an RBI double with two outs in the second inning, scoring Josh Stevenson from first base, and after Dunn lost Chavez to a walk (!), Stalker dropped a looper into shallow right, general confusion allowing Santos to score from second on that to run the score to 3-0 before Spencer grounded out to Andy Schmit. Jesus Chavez was not without his flaws, however, and the Crusaders soon enough also got some big chances. Two on and two outs in the bottom 2nd, Dunn hit a liner to left that found Santos and wouldn’t score anybody, but Chavez began the third by hitting Jason Asay with an 0-2 pitch, then walked Schmit right away to bring up the tying run. The Crusaders grounded into a fielder’s choice at second base twice after that, which allowed Asay to score their first run, but they didn’t break out all over Chavez, no matter how much he deserved it at that point. The first two batters reached again in the bottom 4th, Jake Williams legging out an infield single when Chavez was too slow to first base to receive Shane Walter’s feed, and Giacobbe Vaccari singled hard to center. Lance Douglas grounded into yet another force at second base, and the Crusaders had Dunn swing away and fly out to Santos in shallow left. Asay grounded out to short, stranding runners on the corners.

Starting in the fifth, the Raccoons did their so elating a-single-an-inning thing that would never get them anywhere. Nunley singled twice, in the fifth and seventh, but never found a friend to help him out in adding a run. The Crusaders let off of Chavez for a while, too, and the Coons’ starter reached the seventh inning, but would not get through it. Andy Schmit’s 2-out solo homer cut the lead to 3-2 and sent Chavez to the showers. Bocanegra replaced him, and Dunn was also gone from the game by the time the top of the eighth rolled around. Jon Ozier demolished the bottom of the order in the eighth, the ninth was not much better, but thanks to scoreless relief from Bocanegra (three outs), Surginer (one), and Lillis (three), the early damage against Tim Dunn was enough to squeeze out a W and avoid sub-.500 ball for the moment. 3-2 Critters. Stalker 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Nunley 2-4; Stevenson 2-3, BB; Chavez 6.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 0 K, W (2-1);

The starting pitchers in this game combined for 13.2 innings, allowing 12 hits and walking five. They struck out *nobody*. Both bullpens would collect two strikeouts per side afterwards. Well, at least Chavez became the first starter on the team with two wins.

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – LF Stevenson – CF Borg – C Tovias – P Nielson
NYC: SS R. Soto – 3B Schmit – RF Fullerton – LF J. Williams – 1B I. Flores – 2B S. Valdez – C Rangel – CF Abraham – P J. Jones

Jones pitched, and not as badly as Nielson, who walked Robby Soto and Andy Schmit to start his day, with Soto scoring after Tovias’ throwing error as he took off for third base. Schmit advanced to third, then scored on D.J. Fullerton’s sac fly to Greg Borg in center. Just like that it was a 2-0 game with no hits being even landed by the Crusaders. Jake Williams would single, but Nielson struck out Ivan Flores, and Sergio Valdez grounded out on a 3-0 pitch to end the miserable first inning. The Raccoons would load the bases in the second inning, and with nobody out, as Nunley singled, Alfaro doubled up the leftfield line, and Stevenson walked. With Greg Borg’s pop to Williams in shallow left, a K on Tovias, and Nielson serving an easy out to Valdez, nobody scored.

While Shane Walter hit an RBI double at some point, the Raccoons remained in arrears, with Alfaro twice coming up with two men on, and twice failing as usual. Nielson remained completely out of sync with his surroundings and walked four batters in the first three innings. The Crusaders were hitting enough balls right at people to ruin most of their chances, though, at least until Fullerton cranked a 2-piece in the bottom 5th that collected Schmit, who had hit a leadoff single. That gave New York a 4-1 lead, and it also gave me a headache, because this was a strongly left-leaning lineup that Nielson was grossly failing against here. Somehow we managed to drag him through seven innings without him being completely dismembered, but that wouldn’t have happened if Elias Tovias had any kind of visual receptors that could have told him that D.J. Fullerton was well on his 2-out double in the top of the sixth. Nope, blind as a bat, Tovias kept running, despite the third base coach’s best efforts to wave him off, and was a dead duck at third base. If Tovias had remained at second base, Nielson would have been hit for at that point in the vain hope to generate a token amount of threat. But despite a wobble by Billy Brotman in the bottom 8th, who put runners on the corners that Vince Devereaux had to clean up, the Raccoons still managed to pose a threat against Steve Casey in the ninth inning. Casey struck out Tovias and Newman as the inning began. He then hit enough batters to bring the tying run to the plate with two outs, Stalker and Spencer rubbing their welts in plain sight as Shane Walter stepped in. His single loaded the bases and brought up a 3-for-4 Matt Nunley, who was batting .436 at this point. A run scored on a wild pitch, and then Nunley grounded out to short to end the game anyway. 4-2 Crusaders. Spencer 2-4; Walter 2-5, 2B, RBI; Nunley 3-5; Alfaro 2-4, 2B;

As it stands, we’re at .500 again, with a -15 run differential indicating that we really shouldn’t be at .500, and with the team only three runs scored removed from the absolute bottom in the league.

If anybody has a sound battleplan, I’ll listen.

Game 3
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – RF Alfaro – CF Borg – C Tovias – P Huf
NYC: SS R. Soto – 3B Schmit – 2B S. Valdez – RF Fullerton – 1B I. Flores – LF J. Williams – C Asay – CF Douglas – P A. Mendez

While Huf also began his start with two walks to the Crusaders, which made him that much more likeable, the Coons would score first as they had in the series opener, with a Tim Stalker homer. This time the dinger occurred in the third inning, a 2-out, 2-run shot around the left foul pole that also scored Tovias. Huf struck out the side in the bottom of the order, Stalker hit another mighty drive that was only caught at the fence in the top of the fifth, and just when I thought we might be alright, a terrible throwing error by Spencer in the bottom 5th put Jason Asay in scoring position and pulled up the tying run in Lance Douglas, who immediately ripped an RBI double to deep right, which was somehow the Crusaders’ first base knock in the game. Mendez struck out and Spencer handled Soto’s grounder for the last out, but suddenly this was a 1-run game again, and Huf walked Schmit to begin the bottom 6th. Valdez’ blooper to shallow left fell in for a single, and the trouble was on now for sure. Fullerton grounded to Spencer, who could only get the out at first base, so the tying and go-ahead runs were in scoring position with one down for the switch-hitting Flores, who bounced a ball back to the mound that hit off Huf’s shin. Schmit scrambled back to third base, but Huf couldn’t recover in time to make a play on Flores, and the bases were loaded, and Huf’s day was over. Devereaux came in, but couldn’ get out of the mess on the bases. He allowed a sac fly to Williams, then the go-ahead RBI single to Asay. The K to Douglas came too late. The Raccoons’ offense was entirely absent at this point, but the Crusaders got a run off Bocanegra in the seventh on Valdez’ sac fly. A 2-out single by Stalker was the last sign of life by the Coons in the eighth, and they disappeared silently into the sub-.500 night thereafter. 4-2 Crusaders. Stalker 2-4, HR, 2 RBI;

Raccoons (7-8) @ Falcons (5-11) – April 21-23, 2023

These Falcons had won their division just last season, so I was ready to take their record with a grain of salt, or two. The second fact that made you reconsider your faint hopes for a good weekend set was their run differential, which was a puzzling +8, so they were on the opposite end of the luck scale at the moment. They had the highest team batting average in the Continental League, and the third-most runs. They had allowed the fifth-most runs, so pitching had been an issue, foremost their rotation, which ranked at the bottom by ERA with a crummy 4.94 starters’ mark.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Toner (1-0, 1.89 ERA) vs. Greg Gannon (0-1, 3.60 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (1-1, 6.89 ERA) vs. TBD
Jesus Chavez (2-1, 3.71 ERA) vs. Kyle Anderson (1-2, 4.50 ERA)

The open spot was Justin Fleming’s (1-2, 3.24 ERA), but he was battling flu-like symptoms. Regardless, their five regular starters were all right-handed, but they had at least one potential left-handed spot starter in J.J. Rodd in the bullpen. Illness and injuries were not something that had only befallen the Raccoons early on, the Falcons were also without an ailing Matt Good (.309, 3 HR, 8 RBI) at the moment, with no diagnosis released so far.

Game 1
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – P Toner
CHA: 2B Gray – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – RF M. Owen – C T. Robinson – CF LeMoine – LF McClenon – SS Read – P Gannon

When Matt Nunley singled to lead off the top 2nd and Matt Owen overran the ball, the Coons had the go-ahead run on second base with nobody out, which was a good scoring opportunity for normal teams, but for this team was only an invitation to suck harder. Newman struck out. Alfaro struck out. Stevenson tried to strike out, accidentally hit the ball, but was relieved that his 2-2 grounder arrived at Tyler Gray for the third out anyway. Back-to-back doubles past either side of Omar Alfaro, hit by Chris LeMoine and Joseph McClenon in the bottom 2nd, plated the first run of the game for Charlotte then, but at least *some* Critters were not dead from the waist up yet. Jarod Spencer for example hit a leadoff double in the fourth inning, and while Walter made an out, he at least moved the runner to third base with a grounder to Gray. Nunley grounded out to first, with Spencer not moving, and Ryan Czachor caught Newman’s liner to end the inning. Stevenson singled, stole second, and was on third base with two outs for Toner in the fifth inning, but Jonny struck out…

Despite the double-double early on, Toner had mostly a Toner start, striking out five and not allowing a whole lot of damage early on, but he sure as hell couldn’t get the least amount of support. McClenon hit a leadoff single in the bottom 5th, but for some reason the Falcons considered it a good choice to have their pitcher swing away. Swinging away Gannon did, right to Spencer for a double play. In turn, Tim Stalker was the tying run on second base after a leadoff double into the leftfield corner in the top of the sixth. Spencer struck out. Walter struck out. Nunley lined out to Gray. There was nothing on the ceiling of the room I was in that would hold a rope to hang myself with. What a terrible day!

The Raccoons would hit three singles in the seventh inning, but before anybody gets excited, the first was by Newman, Alfaro hit into a two-for-one, and then Stevenson and Tovias reached base with two outs. That brought up Toner. Now, you really want a hitter to bat here, but the Coons had only batters who couldn’t hit… maybe Toner could rekindle his offensive prowess from years ago – and you know you’re desperate when you count on your starting pitcher to get the winning hit. He hit a grounder hard, but right at Howard Read, and the inning ended. Frustration soon boiled over, and with that I didn’t mean me plundering the minibar, which I certainly did, because nothing stuffs the gaping hole in your guts better than some $20 candy bars. Nope, the Raccoons were batting in the eighth, miserably, with Stalker flying out to left, Armetta whiffing in Spencer’s spot, and then Walter was called out on a borderline 2-2 pitch and flung his bat and helmet while cussing at the umpire. The helmet bounced oddly and hit the umpire in the shin, which got Walter the quick heave-ho. Greenwald replaced him, but nothing mattered. Toner got romped for two walks, two hits, and two runs in the bottom 8th and had to be dug out by Billy Brotman… actually, Stevenson, who caught LeMoine’s deep drive to center to end the inning with two Falcons waiting to score. 3-0 Falcons. Stevenson 1-2, 2 BB;

Contrary to my first assumption, Shane Walter was not suspended for his outburst – replay showed the “third strike” to be egregiously outside, which might have been a factor in this one.

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – LF Spencer – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – 1B Greenwald – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – P Gutierrez
CHA: 2B Good – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – RF M. Owen – C T. Robinson – LF J. Avila – CF McClenon – SS Read – P K. Anderson

Kyle Anderson started on short rest for the incapacitated Fleming, but the Falcons also had Matt Good back rocking in the leadoff spot, sore calf here or there. The Falcons took an early lead again one way or another, with Howard Read’s RBI double in the bottom 2nd getting them to poke their beaks in front. That lead would only grow and was 3-0 by the third inning. Gutierrez walked Czachor with one out, then allowed a single to left center to Pat Fowlkes. Stevenson saw Czachor making for third base, unleashed a throw, but Nunley had no chance for a play. Instead he had to scamper after the wayward throw that would come to rest against the rolled-up tarp way in foul ground, allowing Czachor to score and Fowlkes to move to second, from where he scored on Matt Owen’s single. While Kyle Anderson walked a pair early on, the Raccoons would not land a base hit until the FIFTH, and then Stevenson never made it past first base following his 1-out single…

As far as shame went, Rico Gutierrez didn’t strike out anybody in the first four innings, but had Anderson at 0-2 to begin the bottom 5th. Too bad Anderson crushed a 98mph heater for a no-doubt home run to left, running the score to 4-0, sending the home crowd into dance mode and some weird wing-flapping imitation that they did with their arms, and Gutierrez was visibly contemplating his career choice on the mound while the veterans around, Nunley and Walter, read him the Riot Act. He wasn’t even listening at them, numbly carving a deeper trench for himself next to the rubber. Gutierrez somehow got through the inning despite Matt Good’s nobody-out single that followed the disgracing home run, with Good being caught stealing by Tovias later on.

Matt Nunley hit a leadoff single in the seventh inning, squeezing a roller past Howard Read. Greenwald pirouetted around the batter’s box for a number of pitches, never hit anything, and was sat down. Omar Alfaro approached, batting .215 and falling, and hit squarely into a double play. The Raccoons would not find another base runner in their bats for the rest of the game, with Kyle Anderson – on short rest – throwing a 2-hit shutout against them, whiffing six. 4-0 Falcons. Nunley 1-2, BB; Stevenson 1-2, BB;

And not only Rico Gutierrez is wondering whether he should go back to school and learn a decent profession!

…

Game 3
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – LF Newman – RF Alfaro – CF Borg – P Chavez
CHA: 2B Good – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – LF J. Avila – C T. Robinson – CF LeMoine – RF McClenon – SS Read – P J. Bryant

Jim Bryant was 1-1 with a 5.55 ERA, which to a normal team would signal easy pickings. The Raccoons indeed burst out all over him, scoring ONE WHOLE run in the first inning on Tim Stalker’s leadoff triple and Spencer’s sac fly. Never mind that Nunley and Delgado singled and Newman feebly popped out to strand them on the corners. The Coons even staved off Good’s leadoff single and stolen base in the bottom 1st, and instead took a TWO-to-nothing lead in the second inning on Omar Alfaro’s leadoff jack to right. The Age of Omar! CAN YOU FEEL IT??

The Falcons picked up their first run of the game in the bottom 3rd, with Chavez walking the leadoff man Read and allowing 2-out singles to Czachor and Fowlkes, but Jose Avila’s sharp grounder was intercepted by Spencer for the third out, finally, but Joseph McClenon’s 2-out jack in the bottom of the fourth tied the game anyway. Alfaro made a flying catch in the gap on Ryan Czachor an inning later, but the real burner was how to squeeze another run from our lineup to be technically able to win at least one game in the series? With Jarod Spencer leading off the sixth, you should better not count on him going yard! He popped out. The game breezed by with neither team doing much with the bats, until Chavez ran a 3-0 count to Chris LeMoine to begin the bottom 7th. That could easily become the winning run, but patience had never been the former Logger’s thing and he grounded out on the 3-0 pitch. Oh maybe we’ll be fine after all! Or maybe nah. Chavez got through McClenon, but then walked Read, with left-hander Danny Munn batting for Bryant. Billy Brotman was summoned from the pen immediately, but allowed a single to center that sent Read and the go-ahead run to third base. Matt Owen batted for Matt Good to counter Brotman, who was replaced with Moore, who struck out the pinch-hitter to end the seventh. The Coons struck out in order in the eighth, while Devereaux boogied around a leadoff walk to Czachor in the bottom of that inning. Closer Gregg Bell was in for the top of the ninth, facing the 2-3-4 batters. After Spencer popped out on the first pitch (CAN YOU EVER TAKE ONE?? GODDAMNIT!!), Shane Walter lined to right for a 1-out double, so technically the Critters had the go-ahead run in scoring position. After Nunley flew out to center, Delgado worked a walk, which brought up Will Newman and his .171/.275/.229 line of amazement. Well, the bench was a deserted wasteland. Who is gonna hit for him? Frank Santos?? Newman was sent, Newman knocked a 1-1 to right center for a single, and Walter scored. Hooray, a lead!! Alfaro struck out, but eh, what are you gonna – … there was more important stuff to do, like scraping the rust off Brett Lillis, who hadn’t pitched since the last time the Coons had one a game, and everybody wondering when the **** that had been (Tuesday) told a thing or two about the team… Lillis retired LeMoine, Travis Benson, and Read in order to end the game. Let’s not get into Benson’s near-homer on a 3-2 pitch… 3-2 Furballs! Walter 2-4, 2B; Chavez 6.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K;

In other news

April 17 – A torn achilles tendon ends the season of NAS OF Tom Schorsch (.186, 1 HR, 5 RBI) after just two weeks. The 27-year-old is not expected to be back before Closing Day.
April 18 – The Loggers win, 2-1 over the Indians, but MIL CF/RF Ian Coleman (.431, 1 HR, 12 RBI) has his 26-game hitting streak snapped by Indy, going hitless in four at-bats.
April 21 – In a wild 12-9 win over the Titans, LVA 3B/SS Jose Navarro (.295, 1 HR, 10 RBI) misses the cycle by the home run and goes 5-for-5 with 3 RBI.
April 21 – The Gold Sox get trampled by the Miners, who win 11-2 on 21 hits, with 3B Travis Bahner (.328, 2 HR, 7 RBI) collecting four base knocks with a double and an RBI.
April 22 – NYC INF Sergio Valdez (.266, 0 HR, 6 RBI) is out for a month with a hamstring strain.
April 23 – CIN RF/LF/1B Hugo Mendoza (.323, 1 HR, 12 RBI) lands his 2,000th base hit in a 5-2 loss to the Warriors. The milestone is a ninth-inning, 2-out single off Ken Gautney that nevertheless fails to get the Cyclones back in the game. Mendoza, who previously played for the Stars and Raccoons, is the 2016 FL Player of the Year and a 7-time All Star. He has batted .314 with 311 HR and 1,201 RBI for his career. He is 20th in career home runs and 40th in career RBI at only 32 years of age.

Complaints and stuff

By now it should be quite obvious that I traded for nothing but duds, which has always been my special move.

Not that Vince D has been bad, but who else was a candidate when I shopped Ricky Martinez around? Gregg Bell!

Funny thing, Jonny Toner has more major-league innings than the rest of the pitching staff combined… and yet it’s not the pitching staff that is the problem! I made fun of Matt Nunley batting cleanup, which … well, I like the guy, but he’s not a cleanup batter to put it mildly. He’s been in the majors for almost ten full years, and he is still not at 100 home runs.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have not won a game on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday so far this season, and they have scored more than two runs in any Thursday, Friday, or Saturday game only once.

… and that was the 13-6 drubbing by the Knights during Opening Week!

I would now ask for someone on my staff for support on how to clean up this mess, but only Slappy is still hanging around, and he knows nothing about cleaning up to begin with.

Yup, we’re doomed.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (8-10) @ Bayhawks (9-9) – April 25-27, 2023

Here were probably two teams assembled that wouldn’t go anywhere nice this season. The Bayhawks had the fourth-lowest totals in both runs scored and runs allowed, the latter despite combining a rancid bullpen with a mediocre rotation. Three weeks in, both teams were already five or more games out and probably would never get closer again. The Raccoons had lost the season series against the Baybirds for two straight years, with a 4-5 effort in ’22.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Nielson (0-2, 6.48 ERA) vs. Brian Simmons (1-1, 4.02 ERA)
Matt Huf (0-2, 3.71 ERA) vs. Mark Roberts (1-2, 5.06 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (1-1, 2.36 ERA) vs. Graham Wasserman (1-1, 2.79 ERA)

Looks like we will open another week against a pair of left-handed pitchers, but again Monday was an off day for both teams and in theory either team could slip a pitcher here. The Raccoons wouldn’t … there was not really enough incentive right now to pick one straggler over another.

Game 1
POR: SS Stalker – LF Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – 2B Armetta – P Nielson
SFB: LF R. Gomez – RF Booker – CF D. Garcia – 1B Jon Gonzalez – 2B St. George – SS Sanks – C R. Anderson – 3B Light – P Simmons

The Raccoons scored their daily 2-run allotment right in the first inning, with Spencer singling and scoring on Shane Walter’s gap-splitting double to right center. Walter came around on a Stevenson single after Matt Nunley’s drive to deep right had ended up with Jaden Booker. Alfaro walked after that, but Elias Tovias flew out to Rafael Gomez to end the inning. Now, Nielson had struggled beyond belief in all of his starts so far, including a terrifying outing against a mostly left-handed lineup last week. This lineup was entirely right-handed, except for the pitcher Simmons, so I was expecting nothing to begin this game, and certainly not that the 2-0 lead would hold up. Nothing bad happened to him in the early innings, as he conceded a walk in the first (to Dave Garcia, for once not – yet – injured), and a single to Stephen Shane Sanks in the second on his first run through the lineup, but he wasn’t going to lull me into a false sense of security. I knew my pitchers’ antics better than they knew themselves…! Sure enough, the Bayhawks chained up two extra-base hits in the bottom of the fourth to get to Nielson. Jon Gonzalez doubled down the leftfield line, and Stephen St. George hit the ball outta the goddamn park to knot the score at two. Rafael Gomez’ leadoff jack in the following inning gave them the lead, 3-2, after which Nielson would load the bases with a hit batter (poor Dave Garcia) and two walks to Gonzalez and Sanks before the inning was over, and he wouldn’t bear witness to the end of the inning either, being yanked while Sanks was still shuffling his butt over to first base. Kevin Surginer’s first major-league walk was drawn by Ryan Anderson, pushing in a run, but Nunley then made a good play on a quick bouncer by Sean Light to end the inning, now down 4-2.

There was still some rally pretense in the Raccoons, who at first glance still presented themselves as a baseball team, or at least a flock of guys knowing the basic concept of the game. Greg Borg batted for Surginer to lead off the seventh inning and sent a liner up the leftfield line for a double, his second major-league hit and this one breaking an 0-for-13 skid after he had singled in his first ever plate appearance. This brought up the top of the order and the tying run. Stalker flew out to Booker, but Spencer singled, and Walter’s groundout scored Borg, 4-3, and moved the tying run to second base for Nunley with two down, with Matt so far having hit the ball hard three times, without ever having any desirable result. He struck out. The Bayhawks were hanging on to their lead into the ninth, when Russ Greenwald batted for Sam Armetta and hit a leadoff single against Tony Harrell, followed by Will Newman batting for Will West and doubling into left center. Hear, hear, we’re in business! And the top of the order came up again! Runners on second and third, no outs, Tim Stalker cracked away at a 1-1 pitch, a liner to second base, St. George leaping – DIDN’T GET IT! It’s into rightfield, RBI single, tied ballgame! Shane Walter brought in Newman with a sac fly, giving the Coons a late lead and Brett Lillis into the bottom of the ninth inning, where he faced the top of the order. Gomez and Booker both grounded out to different infielders before Garcia got nailed for the second time in the game, the poor sod. Jon Gonzalez whiffed to pluck the last feather out of the Baybirds. 5-4 Furballs! Spencer 2-5; Walter 2-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Stevenson 2-4, RBI; Greenwald (PH) 1-1; Borg (PH) 1-1, 2B; Newman (PH) 1-1, 2B; West 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (1-0);

Will West departed for AAA after this game, with Adam Cowen being activated from the disabled list.

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – C Delgado – P Huf
SFB: LF R. Gomez – C O’Dell – CF D. Garcia – 1B Jon Gonzalez – 2B St. George – SS Sanks – RF Booker – 3B Light – P M. Roberts

We sure hoped that facing another entirely right-handed lineup would help out Matt Huf a bit, but his fourth pitch of the game was already parked in the seats by Brett O’Dell for a quick 1-0 Baybirds lead. Jarod Spencer getting knocked left aside, no Raccoon reached base in the first three innings; Nunley, Alfaro, and Delgado all hit hard fly balls, but they all hit it to centerfield, which was atrociously deep in San Francisco and Dave Garcia was still reigning supreme out there, 35 DL stints later…

Matt Huf got closer to a mercy killing after a leadoff walk to Mark Roberts in the bottom of the third, but he then struck out Gomez and O’Dell before Garcia popped out. In the fourth, Nunley singled, and Jon Gonzalez homered, 2-0. Oh well, there’s so many more innings to play…! Maybe the sixth would be the charm – it involved Jarod Spencer on base, and once again not on his own merit, reaching on a fielding error. Shane Walter singled to center, giving Nunley the tying runs with one out, but all ol’ #42 managed was a double play grounder to St. George, who would later leave the game with an injury, breaking up a double play at second base in the bottom of the seventh inning. Well, Stalker couldn’t get a relay throw off when he had leap to avoid getting his legs torn off by the flying St. George, but the Bayhawk also managed to hit the edge of the base with his upper arm, leading to a separated shoulder and Roger Allen being pressed into service in the infield. Matt Huf, the two home runs aside, had the Bayhawks mostly under control, and in seven innings allowed only two further hits and struck out a noteworthy two handfuls, but that still wasn’t enough to get into the W column apparently, with the offense amounting to only three hits in eight nauseating innings. Tony Harrell, Tuesday’s goat, was back in action in the ninth inning, however, and Spencer promptly hit a leadoff single. Shane Walter laid down a very poor grounder that could not be played by anybody on the infield, getting a second Coon aboard, so Nunley again had the tying runs on, now with no outs. Aaand he struck out. Newman hit an RBI single, Alfaro struck out, and Stevenson singled, but Walter couldn’t score with Dave Garcia all over the ball in shallow center. Two outs, bases loaded with a 1-run deficit for Tony Delgado, who was batting .308 while being used sparsely. He rolled a 2-1 pitch slowly along the third base line, O’Dell hustled after it and fired to first – LATE!! Walter scores on the infield single, tied ballgame! That, however, was all the Coons got. Tovias batted for Adam Cowen in the #9 hole, and struck out, giving Harrell five hits and three strikeouts in the inning. Following a walk to PH Victor Sarabia, Sean Light’s walkoff home run off Joe Moore would set things straight for San Francisco in the bottom 10th however… 4-2 Bayhawks. Walter 2-4, BB; Nunley 2-5; Delgado 2-4, RBI; Huf 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 10 K;

We out-hit them 9-5 in this game, but our hits were all singles, and they had three home runs, so in terms of total bases we got out-slugged 14-9…

Game 3
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – P Toner
SFB: RF Contreras – C O’Dell – CF D. Garcia – 1B Jon Gonzalez – LF R. Gomez – SS Sanks – 3B Keys – 2B Light – P Wasserman

The Critters stranded a pair in the first inning amidst three hard fly ball outs to Rafael Gomez, and stranded another two in the second inning when singles by Stevenson and Alfaro (who was treading the .200 line) ended up being a pair left in scoring position on Tovias’ groundout, Toner’s fly to shallow center, and Stalker going down whiffing. But at least somebody got a ball past Garcia in center for once, with Spencer lining a leadoff double in the third inning. Shane Walter singled, putting them on the corners for Nunley, who grounded to Gonzalez. The Bayhawk tried to turn two, starting with the throw to second base, but Walter took out Sanks to break it up. Spencer scored, the first run in the game, and Nunley remained on first base all the way to the end of the inning, which approached quickly.

All in all, the Coons had seven hits in the first five innings, but managed only that one run. Spencer was on base again in the fifth with a 1-out single, stole second base, but was then left there to rot by Walter and Nunley. Toner in turn sprinkled three hits over five frames, but also only whiffed three and had to tip-toe around a Gomez triple in the fourth inning, and one of the hits was a Wasserman single, but the Bayhawks remained shut out through five. Trouble would find Jonny soon enough, with O’Dell hitting a leadoff double past Stevenson in the bottom 6th, and Garcia soon found a single to leftfield in his bag, putting runners on the corners with no outs. Now what? Toner couldn’t get a strike three past ****ing anybody! And so it was bitter for the Bayhawks when Jon Gonzalez chipped a pitch right back at the mound, allowing Toner to turn two with O’Dell still on third base as the tying run. Tim Stalker’s strong play on Gomez’ grounder ended the inning, and the Coons were still up 1-0. And what did it help? Nothing! One inning later, Toner was in the same ****ty spot again, Sanks on third base after a walk, Sarabia on first with a pinch-hit single, and nobody out.

The crowd jeered as the curtain came down for Jonny, Vince Devereaux tasked with untwirling this sticky situation – AND HE ****ING DID IT!! Sean Light lined right into Vince’s pocket, Wasserman was NOT hit for and popped out in foul ground, and Contreras was retired, 2-3, on a poor chopper in front of home plate; for the second straight inning the Bayhawks had the tying run on third with no outs and failed to plate him. Are they the Coons now!? Garcia singled off Surginer in the bottom 8th, but Gonzalez was on pat for another double play, that one ending the inning. Lillis came on in the ninth, struck out Gomez, struck out Sanks, and Jaden Booker flew out easily to Greg Borg in center. 1-0 Blighters!! Spencer 2-4, 2B; Walter 2-4; Alfaro 2-4; Toner 6.0 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 3 K, W (2-1);

This, by the way, is the textbook definition of being put through the wringer…

Raccoons (10-11) @ Canadiens (8-13) – April 28-30, 2023

The team departed for Elkland, I departed for Portland, but truth be told, in unfortunate wind conditions you could smell them all the way down between the Columbia and the Willamette. They were seventh in runs scored, but eleventh in runs allowed, but before we throw our poo at them and their league-worst rotation it should be pointed out that we have the outright worst offense (though you could still pretend it was close) and despite being in the top 3 in terms of runs conceded at this point, our run differential (-23) is actually way worse than theirs (-14). We had swept them in the short opening 2-game set in early April.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (1-2, 6.45 ERA) vs. Randy Jenkins (1-1, 4.15 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (2-1, 3.42 ERA) vs. Tim Sloan (0-3, 8.22 ERA)
Ryan Nielson (0-2, 6.75 ERA) vs. Kevin Woodworth (2-1, 2.32 ERA)

We will see three right-handers here.

The Elks are down two regulars from the lineup currently, with Alex Torres out with a bone bruise, and John Calfee left a game two days ago with an apparent injury, but so far there are no news on whether they found his missing limbs and whether they could be screwed back on.

Game 1
POR: SS Stalker – LF Spencer – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – CF Borg – C Tovias – 1B Greenwald – P Gutierrez
VAN: 1B Jon. Morales – 3B Ryu – RF O’Rourke – C Holliman – SS Kim – CF Coca – LF Houghtaling – 2B Crosby – P R. Jenkins

Russ Greenwald tried to point out that he was actually also a ballplayer and hit a 2-out RBI single in the second inning, plating Nunley, who had drawn a leadoff walk. Newman had singled in between. The Elks looked like they’d be right back in a tie after Man-su Kim’s leadoff triple in the bottom 2nd, but to everybody’s amazement Rico Gutierrez starved that runner, whiffing Tony Coca, walking Jeremy Houghtaling, whiffing Adrian Crosby, and getting Randy Jenkins to pop out. Top 3rd, bases loaded with no outs after Stalker got chalked, Spencer singled, and Walter walked. After Nunley’s sac fly to center, 2-0, a wild pitch advanced the remaining runners before Will Newman reached on an infield single, a sorry grounder that Jenkins fell on as he tried to field it. Spencer made no advance, and the bases were loaded again. Greg Borg, another one of those wastes of oxygen, grounded back to the pitcher to get Spencer erased in a force at home, but Elias Tovias lined a ball past Dave O’Rourke to clear the bases! Three runs scored, 5-0 in Gutierrez’ favor! Never mind that he made the last out after an intentional walk to Greenwald.

Two of the players in the Elks’ lineup didn’t make it out of the fourth inning. One of those was Jenkins, who was hit for by Moises Berrones, who grounded out to first to end the inning and stranding the two batters Gutierrez had walked. The first Elk on base in the inning had been Kim, legging out an infield single, but collapsing right behind the base with some serious thigh pain. He was replaced by Chris Tanzillo, who scored after the two walks to Coca and Houghtaling, on Crosby’s sac fly, closing the score to 5-1. On to the sixth, where Gutierrez got hit by Vic Mercado with two outs and nobody on base. Runners would congregate in short order, though, with Stalker and Spencer both singling to load the bases. Shane Walter grounded to the right side, Jonathan Morales played the ball deep behind first, but then threw the ball behind the hustling Mercado for a run-scoring error. Nunley grounded out to first for good, keeping it at 6-1, but Gutierrez wouldn’t tend to that lead for much longer either, becoming the next injury victim in the game. He left the game with two outs in the bottom 6th with back pains, leading to the Critters to patch the remaining innings with the shallow end of their pen. While they added another run – an unearned one – in the seventh inning on a pinch-hit single by Latter Days Clyde Brady, Omar Alfaro, Adam Cowen got scuffed for two runs in the bottom 8th and failed to collect more than two of the last six outs. Surginer had to dig him out and also completed the ninth inning. 7-3 Coons. Stalker 2-4; Spencer 2-5; Newman 3-5; Tovias 2-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Alfaro (PH) 1-1, BB, RBI; Gutierrez 5.2 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 4 K, W (2-2);

Greg Borg got a hit, but the Raccoons still sent their newest .150 batter back to St. Petersburg after the game. Not even as a defensive centerfielder! Zach Graves was called up for another futile cameo over the next week or so until Cookie would come back from the DL.

The Druid read the star maps and thinks that Gutierrez’ back is only a 2 on a 1-to-10 scale and doesn’t warrant panic.

I don’t know, he winced badly as he came out of the game. What’s a 10 in terms of back issues? Cristiano Carmona?

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – RF Alfaro – C Delgado – CF Stevenson – P Chavez
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – LF Houghtaling – C Holliman – RF O’Rourke – CF Coca – SS Onelas – 1B Rickard – 2B Crosby – P T. Sloan

Will Newman clocked the first pitch Tim Sloan threw him, but didn’t get the angle. The ball broke his way to rightfield in a low line though and O’Rourke had to back up to not get emaciated on the missile’s first hard bounce, allowing Shane Walter to score from second base on the 2-out single. Nunley had walked in between, advancing Walter after his own single, but Alfaro was again no help and grounded out. The remaining Coons tried to sabotage Jesus Chavez from the get-go, with Jonathan Morales reaching on an uncaught third strike in the bottom 1st, but Chavez got around both that and Omar Alfaro’s nonchalant error in the same inning, stranding runners in scoring position… Well, at least the middle infielders were still playing along, and were actually eager, willing, and able to make some basic plays, helping Chavez get through some tight spots early on. The Elks wouldn’t score on him in the early innings, while the Raccoons added single runs in the fourth, on a leadoff jack by Nunley, and the fifth, then on a flock of singles, but not the one “big hit”.

The Critters had ten hits through six innings and managed to fumble enough opportunities AGAIN to allow the Elks to draw uncomfortably close in the bottom 6th. Jeremy Houghtaling’s looper into left was only the third base hit off Chavez, but immediately it opened a can of worms. Ryan Holliman singled. Dave O’Rourke singled and Houghtaling scored. Tony Coca struck out, but Alex Onelas came close enough to a score-flipping 3-run homer that I hid my face in my pillow, screaming, back at home on the Willamette. Alfaro made the catch on the track. The score remained 3-1 through seven, after which Chavez was at 102 pitches and done with this game. On to the eighth, where Tony Delgado singled, then advanced on a wild pitch. Stevenson also singled, putting them on the corners with one out. Zach Graves batted for Chavez, and he unfortunately hit an RBI single. Unfortunately, because I will now think he’s a worthwhile player for another 280 plate appearances of .227 with two homers. Portland added another run after Sloan stalked Walker, err, walked Stalker, and Spencer hit a sac fly to Coca in center, 5-1.

The Coons then came pretty damn close to spectacularly blow that 4-run lead in the bottom 8th in a cavalcade of failing relief pitchers. Moore allowed a single to Holliman and a blast to O’Rourke, already cutting a 5-1 lead in half. He also walked Coca, prompting a move to Devereaux, who walked Onelas and did absolutely nothing else. Faced with the left-handed pinch-hitter Berrones, Billy Brotman was thrown into the fray, got Berrones for the second out, but then allowed an RBI single to Tanzillo. After that, Lillis appeared for a 4-out save with the tying and go-ahead runs already on base, and retired PH Hiroaki Ryu on a grounder to short, bailing out of a 5-4 spiral of tragedy. Dan Moon would pitch the ninth, which was the point where Matt Nunley hit his second leadoff jack in the game, providing some instant breathing room for Brett Lillis. With Delgado and Greenwald reaching base with two outs in the inning, Lillis was sent to bat and grounded out. The move to forfeit a potential tack-on run was immediately shifted into the twilight of destiny in the bottom of the inning when Jarod Spencer threw away Morales’ grounder, bringing up the tying run with nobody out. Lillis snuffed out Houghtaling before Holliman cracked a hard bouncer to left, BUT NUNLEY WAS ON IT!! Nunley to first – OUT BY A WHISKER!! Stalker handled O’Rourke’s grounder a bit less spectacularly for the third out. 6-4 Coons! Walter 2-4, RBI; Nunely 3-4, BB, 2 HR, 2 RBI; Newman 2-5, 2 RBI; Delgado 4-5, 2B; Stevenson 2-4; Graves (PH) 1-1, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, W (3-1); Lillis 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, SV (8);

Game 3
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – LF Santos – P Nielson
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – SS Ryu – RF O’Rourke – C Holliman – CF Coca – LF Houghtaling – 1B Rickard – 2B Crosby – P Woodworth

Offense was at a premium early on, with the teams combining for three hits in the first three innings, but Nielson also walked another three, so there was *some* kind of traffic on the base paths. The scorelessness ended only in the fourth inning, but in the worst kind of way, on Jeremy Houghtaling’s homer to left that put the Elks up 1-0. Surprisingly, the Coons found a quick answer. Stevenson led off the fifth with a single to right center, then stole second base, which didn’t matter at all since Omar Alfaro came up with a triple into the right-center gap to plate him any which way to tie the score. Santos then pathetically popped out over home plate, and it was NIELSON to drive in the go-ahead run with a clean-as-a-whistle single to right, 2-1 for the Critters at that point. Woodworth was rolled up at once – Stalker singled, Spencer singled to score Nielson, and Walter thumped a double down the leftfield line to score both runners at hand, 5-1. Nunley grounded to Crosby for ostensibly the second out, but Crosby’s throw bounced, hit Rickard in the wrist, and then near his ear, requiring some brief medical attention in addition to the inning still broiling mightily. Delgado struck out after the brief intermission, which otherwise would have ended the inning, but instead Woodworth ended, on Stevenson’s RBI single to the right side, 6-1. Alfaro bounced out to Rickard against Emmanuel Castaneda, closing Woodworth’s line.

Nielson was now in line for his first W of the year, IF and only IF he could make it through the bottom 5th with the 5-run lead at least partially surviving. So of course he walked two, giving him five free passes in the game, and 17 in 25+ innings on the year, and Houghtaling eventually hacked himself out to strand O’Rourke and Coca in scoring position. While Nielson had an easier sixth afterwards, the Elks continued to crackle and crumble. Spencer hit a leadoff double off Castaneda in the seventh, and when Walter grounded to Crosby, the 22-year-old rookie lost his pants once more and threw poorly to first again. This time Rickard had to vacate the base altogether to chase after the wayward bouncer, with the Coons taking up residence on the corners for Nunley, who hit a line drive, right into Rickard’s glove. SEE, CROSBY!? HE CAN THROW BETTER WITH HIS BAT THAN YOU WITH YOUR HANDS!! I had some good fun heckling the poor kid from the relative safety of my couch. Delgado walked in a full count, stashing the bags for Stevenson with one down, but the Elks turned the double play on Stevenson’s sharp grounder to Morales, 5-4-3. That’s what you get for running your mouth ‘round these parts, apparently. But pleasure still outweighed the slight grumpiness over the double play, because by that point the Elks fell over one another to make the quickest outs against Nielson. The guy who almost would have not made it through five ended up going eight because the Elks kept poking at everything in the three innings after his tightest spot. Houghtaling ran a full count in the eighth, and only one other batter saw more than three pitches. He was removed on 108 pitches afterwards, with Adam Cowen handling the ninth. 6-1 Critters! Spencer 3-5, 2B, RBI; Stevenson 2-4, RBI; Nielson 8.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 5 BB, 3 K, W (1-2) and 1-4, RBI;

SWEEP, SWEEP, HOO-RAAY!!

In other news

April 25 – VAN 1B Mike Rivera (.377, 1 HR, 13 RBI) knocks out five hits, including two doubles, and drives in four in the Canadiens’ 6-4 win over the Falcons.
April 26 – The Titans send SP Brian Cope (4-0, 0.88 ERA) and cash to the Knights to pick up 1B Trent Herlihy (.227, 1 HR, 3 RBI) and a prospect.
April 26 – The Wolves stomp the Capitals in 14-5 rush, plating four in the first inning on Salem’s Mike Green (.227, 2 HR, 11 RBI) hitting a slam off WAS SP Killian Savoie (4-1, 2.13 ERA), and six in the ninth. SAL LF/RF Yasuhiro Kuramoto (.282, 1 HR, 12 RBI) lands four base hits, including two doubles, and drives in a run.
April 29 – The Buffaloes managed to blow a 9-3 lead in the bottom of the ninth inning against the Rebels, who put their first four runners on base and draw six singles and three walks overall to plate seven runs for an unlikely 10-9 walkoff. Richmond’s Alex Duarte (.235, 0 HR, 6 RBI) and Jason Seeley (.308, 0 HR, 2 RBI) are the first two and the last two to reach base in the ninth inning.
April 30 – BOS SP Chris Klein (3-2, 3.00 ERA) spills three hits in a 1-0 shutout over the Loggers.
April 30 – Torn thumb ligaments will sit down ATL INF Tony Jimenez (.391, 1 HR, 14 RBI) for the next six weeks.
April 30 – The Indians walk off on the Crusaders, 8-7 in the 11th inning, on rookie Jose Gomez’ (1.000, 0 HR, 0 RBI) throwing error on Indy’s Josh Melhorn’s attempt to steal third base.

Complaints and stuff

No, I am as surprised as you are over us sitting in second place, but then again, we played the Elks, which more or less represent a burning trash can – even Raccoons have too high a standard to get near that one.

Here’s an odd one: we are now 5-0 against the Elks, and 13-11 overall. We have also claimed *eight* 1-run wins, which means that we beat the opposition by *more* than one run only five times so far. What’s those five games again?

April 4 / 11-4 over Elks
April 12 / 5-3 over Aces
April 28 / 7-3 over Elks
April 29 / 6-4 over Elks
April 30 / 6-1 over Elks

Whoah, that’s some numbers…

That Cope trade ranks right up there with things I can’t wrap my head around. Do the Titans think they have enough rings? I mean *I* think they have enough rings, but I’m not really the bar with which they should measure their sufficiency of success…

And no, that prospect they received will not knock your socks off. Much the contrary, AA SS/2B Jon Perez has a history of suffering from blurred vision for no apparent reason. Maybe the Titans’ GM suffers from a similar illness?

Nielson’s walks are befuddling me, and in fact I am not happy with either of our left-handers (and by the way, Rico won’t be in a wheelchair any time soon and the back is already as good as new) – but it can’t hurt to check out the AAA starters, right? Juan Mendez, Reese Kenny, and Trevor Taylor all have rather high ERA’s and bad K/BB rates. Jonathan Shook has a 2.97 ERA, but also 15 walks in 30.1 innings. He struck out 20. You know who’s best in the AAA rotation? ****ing “Tragic” Travis is 4-0 with a 1.85 ERA and 42 K in 39 innings. Oh how I wish I could buy into that…

Fun Fact: Matt Huf has a better K/9 than Jonny Toner at the end of April, and both qualify for the ERA title at this point. The last Raccoons pitcher to qualify for the ERA title to beat Toner (qualifying himself or not) in K/9 was nobody, because this has never happened before.

In fact, the only Raccoons *starter* to ever beat Jonny Toner in K/9 with at least a meaningful number of innings in a season was Brownie in 2013, Toner’s partial rookie season with 76.2 innings and 73 strikeouts, but you may recall that Brownie made only nine starts that year with his own issues, whiffing 60 over 52.1 innings.

I worry for Jonny. He’s been iffy since late ’21 now. He is too young to be robbed from the Olympus of pitchers …! (tears up)

[dward1]

why do you call the Canadiens the Elks? I love the detail you go into every game with, can tell you know the dynasty inside and out. partially why my new save is just 16 teams and I am watching say 20 innings every day after usually playing god mode and simming chunks at a time on enormous worlds

[Westheim]

Originally Posted by dward1

why do you call the Canadiens the Elks? I love the detail you go into every game with, can tell you know the dynasty inside and out. partially why my new save is just 16 teams and I am watching say 20 innings every day after usually playing god mode and simming chunks at a time on enormous worlds

The term Elks goes back such a long time that I didn't know exactly when it started and had to pick through the archives now.

First off - the Vancouver Canadiens come from the North and smell, and Elks come from the North and smell. So there is that analogy explained.

And I always kinda knew that my hatred for them really broke out during one series in the mid-80s when they swept the Raccoons, including breaking up a Scott Wade no-hitter in the eighth inning after already leading 1-0 on an unearned run (in fact, there are no losing no-hitters in the ABL to this day).

I sifted through the archives now and found that the series in question took place in August of 1986, with the Coons and Elks having been neck-to-neck for most of the summer. The Elks game to Portland with a 1 1/2 game lead, and had already beaten the Raccoons three times, 2-1, 12-6, and 3-0 when Scott Wade made his trailing no-hit attempt, and Melvin Greene singled to left in the eighth inning. He wouldn't score, but the Coons still lost, 1-0, and would not make the playoffs again until '89.

The term "Elks" didn't come up until 1989 actually, when during a series in July I first called them "the Vile Frenchmen from the Land of the Much-Smelling Elks", and used that in variations, rarely, for the next few years. The first use of Elks proper as a derisive noun for Canadiens didn't come until 1993.

And I also feel that when I sim something quickly, I never know what's going on, and I feel no excitement or even engagement. Hence one league, one team, and a serious effort to make the time investment meaningful.

Fun fact: Raimundo "Pooky" Beato was with the 1986 Elks during that pivotal August series, but was scratched from his start, and a Coon during the 1993 series that finally attributed the Elks the name they deserved, but then got a no-decision in an extra-inning loss.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (13-11) vs. Indians (9-16) – May 1-4, 2023

The Indians ranked tenth in terms of runs scored, sixth in runs allowed, and somehow had the fourth-best rotation by ERA, and almost the same run differential as the Raccoons. They were even over .500 in terms of 1-run games, but they were still hideously unlucky by those numbers. Well, maybe the Coons would start their downswing right here, but for now had a 4-game winning streak. We had not won the season series against Indy since 2020, and had lost 8-10 to them in 2022.

Projected matchups:
Matt Huf (0-2, 3.38 ERA) vs. Alvin Smith (0-2, 4.56 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (2-1, 1.93 ERA) vs. Manny Ortega (0-2, 2.14 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (2-2, 5.46 ERA) vs. Tristan Broun (0-3, 3.26 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (3-1, 2.93 ERA) vs. Tom Shumway (5-0, 2.15 ERA)

Their first three pitchers constituted two right-handers, one left-hander, and zero wins between those three. Then you got to Shumway, their second southpaw, who had ALL THE WINS.

I knew why I wanted to trade for him…

The Raccoons would not get a day off this week, so we would try to weave in an off day for all the regulars that normally weren’t getting one, which basically means all the infielders. Stalker would make the start, getting Monday off, followed by Spencer on Tuesday, and the two left-handed bats in the middle would skip Wednesday against Broun. Thursday, we’ll see who hasn’t been shot yet.

Game 1
IND: CF Faulk – SS Janes – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – 3B J. Jackson – C Calhoun – 2B Rolland – P A. Smith
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – LF Newman – C Tovias – SS Armetta – P Huf

Starting with Mike Rucker, the Indians socked Matt Huf for four straight base hits, two singles and two doubles, in the second inning, scoring two runs before Alvin Smith bunted into a double play to mercifully end the bashing. Will Newman’s first Raccoons home run cut the gap in half in the bottom of the inning, but Cesar Martinez restored the 2-run gap with two down in the third inning, doubling home Erik Janes, whom Huf had drilled. Matt Huf had his own way of dealing with the early and hefty abuse, cracking a Smith fastball for a home run to left in the bottom of the same inning, leaving the Coons with only a 3-2 deficit. Unfortunately, homering wouldn’t stop his continuing disembowelment, and the Indians rolled him up for good in the fourth inning. He walked Justin Jackson to get going, then allowed a double to Justin Calhoun. Jaylen Rolland hit an RBI single, as did Alvin Smith. Huf whiffed A.J. Faulk, but walked Erik Janes, and that was the end, after 3.1 gruesome innings of eight hits, two walks, and five runs, and thankfully Billy Brotman got rid of Lowell Genge and Cesar Martinez so the score wouldn’t blossom any further.

The Indians were now 5-2 ahead, and the Raccoons were hardly ever scoring five runs in a series, let alone a game, but Walter and Nunley opened the bottom 4th with a pair of singles that sent them to the corners, so on paper this was a chance. In real life, Alfaro’s sac fly was the only juice the Critters could squeeze out of this particular lemonade, and they continued to trail 5-3 after four, but this closed to 5-4 the following inning thanks to a Martinez error that put Stevenson on base with two outs. Spencer drove him in with a liner to left center, but after that the Coons’ string of four straight scoring innings ended. The Indians were also held dry by Adam Cowen in long relief and the game breezed into the ninth inning, where the Indians had a runner against Bocanegra, but left him stranded, and the Coons would send the 4-5-6 batters to the plate against right-hander Brian Gilbert. Nunley struck out, Alfaro flew out to right, and Newman had long been removed in a double switch. Russ Greenwald and his pathetic .179 clip were now housed in the #6 slot after a second double switch. He grounded out to the pitcher. 5-4 Indians. Newman 1-2, HR, RBI; Cowen 3.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

Game 2
IND: CF Faulk – SS Janes – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – C T. Perez – 3B J. Jackson – 2B Rolland – P M. Ortega
POR: CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – LF Graves – C Tovias – 1B Greenwald – P Toner

Toner retired the first two batters, then got consistently forked. Unable to squeeze out a strike three, he allowed a single to Genge, walked Martinez, coughed up another RBI single to Mike Rucker, and plated Martinez with a wild pitch before he walked Tony Perez anyway. Justin Jackson turned on an 0-2 pitch for an RBI double, running the score to 3-0. A desperate staff walked Jaylen Rolland intentionally to get up the pitcher with the bases loaded, and Ortega indeed struck out, but oh dear, we’re doomed. While the Raccoons did their best playing-dead, Toner continued to get bopped afterwards, but it took until the fourth for Justin Jackson to add to the tally with a solo home run. The Indians hit into double plays twice along the way, but Cesar Martinez hit another solo blast in the fifth inning. Toner left in a 5-0 hole after conceding six hits and four walks. Oh Jonny! What have thou become!?

The rest of the team remained just as miserable; when they did score two runs in the bottom of the sixth, those were unearned. Shane Walter had doubled, and Alfaro was about to fly out to Martinez to end the inning, but Martinez dropped that ball as well, allowing Walter to score. Alfaro reached second base, then scored from there on Zach Graves’ single to right center. One of those two unearned runs fell out of Kevin Surginer’s pocket right away in the seventh inning as he allowed three hits, including two doubles, to the 1-2-3 batters in the top of the seventh. Surginer had gone through the entire month of April with a zero ERA, but that was over now, too. Everything was over with this team that failed to out-pace five base hits for the second straight game. 6-2 Indians. Stevenson 2-4;

Game 3
IND: CF Faulk – 3B J. Jackson – RF C. Martinez – C T. Perez – 1B M. Rucker – 2B Rolland – SS Malinowski – LF Melhorn – P Broun
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – CF Stevenson – LF Newman – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – 1B Greenwald – 3B Armetta – P Gutierrez

Another day, another brutally slain Raccoons pitcher. Gutierrez sucked just as hard as his predecessors and the balls were rammed for miles right out of his paws. The Indians didn’t get the balls past the outfielders in the first inning, but by the second inning, a rout was already developing. Mike Rucker homered, and Rolland hit a double. Gutierrez walked Josh Malinowski, allowed an RBI single to Tristan Broun, and another one to A.J. Faulk. Three runs scored in the inning, which ended on Will Newman making a very difficult play on a low liner hit by Martinez – if that ball had made it past him, another two runs would have come in. Three straight singles by the 5-6-7 batters plated another run in the third inning, 4-0, and when the Coons did score a run in the bottom of the inning, it was – surprise! – unearned. Stevenson doubled home Gutierrez, who had reached on Jaylen Rolland’s throwing error.

Gutierrez was electrocuted for ten hits in just four innings, but at least managed to retire Mike Rucker with two on in the fourth. Rucker struck out to strand the pair. He had always been strikeout-prone in an R.J. DeWeese kind of way, and the only left-hander in the lineup, and I was reluctant to give Tico Nogoodiez credit for anything at this point, as his ERA resembled an old fat guy in underwear dancing around a 6’’ pole. 2-out singles by Melhorn and Broun (…) ran Gutierrez’ total of hits allowed to a dozen by the fifth inning. Faulk flew out to strand them, but Gutierrez was not seen thereafter. Outside of Indians errors, the Raccoons did not actually take place offensively, except for the bottom 6th, where Newman led off with a single, Delgado doubled to left, and with runners on second and third, Alfaro flew out to A.J. Faulk. Newman went and was thrown out, and Greenwald’s grounder to Rolland ended the inning with Delgado left on third base. Sam Armetta’s leadoff double in the bottom 7th would not lead to a run, either. And yet, despite the utter incompetence of Raccoons pitchers and batters, and the Indians rapping out 16 hits against them, the Raccoons would wind up with the tying run at the plate in the bottom of the ninth inning. That batter was Spencer, there were two outs, and the batters in question had reached on an error (Greenwald) and taking one into the no-nos (Stalker). That would be a really good time for that first career homer for Spencer! Yeah, it sure would. He struck out, though. 4-1 Indians. Spencer 2-5, 2B; Stevenson 3-4, 2B, RBI; Delgado 2-4, 2B;

Bad teams get 16 base hits and strand a dozen, and plate only four runs.

Rotten teams get ten base hits, score as many, and have not scored an earned run since last Halloween.

Heads rolled after the game, and amazingly Gutierrez’ wasn’t among them (although Travis Garrett in AAA was told to have a packed suitcase ready at all times by now). The Raccoons discarded more or less their entire bench, including Greenwald (.162), Armetta (.130), and the bench dressing nobody remembers the name of, wearing #30 (.111). Greenwald and Santos ended up on waivers without options; Armetta was optioned directly to AAA.

The roster was restocked by adding Cookie Carmona off the DL, Daniel Bullock (batting a lame .227) from St. Pete, and also as the oddball of the week right-hander Juan Barzaga, who had dwelled in the system for more than ten years after being discovered in the Dominican Republic. He was 26, going hard on 27, and had no skills worth mentioning, but he was probably good for a few innings in long relief.

Maybe Omar Alfaro could play some centerfield in lieu of Stevenson. Maybe he could not. We have already found out that he can’t bat, and once we will have established that he can’t play center, we’ll try him as a situational left-hander, and see whether he can do that.

The only other potential use for him would be as a paperweight.

Game 4
IND: CF Faulk – SS Janes – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – C T. Perez – 3B J. Jackson – 2B Rolland – P Shumway
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – SS Stalker – CF Alfaro – C Tovias – P Chavez

The sirens shrilled right in the first inning again, with Chavez barely retiring Faulk before the wagons became uncoupled behind him. Janes singled, Genge tripled, Martinez homered, and the Indians were ahead 3-0. Newman defused a hard drive by Mike Rucker, but apparently sheared off a leg or two in doing so, because he had to be stretchered off the field right then and there, with Graves taking over. On the clear and cold afternoon, I could clearly make out an iceberg … BEHIND US. While the Raccoons amounted to a Walter single the first time through the order, the Indians tried to keep picking away at Chavez to get into the pen early once more. Tony Perez’ leadoff double in the fourth sure looked promising, and when Chavez walked Jackson, he looked ripe for the taking, but Rolland knocked into a double play, and somehow Shumway didn’t go yard or something silly like that, so the Indians were still only ahead by three. “Only”. (laughs madly)

Perez had some kind of grudge against Chavez, homering in the sixth inning to finally add to the Indians’ tally, which was now 4-0. Jackson hit a hard single right afterwards and it didn’t look like Chavez would make it through six at least. Rolland flew out, but Shumway hit a 2-out single to right. Chavez DID get through six, although that was only because Graves threw out Jackson at third base on the play. When Matt Nunley went yard for the fourth time this year in the bottom 7th, it was the first earned Raccoons run in 29 innings, and of course it was a solo shot – who should have been on base!? Juan Barzaga made his major league debut in the eighth inning, following on Brotman with two outs and nobody on. Shane Walter dropped a Nunley throw to get Perez on base once again, and then Jackson greeted Barzaga to the majors with an unearned 2-piece, extending the Indians’ lead to five, in other words: ballgame, thrice over. Except that Shumway spilled two singles and two walks in the bottom 8th. The bases were loaded, with one run already in after Walter’s bases-loaded walk, but Nunley grounded back to the mound. Shumway annihilated Cookie at home, but Nunley legged out the return throw to first base. That brought up … Barzaga. Tony Delgado was the last bat off the bench and was now the tying run with two outs, and cracked a single to left to score two! Tim Stalker drove a ball deep to left, deep, deep – ah **** Lowell Genge, ****ING ****! The leftfielder picked the ball off the top of the fence, ending the inning. And with no pinch-hitters left, Alfaro, Tovias, and Bullock were an easy feast for Brian Gilbert in the ninth… 6-4 Ind- oh wait. Bullock got tickled by that 1-2 pitch! He’s off to first, and here comes Cookie, a rousing 1-for-4 on the day. Aaaand he grounded out to Rolland. 6-4 Indians. Delgado (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

The Raccoons disabled Will Newman with back soreness (although the theatrical play in the first inning had more resembled a stroke or a few vertebrae shattered via gunshot) after the Druid told him to stand straight up for an examination and he couldn’t get out of a crouch. Steve from Accounting will check whether we can collect insurance if he stays rolled up into a ball.

Despaired, we called up 22-year-old OF Devin Mansfield, who was batting .280 with no home runs, but a .393 OBP in St. Petersburg. He had been our second round pick in 2019. He was also a left-handed batter with no hope for much power, but he could fill in in centerfield.

Raccoons (13-15) @ Capitals (20-9) – May 5-7, 2023

The Coons had gone from a 4-game winning streak to a 4-game losing streak, while even the .690 Capitals had dropped three in a row. Oh, don’t cry, Washington fans – an “opponent” for rejuvenation is in town already! Is it really an opponent when it can be dealt with as easily as kicking puppies? The Capitals were second in runs allowed and runs scored in the Federal League, with the best rotation, and a capable bullpen. They had scored more than 70% more runs than the Raccoons, to be precise. Picking holes into their roster was hard. The Coons hadn’t lost a series to them since 2015, winning the last three meetings with them, most recently a 2-1 set in 2020.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Nielson (1-2, 5.22 ERA) vs. Jose Diaz (2-1, 3.38 ERA)
Matt Huf (0-3, 4.61 ERA) vs. Tom McGuire (4-1, 4.54 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (2-2, 2.79 ERA) vs. Killian Savoie (4-2, 2.35 ERA)

Between former Titan “Butch” Diaz, McGuire, and ex-Indian Savoie, the Capitals had three left-handed starters lined up for this set. In fact, they had a fourth one in Eric Williams (3-2, 3.21 ERA). Their only right-hander was former Raccoon, Tadasu Abe, who was already rejuvenated and 4-0 with a 2.35 ERA.

Times of trouble.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – RF Stevenson – SS Stalker – CF Mansfield – P Nielson
WAS: 3B Obando – RF Stone – LF Hamilton – 1B Barber – SS Menth – CF Kopp – C Lessman – 2B McWhorter – P J. Diaz

On the plus side, Nielson collected 11 outs without allowing a base hit before Matt Barber doubled, and walked only one batter, and that was in a different inning. When Dave Menth grounded out, the Capitals remained off the scoreboard. So were the Raccoons, who had amounted to three singles in the first four innings. Matt Nunley had followed Walter’s 1-out single in the top 4th with one of his own, and then Tony Delgado had steadfastly hit into a double play started by Guillermo Obando. Stalker singled in the fifth, and Mansfield hit into a double play. Somehow, at that point, the top six in the Coons’ lineup were ALL batting .300 or more, and they still NEVER scored.

The Coons were in trouble in the bottom of the fifth. Following David Lessman’s 1-out walk, Tom McWhorter singled, and when “Butch” Diaz bunted, Nunley found himself nowhere in particular with the ball and tried to get the lead runner at third base with Stalker hustling his way. It was a dumb attempt to begin with, failed instantly, and the Capitals had the bags full with one out and the top of the order approaching a pitcher that was walking five per nine innings. Obando hit a sac fly, Jason Stone hit an RBI single, and when Matt Hamilton, the former Raccoon (briefly) grounded out, the Capitals held a solid 2-0 lead. The Coons were dead and remained dead, while the Capitals broke out again in the bottom 7th thanks to McWhorter’s single off Nielson, Walter’s error that put Stone on base on Cowen’s watch, and the Billy Brotman throwing a wild pitch to PH Chris Grubbs before allowing a 2-run triple two pitches later. After Brotman was told to walk Barber intentionally, he walked Dave Menth unintentionally, but Terry Kopp grounded out with the bases loaded, leaving the score at 4-0. “Butch” Diaz would not be threatened in the last two innings either, pitching a 6-hit shutout where you eventually wondered where all those supposed Raccoons hits should have occurred. 4-0 Capitals.

We batted for a team spencer here, drawing no walks off Diaz at all, and obviously didn’t homer. An entire team failing to walk or homer shall henceforth be called as doing that: they spencered.

Bright sides? Cookie has a 10-game hitting streak, somehow.

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – P Huf
WAS: 3B Obando – 1B Barber – LF Hamilton – C Wittner – CF Kopp – 2B Menth – SS McWhorter – RF Stone – P McGuire

Matts occupied the 2-3-4 slots in the Caps’ order, which was potentially a key to success given that the first of them, Matt Barber, hit a solo jack to put the Capitals right in front again. Huf, who was technically also named Matt, but was bluntly not a key to success, shuffled the bags full of Capitals to begin the bottom 2nd, allowing a single to Menth around walks issued to Kopp and McWhorter, but then struck out Stone and McGuire before Obando flew out to right, and nobody scored. In turn, the Coons failed to exploit an unearned opportunity in the top of the third, with Obando’s throwing error putting Huf on base in addition to .194 monster Omar Alfaro, who had singled. Cookie struck out, and Spencer’s fly was no challenge at all to Matt Hamilton. With Nunley and Stevenson in scoring position and one out in the fourth, the Coons somehow erred into a run on Stalker’s sac fly, but Alfaro damn sure struck out to strand the go-ahead run on third base. Not getting to any kind of McGuire pitch was one thing for Alfaro, but he also didn’t get to Terry Kopp’s fly ball that began the bottom 4th. That fly fell in for a double, and the Capitals were right away in business again. Huf walked Menth, McWhorter hit an RBI double, and Jason Stone hit the ball out of the park entirely, blasting a 4-run hole into Huf’s guts, now trailing in a 5-1 game.

Huf still batted with one down in the fifth inning, because … ugh, why bother. He promptly singled. Cookie walked, Spencer singled, and the bases were loaded and the tying run was at the plate with one out. Walter and Nunley came up, and neither did anything meaningful, flying out to the shallow outfield, and three were stranded. What were the chances for another chance to materialize? Stevenson drew a leadoff walk in the sixth and stole second base, and after that McGuire served up consecutive RBI doubles to Stalker and Alfaro. The tying run was up again – with nobody out. Tovias popped out, Graves flew out to left when he batted for Huf, but Cookie ripped away at a ball, lining it … right into McGuire’s glove. The shudderworthy show continued with much shuddering indeed, as the Raccoons failed to mount anything against an already wobbling McGuire in the next two innings. In turn, Barber homered off Barzaga in the bottom of the seventh, and Brett Lillis had to help out despite the extra man in the bullpen. But then again, what were we saving him for? Daniel Bullock hit a leadoff double in the ninth inning against Ben Marx, who had lost last year’s World Series more or less on his own, and never moved off second base with the top of the order batting. 6-3 Capitals. Stalker 1-2, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Alfaro 3-4, 2B, RBI; Bullock 1-1, 2B;

So we’ve now lost six in a row, and … Cookie no longer has a hitting streak.

Game 3
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – CF Stevenson – SS Bullock – RF Mansfield – P Toner
WAS: 3B Obando – 1B Barber – LF Hamilton – C Wittner – CF Kopp – 2B Menth – SS McWhorter – RF Stone – P Savoie

Cookie and Spencer led off the game with singles to go to the corners, and Menth couldn’t leap far enough to grab Walter’s soft line as it went over him into shallow right for the third single out of the gate. Cookie scored, and Stevenson would later single to plate Spencer before Bullock popped out. That put the Coons 2-0 ahead, a rousing feeling indeed, and if we now had some 2020 version of Jonny Toner, I’d actually be confident to end the spill right here and now. The Capitals had two men on right in the first inning, although Barber reached on Nunley’s throwing error. Toner walked Wittner, though, and Cookie had to run a fair bit into left center to catch Kopp’s 2-out fly. Toner drew a 1-out walk in the top 2nd, but got forced by Cookie. Spencer singled again and had overtaken Nunley in terms of batting average by now, but Walter popped out to McWhorter to strand another pair. Also overtaking Nunley: Josh Stevenson, who hit a solo home run in the third inning to stretch the lead to 3-0.

Jonny would take two innings for each of his first two runs through the Capitals’ lineup. He issued a walk, a single, and struck out three the first time. He allowed another single and two walks the second time, whiffing two and bringing up Savoie with the bases loaded and two outs in the bottom 4th. Savoie chipped the first pitch into play, but Spencer was all over that and got the third out to keep the Capitals down. This was not 2020 Toner, but at least it was not a blowup by the third inning. He needed 71 pitches for those four shutout innings, though. In the top of the fifth, the Coons got two leadoff singles by Spencer and Walter, a walk drawn by Stevenson, and a Barber error, and still failed to score thanks to Spencer being thrown out at home by Hamilton on Nunley’s fly out, and Bullock popping out to end the inning with the bases loaded. Bottom of the inning, Barber hit a 1-out triple to right, but Mansfield caught Hamilton’s liner and Barber suffered the same fate as Spencer in the top of the inning and was lasered out at home plate, this one ending the inning. Toner was once again done after six, throwing 104 pitches and somehow still in a shutout… He issued a leadoff walk to Wittner in the bottom 6th and then spent his remaining energy tiptoeing around that pesky runner. Top of the seventh… Spencer hit a leadoff single, Walter walked, Nunley singled. And yet, nobody scored. How!? Why!? Well, Spencer was caught stealing before Walter even got on base, and … eh. At least Bocanegra and Surginer tended to the 3-0 lead responsibly in the seventh and eighth innings, and it was Lillis in the ninth, because of course the Coons weren’t going to score any more runs. Kopp, Menth, and McWhorter went down in order, and the Coons staved off an 0-7 week, hooray! 3-0 Blighters. Spencer 4-5, 2B; Walter 2-4, BB, RBI; Stevenson 2-3, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Toner 6.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 7 K, W (3-2);

So Toner can’t ever pitch more than six, but Killian Savoie went the distance in a defeat despite allowing ten hits? Wasn’t he somehow a reliever with the Arrowheads? What is even – … I don’t know things anymore.

In other news

May 2 – SAC 3B Jason LaCombe (.388, 0 HR, 12 RBI) might miss four months with a fractured elbow, news that are hardly made more digestible after SAC SP Ozzie Pereira (3-0, 1.43 ERA) pitches a 3-hit shutout against the Stars in a 5-0 win.
May 5 – PIT SP Pete Rugg (0-2, 5.28 ERA) will miss at least 12 months with a torn rotator cuff.
May 6 – After being shut out through eight innings, the Wolves turn the table on the Loggers, who blow a 6-run lead in the ninth inning and allow the Wolves to walk off, 7-6. SAL 1B Kevin Harenberg (.287, 1 HR, 16 RBI) ends the game in style with a 3-run walkoff home run off Mike Kress (1-3, 3.24 ERA, 8 SV).
May 6 – CIN SP Koto Hayashi (3-3, 3.02 ERA) whiffs eight in a 3-hit shutout over the Falcons. The Cyclones win 5-0.
May 7 – The Knights amount to one run, one hit, and one error in a 2-1 defeat at the hooves of the Buffaloes. ATL OF/1B Jonathan Lyle (.208, 0 HR, 2 RBI) spares them being no-hit with a single in the third inning.

Complaints and stuff

This one … right away, before I - … this team… these … it’s …

The closest the Raccoons are to hope? Bob Hope. And he’s been dead for 20 years.

(sigh)

Nobody claimed Greenwald and Santos (quelle surprise) and they washed up in St. Pete by the weekend. Why exactly did I see the need for Greenwald to be on the Opening Day roster again? And Santos was claimed off waivers by the WOLVES. One could think I’m new here.

I talked about Justin Gerace very occasionally; a supplemental round pick from 2020, he had moved to AAA a while ago and had batted .282 with 18 homers last year as a 22/23-year-old. He might have been a possible promotion candidate later this year, but that is over; after batting .225 with four homers in April, Gerace broke his elbow really bad and is now wearing a massive arm cast and street clothes. His season is over, and we’ll see about his career later.

Fun Fact: The Coons’ lineup in an 8-6 loss to the Crusaders, exactly 20 years ago today, went RF Brady – SS Ingall – LF Moore – 1B Martin – 3B M. Ramirez – 2B Palacios – C Fifield – CF Torrez – P Farley. Randy actually shut out New York through six, but the Crusaders unraveled him and the entire Coons pen for seven in the seventh, including a game-winning, pinch-hit, 2-out, 3-run home run by a 20-year-old Conor Shearing off Marcos Bruno.

Ignoring Farley, who was on the Hall of Fame ballot at least, just look at all the red flags in that lineup.

You have the Avatar of Losing leading off, so that’s a dandy already. Marvin Ingall was most famous for my insufferable “INGALL SINGLE!!” yell, and Dale Moore shouldn’t bat third for any team, ever, except maybe third off the bench. Al Martin was a good player whose career I murdered when I traded him away so we could watch Adrian Quebell fail live and in color. Miguel Ramirez was a utility player subbing for an injured Sharpie at that point, and his career would end at age 30 after he completed a tour of all and only the Pacific Northwest teams. Jesus Palacios was a very decent middle infielder whose bat died too young, but who was still a hoot at that point.

Gary Fifield was one of a multitude of failed catchers the Raccoons were rotating through the airspace behind the dish in their transition from perpetual disappointment by David Vinson to routinely picking the Indians’ backup catcher for good results, a period that lasted roughly a decade and gave us more marvels like several Pablos, each of those horrible, Bob Wood, and Freddy Rosa, all since rightfully forgotten. Finally Eddie Torrez was supposed to be the tip of the spear of a new generation of Coons. He actually won Rookie of the Year honors that 2003 season, batting .271 with 17 homers … as a 26-year-old, but at that point we were beggars and not choosers. It was also the only season in his career that he appeared in 100 games, as he suffered a terrible concussion the following season and was never the same. He hung on as infrequent bench piece into his 30s, but managed to bat for an OPS of .550 or worse for five individual seasons after 2004.

Ah, but at least Cristiano is bliss that Daniel Bullock is back.

Those two are sure often away from the team, drawing stuff.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (14-17) vs. Stars (14-17) – May 9-11, 2023

The Raccoons had not won a series against the Stars since 2014, and had lost the recent edition of the matchup last year, two games to one. Whether they were going to make a run for it this year was still written in the stars, but at least both teams were crummy in their own ways. Here was where one of the worst offenses in the league (the Raccoons were scoring a raging 3.1 runs per game) would encounter the outright worst pitching, with the Stars conceding 5.8 runs per game. That sounded like a real challenge for Portland! The Coons’ pitching and the Stars’ hitting were rather average ranked against their own leagues.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (2-3, 5.73 ERA) vs. Alex Contreras (1-1, 5.40 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (3-2, 3.44 ERA) vs. Mo Robinson (2-2, 5.03 ERA)
Ryan Nielson (1-3, 4.79 ERA) vs. Yoo-chul Kim (1-3, 5.72 ERA)

The Stars’ rotation was entirely right-handed, and we were – obviously – going to dodge their best hurler by ERA, David Saccoccio, who was 3-1 with an ERA at a swift 5.02 …

The Raccoons were starting a string of 16 consecutive games without an off day after getting to skip class on Monday of this week.

Game 1
DAL: CF A. Mata – SS Ferrer – 2B R. Maldonado – RF Dally – C J. Vargas – 1B Godown – 3B Padilla – LF Marable – P Contreras
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

The crowd was sparse and soon enough in a mood, with Contreras drilling Cookie HARD with a fastball at the beginning of the bottom of the first inning. At least Contreras would pay for it, with a single by Spencer and Walter’s walk loading the bases. Nunley hit into a double play that allowed Cookie to score from third base, and Spencer came home on Stevenson’s single for an early 2-0 lead for Gutierrez, who looked like he could need the runs. In fact, Justin Dally whacked a leadoff shot in the second inning right away, and Gutierrez continued to be anything but sharp, yet the Stars stranded pairs of runners in the third and fifth innings. Three of those four runners had reached base on walks, but we also should not forget about three strong defensive plays made by Omar Alfaro in rightfield in those first five innings that helped keep the Texans in check. The Coons did precious little after the first-inning, small-scale assault. Cookie hit a leadoff single in the bottom 3rd, but was caught stealing, but the Raccoons would get to the corners in the bottom 5th. Gutierrez actually hit a bloop single to begin the inning, but got forced by Spencer after Cookie fouled out. Walter singled, sending Spencer to third, but Nunley’s fly to deep left was readily caught by Brian Marable.

Gutierrez got yanked in the sixth after 2-out singles by Jose Vargas and Justin Godown. Neither of them had been hit hard, but he was a disaster waiting to happen in a 2-1 game. The Coons went to Vince D, who rung up Carlos Padilla to exit the inning. That was the only out collected by Devereaux, who was hit for by Tony Delgado in the bottom 6th with two outs and Alfaro on second base. He grounded out, but the Coons had already scored a run at that point, Stalker and Alfaro reaching the corners two at-bats earlier, with Zach Graves batting for Tovias and at least cashing one run in with a grounder to the right side. While that little breather run was temporary thanks to Billy Brotman allowing a walk, a single, and finally a sac fly to Alex Mata in the top of the seventh, the Coons loaded the bases with singles by Walter, Nunley, and Stevenson off Arturo Arellano in the bottom 7th. This was with two outs, though, so Tim Stalker had to come through for them. He grounded up the middle, Raul Maldonado intercepted the ball, and then the slightest bobble already cost him the play. Stalker was given a single and an RBI on this play, and then Alfaro hit the ball into the pitcher’s pocket to keep the score at 4-2. Bottom 8th, bases loaded, again. John Waker was pitching for the Stars, and the Raccoons’ still-most-recent top-half-of-first-round draft pick, #9 in 2015. Bullock led off with a pinch-hit single, Delgado singled, and Cookie’s fly to right was dropped by the former Logger Dally. Nobody out this time, and can we PLEASE break out for once? Spencer hit a sac fly, and then Waker walked Walter (say that quick, ten times in a row) to refill the bags for a catastrophically struggling Matt Nunley, who was 5-for-28 at that point. This one was gonna count, though – a first-pitch drive to right, well behind Dally, and off the wall. Two runs scored, Waker left charged with three runs already, and the other two Coons aboard scored on Edwin Covarrubias’ watch. The Stars got a run off Juan Barzaga in the ninth, but nobody really bothered with the extra reliever’s fate at that point. 9-3 Raccoons! Walter 3-3, 2 BB; Nunley 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Stevenson 3-5, 2 RBI; Stalker 3-5, 2 RBI; Bullock (PH) 1-1; Surginer 1.2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

The Critters had 17 base hits – except for Nunley’s ball off the wall, singles all.

Also: most runs the Raccoons have scored in a game since their 11-4 Opening Day effort against the Elks.

Game 2
DAL: CF A. Mata – SS Ferrer – 2B R. Maldonado – RF Dally – C J. Vargas – 1B Godown – LF Fox – 3B Padilla – P M. Robinson
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Delgado – RF Mansfield – P Chavez

Again, Portland scored in the first, this time on Stevenson’s 2-out RBI double off Mo Robinson. Spencer scored from second, but Walter was not quick enough to score from first, and was stranded when Stalker grounded out. This May 10 game would also be the date of Devin Mansfield’s first career base hit, a single free of consequences in the bottom of the second inning. He had gone 0-for-7 to start his career. The endlessly irritating Jesus Chavez struck out six as he retired the first eight batters in a row, but then inexplicably walked Mo Robinson and then surrendered three base hits in fast procession; a single by Mata, an RBI double by Manny Ferrer, and then Raul Maldonado’s tie-breaking 2-run single to center. The middle innings proved uneventful (although you could also say dull), at least until the bottom of the sixth. Walter’s leadoff walk brought the tying run to the plate, a rousing occasion this park seldom saw. Walter made it to third base on a hit-and-run in which Nunley singled to right, after which Stevenson grounded back to the mound. Robinson tried to turn two, threw the ball behind Manny Ferrer, and the line kept moving on the error. Walter scored, 3-2, and runners were on second and first for Stalker, who popped out, and that was the best effort any 6-7-8 batter managed. Delgado and Mansfield both struck out. Chavez even hit a leadoff single in the bottom of the seventh inning! He never moved off first base…

After a Stevenson single in the bottom 8th, the Raccoons batted Zach Graves for Tim Stalker in a case of slight desperation. Mo Robinson was still in the game, why not send a left-hander? Lo and behold, Graves creamed an 0-1 pitch and homered to right center, flipping the score! Yet the truly remarkable thing was how Brett Lillis handled the unexpected save opportunity. You could tell he was grumpy to have his late third dinner interrupted, because he came out of the pen still holding on to a chicken drumstick. The first two batters he was up against were left-handers, starting with Justin Godown, who instantly singled and was run for by Oscar Casillas. Zach Fox grounded out, after which Lillis walked Carlos Padilla in errant fashion. Brian Marable batted for the long-lived Robinson with the tying run at second, and the go-ahead run at first base. He would hit a go-ahead sac fly, which is an odd thing to do with the go-ahead run on first base. How was that ****ing possible!? Turns out, whenever Tony Delgado gave a sign to Lillis, the pitcher was focused on nibbling on the drumstick – he was a gourmet by most Raccoons’ standards; no swallowing the thing whole! However, those two were never on the same page. The runners advanced on a passed ball, then a wild pitch, and then Graves was too deep in rightfield on Marable’s fly to have a shot at Padilla. It was an amazing performance by this third-rate rural theater ensemble of a ballclub!

There was a bottom of the ninth, and it started with Omar Alfaro batting for Lillis, and drawing a 4-pitch walk off Quinn MacCarthy, last year’s Coons southpaw. Cookie singled to right, narrowly getting the ball past Maldonado, so the winning run was on. Jarod Spencer grounded out, advancing the runners, a wild pitch to Walter tied the game, and Walter was then put on intentionally in hope for a double play from Nunley, who drew the Stars a nose and popped out instead… There was still one out left to waste, but Josh Stevenson saved everybody’s sanity with a single up the middle – Cookie scored, and it was a walkoff! 6-5 Critters. Carmona 2-5; Stevenson 3-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Graves (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.1 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 8 K and 1-2;

If not for Lillis’ blown save, Omar Alfaro would have missed a game entirely for the first time this year. The Coons still have four players who appeared in every game; besides Alfaro those are Spencer, Walter, and Nunley.

Game 3
DAL: CF A. Mata – SS Ferrer – 2B R. Maldonado – RF Dally – C J. Vargas – 1B Godown – 3B Padilla – LF Marable – P Y.C. Kim
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – P Nielson

Both teams had a player single and steal second base in the first inning, and both were left on third base without scoring. That was Spencer (who took his ninth bag) for the Coons, and Mata for the Stars. Mata would come up with the bases loaded in the top 2nd, following singles by Justin Godown and Yoo-chul Kim (…) around a Carlos Padilla walk. Mata struck out to end the inning. Stevenson would get to third base in the bottom 2nd. He reached on Manny Ferrer’s 2-base throwing error to begin the inning, with Stalker and Alfaro haplessly grounding out afterwards. The status Elias Tovias had in the league was clearly visible here; he batted .184 with no homers, and the Stars were not going to give him first base for free, even with two outs. So he snapped a single to left, plating Stevenson with the first tally in the game. Two innings later, the Coons would score the second run of the game, again unearned. Stevenson singled, and made it to third base on a stolen base attempt on which Vargas threw wildly to centerfield. Stalker also walked after that, but Alfaro hit into a double play to score Stevenson. Hey, at least he tried …!(?)

The Stars, who had collected four hits, but nothing of substance in the first four innings, would break out in the fifth, started by another Kim single, this one coming leading off the inning and with nobody out. Nielson issued a walk, allowed a 2-run double to Dally to tie, then issued another walk, and gave up another double to fall out of the tie to Justin Godown, who’s run-scoring two-baser but the Stars ahead, 3-2. Nielson was not seen again after the inning, and remained on the hook in the sixth, in which Shane Walter landed his 10th double of the season while leading off that inning, and yet nobody could be bothered to plate the ****er.

Talking about ****ers… the top 8th saw Kevin Surginer retire two before he allowed a single to Mata, drilled Ferrer, and walked Maldonado. Oh well, maybe bring another pitcher? Bocanegra was it, and the ****er allowed a wild pitch and two walks to run up the score, 5-2. Spencer 2-3;

Raccoons (16-18) vs. Crusaders (16-18) – May 12-14, 2023

The Crusaders had won three in a row, while the Coons had just ended a 3-game winning streak on Thursday, and would probably lose another dozen now. These were the two worst offensive teams in the Continental League, so we’d probably have a strong of swift 2-1 games. New York was outscoring Portland by two, so we were now the worst offensive team outright… The Crusaders also held a 2-1 lead in the season series, and had the second-best pitching corps.

Projected matchups:
Matt Huf (0-4, 5.29 ERA) vs. Alejandro Mendez (4-3, 2.82 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (3-2, 2.42 ERA) vs. Mike Rutkowski (3-3, 4.00 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (3-3, 5.12 ERA) vs. Jeremy Waite (3-1, 4.28 ERA)

Another three right-handers, but not because the Crusaders didn’t have anything else. We would barely miss their pair of southpaws, Tim Dunn (2-3, 3.23 ERA) and Joe Jones (2-2, 5.30 ERA).

The Crusaders had one of their cornerstones of the last few years on the disabled list, with .266 batter INF Sergio Valdez nursing a hamstring injury.

Game 1
NYC: 2B R. Soto – 3B Schmit – RF Fullerton – LF J. Williams – C Asay – 1B I. Flores – CF Douglas – SS Hebberd – P A. Mendez
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Graves – C Tovias – P Huf

The Critters had three singles in the first, all with two outs, all for nothing. Tim Stalker grounded to third base, Andy Schmit made the play with no problems, and nobody scored. 2-out trouble would also arise half an inning later for Matt Huf, who walked Lance Douglas before Bill Hebberd singled up the middle. That brought up “Ant” Mendez. Ah, **** it, just retire the pitcher. The ****ing pitcher singled up the middle, Douglas scored the first run of the game, and the Raccoons would never win a game again…!

The Raccoons would again put three on in the bottom 2nd, but after Zach Graves’ leadoff single he was found off the bag when Tovias lined out to Ivan Flores, who tagged the returning runner for a double play. Huf walked (…!), and Cookie singled up the middle, but Spencer popped out to shallow right and D.J. Fullerton. Walks were Huf’s thing in general; he issued five of the little buggers in the first four innings, and also struck out five. Jake Williams drew a sixth walk in the top of the fifth, but that came with two outs and didn’t lead to any nightmare, for once. The Raccoons couldn’t get a paw on the ground with the offense. Bullock batted for Huf to begin the bottom 5th, got nicked, but was then ignored by the top of the order. Stalker got on base in the bottom 6th, stole a base, and then was ignored. The Crusaders added a run on Billy Brotman, who issued a leadoff walk to Schmit in the seventh. Bottom 8th, Spencer hit a leadoff single off the “Ant”, only for Shane Walter to knock one right into a two-for-one. Hebberd’s error put Stevenson on base leading off the ninth. Mendez would now face the tying run… however impressive that was against Stalker, Graves, and Tovias, or whatever we could pry from the bench. Stalker grounded to Robby Soto, but the Crusaders were too slow for the double play, getting just Stevenson at second base. The missed double play opportunity wouldn’t hurt the Crusaders… Zach Graves was on his post and hit into a 1-6-3 … 2-0 Crusaders. Barzaga 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Game 2
NYC: 2B R. Soto – 3B Schmit – RF Fullerton – LF J. Williams – C Asay – 1B I. Flores – CF Douglas – SS Hebberd – P Rutkowski
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – 3B Bullock – C Tovias – P Toner

For the third time this week, the Critters scored in the first inning, thanks to singles by Cookie, who moved up on a groundout, and Stevenson, on which Cookie scored from second base. As usual, it was all for nought, because Toner continued to be awful. Robby Soto walked with one out in the third, and the Crusaders would rip Toner apart for four hits and as many runs in the inning. Schmit singled, as did Fullerton, plating the tying run. Jake Williams doubled in the go-ahead run, Jason Asay hit a sac fly, and Ivan Flores hit an RBI single, and just like that it was 4-1 New York. The low point was not actually reached until the next inning, issuing a leadoff walk to Rutkowski. A career in ruins, befitting of the team Toner was on. He walked the bases full – and then was yanked. Brotman replaced him, allowed a run on a sac fly, 5-1, but at least go the Critters out of the inning. Another run fell out of Brotman the following inning, and the game dulled down considerably with the Coons down by five and not going anywhere. Adam Cowen pitched long relief, and hit a 2-out single in the bottom 7th that loaded the bases with Stalker and Alfaro already on. Cookie popped out to strand all three of them. Walter and Stevenson singled in the bottom 8th. Eager for any kind of movement at all, the Coons sent Nunley to bat for Stalker, netting them a fly out to centerfield, and then Alfaro flew out to Craig Abraham in deep right. Nobody scored, ever. 6-1 Crusaders. Stevenson 2-4, RBI; Alfaro 2-4; Cowen 4.1 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K and 1-2;

Not enough that we can’t get anybody to hit at all – we already have an extra man in the bullpen, and we still struggle to distribute all the innings the pen has to pitch to the relievers…

Before the Sunday game, the Crusaders traded SP Joe Jones (2-2, 5.30 ERA) to the Miners for two prospects.

Game 3
NYC: 2B R. Soto – 3B Schmit – RF Fullerton – LF J. Williams – C Asay – 1B I. Flores – CF Abraham – SS Hebberd – P Waite
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – RF Graves – SS Stalker – CF Mansfield – P Gutierrez

Rico Gutierrez allowed no base runners the first time through, which made for as many outs as Toner had gotten in the previous game with five runs conceded. The Raccoons scattered a few early hits, but usually found a way to hit into a double play, like Walter in the first inning, or suck in various other ways. Rico retired the first 14 batters overall until he walked Ivan Flores. The no-hitter went out of the way, too, in a real hurry, with Craig Abraham lining a ball up the rightfield line for a double, with Flores racing around the bases to score, too. Andy Schmit doubled in the sixth, and moved to third base on a wild pitch. Fullerton worked a 2-out walk, but somehow Mansfield got paws on Jake Williams’ howling drive to center to end the inning. In another splendid performance, no Raccoon reached base in the middle innings at all, and no Raccoon was particularly close to doing so. Waite didn’t put another Critter aboard until a 2-out single by Graves in the bottom 7th, and then Tim Stalker grounded out to short pathetically.

Gutierrez lasted seven innings on 110 pitches and remained on a 1-0 hook during his time. Joe Moore replaced him for the eighth and right away allowed a single up the middle to the leadoff batter … which happened to be Waite. Oh for crying out loud …! Moore walked Schmit, got beaten off the mound and replaced with Bocanegra, who got Fullerton on a pop, then indiscriminately walked Williams to load the ****ing bases. Vince D came on again in a highly dramatic spot and struck out Jason Asay to end the inning, so it was STILL a 1-0 game, and the Raccoons were STILL playing like they had been born as deep sea fish and struggled to do even the most basic things on land, like ****ing breathing. Oh – wait! There’s movement! After Mansfield popped out and Alfaro flew out to shallow right, Cookie rolled a ball up the middle that made it through and lived to grow up a single. That was the tying run with two outs and on first base, a long shot for most teams in many situations, still like the ****ing lottery for the ****ing Coons. When Spencer walked (and who was hoping for a homer here? – get a grip!), the chance became real, since Shane Walter in a previous life had been a real batter and technically still nursed a dying .800 OPS. Grounding out to Robby Soto didn’t help anybody’s case, except maybe Waite’s, who was STILL in the game.

Top 9th, Devereaux still in the game. Ivan Flores drew a leadoff walk. Oh well, how bad could it get? Pretty bad. A passed ball advanced the runner before Lance Douglas singled to left, scoring Flores, 2-0. Kyle Mims grounded into a force, two outs. Soto singled to left, with Cookie trying to get Flores at third base, which didn’t work; instead Soto moved up to second. None of this mattered, because Schmit’s 2-out triple was always going to score both of them. Brett Lillis came into the 4-0 game to retire Fullerton, which was a pretty sad sight to begin with, but the bottom 9th was also plenty sad. Steve Casey struck out Nunley and Delgado, then left with an injury. Jon Ozier allowed a pinch-hit single to Stevenson, before Bullock grounded to short. Soto dangled the ball, and the Coons had two on. Oh well, another five errors for a comeback! Mansfield was at the plate, the Critters were out of bench, but luckily nothing mattered in the grand scheme of things, as the Crusaders were on their third pitcher in three batters. Frank Yeager harvested a grounder from Mansfield to second base, and himself a save. 4-0 Crusaders. Graves 2-3, 2B; Stevenson (PH) 1-1; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, L (3-4);

In other news

May 14 – The Thunder deal CL Ryan Corkum (1-1, 2.08 ERA, 15 SV) to the Falcons for two prospects.
May 14 – SAL C/1B Barry McCosh (.214, 1 HR, 1 RBI) hits his first career home run for the only score in the Wolves’ 1-0 win over the Stars.

Complaints and stuff

(the ballpark after dark; four straight losses; silence; your resident GM lies on the brown couch with a wet, cold washcloth over his eyes, while Chad is practicing new dance moves in the full mascot costume near the window front that faces the interior ballpark)

This is a dead team, with no future whatsoever; indeed, one could say that they do not even have a present. You found the 2003 Coons glum? Well, these ’23 Coons might be well worse.

With the team scoring less than 3.1 runs per game by Sunday night, the Raccoons canned their hitting coach Billy Tarras, who had done the job for the last six years, with mostly decent results in the first five of them, but that was definitely over.

I don’t even know what to say. We have the fifth-highest batting average, but we are last in on-base percentage and slugging percentage. The entire team bats like Jarod Spencer – except worse. Of all the players I intended to build a new contender around (Alfaro, Stalker, Spencer, Tovias, Bullock), Spencer and his cucked up line of .317/.338/.373 is still the best … and he’s still of no use to man nor beast, dead or alive.

The best thing is … we have the worst farm, and there is no way to rebuild with a single draft. You need many drafts and many good picks that actually turn into something other than more horse ****. Last time I checked, the draft was but once a year.

Fun Fact: There’s going to be another 127 games of this miserable spectacle this season! By the way, Bill Conway started exactly 127 games for the Raccoons between 2011 and 2015, and somehow he’d fit right into the mix here.

No, thanks, Maud, I am - … I don’t need anything. (lies down again with the wet, cold washcloth over his eyes and keeps babbling)

Conway, who went 54-68 with a 4.18 ERA in his career that ended in ’16 at age 30 because of sucking too hard, was a member of the post-2010 Raccoons a.k.a. the last Critters team that made the World Series. Probably the last Raccoons team to ever make the World Series.

Nick Brown won two games in a 6-game defeat to the Cyclones in that World Series. At least he will have been the last Raccoon to ever win a World Series game.

(even Chad is annoyed by the negativity by now and dances out of the room, killing the light on his way out)

(the office lies in complete darkness now as well)

(some silent moans can still be heard)

[Westheim]

Raccoons (16-21) @ Loggers (23-12) – May 15-18, 2023

For multiple reasons this could be an all-kinds-of-trying 4-game set with the Loggers, who were as amazing with their pitching as the Raccoons’ offense was moribund. The Raccoons scored a league-worst 3.1 runs per game, while Milwaukee conceded a league-best 3.1 runs per game, so it was entirely likely that we would never score again, ever. Their offense was middling, ranking eighth in runs scored, but with a good batting average. They were quite lacking in both power and speed, however. This was the first meeting between these two teams in 2023. The Coons had not lost a season series to the Loggers since ’13 (7-11), and had beaten them 10-8 in ’22, but I had a hunch that that streak was going to end quite soon.

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (3-2, 3.48 ERA) vs. Alex Hichez (0-0, 0.00 ERA)
Ryan Nielson (1-4, 4.87 ERA) vs. Morgan Shepherd (3-2, 2.31 ERA)
Matt Huf (0-5, 4.82 ERA) vs. Michael Foreman (6-0, 1.60 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (3-3, 3.21 ERA) vs. Mike Dempsey (3-2, 4.09 ERA)

There was some replacement personnel in the Loggers rotation right now, including Hichez. The 27-year-old from Dalhart, TX would make his first major league career start after 31 relief appearances, including ten this year. The Loggers had two established starters on the DL in Ian Prevost and John Key, and we’d also miss Chris Sinkhorn (2-3, 3.14 ERA), the dangerous southpaw, leaving us to face four right-handed pitchers in this series.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – P Chavez
MIL: SS Tadlock – LF Berntson – CF Coleman – RF Gore – C Wool – 3B A. Velez – 2B March – 1B A. Esquivel – P Hichez

Rain was in the forecast as well as in my heart. While the Coons made three quick groundouts in the first inning, the Loggers started like a freight train with a Ron Tadlock single, Jon Berntson’s double to right, which already drove in a run on Chavez, then a walk drawn by Ian Coleman and following Brad Gore’s foul pop finally a 3-run homer by Josh Wool to rightfield, giving them a near-instant 4-0 lead. To everybody’s amazement though, Hichez allowed singles to the first *five* Raccoons to step to the plate in the second inning, and twice scored a run with a wild pitch. The Coons took a 5-4 lead on Cookie’s sac fly to center, Spencer hit a 2-out single, but was caught stealing by Wool. After a third inning in which both third basemen made an inconsequential error, Cookie would hold the Coons’ tender lead together in the bottom 4th, snaring a drive to left by 42-year-old Antonio Esquivel, who was batting .308 with three homers coming in and in no way looked like 42 years old. The snare ended the inning, and the Coons remained up 5-4, which held true through the fifth despite PH Terry Harris’ leadoff single, and a pair of 2-out walks issued to Coleman and Gore. Wool scorched a liner to rightfield with the bases loaded, but Alfaro threw himself in the way to end that inning.

After bludgeoning Hichez for six hits in the second inning, the Raccoons managed to go the next four frames without a base knock, a string that only ended against the second reliever of the day from the Loggers, Ivan Morales, with Elias Tovias’ leadoff single in the seventh inning, a soft line to shallow right. Chavez was retained to bunt, Morales misfielded that bunt, and both runners were safe on the error, after which Esquivel would show his age in the field, taking an eternity to field a Carmona grounder behind first base. Cookie was no youngster anymore, either, but he legged out the grounder for an infield single to fill the bags with nobody out. Unfortunately, the Raccoons would not get the big hit they could have used in this situation. Shane Walter’s sac fly to Coleman was the only run-scoring event in the inning, with Spencer and Nunley both striking out. Tadlock hit a leadoff single off Chavez in the bottom 7th. Berntson flew out to Stevenson, after which Bocanegra replaced Chavez to face the multitude of left-handed bats to come. Coleman grounded out, while Gore flew out to center on a 3-0 pitch. The sucker Bocanegra would succeed in doling out walks the following inning, losing both Wool and Velez on balls to begin the bottom 8th. Those were the tying runs, and Kevin Surginer replaced him to turn the tide, hopefully – and the rule 5 pick came through, with PH Dave Padilla grounding out, Esquivel flying out to Alfaro in shallow right, allowing Wool no advance from third base, and Stevenson caught Myles Beckwith’s fly to center. Top 9th, Tovias started with a groundout, but Bullock doubled to right in Surginer’s spot. Cookie was walked intentionally, after which the runners swiped a pair of bases the very moment Mike Kress entered the game in relief of Luis Calderon. Alas, Spencer grounded out pathetically, now pinning the Coons in scoring position right there. With two outs, Kress nicked Walter, loading them up for Matt Nunley, who saw four balls to push in another run. Stevenson flew out to center, leaving Lillis with a 3-run lead that saw serious challenge after 1-out singles by Berntson and Coleman in the bottom 9th, but strong defensive plays by Stevenson and Cookie on the following fly balls by Gore and Wool ended the game before a ninth-inning heartbreak could occur. 7-4 Critters! Tovias 2-3, BB; Bullock (PH) 1-1, 2B;

We were around the middle of a 16-game string with no off days, so we’d sprinkle in some more rest days. Nunley had already had a day off on the weekend amongst the regulars, but Spencer, Stalker, Walter, and Cookie still had to get a day of rest at some point or other. The first and last in the list would sit down on Tuesday.

Game 2
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Stalker – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – LF Graves – RF Alfaro – SS Bullock – P Nielson
MIL: SS Tadlock – 2B Stewart – CF Coleman – RF Gore – C Wool – LF Berntson – 3B A. Velez – 1B A. Esquivel – P Shepherd

In game #39, the Raccoons finally got one of their players to 20 RBI, which is a sign of a team that had its issues at the plate. Shane Walter hit an RBI double to plate Tim Stalker for a first-inning lead, but Nielson loaded the bases right in the bottom of the first on two hits and a clumsy 2-out walk to Wool. Jon Berntson struck out, but I had a hunch that Nielson’s time in the rotation was running out. Who was going to get culled in favor of Travis Garrett? Him or Huf? This series might decide that!

Doubles by Velez and Esquivel to start the bottom 2nd tied the game, and the Loggers might have taken a lead there if Morgan Shepherd’s bunt hadn’t been terrible and had gotten Esquivel tagged out at third base. Berntson doubled in Brad Gore in the bottom 3rd to set the Loggers 2-1 ahead, and Shepherd hit a leadoff single in the bottom 4th. Coleman walked with two outs, but Gore was called out on a dubious 1-2 strike to strand a pair in the inning. The Raccoons had been silent for a few innings until Zach Graves hit a leadoff single to center in the fifth, making him the tying run aboard. Omar Alfaro promptly grounded to short, but legged out Tyler Stewart’s return throw to deny the Loggers a two-for-one, then swiped second base, his first sack taken in ’23. Bullock worked Shepherd for a walk, and Nielson bunted. Alberto Velez hustled in and unleashed a throw wildly past the ancient and largely immobile Esquivel at first base. The 2-base throwing error scored the tying run, and presented a pair in scoring position to Stevenson with one out, with Stalker appearing with the bases loaded after four errant pitches by Shepherd. Stalker grounded to Velez, whose only choice was to go to first base, conceding the go-ahead run on the play. With two down, Walter rushed a bouncer through the still immobile Esquivel for a 2-run single, running the score to 5-2 before Nunley bounced out to Velez. The Critters also failed to score Tony Delgado after his leadoff triple in the sixth inning, with crucially the Loggers electing to walk the .203 threat Alfaro intentionally here.

Esquivel hit a leadoff single past Walter for some mild revenge in the bottom 6th, but Shepherd was removed for a pinch-hitter we still knew all too well, Tim Prince. The no-good infielder smoked a grounder to Bullock for a no-doubt double play, but the Loggers still managed to load up Nielson’s line with a Ron Tadlock single and then Tyler Stewart homering to left center with two outs, cutting the gap to 5-4. The Coons staved off two walks issued by Nielson and Moore in the bottom 7th, and Billy Brotman managed to strand Tadlock in scoring position in the eighth after entering for Moore in a double switch that saw Cookie enter the #9 hole and leftfield – he would lead off the ninth inning, and he also took Ian Coleman’s scorched drive to left to end the inning for Brotman. Cookie hit a leadoff single to right in the ninth and would end up scoring on Walter’s 2-out single, giving the Critters an insurance run; Billy Brotman in turn remained in the game for the bottom 9th, with two left-handed bats coming up first in Gore and Wool. One grounded out, one struck out, but then Berntson singled to center. That brought up the switch-hitter Velez, who against Brotman would have to bat from his weaker side, so we did not make a pitching change. Brotman held on for his first major league save, getting a pop to Walter to end the game. 6-4 Raccoons! Walter 3-5, 2B, 4 RBI; Carmona (PH) 1-1; Brotman 1.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, SV (1);

Jarod Spencer did not appear in this game, leaving only Walter, Nunley, and Alfaro to appear in all 39 games.

Speaking of Spencer, him, Greg Borg, and Evan Carrell came over for 6-0 Michael Foreman in a 2021 deadline deal that also sent Ismael Pastor to the Loggers. I still don’t know how to grade that trade… Foreman at least has two more career home runs than Spencer in the latter’s 869 at-bats…

Game 3
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – SS Bullock – C Tovias – P Huf
MIL: SS Tadlock – 2B March – CF Coleman – RF Gore – C Wool – 3B A. Velez – LF Beckwith – 1B A. Esquivel – P Foreman

Huf continued to be a right mess, issuing three walks in the first two innings, a single, and a balk. Two walks fell out of him to begin the second inning, with Wool and Velez reaching base, before Beckwith reached on an infield single. Three on, no outs, after which the Loggers stopped hitting and were held to one run on Esquivel’s sac fly. On the other hand, Huf was the first Coon to reach base in the game, singling to right with two outs in the top 3rd. Foreman then walked the bases full against Cookie and Spencer, but Shane Walter struck out. Walter made an error in the bottom of the inning that didn’t quite get Huf derailed for good, and the Raccoons would actually tie the score in the fourth in unlikely ways, with Alfaro drawing a walk, then scoring on Daniel Bullock’s triple into the right-center gap. Tovias got four wide ones after that, with Huf easily retired to strand the go-ahead run.

The Loggers beleaguered Huf consistently and landed a walk and two hits in the bottom 4th. They didn’t score thanks to Myles Beckwith’s double play grounder in between that removed Velez’ leadoff walk. The Coons would also strand runners on the corners in the top 5th, which Cookie opened with a single. Two groundouts hampered Portland. Nunley reached base on Dan March’s error, but that didn’t get the go-ahead run across, with Stevenson striking out to end the inning. When Huf issued another leadoff walk in the bottom 5th, that one to March, the pitching coach stomped out to the mound and gave him a good yelling. Nothing helped with that kid, though. Coleman hit an RBI double on a 3-2 pitch, and Huf then walked Gore, which gave him six walks on the day, which the Raccoons would swiftly declare well enough and yanked him after four-plus. Bocanegra replaced him, walked the bases full after Wool flew out with a free pass to Velez, then walked Beckwith as well with the bases loaded, pushing in the Loggers’ third run. Surginer replaced the useless southpaw and struck out both Esquivel and PH Tyler Stewart to end the miserable inning.

While the Coons stranded another pair on the corners in the sixth when Cookie flew out easily to right, the Loggers got one run off Juan Barzaga in the extra long man’s two innings. The Loggers were not quite in the dry, though. The Raccoons found a double through Omar Alfaro in the eighth, and with left-hander Jody Loughran replacing the right-hander Calderon against Tovias, the Coons switched catchers. Delgado rapped an RBI single to right, closing the score to 4-2, after which Graves batted for Barzaga and doubled. That put the tying runs in scoring position with one out for Cookie, who was going to face right-hander Jerry Counts, who had twice as many walks as he had strikeouts, something that reminded me of the sucker Bocanegra. Cookie’s fly to left center was spoiled by Berntson, but allowed Delgado to tag and score, and Spencer’s 2-out single put them on the corners for Walter, who grounded to the mound, but Counts overran the roller and the Coons scored the tying run on the generously called infield single! Matt Nunley came up, encased in a block of ice after a vicious 3-for-29 spill at the plate, but laced a double to left that scored both runners and gave the Raccoons their third 4+ runs inning in as many games, and also a 6-4 lead! Another reliever appeared, Justin Guerin, and allowed a 2-out RBI single to Stevenson, 7-4, after which Alfaro grounded out to end the 6-run eighth. Devereaux and Lillis would hold the Loggers away for the last two innings to seal the Coons’ third consecutive win over the until Sunday untouchable Loggers. 7-4 Furballs! Spencer 2-4, BB; Alfaro 2-4, BB, 2B; Delgado (PH) 1-1, RBI; Stalker (PH) 1-1; Graves (PH) 1-1, 2B;

The Coons waived and DFA’ed Francisquo Bocanegra (12 BB in 14.1 IP) after this game. David Kipple (0.76 ERA in AAA) replaced him on the roster. Kipple had been a late-season call-up for the 2022 Coons, pitching to a 9.00 ERA in eight innings across 14 games.

Game 4
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – CF Stevenson – 3B Nunley – 1B Delgado – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Toner
MIL: SS Tadlock – LF Berntson – CF Coleman – RF Gore – C Wool – 3B A. Velez – 2B March – 1B A. Esquivel – P Dempsey

Jonny Toner was more or less dead from the waist up (which was opposite to Cristiano Carmona’s condition) as became quickly apparent in the Thursday game. The Loggers didn’t wait around to dismantle the former star, despite Tadlock and Berntson making outs to begin their turn at bat. Coleman drew a walk in a full count, and Gore singled. Josh Wool used another 3-2 count to hit a 2-run double past Alfaro, and then Toner lost Velez to another walk. March ripped an RBI single to right before Esquivel struck out by accident entirely, leaving the Loggers 3-0 ahead. The top 2nd saw one Coons catcher (Tovias) score the other (Delgado) with a 2-out single. Delgado had hit a 1-out double, and Toner walked after the Tovias single to load the bases for Cookie, who fouled out.

Toner’s pitching never became less erratic in the game as he continued to drink away his Hall of Fame plaque. Tadlock walked in the second, but the Loggers twice hit into a double play on their second run through their lineup, hampering them until Tadlock came up again and hit an RBI double in the fourth, plating Dan March and running the score to 4-1. When Toner didn’t walk batters, he allowed blazing line drives. Ian Coleman hit a leadoff double in the bottom 5th and surely scored on a Velez groundout, with Wool walking in between. Back-to-back jacks by Delgado and Alfaro in the sixth inning only cut the gap in half to 5-3, and Jonny wouldn’t make it through the bottom 6th. Nunley almost lost his pants and was charged an error when a crazy-fast Tadlock bouncer struck him in the cup with two down in the inning, and Toner allowed a single to Berntson, after which Brotman came in to end his misery – except that Brotman allowed the remaining runners to score on a pair of 2-out RBI singles by Coleman and Gore before Wool flew out to center. The Loggers added a run in the seventh, unearned as well, on Adam Cowen thanks to another Nunley error following Stewart’s pinch-hit infield single, and finally another Tadlock base hit right where it hurt, sending Milwaukee up 8-3. The Raccoons weren’t going to scramble their way out of this top-to-bottom mess, going down silently in the last few innings. 8-3 Loggers. Delgado 2-4, HR, 2B, RBI; Alfaro 2-4, HR, RBI; Stalker 2-4; Tovias 2-3, BB, RBI;

With this sad series ending, the Raccoons demoted Juan Barzaga to place Will Newman on the roster again. That also made Devin Mansfield (.118) more than redundant, and he was also returned to AAA, with Sam Armetta returning to the Coons – a move that was very much conceding defeat, since Armetta had batted merely .130, but there were just no deserving prospects anywhere near the major league roster.

Raccoons (19-22) vs. Thunder (26-15) – May 19-21, 2023

While the Loggers had been the best-pitching team before they had encountered the Coons, this division leader was the best-hitting team in terms of batting average, and ranked second in runs scored. Their pitching was ridiculous, though, with the worst rotation by ERA and a mediocre pen conspiring to allow the second-most runs in the Continental League. This was the first meeting between the teams in 2023, with the 2022 season series having been claimed by Oklahoma City, five games to four.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (3-4, 4.53 ERA) vs. Alex Vallejo (1-4, 3.62 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (4-2, 3.75 ERA) vs. Max Nelson (6-2, 3.65 ERA)
Ryan Nielson (2-4, 4.98 ERA) vs. Jose Menendez (4-3, 6.66 ERA)

That’s three more right-handed pitchers, with their only left-handed starter, Bryan Hanson, still recuperating from having bone spurs removed from his elbow in January. Besides Menendez, there is one more 6+ ERA goodie in that rotation, former garbage can dweller Dave Dyer.

Game 1
OCT: SS L. Rivera – 3B B. Marshall – RF Branch – C A. Baker – 1B W. Madrid – LF B. Roberts – 2B Pelles – CF Bareford – P Vallejo
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

The first hits for either team were had by two centerfielders that had been traded for another three winters ago, Stevenson for the Coons in the bottom 2nd and Andy Bareford for the Thunder in the top of the third, which was cutting short the main purpose of that deal, to get rid of R.J. DeWeese in the first place. Both hit singles, neither scored, nor did Elias Tovias after his leadoff double in the bottom 3rd. Oh well, Elias, you will to do better to get your team anywhere. His next time up, with two outs in the bottom 5th, Tovias crashed his first major league home run, a solo job in a game entirely lacking offense. Brian Roberts had singled in the top 5th, but had been washed up in another ex-Coon’s double play, Ruben Pelles grounding hard to Nunley for two. It was already the seventh inning when Ezra Branch extended a 10-game hitting streak with a single to right, but neither Adam Baker nor Willie Madrid managed to get him around to score. Roberts worked a leadoff walk in the eighth inning, the first free pass issued by Gutierrez. Oh well, how bad could it get? Pelles grounded into a fielder’s choice, and PH Brett Dobbs grounded out to Nunley. Ironically, the Thunder did not bat for their starter with two outs, and fittingly Alex Vallejo turned a 3-2 pitch into a liner into the gap in left center, chasing home Pelles with the tying run. Gutierrez was yanked instantly, Devereaux ending the inning with a strikeout to pinch-hitter Mike Pizzo in the #1 spot. Tovias’ leadoff single in the bottom 8th amounted to nothing, but at least Vince D kept the Thunder at bay, and Vallejo was still going in the bottom 9th, facing the 2-3-4 batters after expending only 84 pitches so far. He needed only four pitches to click off Spencer, Walter, and Nunley in quick succession, sending the game into overtime, where Kevin Surginer was overturned for a run on three singles in the top of the tenth. Tony Delgado’s pinch-hit homer off Manny Gomez spared the Raccoons immediate defeat and extended the game. Will Newman, who had been in the #9 hole for a while, hit a leadoff double in the bottom 11th. The Thunder would issue two intentional walks here, one to Cookie, who was in a death spiral that had brought him to a .252 clip by now, and after Spencer’s groundout another one to Walter, bringing up Nunley with the bags full and one out. He ended the game with a fly to center. Roberts had the ball – but couldn’t get Newman at home, ever. 3-2 Coons. Delgado (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI; Tovias 3-4, HR, 2B, RBI; Gutierrez 7.2 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K;

Game 2
OCT: SS L. Rivera – LF W. Madrid – C Pizzo – RF Branch – 2B Becker – 3B B. Marshall – 1B McIntyre – CF Bareford – P Nelson
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Chavez

Chavez left the game with shoulder woes after only four outs, tumbling the Raccoons straight into a bullpen game after playing extra innings the night before and with their long man having pitched the last two days – oh, the delight! Kevin Surginer got stuck with three runs in the third inning on Bareford’s leadoff double, an RBI single by Lorenzo Rivera, and finally a no-doubter for two by Mike Pizzo, his seventh of the season. Kipple was next in line to get burned in the fourth inning. He conceded a leadoff single to Jeff Becker, after which Tim Stalker grossly threw away a double play grounder by Bobby Marshall. Despite that, Kipple got the next two guys out before facing the pitcher Nelson with runners in scoring position. Nelson of course singled to left. Becker scored, Marshall was thrown out by Cookie to end the inning, 4-0 after four.

Cookie came to bat in the bottom 5th, two outs and runners on the corners after a bloop single by Tovias and then an actual ****ing line drive single to left center by Kipple. Cookie was now at .250 and consistently getting worse. He flew out to Bareford without much fuss, and the Thunder punished the insubordinate relief pitcher with an earned run in the sixth. Branch hit a leadoff double and things transpired from there. A collapsing bullpen saw Joe Moore put two men on base in the seventh inning, who were in scoring position with two outs and the left-handed part of the lineup starting with Pizzo approaching. Brett Lillis got into a seventh inning to the greatest displeasure of the home crowd, who began to heckle their own misfit team. Lillis fittingly surrendered a 2-run single to Pizzo, running the tally to 7-0. The Raccoons would score a token run late on a Walter double, but by then most of the crowd was on the way home. 7-1 Thunder. Nunley 1-2, BB, 2B; Tovias 2-3, 2B;

The Druid claims that Jesus Chavez will not miss his next start. I wonder whether anything matters.

Game 3
OCT: SS L. Rivera – 1B McIntyre – RF Branch – LF Dobbs – C A. Baker – 2B Ts’ai – 3B B. Marshall – CF Bareford – P Menendez
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – CF Alfaro – C Tovias – SS Bullock – P Nielson

The miserable Raccoons managed to maneuver a Thunder to third base exclusively with errors, and right at the start of the rubber game. Lorenzo Rivera reached when Will Newman dropped his fly to right, then stole second and advanced on Tovias’ throwing error. Will McIntyre scored him with a sac fly. McIntyre made an error himself in the bottom 1st, but the Raccoons would never dare to exploit a thing like that, and then had another moment in the third inning, plating Jose Menendez, who had hit a leadoff single (…) with a double to left, running the score to 2-0. Menendez actually hit ANOTHER leadoff single in the fifth inning, this one of the infield variety. Bullock knocked the ball down before it could get into leftfield, but couldn’t play it for an out… McIntyre was on duty again, hitting another RBI double, 3-0, then scored on Branch’s RBI triple to right center. Brett Dobbs’ homer was his first of the season, a real 410-foot moonshot to left center, and it also knocked Nielson from a 6-0 game.

That left a bullpen that was already bled thin to collect 14 outs, somehow, with Adam Cowen making the start. He bunted with Alfaro (getting nailed) and Bullock (walk) on base in the bottom 5th, moving them into scoring position for Cookie, who flew out gingerly to Dobbs on the first pitch by Menendez, extending his string of futility to 0-for-14 in the short run, and 6-for-38 in the slightly longer run. The Raccoons remained stuck on two hits, matching their error total, while Cowen pitched nobly and valiantly in a hopeless cause, surrendering a home run to Zhang-ze Ts’ai in the eighth inning when exhaustion clearly was setting in for him. There was hope to scratch off the ninth inning with Billy Brotman, who threw five pitches before reporting a bum shoulder. Brett Lillis found himself in the second consecutive rout. The Thunder put two on before Adam Baker hit into an inning-ending double play, thank goodness. The Raccoons would end up finding a third base hit stuck somewhere in their bum fur in the ninth inning, Shane Walter singling to right off right-hander Adam Howell, who went on to walk Nunley before Newman pegged a 3-2 pitch into a game-ending double play. Thank goodness. 7-0 Thunder. Walter 2-4; Cowen 3.2 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 2 K;

In other news

May 15 – Indians and Titans play scoreless ball for 12 innings before the Indians load the bases on R.J. Lloyd (0-1, 5.28 ERA, 1 SV) with nobody out in the top of the 13th, scoring two runs eventually. The Titans would not recover and drop a 13-inning, 2-0 game to Indy.
May 17 – Charlotte’s SP Brian Benjamin (1-7, 6.24 ERA) no-hits the Aces through seven innings before falling to a double by C Casimiro Schoeppen (.211, 0 HR, 8 RBI) and INF Nick Thornley’s (.300, 0 HR, 3 RBI) RBI single in quick succession with five outs to go. The Falcons never score, falling to the Aces, 1-0.
May 17 – LAP C Matt Dehne (.225, 3 HR, 18 RBI) will miss time until the All Star Game with a posterior cruciate ligament strain.
May 18 – TOP SP Jose Lerma (6-3, 2.19 ERA) trumps the Buffaloes in a 2-hit, 2-0 shutout.
May 18 – The Gold Sox’ LF/RF Mario Rocha (.264, 5 HR, 28 RBI) ends Denver’s game against the Pacifics with a 10th-inning walkoff grand slam against LAP CL Logan Sloan (0-4, 8.15 ERA, 11 SV). Rocha drives in five runs in total in the 8-4 Gold Sox win.
May 18 – Pacifics sophomore INF/LF John Hansen (.354, 1 HR, 17 RBI) has strung a 20-game hitting streak together with a 3-hit outing in an 8-4 defeat at the hands of the Gold Sox.
May 19 – WAS RF/LF Jason Stone (.230, 9 HR, 29 RBI) and WAS INF/LF/RF Dave Menth (.239, 6 HR, 17 RBI) both drive in four runs in the Capitals’ 13-1 rout of the Warriors. Stone has three hits with two home runs, Menth has two hits, including one long ball.
May 20 – A hamsting strain puts TOP 2B Marco Hernandes (.265, 0 HR, 2 RBI) on the DL again.
May 20 – The Blue Sox pick up SP Shane Baker (1-4, 3.55 ERA) from the Indians, sending 2B/1B Rich Mendez (.284, 1 HR, 22 RBI) and a prospect to Indianapolis.
May 21 – It takes 17 innings for any run to be scored in the Pacifics’ and Buffaloes’ Sunday tilt. TOP 3B/SS Stephen Williams (.259, 4 HR, 19 RBI) walks off his team eventually with a 2-out single off L.A.’s Mike Stank (0-3, 6.27 ERA).

Complaints and stuff

Hah, the Loggers! Never not miserable! I should trade Toner to them, it would be a match made in hell. You know what? Have them take Cookie, too!

We should consider an image change. How about renaming the team? I am thinking about the Portland Rollovers or something like that. That even keeps the R at the start of the nickname. Other R’s that would fit? Rancids. Revelation. Rheumatics. The possibilities are endless.

Just a few select stats that show how overwhelmed the team currently is. Both hitters and pitchers rank in the bottom three in the CL in terms of walks. We are issuing almost twice as many as we manage to draw. The same is true for home runs; bottom three from either side, twice as many given up as hit ourselves. The team is being hideously outplayed from top to bottom, and all of this is happening with a bit of good luck on the Critters’ pitching side still, since the decent defense is holding opposing lineups to a .284 BABIP. Well, at the end of the day, our own BABIP is only .289 as well, so there’s that.

You know who else got to 6-0 this week and is a former Raccoon? Tadasu Abe, who shut out the Buffaloes on four hits on Monday to get to 6-0 with a 2.48 ERA. I never do anything right!

Fun Fact: On May 18, 2004, exactly 19 years ago from Toner’s dismantlement on Thursday, Nick Brown pitched eight innings of 4-hit, 1-run ball in a 4-1 win over the 30-8 Titans, doubling in a run himself.

The 2004 Raccoons were actually ten games over .500 after that May 18 win, but would go 53-69 the rest of the way to their eighth consecutive losing record. But I would give a whole damn lot to see pitching performances like that again …!

Or Nick Brown in general…

Odd note about me being a fail in general: the Thunder’s Jose Menendez keeps tripping me up again and again and again. About ten years ago my main time sink was racing NASCAR Racing 3, which then was already nine years old and painting up the cars for my own fictional series. There were race reports for that, but they vanished off the internet years ago when the board that hosted that tiny ancient-racing-game community went under. There was a driver in my series named Joe Menendez, without the S – and I keep having flashbacks whenever that guy pitches against the Coons, and I never know what to call him. I can see Joe Menendez’ hideously green #77 7Up Dodge in front of my eyes, still.

Yeah, oh, well, just a random side note.

I miss that game, badly.

I am sad.

[Westheim]

2023 DRAFT POOL ANALYSIS

The Raccoons have a top pick in the draft – the fourth overall selection – and the draft pool was overall … lacking. There were a number of selections to be made among starting pitchers and you could easily get a very decent prospect at #4 under any circumstances, but when it came to batting, things were quite dire. More than half of the 89-strong shortlist compiled by the Raccoons were pitchers, which was unusual to say the least, and even then the reviews compiled by the Riddler were rough for sure for some of the kids.

Picking together a ten-or-so hotlist was possible of course, but would include a lot of pitchers for sure… High School players are marked with an asterisk:

SP Geoff Swayze (12/12/6) * – BNN #4
SP Matt Diduch (14/12/11) – BNN #3
SP Pat Okrasinski (12/14/11) – BNN #1
SP Bobby Reed (10/11/10) *
SP Josh Weeks (11/12/11) – BNN #2
SP Zach Ward (10/13/10) *

SP Adrian McQuinn (10/14/12)

C Elijah Bean (13/12/10) *

2B/SS/3B Tim Stackhouse (12/14/14) – BNN #5
1B Brad Woods (9/10/14)

RF/LF/1B Brian Marshall (9/9/12)
OF/1B Kyle Brown (10/11/11)

I must admit, Stackhouse looks good. If he’d fall to #4, I might be tempted to take him, but I doubt it, given just how dire the hitting side of the pool looks.

Also, why is Adrian McQuinn listed separately from the remaining starting pitchers? Because the Riddler threw up a red flag for him only having two pitches and him not seeing the potential for a third pitch to add to that short arsenal. The UCLA student from Shasta Lake has a very good fastball and a mean slider, but that’s it, really. And then those pitches are not really good enough for him to be a closer, either, so he really isn’t first round material, sadly.

[Westheim]

This week, I found out that there are in fact TWO Jose Menendezes in the league. They are both pitchers. They are both starters. They are both right-handed. They are both Dominican. They are both in the CL South!

NO WONDER I CAN’T KEEP UP ANYMORE!

Raccoons (20-24) @ Condors (21-23) – May 22-24, 2023

Both of these teams were seven games out in their respective divisions, and both were ranked at the bottom in either runs scored (Coons) or runs conceded (Condors). So, what happens after all when the irresistible force meets the immovable object? A game that lasts forever? The thought lets me shudder. The Raccoons had dropped the past two season series to the Condors, both being contested tightly and going 5-4 the Tijuana way.

Projected matchups:
Matt Huf (0-5, 5.01 ERA) vs. Jeff Little (1-3, 4.40 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (3-4, 3.71 ERA) vs. Jose Menendez (3-5, 3.03 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (3-4, 4.05 ERA) vs. Andrew Gudeman (2-5, 7.16 ERA)

We would get going against a left-handed rookie with control issues, then face two right-handed pitchers.

The Raccoons started with a roster move anyway, disabling Billy Brotman with his sore shoulder, which the Druid thought would take about three weeks of rest. Ryan Nielson would get moved to the bullpen, and we would call up another starter… “Tragic” Travis, after all.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – RF Newman – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Huf
TIJ: LF Hatley – 1B Gershkovich – RF Larios – CF Jamieson – 2B Boggs – C Carbajal – SS J. Estrada – 3B Umpierre – P Little

Cookie batted not even .240 anymore to begin this week, which was a sure sign that at least two riders of the apocalypse had already dashed past you, but opened the game with a double to right center. The Raccoons would land another three singles in the inning, Walter’s plating Cookie and then Shane Walter scored himself on Will Newman’s 2-out infield single to give Matt Huf a 2-0 lead he was surely going to do his darndest to blow. He continued to find himself in those situations no pitcher should ever find themselves in, like having two on, two out, and the opposing pitcher running a full count at the plate, as happened in the second inning of this game. Huf walked four in the first three innings and needed close to 70 pitches to get that far in the game. The bullpen was going to get up early *again*, and Huf was just one of those pitchers that were hurting their team even if they didn’t allow a bazillion runs. Five innings would eventually take him over 100 pitches, and he would not make a cameo even in the sixth.

But before we got there, it was Huf’s turn to bunt in the top of the fourth inning, following on Stalker and Tovias with a pair of 1-out singles. His bunt was thrown past Mike Gershkovich by the pitcher Little for a run-scoring, 2-base error, and another run scored on Cookie’s groundout. Spencer walked, but Walter popped out foul, stranding runners on the corners in a 4-0 game. That was still the score when Matt Huf left the game, although the consistently overburdened Raccoons bullpen was on the verge of tipping at least once. While Kevin Surginer had a calm sixth, David Kipple allowed a leadoff triple to Nick Hatley in the bottom of the seventh inning. Both Gershkovich and Omar Larios were called out on strikes generously, after which Kipple walked Matt Jamieson in a full count (the count to Gershkovich had already been full earlier). Robby Boggs hit a poor grounder for a quick third out at first base, keeping the Condors shut out in this game. Portland got some breathing room with a 2-run homer by Elias Tovias off Tim Colangelo, completely unexpected, in the top of the eighth inning, with Tim Stalker having been on base ahead of Tovias’ 1-out blast. The Raccoons then sent poor Joe Moore, really everything but a long man, in to pitch the last two innings. He was immediately stung as Jesus Carbajal and Rey Umpierre hit singles off him, and pinch-hitter Andy McNeal dropped a ball in the gap to score both of them. A timely K to Nick Hatley kept the game in the Coons’ favor, and Moore even made it through the ninth without us having to bother another reliever. 6-2 Raccoons. Tovias 2-4, HR, 2 RBI;

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Toner
TIJ: LF Hatley – SS B. Torres – RF Larios – C Sanford – 2B Boggs – 1B McNeal – CF Jo. Wilson – 3B Lawson – P Menendez

Toner not only walked Hatley to begin his day, but he also walked John Wilson in the bottom 2nd, allowed a 2-out single to David Lawson, and then threw a wild pitch before walking Menendez onto the open base to fill the bags. There was probably nothing left but to mercifully shoot him between the headlights, but all my guns were back home in America, and the Condors shat four runs onto him immediately thanks to Nick Hatley’s first-pitch, 2-run single, and then a 2-run double by Bobby Torres. There was absolutely nothing left but to mercifully shoot Toner between the headlights.

Robby Boggs’ throwing error helped the Coons to their first run in the third inning. Toner (single) and Cookie (single) were on the corners for Walter, who batted with two outs, but grounded to the keystone guard, but McNeal could not get to this feed off first base. That inning, too, threatened to spiral out of control. Nunley knocked an RBI single to right, and a walk to Stevenson loaded the bases. Oh if only that would not bring up Omar Alfaro, the .217 batter of futures never born. He hit the ball a bit, but nowhere near enough to threaten Hatley in leftfield, let alone the fence, and the Coons stranded three and remained behind by two, but not for long. Toner continued to be completely ****ed out of his mind, allowed two base hits and three walks in the bottom 3rd, and then was yanked by the Raccoons out of shear desperation. No bullpen at hand or not – but this had to stop. Adam Cowen struck out Bobby Torres with the bases loaded to turn away the Condors, who still led 6-2 after ripping Toner for five hits and six walks in 2.2 innings.

Cowen was again wrung out for three innings, allowing an additional run when Omar Larios took him deep in the fourth, but who was even counting anymore? Vince D had to spend it all to collect the last two-and-a-third pitching innings for the Raccoons. Not a long man and not employed as such, he allowed two more runs to score in the bottom 8th, one of those unearned thanks to the useless piece of **** Sam Armetta throwing away an easy grounder that could have kept the inning in check. But that was on management, obviously, for even allowing him to come into a 5-run deficit in a double switch. Kid’s gonna blow it – you knew it the whole time! Menendez, who had been in total control for most of the game, melted in the ninth inning, allowing five singles and three runs before being yanked with one out to collect. That one was ultimately picked up by Joel Davis, former Raccoon, striking out Josh Stevenson. 9-5 Condors. Spencer 2-5; Nunley 3-5, 2 RBI; Bullock (PH) 1-1; Armetta 1-1; Delgado (PH) 1-1, RBI;

Toner’s ERA is now the worst in the rotation (although Travis Garrett will give him a run for his money on the weekend for sure), and he is pitching less than 5 2/3 innings per start.

Game 3
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – C Delgado – SS Stalker – RF Graves – P Gutierrez
TIJ: RF Boggs – 1B Gershkovich – LF Larios – C Sanford – 2B B. Torres – 3B Umpierre – CF Hatley – SS J. Estrada – P Gudeman

The Raccoons needed Rico Gutierrez to go a fair distance to save them into their day off on Thursday, but thinking that thought was not true to the prescribed method of expecting the absolute worst imaginable and then to brace for the Critters to somehow make it through under that lowest of bars. The rubber game also took place without the raging recipe for success that was a .235 leadoff batter, and overall it was probably just best to, while still in Mexico, give myself in to the Prick’s henchmen and be silently disposed of in some godforsaken sierra… Also, while I was complaining, the Raccoons loaded the bases with singles by Spencer and Walter, then Nunley walking in the first inning. Will Newman batted with three on, one out, and drove a ball to left, long, longer – GRAAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!!

And Gutierrez came out and walked not one, but two batters before even throwing two strikes! The Condors’ Pat Sanford luckily batted into a double play in the inning, or otherwise that 4-0 slam lead wouldn’t have stood up for very long. Actually, Gershkovich walks would give the Condors consecutive base runners, because Gutierrez retired eight straight in between giving the first baseman a freebie in the first and third innings. Gudeman also settled in and racked up strikeouts after being socked around early on, but then Newman came up with the bases loaded again in the fifth inning. This time, a throwing error by Rey Umpierre had put Spencer on second base. Walter had been walked intentionally, Nunley walked in a tight, full-count contest, and this time the Coons would not score anybody. Newman grounded to the mound for a force at home and the second out, and Delgado popped out to shallow right. Gutierrez was still up by four and technically pitching a no-hitter, although that went out of the window with Umpierre’s leadoff single in the bottom 5th. Hatley singled, Estrada doubled in both of them, then scored on a groundout and a wild pitch. With two outs, Gershkovich bellowed a harmless fastball over the leftfield fence to tie the game.

First-inning hero Newman chopped a ball into an inning-ending double play by the seventh inning, then batting after Walter and Nunley had just hit singles off Rafael Cuenca to pose something like a threat. Gutierrez was still going for the Raccoons in the bottom 7th mainly because the bullpen contained a nominal number of bodies, but some of them were cold to the touch, and partly also because nothing really mattered anymore in the Raccoons’ kaleidoscope of horrors that was continuously revolving, ceaselessly sending forth revolting scenes anew. Of course, this could also not end well under any circumstance. David Lawson was batting for Juan Estrada and sent an 0-2 fastball caroming all over the leftfield seats, the leadoff jack breaking a 4-4 tie. Andy McNeal singled in the #9 hole, and Gutierrez was reluctantly pulled after all after attaining the loss he deserved. Except, maybe… Cookie batted in the Coons’ #9 hole against Joel Davis to begin the ninth inning. A single to right made him the tying run aboard, and he stole second base to move into scoring position for the top of the order, where Stevenson struck out, and Tovias batted for Spencer, but grounded out to Torres. Cookie moved to third base, but it was of course for nought. Shane Walter grounded out to Lawson at short, sinking the Coons for good. 5-4 Condors. Nunley 2-2, 2 BB; Carmona 1-1;

Raccoons (21-26) @ Aces (30-18) – May 26-28, 2023

The Aces had just swept the Elks and had a 5-game winning streak going, so they were in a good position to finish off another Northwest team right away. They also led the Continental League in runs scored, while being sixth in runs allowed. Their offense, however, was so good, that they had a +79 run differential in May, and they were actually scoring in excess 5.7 runs per game! Somehow, they were 1-2 agains the Coons this year, but these things were likely to change. I should better update check my will. – Yup, everything I own goes to Honeypaws, just like I intend it to!

Projected matchups:
Travis Garrett (0-0) vs. Jason Clements (6-2, 5.25 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (4-2, 3.66 ERA) vs. Colin Peay (4-4, 4.18 ERA)
Matt Huf (1-5, 4.47 ERA) vs. Miguel Morales (5-3, 2.93 ERA)

We would see three right-handed starters from the Aces, who had no injuries, and led the league in batting average (.283), on-base percentage (.359), and even stolen bases. There was just no way for the Raccoons to not go completely under.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – SS Bullock – RF Alfaro – P Garrett
LVA: 3B Navarro – 1B A. Young – CF A. Martinez – RF D. Brown – SS A. Medina – C Schoeppen – LF J. Baker – 2B Moroyoqui – P Clements

Jose Navarro, the first batter for “Tragic” Travis to face in the majors in ’23, got plunked, but somehow the Aces didn’t spiral Navarro’s misfortune into a 5-run first just yet. Even the second inning, which saw Andres Medina walk on four pitches, and also bore witness to Garrett balking Medina to third base while in a 3-0 count on Josh Baker with one out … nah, just let that one sink in for a while. Baker eventually walked, and Jesus Moroyoqui hit into a double play to let Garrett escape again without collecting his rightful punishment. The Aces would strand pairs in the next two innings as well, and never scored, thanks to Dan Brown popping out to Spencer with two aboard in the third inning, and Cookie hustling in to catch Clements’ hissing liner with runners on the corners in the bottom 4th. Meanwhile the Raccoons took their at-bats in orderly fashion and harmed no person, nor creature with their neat behavior, but somehow managed to put Daniel Bullock and Omar Alfaro onto the corners with nobody out in the fifth inning. Both hit singles to the shallow outfield, but first away Garrett struck out in a full count, bringing up Cookie with one out. Cookie sent a fly to center, where Armando Martinez had no trouble catching ball. Bullock tagged and went home as he thought he’d score, but Martinez didn’t think so. Casimiro Schoeppen received the ball a split second before being bowled over by Bullock – but held on, the runner was called out, and the inning was over.

Garrett held up in oddball fashion and the game remained scoreless through six. The Raccoons would get Tovias on base with a single in the seventh inning, and with two outs, Alfaro walked. The Coons couldn’t bother to pinch-hit for Garrett, especially with extra innings on the horizon (yes, this early!), so Garrett was sent to bat, took strike one, strike two, then knocked the 0-2 pitch into the gap in left-center. Baker couldn’t get it, Martinez failed to cut it off, and the ball bounced all the way to a nook in the outfield wall. Both runners scored easily, and Garrett had a stand-up triple …! Cookie hit a bouncer up the middle for an RBI single, stole second, and then scored on Spencer’s single to right center, which gave the Raccoons a 4-0 lead and the Aces fans a case of severe headaches. But Travis wouldn’t be tragic if he didn’t find a way to **** things up. He issued 2-out walks to both Corey Curro and Navarro in the bottom 7th, and was removed for Kipple to face the left-handed Adam Young, a much-reviled ex-Coon. Y’know, Young has never had a clutch hit in his ****ing life, but I’m not cocky enough to send “Tragic” Travis against him after he’s already walked five. Instead, the Coons sent David Kipple and his 6.75 career ERA – but in case that baseball thing of his wouldn’t work out, he had already promised his mother to plant a tree in Israel and attend torah school there, which was what it was all about, having a backup plan! To be frank, the Raccoons had no backup plans anymore, it was Kipple or doom right here, and Young hit a ball mighty hard, but Cookie made the catch running back towards the track – inning over.

Instead, the Aces would devour Kevin Surginer in the eighth. Appearing to start the frame, Surginer allowed a double to Armando Martinez right away before Dan Brown grounded out to first, sending the runner to third. About at that point, things began to morph into pear shape. Andres Medina plated the run with a single, and then Schoeppen singled to right. Medina went to third, Omar Alfaro didn’t think so and killed him off with a laser beam. Undeterred, Surginer still allowed another single to Josh Baker, that one up the middle, and look, another runner trying to go first-to-third. Stevenson thought that he could anything that Alfaro could do, twice better, and fired hard to third, though unfortunately completely wildly. Nunley couldn’t come up with the throw, the runner scored, and Baker moved to second base. Brett Lillis was now called on for a 4-out save, because things were brewing here. Lillis ended the inning with a single pitch on which Moroyoqui popped out to Jarod Spencer, and the 4-2 lead would live to the ninth. Errol Spears, once there, hit a pinch-hit leadoff single, and Navarro came ****ing close to a game-tying homer, but Cookie made the catch at the fence. Ron Raynor struck out for the second out, but Martinez singled up the middle between Spencer and Stalker. Dan Brown was the winning run and was known for power, but his soft bouncer went right back to Lillis and ended the game. 4-2 Critters. Carmona 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Garrett 6.2 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 5 BB, 5 K, W (1-0) and 1-3, 3B, 2 RBI; Lillis 1.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, SV (12);

At this point, the Coons were having a 9-15 month, which was rough, but at least not as rough as the Elks, who got spanked for ten by the Condors, sending them to ten straight losses and a 4-18 month. They were 12-34 overall at this junction.

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – P Chavez
LVA: LF Serrano – 1B A. Young – CF A. Martinez – RF D. Brown – SS A. Medina – C Schoeppen – 3B J. Navarro – 2B Moroyoqui – P Peay

Jesus Chavez led the team in wins, which didn’t mean much, and was booked for a run right in the first inning, and even before getting an out. Danny Serrano and Adam Young both hit doubles to right to begin their day at work, before the middle of the order failed to cash in Young from second base, ironically. No Critter had been aboard in the first, but Matt Nunley would hit leadoff singles in both the second and fourth innings. He was ignored the first time, and rolled up in Tovias’ double play the second time around, and in between, in the top 3rd, the Coons had put Cookie and Spencer on the corners with a line drive single and a soft bloop single, respectively, but Walter had grounded out. The Aces added a second run in the bottom of the fourth inning, Dan Brown and Casimiro Schoeppen ramming doubles off Chavez, who had allowed four hits in four innings – all of them doubles.

Portland had four singles after four innings, but they would tie the game with another four singles in the fifth inning against Peay. Alfaro was the first Critter to get on, lofting a 1-out single to shallow center. He was bunted over by Chavez, then scored on Cookie Carmona’s single to right center. Spencer dropped one in, and so did Walter, the latter scoring Cookie to level the tally on the scoreboard. Nunley struck out, stranding a pair. And what did Chavez do? Allow a leadoff single to the opposing pitcher in the bottom 5th, and then concede another single to Serrano, an RBI double to Martinez, and a 2-run double to Medina. He would be charged with a sixth run after his replacement had already arrived, with Schoeppen hitting yet another ****ing double off Adam Cowen, who walked Navarro before Stevenson risked his limbs and neck in a dive (on turf!) for Moroyoqui’s liner in the gap. The Aces scored four in the inning, taking a 6-2 lead.

Omar Alfaro singled home a run in the top of the sixth to deny Peay a shutdown inning, but it didn’t greatly matter. The Raccoons turned to Ryan Nielson in a quest for relief, which was promptly denied. Nielson sucked colossally even in relief, his natural domain (although that might indeed be a career as dog sitter, although technically that also involves throwing balls), and was blasted for four hits, a wild pitch, and three runs without even getting out of the bottom 6th, and the Aces reached double digits against Joe Moore in the seventh, and as a matter of fact, Moore’s ERA was now also closing in on double digits. 10-4 Aces. Carmona 2-5, RBI; Spencer 3-4, BB; Nunley 2-4, RBI; Tovias 2-4, 2B; Alfaro 2-4, RBI;

The Aces had a whopping eight doubles. It is hard to argue against eight doubles.

Game 3
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – C Delgado – SS Bullock – CF Alfaro – P Huf
LVA: LF Serrano – 1B A. Young – CF A. Martinez – RF D. Brown – SS A. Medina – C Schoeppen – 3B J. Navarro – 2B Moroyoqui – P M. Morales

Good news, Matt Huf struck out three batters in the first inning! Yes, they weren’t quite the 1-2-3 batters, and yes, the Aces put a few guys on base, and yes, they also did score, and oh, there was that throwing error by Tony Delgado on Danny Serrano’s stolen base attempt, after Serrano had drawn that leadoff walk … but, hey, the Aces scored only ONE run, and that is quite a decent average these days. For this team… The second inning was for turning it all around, with Bullock hitting a single and Omar Alfaro hitting a homer to right to put the Coons 2-1 ahead… at least until **** came crashing down all over Huf’s head yet again in the bottom 2nd. Casimiro Schoeppen hit a leadoff double, the Aces’ second double in the game after Martinez’ RBI double in the first, and soon enough scored on Navarro’s hard single to right. Navarro moved up on Newman’s throw home, keeping an Ace consistently parked at second base. The Aces would neglect plating six in the inning and in fact would not get out of the 2-2 tie, a feat in which Huf held no rightful share; Moroyoqui popped out, Navarro was caught stealing, and Morales scorched a ball at Nunley’s face that almost decapitated him to end the inning…

Base hits by Spencer and Nunley amounted to a 3-2 Coons lead in the top 3rd, but the 6’7’’ problem on the mound remained the same all the while. Huf cluelessly walked Young in the bottom of the same inning, and cocked up the tying run again on Dan Brown’s 2-out double into the right-center gap. Bottom 4th… leadoff single by Schoeppen, then a walk to Navarro. Moroyoqui was retired on a daredevil play by Alfaro in center, who was at least trying to make any kind of impression, and if it was an impression of his own body in the turf, so be it! Oh, the life of a .233 hitter with three homers to his name, and a 34-year-old salary dump reservist breathing down his neck! Huf was well on his way to not even be that much anymore (is Damani Knight still employed by anybody?), serving up the go-ahead RBI single to Miguel Morales with one out here, 4-3.

The cruel universe kept expanding for the Aces, too, with a Shane Walter gapper splitting the outfielders for a triple in the fifth, and their own pitcher then torpedoed their every best effort with a wild pitch, plating the tying run before Nunley and/or Newman could do anything stupid. Nunley actually singled, and Newman did him one better, doubling to center past the reach of Armando Martinez. That brought up Delgado with one out and runners in scoring position. On paper he was batting .304 with an .823 OPS, but nobody knew quite when all those hits should have been collected in his name. He lifted a ****ty fly to shallow left, no challenge for Danny Serrano, and no advance for the go-ahead run (Nunley) at third base. That brought up Daniel Bullock, who batted every bit like you would a $6,000 international free agent expect to – him and Spencer now combined for more than 1,500 career at-bats without a home run, and Bullock grounded out to Moroyoqui to end the inning. A double play on Medina dug Huf out of a jam in the bottom 5th, and he didn’t even deserve that rescue. Again he needed more than 100 pitches through five innings, and again he had been miserable.

And yet, we had yet to lose. Adam Cowen however brought us closer in the bottom 6th, walking Moroyoqui with two down, and then allowing a hard single up the middle to the ****ing opposing pitcher, Morales’ second hit in the game. Up came Danny Serrano, crashed a ball up the leftfield line, and well out of Cookie’s reach. The lead runner scored, 5-4, but Morales wouldn’t. Runners were in scoring position for Adam Young, which means that we don’t need to go to a left-handed pitcher, because Young wouldn’t be able to get a base hit in the clutch if you held a buzzing chainsaw to his private parts. Cowen struck him out, and everybody knew he would strike him out – including Young, the sucker.

The Raccoons referred to Tony Delgado again as their slugger of choice in the seventh inning, which means nothing more than Nunley (single) and Newman (walk) were on base again with two outs for Delgado, who decidedly did not slug for any amount of bases, and rather feebly struck out. Josh Stevenson entered in a double switch in the bottom 7th and hit a 2-out double in the top 8th, presumable to tease the crowd a bit. “Bloody” Bricker entered to see after Cookie Carmona with the tying run in scoring position, and Cookie timidly grounded out to leave the tying run aboard. The tying run reappeared on base in the ninth against closer Harry Merwin. Spencer singled up the middle on an 0-2 pitch, tried to steal a base, couldn’t quite go, or make up his mind at least, and by the time he knew what he wanted, Shane Walter had already singled past Nick Thornley at first base and moved him to second base anyway. Matt Nunley was unretired in the game, ran a full count, and then knocked the ball to short for a double play. Hnnngggh-aaaarggghghh!!! Elias Tovias was the pinch-hitter for David Kipple in the #5 spot now, allowing him to bat from his left side against Merwin, who lost him in a full count, bringing up – NO THE **** NOT DELGADO!! Tim Stalker batted for him. Merwin never found the zone, lost him too, and the bases were loaded for … Daniel Bullock! (breaks into tears) Merwin ran yet another 3-ball count, but Bullock kept hacking and hacking… until he hacked himself out. 5-4 Aces. Spencer 3-5; Walter 2-5, 3B; Nunley 4-5, RBI; Alfaro 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Stevenson 1-1, 2B;

Next time I have $6k left in the IFA scramble, remind me to, rather than sign some .240/.302/.283 floozie to blow it on some broads instead.

In other news

May 22 – SFB 3B/SS Shane Sanks (.254, 2 HR, 13 RBI) has his wrist broken by a pitch offered by MIL MR Ivan Morales (1-1, 2.57 ERA, 2 SV). Sanks is expected to miss the rest of May and all of June with the injury.
May 23 – The hitting streak of LAP INF/LF John Hansen (.359, 2 HR, 19 RBI) extends to 25 games with an eighth-inning single in a 10-7 loss to the Cyclones.
May 23 – Scorpions and Capitals don’t score for 13 innings, before Sacramento breaks out four runs over a diminished Washington pitching staff. The Capitals fail to respond in the bottom of the 14th inning, taking a 4-0 loss.
May 24 – Another loss for the Pacifics against the Cyclones, 4-1, and this time LAP INF/LF John Hansen (.351, 2 HR, 19 RBI) also loses his hitting streak, which snaps at 25 games. He goes hitless in four attempts against Cincinnati.
May 24 – The Loggers out-hit the Bayhawks 15-6, but still manage to lose to them in 12 innings, 4-3.
May 26 – NYC INF Robby Soto (.162, 2 HR, 10 RBI) socks a game-opening home run off OCT SP Jose Menendez (5-4, 5.15 ERA) in Oklahoma City. It will remain the only run in the Crusaders’ 1-0 win.
May 27 – While the Canadiens end a 10-game losing streak with a 2-1 victory over the Condors, VAN 1B/3B Jonathan Morales (.319, 2 HR, 12 RBI) extends his hitting streak to 20 games with a first-inning home run off Luis Flores.
May 28 – The career of 39-year-old RIC SP Fernando Cruz (1-3, 5.81 ERA) might have reached a terminal station after the left-hander has suffered a broken elbow and is out for the season.

Complaints and stuff

(silently puts an old vinyl on a vintage 1920s hand-cranked gramophone and points at Cristiano Carmona to wind it up – after a couple of turns on the crank, the part of Johnny Logan’s 1987 hit Hold Me Now can be heard where he clamors “What do you say when words are not eno-ough?”)

If the Raccoon of the Week is Travis Garrett, you know what kind of week it was – and the overall record (2-4) does not always tell all about the events that transpired.

I swear that ****ing Garrett kid has a Bob Joly type of no-hitter in him.

And just like that we know that we won’t bother with an extension for Toner, who is a free agent after this season. It’s like Halley’s Comet crashed into his sun on his next perihelion, which would make it quite a one-of-a-kind perihelion, much like Toner was a one-of-a-kind pitcher, and the best of his generation. Remembering him in his brightest days makes watching him now all that much harder. His starts are PG-13 at this point. Saying that he’s a shadow of his former self would be way too kind to him. A shadow still has some distinct form. Toner by now had melted and shrunk into a disfigured, formless pile of NOTHING.

And the Raccoons had lots of those. (throws a Cookie bobblehead onto the pile of assorted other broken toys as well)

The Raccoons released Francisquo Bocanegra this week after nobody wanted to trade for him or claim him off waivers and he refused an assignment to St. Petersburg.

Also, did I mention before that all the players I traded for in the last two years are utter dog **** and should be fired straight into an active volcano?

Fun Fact:I was actually born during the latest appearance of Halley’s Comet in the inner solar system, like the great writer Mark Twain two apparitions earlier, and I also fully intend to one day leave this place again with the Comet, just like Twain did.

No, no clever puns today. Everything is just too sad.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (22-28) vs. Falcons (16-34) – May 29-31, 2023

Here were two teams in a spot of bother – the Raccoons with their consistent general ineptitude, and then the Falcons, who were more games under .500 than they were runs under .500 (-15). An unluckier team had never been seen in the league, and they could start to turn it around any second now – especially with the Portland Rancids hosting them at their place. They were already 2-1 against the Critters in ’23.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Toner (3-5, 4.50 ERA) vs. Greg Gannon (3-3, 3.25 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (3-5, 4.40 ERA) vs. Jim Bryant (2-3, 4.13 ERA)
Travis Garrett (1-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. Justin Fleming (2-5, 5.25 ERA)

Three right-handers from the Falcons, and the Raccoons would send what they hoped for would be a strong 1-2 punch, but what had brittled down entirely. Yes, Jonny was going to face career nothing Greg Gannon, but Jonny didn’t so much struggle with the opposition as the general laws of physics at this point.

Maybe change his arm angle? Hey, Jonny! Stop throwing the ball from between your legs – just as a try!

Game 1
CHA: 2B Good – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – RF M. Owen – LF McClenon – C T. Robinson – CF LeMoine – SS Tanaka – P Gannon
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – P Toner

Jonny Toner had allowed 5+ earned runs for three straight starts, pitching a grand total of 11.1 innings in those shambles outings. He retired the first five batters in order, with one strikeout, before Tim Robinson singled to left, a clean issue of a base hit way past a diving Tim Stalker, but then Toner already issued four wide ones to Chris LeMoine again. Ryozo Tanaka fell down 0-2, battled off a few pitches, and then grounded out to Nunley, so the early innings were a bit of a mixed bag, but at least scoreless, a marked improvement. Holding the Falcons away through three, Toner drew a walk himself in the bottom 3rd, then stole second base, his first bag taken since ’21, and scored on Jarod Spencer’s 2-out single up the middle. There was only one more run in the game through five innings, with Cookie Carmona doubling home Stalker in the bottom 5th. Toner allowed one hit and two walks through five, whiffing four. The top of the sixth inning however started with three 3-ball counts to the 1-2-3 batters in the Falcons lineup. Matt Good struck out, but Ryan Czachor and Pat Fowlkes both managed to walk. Matt Owen hit into a double play, but Toner continued to get undone by terrible control. He was walking SIX batters per nine innings by now. At least the Coons saw the writing on the wall and tried to add runs. Walter walked in the bottom 6th and was doubled in by Elias Tovias, and Jonny held on through seven, getting around a Tim Robinson single in his final outing. Zach Graves batted for him in the bottom 7th, without great effect. Top 8th, Gannon(!) singled off David Kipple leading off, which was not a very good turnout for a rookie southpaw facing a southpaw pitcher with a 3-0 lead. Good grounded into a force before Vince D took over, allowing a 2-out single to Fowlkes before whiffing Owen. While Robinson hit another single off Brett Lillis in the ninth, the other three batters the Coons’ closer faced all struck out, putting this one in the W column. 3-0 Raccoons! Carmona 2-4, 2B, RBI; Toner 7.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 5 K, W (4-5);

Game 2
CHA: 2B Good – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – RF M. Owen – CF McClenon – SS Tanaka – C Roland – LF LeMoine – P J. Bryant
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Graves – P Gutierrez

No score in the early innings, with the Raccoons seeing Cookie draw a leadoff walk in the first inning, following which he stole second base and was then stranded. The Falcons nipped Gutierrez for three hits, including a 2-out triple by Matt Good in the third, but couldn’t push a run across, either. Both teams got a 2-out double in the fifth inning. It was Bryant for the Falcons, but Stalker caught up with a grounder hit by Good to prevent that run from scoring, while the Raccoons actually got their first hit in the game on Zach Graves’ double to right off Bryant, who threw a wild pitch to move Graves to third base, where he was stranded when Gutierrez struck out anyway. Offense finally kicked in the following inning, and for all the wrong reasons with Ryan Czachor’s leadoff jack off Gutierrez burying itself in the leftfield stands, putting the Falcons up 1-0. Fowlkes singled to left right away, advanced on a wild pitch and was plated with a 2-out single hit by Tanaka later on, 2-0. Unfortunately, the Coons’ bats remained entirely dormant. Jarod Spencer drew a walk in the sixth, stole second base, and then was stranded just like Cookie and Graves had been, which was already ALL THE RUNNERS the Coons had managed in six innings against Jim Bryant. They finally got two base hits in the same inning in the seventh, with Stevenson scoring on Graves’ single, but Will Newman unhelpfully struck out to end the inning when he batted for Gutierrez with the tying run aboard. Cookie became that tying run in the bottom 8th, dropping a blooper in front of Travis Benson in rightfield. He advanced on Spencer’s groundout, then Walter’s groundout, and then Nunley grounded to Tanaka – but beat the throw to first! Infield single, Cookie scored, and the game was tied! A K to Tovias ended the inning, and Lillis drilled Joseph McClenon to begin the top of the ninth, but then labored his way around that go-ahead run on first base, preventing him from scoring.

Bryant went nine without attaining a decision, with the Raccoons turning to Ryan Nielson for what they considered to be long relief, although in fact, it was rather short relief, or precisely no relief. Nielson faced six batters, and retired none of them. Starting with Tim Robinson in the #9 hole and through McClenon, everybody singled off him, except for Czachor, who hit a 3-run homer. Nielson was yanked and immediately put on the bus, with Kevin Surginer inheriting the bases loaded and nobody out – and he actually kept them loaded while collecting pops from Tanaka and Tyler Gray, then whiffing LeMoine. Still, the damage was done on the Czachor homer, and the Coons would not even reach base against Gregg Bell in the bottom 10th. 5-2 Falcons. Graves 2-4, 2B, RBI; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 4 K;

To nobody’s surprise, Ryan Nielson (2-6, 6.40 ERA) face-planted into the waiver wire INSTANTLY after the curtain fell on this game. Billy Brotman was still a week away from returning from the DL, so we called up left-hander Mike Rehbock, who was a former second-round pick, but had been busing up and down between Ham Lake and St. Petersburg for FIVE years at this point. He was one of those prickling 26-year-old rookies that you hoped dearly wouldn’t haunt you in your nightmares for years and years and years.

You know, the Nick Lester type.

Game 3
CHA: CF LeMoine – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – RF M. Owen – LF McClenon – 2B Read – C Roland – SS Tanaka – P Fleming
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – P Garrett

Although they only managed two groundouts after Spencer’s single and Walter’s double, the Raccoons still took a 1-0 lead in the first inning on the Nunley grounder to Howard Read. Omar Alfaro nearly hit a line drive homer the following inning, but had to settle for a double off the rightfield wall before getting stranded when Stalker and Garrett grounded out after him. The Falcons would soon turn the table on Garrett, who retired the first seven batters he faced, but conceded a single to Ryozo Tanaka in the third inning. Fleming bunted over the runner before Chris LeMoine whacked his seventh homer of the season, spinning this one the Falcons’ way, 2-1. Garrett walked Czachor, then allowed singles to Fowlkes and Owen to concede another run in the same inning before .171 McClenon thankfully struck out. Nunley hit another run-scoring groundout in the bottom of the inning, again scoring Spencer, but this was not advancing the Coons’ cause in the grander scheme of things.

There was a bit of a rain delay in the fifth inning, and Garrett’s start was over after six, in which he whiffed seven without allowing any more runs, or even base hits. The Raccoons squeezed Fleming out of the game in the bottom 6th as well, with Delgado landing a 2-out walk on the tiring pitcher. Joel Trotter replaced him, a rookie right-hander with 23 K in 17.2 innings, so chances were slim for Alfaro, but Omar kept whacking the ball and drove one into the gap in right center for a score-knotting RBI triple! The Falcons walked Stalker intentionally, although they should have seen the pinch-hitter coming. Heck, Garrett wasn’t even in the on-deck circle! Zach Graves batted, but flew out to LeMoine in routine fashion for everybody involved, keeping the score tied at three.

In the top of the seventh, Adam Cowen put Cory Roland on base with a single, and when Travis Benson batted for Trotter in the #9 hole, Mike Rehbock was called upon to make his major league debut against the southpaw, who was batting .301 with four homers. Rehbock got a grounder to Spencer for the third out of the inning, the only batter he faced in his debut. Vince D did the eighth, and David Kipple did the ninth, both holding the Falcons away. Cookie’s leadoff single in the bottom 7th had not led to a run due to Shane Walter’s double play, but Cookie was at the plate in the bottom 9th against left-hander Tim Dunkin. Tim Stalker was the winning run at second base, having reached on a walk and being bunted over by Kipple. Cookie hit a hard single to right, and actually too hard. Stalker had to be stopped at third base because Matt Owen had the ball and was ready for murder. Spencer grounded out to Czachor, which advanced Cookie with the unscorable run to second base, while Shane Walter stepped in. He grounded up the middle, Tanaka dove, missed it, and Stalker scampered home to secure the walkoff! 4-3 Coons. Carmona 2-5; Spencer 2-5; Walter 3-5, RBI; Alfaro 2-3, BB, 3B, 2B, RBI;

Raccoons (24-29) vs. Canadiens (16-35) – June 2-4, 2023

The Raccoons had yet to lose a game to the Elks in 2023, having taken all five of the previous contests. Vancouver was in a bit of trouble, not alone because they were scarcely outrunning the .300 mark, but there was also not that much hope on the horizon for them. They were in the bottom three in runs scored and runs allowed, they had the worst rotation, and they had a meager bullpen. They had neither defensive qualities, nor were they hitting their way out of it with power. They were in third place in stolen bases, which was about the only metric in which they were better than meh.

Oh well, how hard can it be to watch them day in, day out? At least they are scoring almost four runs per game! The Coons… not so much. The Coons score less than 3.4 runs per game…

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (4-3, 4.31 ERA) vs. Randy Jenkins (1-6, 4.71 ERA)
Matt Huf (1-5, 4.73 ERA) vs. Tim Sloan (2-7, 5.77 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (4-5, 4.00 ERA) vs. Kevin Woodworth (2-6, 4.75 ERA)

Three more right-handers here; and we’re missing the fourth one probably, ex-Coon Bobby Guerrero (2-6, 5.01 ERA). But they also had an off day, so they could move things around a bit and even bring in their southpaw, Bobby Thompson (3-2, 2.80 ERA).

The Elks also had three regulars on the DL in John Calfee, Jeremy Houghtaling, and Ryan Holliman, although the latter was likely to come off any day now. They could sure his .255/.373/.423 bat and his six homers, which easily led their team (and would easily lead the Coons, too).

Game 1
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – SS Ryu – 1B M. Rivera – LF A. Torres – CF Coca – C Tanzillo – RF Briscoe – 2B Crosby – P R. Jenkins
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – SS Bullock – P Chavez

Chavez from the start made that innately useless impression once more. The Elks scored a run in the first inning, which began with Jonathan Morales – whose hitting streak had ended earlier this week – hitting a ball up the middle for a single. Another single and a walk loaded the bases, and Tony Coca’s sac fly set the Elks 1-0 ahead. The bottom of the inning saw Cookie’s 99th career triple – 24th all time – and him scoring on Walter’s groundout, which was all the offense the rest of the crew was able to muster. Chavez bled for three in the second inning, allowing singles to Cory Briscoe and Adrian Crosby right away, a 2-run triple to Morales, and then an RBI single to Hiroaki Ryu. An understandably scared Chavez singled home a run in the bottom 2nd, and with two outs, after Jenkins, who was missing often and grossly, had walked Stevenson and Bullock. Still in a 4-2 game, Stevenson would draw another leadoff walk in the bottom 4th, but this time got forced out by Tovias. Alfaro walked as well, giving Jenkins four walks and no strikeouts, and Bullock singled to center, loading them up for Chavez with one out, and Jenkins AGAIN couldn’t retire him. Chavez cracked another RBI single, with Briscoe’s murder arm keeping Alfaro decent at third base. Unfortunately, both Cookie and Spencer popped up, failing the team badly as the Coons remained behind, 4-3.

Also badly failing, at least at pitching: Chavez. Briscoe and Crosby continued to tear him up especially bad, singling both in the sixth inning. A bunt advanced the runners, and Morales hit a sac fly to Stevenson to add a run in the 5-3 game as of then. The Coons failed to topple Jenkins, who was removed after five dismal innings, and also wouldn’t get to Emmanuel Castaneda in the sixth when Bullock reached base, but was doubled off on Chavez’ horrendous bunt, which was about as close as the Raccoons came to overturning the Elks in the later innings. Moore, Rehbock, and Cowen all pitched scoreless relief, but to no avail. The Coons managed only one more base hit, and exactly zero threats. 5-3 Canadiens. Stevenson 1-2, 2 BB; Bullock 1-2, 2 BB;

Game 2
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – SS Ryu – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – 1B M. Rivera – CF Coca – RF Briscoe – 2B Crosby – P T. Sloan
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – RF Newman – C Tovias – CF Alfaro – SS Stalker – 3B Bullock – P Huf

The Elks hooved Hof for five in the first inning, and it really had a bit of everything. A pop single here, an uninspired walk there, then another single up the middle by Alex Torres, scoring the first run. Huf loaded them up with a walk to Coca, then balked in the second run. Cory Briscoe’s power blast to centerfield scored three, and then Huf found the balls to issue ANOTHER WALK to Adrian Crosby. Sloan flew out to right, then got battered almost as bad as Huf in the bottom of the first inning. Cookie and Spencer led off with hard singles, and Walter doubled them in with a drive to center. Two outs later Omar Alfaro legged out an infield single to get Walter home and the Coons back into a 5-3 game. Neither pitcher seemed likely to make it far into the game at this point, and Huf allowed singles to Hiroaki Ryu and Alex Torres in the top 2nd, after which the pitching coach strolled out and told him in no unclear terms that there was a bus waiting for him outside, door open, to take him to the airport if the buck wouldn’t stop right here and now. A pop by Holliman and a K to Mike Rivera ended the inning, and the Elks only managed one more runner off Huf through five innings. However, the Coons were locked down similarly by Sloan after his rough first, except for a solo home run by Shane Walter in the third, which cut the gap to 5-4.

Huf’s day ended with a leadoff walk to Briscoe in the sixth. Rehbock couldn’t get through the bottom of the order, but a double play would kill the Elks off in the inning before they could do damage. Sloan did not appear for the sixth inning at all, being replaced by left-hander Greg Becker, who had somehow ended up in the pen. But did it matter whom the Raccoons stepped up against? They did not get back on base until the eighth inning, with Cookie hitting a leadoff single against J.R. Hreha, a right-hander with serious control problems and no stuff to speak of, a good choice for the eighth inning and a 1-run lead. Jarod Spencer doubling to the base of the wall in leftfield placed the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position for the middle of the order, and Walter singled to left center. Cookie scored, and so did Spencer … well, he tried at least, but was thrown out by Torres. Newman singled, advancing the go-ahead run into scoring position, and then Tovias lined up the rightfield line, past Dave O’Rourke, and the Coons moved ahead on the RBI double! The Elks walked Alfaro intentionally, but allowed a sac fly to Stalker, and then an RBI single to Bullock. It didn’t occur to them to remove the sucker Hreha until four runs were across on six hits. Dan Moon then retired pinch-hitter Tony Delgado to end the inning, finally. Brett Lillis tried to nail a 3-run save in the ninth, but instead nailed Morales leading off, then walked Ryu and surrendered a single to Torres. Ryan Holliman’s run-scoring infield single we’d blame on Spencer, but **** was raining down and another heartbreak seemed inevitable until suddenly Lillis remembered that LESS runs were better, struck out Man-su Kim and Tony Coca, and got O’Rourke on an easy grounder. 8-6 Coons. Carmona 2-4; Spencer 2-4, 2B; Walter 3-4, HR, 2B, 4 RBI;

These two teams deserve their misery… I just can’t decide whether Huf deserves demotion or being chained to a pipe in the cellars, naked, to be beaten with wet towels for an entire night.

Game 3
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – SS Ryu – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – 1B M. Rivera – CF Coca – RF Luckett – 2B Crosby – P Woodworth
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – 2B Armetta – P Toner

Toner already struggled in the first, and got rocked by the second. Tony Coca hit a leadoff double, and Toner slipped a walk to Elijah Luckett, who was batting a mighty .150. Jonathan Morales’ 2-out double plated them both, and Morales scored on Ryu’s hard single to center, putting the Elks 3-0 ahead. It would only get worse after that; six days after somehow holding on to a shutout through seven innings, Toner went nowhere near the seventh… except in turns of runs. Morales banged a 2-run homer in the fourth, collecting Crosby, whom Toner had nailed with a 2-2 pitch. Through four innings, both teams had the same amount of base hits, five, but the Coons hit into enough double plays so that nothing would matter. Adam Cowen took over for Toner when he left with an apparent injury in the fifth inning, and bunted into a double play to kill the bottom 5th after singles by Stalker and Armetta. The Raccoons wasted a Walter double in the sixth, then needed three more base hits, bringing their total to 11, to score their first run in the game in the seventh inning, with Armetta driving in Stalker, who had doubled. The biggest crowd in a while, almost 23,000 people, seriously wondered why they were even still bothering with this team of out-of-their-depth misfits. Bottom 8th, Walter hit a leadoff double off Woodworth, who had no trouble going deep into this game. That run would also score, although only with the help of a passed ball… Bottom 9th, down 5-2 against Pablo Sanchez, a 34-year-old career middle reliever except for that one year he managed to go 6-10 with 16 saves in 48 games (14 starts) for the ’15 Falcons. Armetta walked leading off, and then nothing happened anymore. Graves grounded out. Cookie flew out. Stevenson grounded out. 5-2 Canadiens. Walter 4-4, 2 2B; Stalker 2-4; Armetta 2-3, BB, RBI; Newman (PH) 1-1; Cowen 2.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

In other news

May 29 – BOS INF Jamie Wilson (.204, 4 HR, 25 RBI) could miss most of the rest of the season with ruptured finger tendons.
May 29 – The Bayhawks beat the Canadiens, 7-2, and also end the 21-game hitting streak of Vancouver’s Jonathan Morales (.316, 2 HR, 13 RBI).
May 31 – Tijuana’s SP George Griffin (4-2, 4.02 ERA) nurses a no-hitter for 7 2/3 innings before falling to Ivan Flores’ (.290, 1 HR, 18 RBI) 2-run double, which also plates the only runs in the eventual 2-0 Crusaders win. A walk to D.J. Fullerton and a fielder’s choice on Robby Soto’s bunt gone awry placed the runners aboard.
June 1 – Season over: OCT SP Max Nelson (7-4, 3.75 ERA) has to undergo surgery to fix a torn labrum and will have to work towards a return for the 2024 season.
June 1 – WAS SS Tom McWhorter (.285, 5 HR, 26 RBI) will miss two weeks with an oblique strain.
June 2 – Cyclones and Miners play 14 scoreless innings until the Miners break through in the 15th, scoring two runs in the top half on three singles and an error. The Cyclones would not respond, losing 2-0.
June 2 – The Miners instead lose slugger LF/RF Bill Adams (.283, 11 HR, 34 RBI) to a hamstring strain. The 34-year-old will be out for the entire month.
June 2 – SFW 1B Xavier Garcia (.331, 3 HR, 15 RBI) will also miss up to a month with a hamstring strain.
June 2 – The Knights rock the Falcons with a 10-run eighth inning in a 12-1 rout that doesn’t become one until that monster inning.
June 3 – The Loggers add MR Tim Dunkin (1-1, 5.11 ERA) from the Falcons for two prospects.
June 3 – The Rebels acquire SP Diego Mendoza jr. (5-5, 5.45 ERA) from the Blue Sox, paying the price of two prospects. This includes #13 prospect SP Juan Muniz.
June 3 – The Buffaloes pick up 38-year-old MR Ernest Green (0-1, 6.75 ERA), who lost the 15-inning game one night earlier, from the Cyclones, as well as cash, in a trade for their LF/RF Jonathan Kinch (.182, 2 HR, 7 RBI).
June 4 – RF/CF John Wilson (.272, 1 HR, 9 RBI) is traded from the Condors to the Buffaloes in exchange for two prospects.
June 4 – DEN SS Andrew Showalter (.304, 4 HR, 23 RBI) is out until the All Star Game with a torn hamstring.
June 4 – BOS INF Tony Casillas (.292, 4 HR, 20 RBI) has his thumb broken by a pitch and will also miss about six weeks.

Complaints and stuff

Hamstrings, huh? No news meanwhile on Toner, but at this point better assume it’s very much fatal.

We closed the month of May with a raw 11-18 record, and 24-29 overall. At that point, 11 of those 24 wins had been by a single run.

Also troubling is the complaint by our bench coach that an unidentified player put a live skunk in his locker, and he was none too happy. Neither was the skunk. Well, Erik, I don’t know what to tell you, seriously. Why didn’t you arrest the player that smelled the worst, and gave him a good beating? That’s how we dealt with things in my days! Also, your last name is ****ing *Mango* - you should be used to incessant bullying at least since junior high!

Fun Fact: On June 1, 2006, Clyde Brady threw out Dave Wheaton at home plate to stop the Loggers from rallying back in the Coons’ face for good. Craig Bowen held on to the ball in a violent collision, Wheaton was out, and the game was over as a 6-5 Coons win.

The starter in that game was Nick Brown, whom I called out for a ****ty performance afterwards as he allowed four runs in 5.2 innings. Mind that he still had a 2.73 ERA and 0.92 WHIP after that game. The game itself was actually not so memorable despite mild Brady heroics. Nick Brown would make another 343 career starts after that and had yet to win a Pitcher of the Year award.

Not going to win any more Pitcher of the Year awards is probably Jonny Toner, who left Sunday’s game with an injury after getting run around the park by the Elks on a nose ring. After 282 career starts, 157 wins, and four POTY awards, he appears done.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (25-31) @ Titans (36-21) – June 5-8, 2023

The Raccoons were 1-3 (.250) against the Titans this season, which fantastically was considerably better than their 2-16 (.111) output in 2022. This was a bad time for playing the Titans nevertheless – as if there was a good time to play a .632 team – as they had not lost any of their last six games. They were second in runs scored, third in runs allowed, and the best team by record in the Continental League. They also came off a 19-9 May after a slow start in April. The Raccoons were warned.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (3-5, 4.21 ERA) vs. Chris Klein (6-4, 3.02 ERA)
Travis Garrett (1-0, 2.13 ERA) vs. Alberto Molina (6-4, 3.26 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (4-4, 4.57 ERA) vs. Alan Farrell (4-3, 4.40 ERA)
Matt Huf (1-5, 5.11 ERA) vs. Julio San Pedro (5-5, 4.13 ERA)

This looked like right-handed pitchers exclusively. The Titans did have a few problems, though, missing two of their regular infielders, Jamie Wilson and Tony Casillas, on the disabled list, and Adrian Reichardt had a knee bruise that hampered him somewhat, so their lineup was a wee bit shallower than it could be.

For the Coons, this was the middle of a 20-day string without an off day, and they would probably want to work in a few off days for the regulars, given that nothing would matter anyway in this series, and maybe better days were ahead at the weekend, when they would face the Warriors.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – P Gutierrez
BOS: SS F. Reyes – CF Reichardt – RF Braun – LF Almanza – C Leonard – 1B J. Duran – 3B R. West – 2B Kane – P Klein

The Coons scoring first (or at all) in this series was probably going to surprise and stun even their diehard followers, but a walk to Stevenson in the second inning was followed by singles hit to center by Tony Delgado and Omar Alfaro, allowing Stevenson to score with the first counter in the game. The same part of the lineup brought trouble for Chris Klein again in the fourth inning, with Stevenson’s single being followed by Delgado’s double up the leftfield line. Omar Alfaro hit a ball to right, though not past Adam Braun. It was, however, deep enough to score Stevenson on the sac fly, moving the Coons up to 2-0. Both of these innings ended with Gutierrez, which was to be expected. What was not to be expected was Gutierrez sitting down the Titans in order with a single strikeout to Rhett West the first time through, but as you all know we are not allowed to have any nice things. The Titans cranked up the heat in the bottom 4th right away, landing consecutive doubles by Frank Reyes and Adrian Reichardt, before Gutierrez lost Braun to a walk, and then served up a 3-run blast to Chris Almanza that set the home team ahead, 4-2. Klein missed the shutdown inning afterwards, conceding a run as Cookie singled, stole, and scored on Nunley’s single in the top 5th, but another run easily was shaken out of Gutierrez by the Titans in the bottom of the inning. Gutierrez allowed a single to Klein, walked a pair, and Klein scored on Adam Braun’s sac fly, 5-3. Almanza struck out, and Gutierrez only faced him because nothing mattered to begin with, which ended the inning. Gutierrez allowed a leadoff single to the left-handed batting Keith Leonard in the bottom 6th, getting himself yanked. Joe Moore completed the inning without damage, and Daniel Bullock walked in his place to begin the top 7th. Cookie singled, but Bullock was then caught stealing, taking the tying run off the bags, and not even Cookie was brought in to score.

Surginer and Rehbock held the Titans at bay in the seventh and eighth innings, leading to Ron Thrasher facing Tim Stalker to start the top 9th with a 2-run lead. Tim Stalker legged out a leadoff single to pull up the tying run, although between Bullock (who had replaced Spencer in the field), Cookie, and the pitcher in the #2 hole, we had a combined zero home runs in not only this seasons, but a few seasons. Bullock had never gone deep (and him and Spencer combined for over 1,500 homerless at-bats), Cookie had not gone deep since ’20, making the “tying run” concept a bit theoretical, and so when Bullock cranked a Thrasher fastball to left, high, deep, and ****ING GONE!! … there were a few open mouths in the park. The game was tied, Thrasher was beaten off the mound by his manager, and Bullock did a few somersaults as he turned the bases, and unbuttoned his uniform to reveal the t-shirt he wore underneath which read ‘CRISTIANO EU TE AMO’.

The inning soon got even more heat, because while the Titans were certainly not bemused by Bullock’s antics and I was scratching my earlobe wondering what it all meant, the game was still in progress. Cookie singled to right off R.J. Lloyd, following which Rehbock bunted him to second base. The Titans could play that game, too, walking Shane Walter intentionally to give Matt Nunley the chance for a double play. Nunley swung and missed once, then already felt himself clearly changed short on the called strike two. When he took another low pitch and was called out on strikes, he exploded in the home plate umpire’s face and promptly got thumbed. Nunley still scored a personal victory, clawing the umpire’s crusty nut bar from his pocket before making for the perceived safety of the tunnel. Sam Armetta would replace him in the field, batting cleanup (joy!), while the inning remained a-cooking with Stevenson legging out an infield single on Rhett West, loading the bases with two outs for Delgado, who regrettably grounded out to Reyes to strand a full set. Rehbock held on to the game in the bottom 9th, retiring the side in order, but Lloyd struck out the bottom of the Coons’ lineup in the top 10th before Adam Braun walked off the Titans on a dreamy offering by Adam Cowen with two outs in the bottom 10th. 6-5 Titans. Carmona 3-5; Nunley 2-5, RBI; Stevenson 2-4, BB; Delgado 2-5, 2B; Bullock (PH) 1-2, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Rehbock 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

Mike Rehbock returned to AAA after this game after 3.2 scoreless innings as the banished Francisquo Bocanegra’s replacement, with Billy Brotman coming off the disabled list.

Matt Nunley got no suspension for his ejectable behavior, unofficial word being that the umpire’s wife was making him eat the detestable crusty nut bars, and he was glad that this one was stolen.

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – P Garrett
BOS: CF Reichardt – C Leonard – 1B Herlihy – 2B Kane – RF Braun – LF W. Ramos – 3B R. West – SS Stephens – P A. Molina

Both pitchers walked a pair in the second inning, and neither allowed a run, not even Travis Garrett, who had prefaced the walks to Willie Ramos and Jonathan Stephens with Adam Braun’s leadoff double. He struck out West, Molina, and Reichardt, so things could still go either way for him. Nah, we’re still talking about “Tragic” Travis here. He allowed a leadoff walk to Leonard in the bottom 3rd, then conceded a single to Trent Herlihy at 3-1. Kane singled hard to right, Will Newman fired home to try and kill off the catcher, but something in his arm appeared to tear on the throw because the ball hardly made it to the infield and Newman sunk to his knees and furled up into a ball. The run scored, and Zach Graves replaced Newman in the game. The Titans got a second run in the inning on Ramos’ groundout, otherwise stranding Kane on third base. Both pitchers struck out six in the first five innings, but Garrett walked two more than Molina, and also allowed two more runs than Molina, who kept the Critters shut out through five. But there was Graves providing an unexpected offensive spark. He had doubled in the fourth inning, the only mild threat to Molina the second time through the order, but then hit a triple with Nunley aboard and two outs in the sixth to chase home the first Portland run, cutting the gap to 2-1. With the tying run 90 feet away, Tovias struck out, though. Garrett issued a leadoff walk (his fifth free pass in the game) to Ramos in the bottom 6th, but Ramos was caught stealing.

While Garrett was done after six, he was spared the loss, thanks to Cookie boldly taking a base in the top of the eighth. It was his tenth steal of the season, and when Shane Walter hit a ball into the shallow end of the left-center gap, Cookie raced for home. Walter tried to distract Chris Almanza by going to second base, which worked. Cookie scored with the tying run, while Almanza took the likely out at second base on Walter. Molina walked Nunley to put the go-ahead run aboard with two outs, with Graves singling to right, placing him a homer shy of the cycle as Newman’s replacement. Tovias for once didn’t fail, ripped a single to left off Molina’s replacement, Javy Salomon, and allowed Nunley to score, turning this into a late 3-2 Coons lead. Those Coons however had to piece their bottom 8th together with spare parts. Joe Moore issued a leadoff walk to Braun, then yielded for David Kipple, but the Titans didn’t like the smell of this. Frank Reyes, a right-hander, batted for the left-handed hitter Ramos, but both him and West grounded out, which moved Braun to third base, but there he remained on Stephens’ groundout to Spencer. Top 9th, Tim Stalker opened with a triple into the rightfield corner against Salomon. Alfaro batted for Kipple, was walked intentionally, and while Almanza caught Cookie’s fly into the left-center gap, he couldn’t get Stalker at home, who scored on the sac fly, 4-2. Spencer’s infield single on Stephens’ missing the ball on the first grab seemed to break Salomon for good, as he walked Walter to fill the bases, and then Nunley to move a run across. Brent Beene threw only one pitch after replacing Salomon, and did not allow the home run that would complete Graves’ cycle. Instead, Graves knocked the ball into a double play, leaving the Coons up by three, which was as many batters as Brett Lillis faced in the bottom of the ninth inning. 5-2 Coons. Spencer 3-5; Nunley 1-2, 3 BB, RBI; Graves 3-4, 3B, 2B, RBI;

The medical report was not given to be personally by the Druid, but slipped through the space beneath the door into my hotel room, which is how I knew that Jonny Toner was going to go onto the trash pile. The Druid is a clever man. He put Newman’s injury report on top, with no structural damage, bla-blah, and that he would be out of action only for a few days. Toner’s page was the second in the envelope.

Elbow ligament damage.

A year on the shelf.

The Coons turned to the pair of pitchers they had received in the Hugo Mendoza deal 11 months earlier. Jonathan Shook and Chris McKendrick were both in the AAA rotation, but Shook was struggling with hard hits and a high ERA. The nod went to the 24-year-old right-hander McKendrick, who had a mix of about two-and-two-thirds pitches. 94mph heater, dazzling knuckle curve, and a changeup that he could only throw to make hitters uncomfortable if they feared for their beautiful faces.

Ah, what does even matter anymore. Bring up another flaw-beset rookie!

Game 3
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Graves – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – SS Bullock – P Chavez
BOS: CF Reichardt – C Leonard – 1B Herlihy – 2B Kane – RF Braun – LF W. Ramos – 3B R. West – SS Stephens – P Farrell

Singles by Alfaro and Bullock to start the third inning put runners on the corners, but that was not enough to score a run for the Coons, with Chavez striking out, Stevenson popping out to second base, and Spencer lining out to the shortstop Stephens, who was also the only batter to hit a ball hard off Chavez the first time through the order, but flew out to Stevenson, overall rendering the game scoreless through three. Offense remained hard to come by for the Coons, who amounted to just three hits in five innings, and while Chavez maintained a shutout for a bit, his pitching was disorderly, too, with frequent 3-ball counts, although the Titans didn’t draw a walk until the fifth inning, Braun to lead off. Willie Ramos grounded into a force, but then Rhett West took advantage of a gopher ball by Chavez and belted it over the fence in leftfield. It was the first tally in the game, and also the first career homer for the 23-year-old rookie West, who joined Daniel Bullock as first-timers in this series.

But the Coons had the tying runs in scoring position with nobody out in the sixth; Stevenson drew a leadoff walk from Farrell, and then Spencer doubled to leftfield, bringing up three left-handers in the middle of the order against Farrell. The very first of them got the job done as Shane Walter lined over Trent Herlihy into rightfield for a 2-run double, and Herlihy would look even worse on Graves’ grounder past him for a 1-out single, giving the Coons a 3-2 lead when Walter scored from third base, where he had advanced to on Nunley’s grounder. Tovias’ double play grounder ended the inning, but unlike Farrell, Chavez kept his ponies together after being spotted a lead, navigating around Keith Leonard’s 1-out double to hold the Titans off in the bottom of the sixth inning. As a pleasant surprise, Chavez would complete eight innings without allowing another runner, which lined up with Brett Lillis to face the three left-handed batters in the 2-3-4 spots, except that the Titans would find a right-hander to hit for every single one of them. Almanza and Jose Duran made easy outs to short, but Eric McPherson wrestled a 2-out walk, bringing up Braun, who hit the first pitch to right, but not in a way that would challenge Omar Alfaro, whose catch ended the game. 3-2 Furballs! Walter 3-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Alfaro 2-4; Chavez 8.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 2 K, W (5-4);

Game 4
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 1B Walter – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – 3B Bullock – SS Stalker – 2B Armetta – P Huf
BOS: CF Reichardt – C Leonard – 1B Herlihy – 2B Kane – RF Braun – LF W. Ramos – 3B F. Reyes – SS Stephens – P San Pedro

Matt Huf threw 29 pitches in the first inning without allowing a run or a hit. He walked the bases full though, and I was going through our back catalogue in AAA to see whether we had any Damani Knight types left to fill his spot. He offered a leadoff walk to Reyes in the bottom 2nd, but that run was also stranded on third base. His shenanigans took place with the Coons in position to take the series thanks to a first-inning run that had scored on a Walter double, San Pedro balking him to third, and then an extremely soft RBI single by Delgado. The Titans flipped the score in the bottom 4th, rocking four singles off Huf for two runs, including Ramos and Reyes both singling to begin the inning. Huf walked Kane to begin the bottom 5th, with Ramos singling him home following Braun’s groundout. Reyes grounded out, and an intentional walk was offered to Stephens, before Huf walked San Pedro on four pitches with two outs in the inning. That was it – Huf’s booking on the flight back home was cancelled and he was sent to Florida instead. Vince D got Reichardt to ground out to strand three runners in the 3-1 game, but that was nothing that mattered anymore for the starter in shambles, seven walks (six of those inept) in 4.2 innings once again.

Billy Brotman continued to the walk parade, offering FOUR walks in the bottom 6th, including three to left-handed batters. One run was walked in already in the inning when Brotman was yanked angrily. Reyes lined out to Armetta against Surginer, who then walked Stephens for the fifth free pass in the inning, and the second run. San Pedro made the third out, with the Coons now tallying 12 walks issued in a 5-1 game, getting close to some nasty all-time highs. The last two innings (and there was no reason to assume we’d have to cover more with our pitchers) were going to be Adam Cowen’s, who was explained in no uncertain terms that nobody would come to get him. Get six outs or get smothered by lightning. Trent Herlihy banged him with a 2-out homer in the bottom 7th, but he didn’t walk Braun until after that, and Braun was stranded on third base after stealing a base and advancing on Delgado’s throwing error. The two runs driven in by Cookie in the eighth and Will Newman’s pinch-hit sac fly in the ninth were certainly of academical interest, but did nothing to create much excitement in the late innings overall. 7-4 Titans. Walter 2-4, 2B; Delgado 2-4, 2B, RBI; Stalker 2-3;

49 walks in 61 innings was a wee bit much, and the string had run out for Huf, who was demoted to St. Petersburg indeed. The other half of the Mendoza trade, Jonathan Shook, would accompany McKendrick in short order in the majors…

Raccoons (27-33) vs. Warriors (20-38) – June 9-11, 2023

Here was the third thoroughly rancid team the Coons would play inside a 2-week span, and things hadn’t gone that great against the Elks and Falcons last week (3-3). The Warriors had the worst batting average in the Federal League, but still scored the ninth-most runs. They also had the worst bullpen, the fourth-worst rotation, and were allowing the second-most runs. They also had a number of injuries, f.e. they had just lost RF/CF John Staebell for the season with a torn back muscle, and while he had only batted a powerless version of .298, their lineup was thinner than usual. The Raccoons had swept the Warriors in the last two meetings between the teams in 2019 and 2020, and hadn’t lost a series with them since 2015.

Projected matchups:
Chris McKendrick (0-0) vs. John Rucker (2-5, 5.68 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (3-5, 4.54 ERA) vs. Evan Greenfield (2-7, 6.56 ERA)
Travis Garrett (1-0, 2.41 ERA) vs. Cody Zimmerman (4-4, 3.68 ERA)

Southpaws were going to bookend this series for the Warriors.

Game 1
SFW: CF P. Cisneros – 3B Ritner – LF Wadley – RF Quinn – 1B Culpepper – SS Price – C J. Ramirez – 2B Burfoot – P J. Rucker
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – CF Stevenson – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – SS Stalker – C Tovias – 1B Armetta – P McKendrick

Chris McKendrick struck out Pedro Cisneros to start his major league career, but soon enough allowed three singles and a run in the very first inning. The Coons pulled the run back in the bottom of the inning thanks to a Spencer double and Stevenson single, after which nothing happened at all for two innings. The nearly sleep-inducing silence was broken by Dan Culpepper’s shot in the fourth inning that vanished into the leftfield stands and gave Sioux Falls a 2-1 lead. It was still not a bad debut that McKendrick pitched, it was just thoroughly successless thanks to the Raccoons doing next to nothing. They had two hits in the middle innings, both leading off frames. Stevenson hit a double in the fourth and was ignored. Cookie hit a single in the sixth and was ignored. Both starved on second base, while McKendrick did his very best to keep the Warriors in check. He threw just over 100 pitches in seven innings of 2-run ball, but still left in a hole, and that hole only got deeper in the eighth with Justin Quinn’s homer, #8 for him, or twice the Coons’ team lead of four by Matt Nunley, off Joe Moore extending the Warriors’ lead to 3-1. Well, boys, maybe get into that ruckus bullpen of theirs!? But they seemed to prefer Rucker to ruckus, and left him mostly unharmed for eight innings of 5-hit ball. Kipple struck out the side in the top of the ninth, which was the second-most encouraging thing we had seen in the game, next to McKendrick’s very nice debut, but the Coons only got Rucker removed when the time for closer Ken Gautney came, who at least had a 4.34 ERA and hardly more strikeouts than walks, facing the 2-3-4 batters. Maybe… OH GODDAMNIT SPENCER STOP GROUNDING OUT ON THE FIRST PITCH!!! AAAAHH!! (angrily shakes Honeypaws by the tail) But, the tying runs got on base. Alfaro batted for Stevenson and singled up the middle, and Nunley drew a walk, bringing up Zach Graves as potential winning run, batting for Newman against the right-hander. His grounder to Dave Burfoot got Nunley forced out at second base, runners remained on the corners for Stalker, but they remained there forever after he flew out to Quinn in right. 3-1 Warriors. Stevenson 2-3, 2B, RBI; Alfaro (PH) 1-1; McKendrick 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, L (0-1);

Game 2
SFW: CF P. Cisneros – SS Ritner – LF Wadley – RF Quinn – 1B Culpepper – C M. Thompson – 3B K. Carter – 2B Burfoot – P Greenfield
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

The Warriors scored two in the first inning, and even holding them to that little against Gutierrez required two sellout catches by Omar Alfaro in rightfield. A walk to Joe Ritner, singles by Jeff Wadley and Justin Quinn, and a throwing error by Stevenson conspired against the uninspired Gutierrez, who had by now ruined the entire decent impression he had made in ’22. Oh well, at least he could still wield a stick; improving his batting average to .087 with an RBI single in the bottom 2nd, he chased home Stalker, who had tripled, and tied the score at two. Shane Walter had doubled home Spencer in the first inning to cut into the Warriors’ lead. The Raccoons would take a lead in the inning, despite Cookie striking out for the second out. Spencer singled to left, allowing Elias Tovias to score from second base with the go-ahead run. Tovias had been nicked by Greenfield to get on base in the first place, but these runs would all count the same… Walter drove in another run with a single, 4-2, before Nunley was robbed on the warning track by Jeff Wadley to end the inning.

By the third inning, Gutierrez was in mortal danger of getting overrun. The Warriors had two on base (also thanks to another pleasant leadoff walk) when Stevenson stole an extra-base hit from Culpepper to help him through the inning. The same frame also saw Jarod Spencer tweak his shoulder and being replaced by Daniel Bullock, and Greenfield also didn’t make it through three innings, also leaving with an injury after getting Alfaro to fly out to left to begin the bottom 3rd. With carnage all around, and Justin Hemm not retiring any of the first three batters he faced after replacing the former Thunder Greenfield, the Coons looked poised to pile on. Stevenson walked, Stalker hit an infield single, and Tovias came up with an RBI single, 5-2, but Gutierrez and Cookie both flew out to Wadley in left.

Alfaro looked bad on the catcher’s leadoff triple in the sixth inning, Mike Thompson huffing and puffing at third base, where it was not against his wishes that the next batter, Kevin Carter, didn’t make him run another inch when he struck out. Burfoot grounded out in front of Tovias, making it appear as if Gutierrez could stave off the near-certain run from scoring, at least until rookie Doug Bell pinch-hit for Hemm and snuck the first base hit of his career through between Bullock and Nunley for an RBI single, cutting the gap to 5-3. Gutierrez squeezed himself through seven innings on 111 pitches, then watched with concern as Vince D offered a leadoff walk to Culpepper in the eighth inning. Thompson lined out to Stalker at second base, with Culpepper caught on the run and easily doubled off first base. Carter struck out, advancing the game in almost neat fashion. The Coons got Stevenson on in the bottom 8th, but he was caught stealing, and the team remained shut out by the worst bullpen in all the lands, while Brett Lillis played games in the ninth. Walking Burfoot to begin the frame, he allowed a single to pinch-hitter and longtime Loggers extra Andrew Cooper, too, before Cisneros lined out to Stalker. Ritner popped out, and Jose Ramirez went down on strikes to keep this one in shape… 5-3 Coons. Spencer 2-2, RBI; Walter 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Stalker 2-4, 3B; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 8 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, W (4-5) and 1-3, RBI;

Shoulder tendinitis landed Jarod Spencer on the DL after the game, tearing another hole into an already thin lineup. He was batting .319 at the time of injury (though an unpolished, speckled .319 with no walks or power), and had led the team with 14 stolen bases.

The Raccoons would call up 1B Manuel Cardona from AAA and try him out as starter for a while. Cardona, 23, was batting .257 with six homers for the Alley Cats. He had batted .268 with 14 homers in 128 games last year. That also meant that Shane Walter would slide over to a more customary position for him, taking over the keystone from Spencer. The Dominican right-hander Cardona had been signed for $40,000 in the 2016 IFA period, 666% of the money the Coons spent on Daniel Bullock in the same year.

Game 3
SFW: C J. Ramirez – 3B Ritner – LF Wadley – RF Quinn – 1B Culpepper – SS Price – CF D. Bell – 2B Burfoot – P Zimmerman
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – 1B Cardona – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Garrett

“Tragic” Travis managed to undo a 1-0 lead in style after being spotted with it in the bottom 2nd, in which Matt Nunley hit a leadoff double and was just barely scored by Tim Stalker’s 2-out single past Burfoot. Garrett threw away Doug Bell’s grounder to begin the third inning, putting the tying run on second base, then allowed a line drive single to left to Burfoot. Bell turned third base, but found himself thrown out at home by Cookie Carmona. After Cody Zimmerman’s pop the inning looked like we could avoid major damage until Garrett served up a bean for Jose Ramirez to pepper over the fence in left, flipping the score after all. Garrett put the leadoff men on base the following inning, walking Wadley before Quinn knocked a single to right, but somehow the Warriors played themselves out of it without bowling over the hapless hurler. However, Garrett’s idiocy was limitless. After issuing a leadoff walk to Burfoot in the fifth, he wanted to make it all good by taking Zimmerman’s inevitable bunt for an out on that lead runner, leading him to retiring nobody at all. Despite Jose Ramirez’ vicious lineout to Newman in right, and Ritner striking himself out, Garrett still managed to squeeze in a run for the Warriors on Wadley’s single up the middle.

Cardona would get his first big league hit in the fifth inning, a leadoff single to right center. His time on base was but brief, with Tim Stalker grounding to Burfoot for a force at second base. Tovias fouled out, but amazingly Garrett singled past Zach Price into left, putting himself on as the tying run for a struggling Cookie Carmona, who was still batting around .260, but at least livened up his wretched existence atop a horrendous lineup with a bloop single to shallow center, far enough away from Doug Bell to allow Stalker to score from second base, cutting the Warriors’ lead in half, 3-2, before Stevenson tied the game with a double over Quinn’s head. A favorable bounce off the wall led the third base coach to throw the anchor on Cookie, who was already about to turn for home, then had to scramble to keep a claw on third base after a late slide. Walter flew out to center, stranding the go-ahead runs, but the Coons now put the pressure on Zimmerman. After a quick turnover in the top 6th, Nunley lead off with a double the following inning, and Zimmerman lost Newman to a walk, the first free pass he issued in the Sunday affair. A K to Cardona was also his first strikeout, and came at the worst time for the Critters, who also had Stalker go down on strikes before Tovias flew out to Jeff Wadley. Another leadoff double stranded – how were they even doing it!?

Garrett lasted seven, somehow, getting around a leadoff single in the top 7th while his turn at-bat was up to lead off the bottom of the inning, but the Coons’ Alfaro, Cookie, and Stevenson made three fast outs against Zimmerman, handing Garrett his third no-decision in four starts. Billy Brotman, who had walked the world his last time out, appeared in the eighth and stuck around for two innings. While he allowed two runners, the Warriors hit into two double plays to move him along. Bottom 9th, Zimmerman was still a thing after 102 pitches; Cardona grounded to left, Price knocked the ball down, but couldn’t play it in time. Daniel Bullock would pinch-run in this spot, with Stalker bunting him to second base. Tovias struck out, and Graves flew out to Kevin Carter in leftfield, sending the game to extras.

Top 10th, Joe Moore walked PH Chris Mendoza, but struck out two to get through the inning. The Raccoons would send the top of the order for the bottom 10th, facing Gautney. Cookie walked, and the entire park was up and chanting to make him go. He went while the coaching staff was still rolling dice to see whether Stevenson should bunt. Mike Thompson fired to second base, but the ball bounced in the dirt, hit Cookie in the bum, and then bounced into centerfield, allowing Cookie to scramble all the way to third base! The fans were already hugging and celebrating, and then the Raccoons left him stranded. While Slappy had hiccups on my brown couch, and Cristiano pressed his hands against the top-to-bottom windows that offered a full view of the ballpark’s innards in utter disbelief, Stevenson popped out, Walter got walked intentionally, Nunley popped out, and Newman… popped out. Cristiano’s paws were making more specks on the glass when Daniel Bullock hit a leadoff single in the bottom 11th, yet Bullock’s time on base was limited when Stalker couldn’t even get a bunt down anymore and at 0-2 smacked into a double play. Tovias singled to center, Sam Armetta (having entered in a double switch at Nunley’s expense) walked, and up came Cookie, batting a paltry .262. The people needed a hero, but Cookie wasn’t gonna be it, grounding out to Culpepper to end that inning, too. A single and two walks loaded the bases with Warriors in the top 12th, but Kipple struck out Carter to escape his own mess. Delgado hit in his place, in vain, in the bottom 12th, which emptied the Coons’ bench for good. The Warriors stranded an unearned runner, Bell, on third base against Surginer in the 13th, with Bell arriving there after a throwing error by Tovias. It was the last inning before their great collapse in the 14th. Chris Mendoza homered off Surginer, who followed that up by loading the bases on a hit and two walks. Vince D replaced him with two outs, but nicked Price with a 3-2 pitch that forced in another run, then succumbed too to the rookie Bell’s bases-clearing double to center. The 5-spot broke the Coons’ little necks, obviously, but they wouldn’t go out before teasing their fans once more. Tovias hit a leadoff single off Javy Vasquez in the bottom 14th, who then walked Armetta. Cookie flew out to shallow right, but Stevenson singled to load the bases, and Shane Walter lined into left to score two. The tying run appeared in the box… and it was Vince D! No bat was available anymore to replace him, and why **** around with a bunt. Swing away, young boy! Swing away and find your dreams at the foot of a rainbow! He grounded out to Joe Ritner, which had the same effect as a bunt in the end, and a K to Will Newman ended the game. 8-5 Warriors. Walter 2-6, BB, 2 RBI; Nunley 2-5, 2 2B; Cardona 2-4; Tovias 2-6; Armetta 0-0, 2 BB; Brotman 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K; Moore 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K;

In bizarre news, this was not the only extra inning contest that ended with the road team scoring five and the home team answering with only two in the deciding frame on this day. The Cyclones and Thunder went 13 in Oklahoma, with the Cyclones winning 9-6 in the same fashion.

In other news

June 6 – No-hitter!! SFB SP Denzel Durr (4-3, 2.93 ERA), in his 12th start for the Bayhawks, no-hits the Condors in a 1-0 game in Tijuana. The 31-year-old right-hander walks three and strikes out eight Condors, while Rafael Gomez (.295, 10 HR, 34 RBI) provides the lone score with a fifth-inning RBI single that scores Jaden Booker. Durr’s effort is the first ABL no-hitter since the last week of the 2020 season, and the first Bayhawks no-hitter in 17 years. They previously had no-hitters from Rafael Espinoza (1989), Chris O’Keefe (1991), Henry Selph (#2, 2001), and Tyler Sullivan (2006).
June 6 – Sacramento star Pablo Sanchez (.405, 6 HR, 35 RBI) collects three hits and drives in five as the Scorpions maul the Gold Sox in a 14-8 game, scoring five in the fourth and seven in the seventh. Sanchez’ hits include a home run and a double.
June 7 – CHA SP Kyle Anderson (5-6, 3.99 ERA) throws a 3-hit shutout against the Thunder. The Falcons win 6-0.
June 7 – The Miners trade OF/1B Joe Carter (.317, 0 HR, 4 RBI) and cash to the Rebels for a pair of unranked prospects.
June 8 – The Wolves lose LF/RF Yasuhiro Kuramoto (.280, 9 HR, 31 RBI) for three weeks. The 28-year-old right-handed batsman has cracked a rib.
June 8 – WAS INF/LF/CF Dave Menth (.251, 7 HR, 20 RBI) will have to sit out three weeks with chronic back soreness.
June 11 – A herniated disc will cost NYC INF Sergio Valdez (.315, 3 HR, 21 RBI) a month’s worth of games.

Complaints and stuff

Carmona, Cardona … we’re only one step below the Double Yoshi fiasco from 2005. Which ties in with our 4-5 performance against the three worst teams by record in the league in the last two weeks. Ironically we split with the Titans, reinforcing my firm belief that the universe is chaotic-neutral, loves nobody, and once we mercifully die, nothing will have mattered.

Cristiano, stop kissing that silver cross around your neck. NO HIGHER BEING WILL HELP YOU!! – Now he wheeled out, crying. Some people just can’t stand the truth. Or sit the truth. Or what the ****…?

Chris Munroe also threw a shutout this week. You may or may not remember him for piling up a 9.98 ERA with the ’17 Coons before being exiled. He has been with the Cyclones for a few years now, filling odd roles. 30 years old, he’s 40-46 with a 4.30 ERA and one save in 186 games (102 starts).

Who will ever throw a shutout for the Coons again? Although our bigger concern should be how we ever plan to score more than 3.5 runs per game with this raggedy bunch. And the Spencer injury only makes things worse. Now you have either Bullock or Armetta playing every day! I like Bullock, but let’s be fair, he kills every lineup he’s cast into. Or, well, Cardona.

Speaking of negligible pitching however, the day where I outright blast Travis Garrett in the face with the blunderbuss is drawing closer, I can feel it being just around the corner! Problem is, after shedding 60% of our rotation in a matter of weeks, the Coons are already into the skinny bits of their “reserve”. Reese Kenny and Jason Butler are struggling badly in AAA, and even Juan Mendez and Trevor Taylor are allowing too many walks to have any hope for them.

The draft will be next week and I already started to clean house. Edwin Prieto, 30, was batting .083 in limited exposure in AAA and was canned right off the 40-man roster, and some minor adjustments were also made.

Fun Fact: The gap between Durr’s no-hitter and the previous one by OCT Bryan Hanson on October 3, 2020 is only the fourth-longest in league history. Three times pitchers took more than three full years for successive no-hitters, with the longest gap being 3 years, 7 months, and 17 days between the no-hitters of MIL Bill Warren and LAP Bob Haines in 1980 and 1984, respectively.

Even if the Raccoons are in the gutter, there is still one thing to console me: the Bayhawks got their fifth no-hitter this week, which is the second-highest total among the 24 franchises. The highest is the Coons, who had witnessed seven no-hitters, and any good fan I know can rattle them off flawlessly!

Juan Berrios – May 3, 1977 – 12-0 @ Loggers
Jason Turner – August 27, 1989 – 3-0 vs. Thunder
Manuel Movonda – June 2, 1998 – 2-1 vs. Condors (still the only pitcher to allow a run in a no-hitter)
Bob Joly – May 17, 2000 – 8-0 @ Crusaders
Jose Dominguez – June 5, 2007 – 3-0 vs. Crusaders
Nick Brown – September 9, 2016 – 1-0 @ Canadiens
Jonathan Toner – April 23, 2019 – 12-0 vs. Thunder

Which of course only serves to reinforce my long-held belief that the best times are over, and will never come back.

I miss Brownie.

I miss Brownie very badly.

[Westheim]

Contrary to usual procedures, I will drop the draft in ahead of time. I played the Buffaloes series yesterday, and will finish the week probably tomorrow morning, but I did this tonight, and why hold on to it for any longer...?

+++

2023 AMATEUR DRAFT

Going into the draft, I had made up my mind about which player I wanted to draft once he fell to the #4 pick. Yeah, there was this pitcher and that pitcher, but what my heart was really longing for was to finally have a batter again to root for and to be sure about that he would put things just by swinging his stick. And that player was Tim Stackhouse. Who doesn’t like a slugging middle infielder!?

Here is that hotlist again… High School players are marked with an asterisk:

SP Geoff Swayze (12/12/6) * – BNN #4
SP Matt Diduch (14/12/11) – BNN #3
SP Pat Okrasinski (12/14/11) – BNN #1
SP Bobby Reed (10/11/10) *
SP Josh Weeks (11/12/11) – BNN #2
SP Zach Ward (10/13/10) *

SP Adrian McQuinn (10/14/12)

C Elijah Bean (13/12/10) *

2B/SS/3B Tim Stackhouse (12/14/14) – BNN #5
1B Brad Woods (9/10/14)

RF/LF/1B Brian Marshall (9/9/12)
OF/1B Kyle Brown (10/11/11)

**** the ****ing Bay****birds!! They selected Tim Stackhouse at #2, between the Elks selecting Geoff Swayze and Matt Diduch going to the Stars. All my dreams were dead, yet again, and as usual. Grief-stricken and robbed of purpose, the Raccoons were reduced to selecting Elijah Bean, a somewhat powerful, but not very selective batter for their first high-rank pick of almost a decade. And from the start I already didn’t like him, and thought, well, that could have been Stackhouse…

I will make sure Bean feels my dismay about his very existence. For starters, I refused to appear on the photo the ABL took with each of the top 10 picks and the respective team brass, and when I tried to sneak onto the Bayhawks’ photo with Stackhouse, I got booted by their GM. Life is hard.

The Warriors completed the top 5 by signing Pat Okrasinski, with #6 pick Bob O’Dell, an outfielder, being the first player not on our hotlist to get selected. The Cyclones took him. Oddly, the hotlist would not be exhausted for quite a while. Well, all pitchers were gone by the #26 pick, but then there were still three batters from the hotlist left over – all that weren’t named Stackhouse (weeps) or Bean (grunts). Brian Marshall was not taken until the #30 pick, and Kyle Brown not even until the Miners took him at #42. Remember that the Coons had no supplemental round pick due to no eligible free agents (and that was a pattern that might repeat again and again in the next years as we were trapped in a spiral of defeat and horrors), and their next pick didn’t roll around until #47. At that point, Brad Woods was still lingering in the draft pool, and the Coons shrugged, then pulled him out.

While we picked off the shortlist for the rounds after that, there were a few players on the shortlist that I didn’t get but would have liked, although as usual for all the wrong reasons. For example, the Raccoons selected a utility player and switch-hitter with good contact potential in the fourth round rather than the strong defensive shortstop I had my eye on. That shortstop, Peyton Hill, was signed by the Titans at the end of the round with the 115th pick, four ahead of the Coons’ next go. Then again, how many more strong defensive shortstops do I really need before I hit 100 losses?

We actually managed to pick from the shortlist all the way through the tenth round, which might speak a bit for the quality of the scouting we’re conducting, and we even had another two players left on the shortlist by the 11th round, but a) both were catchers, and we didn’t need any more of those, and b) that is the Nick Brown Memorial Pick round!

+++

2023 PORTLAND RACCOONS DRAFT CLASS
Round 1 (#4) – C Elijah Bean, 19, from Columbus, OH – his biggest claim to prominence might be a power bat with decent average; power goes to all fields, although he could use a more selective approach at the plate; no additional perks, as in only decent catcher ability, a rather soft arm, and of course as slow as catchers usually come
Round 2 (#47) – 1B Brad Woods, 20, from Hoffman Estates, IL – ticks most of the boxes of the big, strong, dumb first baseman; not very good at moving himself in any capacity, although he can whack a ball for a country mile; too bad that he hacks at everything.
Round 3 (#71) – SP Travis Taylor, 21, from Bellflower, CA – right-hander that throws 92 and an assortment of barely-working breaking stuff; there is some promise to the cutter and curveball, but there is more concern about his general inability to hit the zone…
Round 4 (#95) – OF/2B/3B Sean Catella, 18, from Bentonville, AR – if some of the following puzzle pieces can fit together neatly, he could make a worthwhile player: switch-hitter with a sharp eye, nice contact bat, some speed, and versatility – the problem lies in an abundance of “somewhat” and a lack of “yeah definitely” with him, as he scratches many boxes, but probably never will tick any of them.
Round 5 (#119) – SP Steve Costilow, 21, from Hazleton, PA – now, the box says starting pitcher on this right-hander, but we have our doubts. He lacks any signs of being able to develop a third pitch, which is a shame giving his gorgeous curveball he throws in addition to the 93mph cutter.
Round 6 (#143) – CL Dale Autry, 22, from Davis, CA – the closer moniker is maybe a bit hysterical for this right-hander, who throws neither real heat, nor very precisely.
Round 7 (#167) – 1B/C Rich Hood, 17, from Rancho San Diego, CA – he’s a strange beast, pretending to be a catcher, despite lacking the necessary ability, and pretending to be a slugger, but hitting only two home runs and seven doubles in the past high school season. There must be some method to his madness, although the Raccoons have previously drafted a Rich Hood and that didn’t work out, either.
Round 8 (#191) – 2B/SS Judah Clayton, 21, from Harrison, TN – middle infielder with absolutely no power, decent defense, but no base stealing aptitude.
Round 9 (#215) – CL Kevin Davis, 20, from Otsego, MI – right-handed relief type with a neat changeup in his small repertoire, but he throws only 89 with the fastball.
Round 10 (#239) – C Josh Sink, 20, from Sumter, SC – he was in the draft as a catcher, but the Raccoons will turn him around into a pitcher (which yielded semi-usable relievers in the past) given his ability to throw a neat curve and the fastball at 90mph.
Round 11 (#263) – SP Mike Mattice, 18, from Spring Hill, FL – this left-hander does not have much going, just like Nick Brown did in ’95…
Round 12 (#287) – 3B/LF/RF/1B Shane Frink, 19, from Waycross, GA – him occupying all four corners spots is really all about him that reminds me of the awesomeness that once was Mark Dawson…
Round 13 (#311) – SP Nick Brill, 20, from Columbus, GA – we may or may not have selected this left-hander by sorting the remainders alphabetically and taking the name right at the top of the list.

+++

Our minor league teams weren’t quite as packed with players this season, so there were actually few termination notices handed down, although of course a few guys were struck by lightning. There was left-hander that the Riddler had dragged in a while back and who had a 9+ ERA in Aumsville that got sent back to Puerto Rico. In fact, we had only held on to him until now because there were no replacements in the international complex who I considered able to even pitch THAT well.

Also canned was C Brandon Tally, our seventh-rounder from ’21, who was batting .182 and had done so since arriving in Aumsville. The next pick from that draft, eighth-round infielder Joe McGary was released as well for being a waste of oxygen. 2020 seventh-rounder, outfielder Steve Blackard, was also released for his consistently wanting performance.

The next on the list might have been that odd Colombian kid from the Hebrew high school in New York we took in the ninth round last year, batting a consistent sub-.500 OPS, but somehow the Riddler really saw promise of any kind in him. He’d get a stay.

All of this year’s signings were also sent to Aumsville.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (28-35) @ Buffaloes (29-34) – June 12-14, 2023

Neither team was going anywhere, as was abundantly clear at this point, with both the Coons and the Buffaloes being out by more than ten games just before the amateur draft, which would take place on Thursday. Fun facts abound here, with both teams wearing brown, and both teams being worst in their respective league in terms of runs scored with so-so pitching. We had met last season, with the Coons losing two of three after winning the two prior series against the Buffaloes.

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (5-4, 4.31 ERA) vs. Nick Danieley (1-3, 4.53 ERA)
Jonathan Shook (0-0) vs. Juan Ortega (2-5, 5.78 ERA)
Chris McKendrick (0-1, 2.57 ERA) vs. Jose Lerma (7-6, 2.58 ERA)

Danieley, a 23-year-old right-hander, had been the #1 pick in last year’s amateur draft, and here he was in the Bigs already. He was going to make his ninth appearance (eighth start) after initially beginning the season in AAA. He was whiffing seven per nine innings, and walking four, and he had surrendered six home runs in only 47.2 innings, but the Riddler claimed the sky was the limit for him. Of the other two Topeka starters, Lerma will be a left-hander. Ortega is a 37-year-old righty in his 18th season, the first dozen of which he already spent with the Buffaloes before exploring the league a bit. He had led the league in losses once before at age 29, normally an age where you expect guys to be at their best.

Jonny Toner was at his best at 29. But Ortega at least made it past 32.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – 1B Cardona – SS Stalker – P Chavez
TOP: 2B Hernandes – CF J. Gonzales – 1B C. Owen – LF Quintana – SS S. Williams – C Ayala – RF Jo. Wilson – 3B W. White – P Danieley

Juan Gonzales was hitting home runs roughly as often as Cookie Carmona, but he sure enough hit one off Jesus Chavez that counted for two in the third inning, collecting Marco Hernandes after his 2-out single. It was the fifth base hit in a slow-starting game, and the first that was not a single. The Coons had begun the game with a Cookie single, after which Stevenson had forced out Cookie with a grounder, and Shane Walter – the closest reasonable thing to hotness the Raccoons had available anymore – hit into a double play. Walter singled in the fourth inning… and then Nunley hit into a double play. Those two – like twins from the same rotten egg! The Raccoons continued to do their very best in an attempt to come back against the bloody rookie on the mound, with their efforts seeing Cookie Carmona to reach in the sixth inning… on catcher’s interference. But Cookie wasn’t going to draw Victor Ayala the same nose twice – when he took off to steal second base, Ayala threw him out, which conveniently also ended the inning, allowing me to hide my face in shame without missing anything.

Chavez made it to the seventh inning, which was such a great success. Once there and once John Wilson had hit a leadoff double, Chavez actually managed to nick a pitcher just trying to bunt, putting Danieley on base as well, and then succumbed to Marco Hernandes’ single up the middle. John Wilson scored, drawing a hopeless throw from Stevenson, and allowed the trailing runners to both reach scoring position. Billy Brotman relieved Chavez afterwards, but bravely managed to let both runners score on Gonzales’ single and then Chris Owen’s plenty deep sacrifice fly. The Buffaloes added a run on Adam Cowen in the eighth, while Danieley went into the ninth, facing the top of the order with 90 pitches on the odometer. Cookie grounded out to Hernandes. Stevenson flew out to Gonzales. And Shane Walter popped up a ball that flew negative seven feet and was caught by Wade White in foul territory. 6-0 Buffaloes.

So, well, Nick Danieley has his first career shutout. There is hope for him having a great career!

There is no hope anymore for anything in that lineup, and we are getting closer to last-resort solutions, which have something to do with **** getting drowned in a barrel.

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Graves – SS Bullock – C Tovias – 2B Armetta – P Shook
TOP: 2B Hernandes – RF Jo. Wilson – 1B C. Owen – LF Quintana – SS S. Williams – C Ayala – CF M. Thompson – 3B W. White – P J. Ortega

The second inning saw the well-seasonsed Ortega lead off by hitting Matt Nunley, and when Zach Graves followed that up with a double to right, even the Coons were in business, although they only managed to score their runners on a Hernandes error and Tovias’ groundout. Shook surprised with three innings of 1-hit ball to begin his career, which was not expected, but then got the flutters and also strafed in the fourth, which was very much expected. After getting only that one hit in three innings, the Buffaloes got three in succession in the bottom 4th, and the bottom immediately fell out of Shook’s pants. Chris Owen’s double to left center, singles by Alfredo Quintana and Stephen Williams plated a run and put two men on base, but things only got really nasty once Shook threw a wild pitch to Ayala, which allowed Quintana to score when Ayala eventually grounded out to Armetta at second base. That tied the game; Shook walked Marc Thompson, recently acquired from the Pacifics by the Buffaloes, and Stevenson hustled hard to catch Wade White’s fly to center before it could do damage, ending the fourth in a 2-2 tie.

Cookie hit a leadoff double in the fifth – only his fifth extra-base hit this year!? – with the Buffaloes getting Stevenson to strike out and then putting Walter on intentionally. Yes, Nunley found another double play, but at least of a non-trivial variety. He grounded out to Owen, who tapped first base right away, then murdered off the slow Walter on his waltz to second base in a 3-6 two-for-one. Well, at least we were finding interesting angles to sucking – it was the least we could do for our fans: Brenda, Bob, and that weird guy with the glasses that would eat his popcorn with a spoon.

If we could only find a way to lose in regulation rather than in 14 once more. Ah, let’s just keep Shook pitching for a while longer. While not delivering an outright heinous debut, Shook seemed to have it with the nerves. While allowing a leadoff single to Thompson in the bottom 7th was unfortunate, there were certainly ways to make it worse. Wade White bunted the go-ahead run into scoring position, and then Shook outrageously lost the opposing pitcher to a walk, which was a bit like Danieley getting nicked by Chavez the day before. Shook followed that up with another nervous wild pitch – see a pattern developing there – and Hernandes drove in the go-ahead run with a single up the middle. Owen would drive in another run with a 2-out single, which still left two men on base, and when Kipple replaced Shook, he drilled the pinch-hitter Kyle Burns. Moore would get out of the inning. Ortega gave the Coons a leadoff walk to Stevenson and a balk in the eighth inning, which was nowhere near enough to score a run, and Stevenson was in fact left at second base. One inning further, Daniel Bullock hit a leadoff double off closer Mike Baker, bringing up the nominal tying run once more. The Coons emptied their bench, with Alfaro striking out, but Will Newman drew a walk. A wild pitch moved the tying runs into scoring position with one out, but Tony Delgado popped out to short, leaving things to Cookie, who also kinda didn’t get **** done and struck out. 4-2 Buffaloes.

Also consoling: Jonathan Shook walked three in his 6.2 debut innings and struck out none.

Boy, we’re doomed.

Game 3
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – C Delgado – 1B Cardona – SS Stalker – P McKendrick
TOP: 2B M. Hernandes – CF J. Gonzales – 1B C. Owen – LF Quintana – SS S. Williams – C Ayala – RF M. Thompson – 3B Burns – P Lerma

McKendrick’s second start saw him shut out the Buffaloes for the first time through the order, though there were asterisks to that, given that almost every batter hit the ball hard off him. Even Lerma lined out to Stalker, and they had three base hits, just lacking the necessary inches to create a big inning. The Coons didn’t get a hit until Shane Walter singled up the middle with one out in the fourth, although Kyle Burns getting undressed by a Nunley liner for a double sure helped to create a genuine scoring opportunity, although Will Newman walking evoked a pretty clear picture of a double play grounder waiting to be chipped to short by Delgado. Fantastic Tony needed only one pitch to achieve the feat, ending the inning in the process.

The Buffaloes scored on doubles smoked by Quintana and Ayala in the bottom of the fourth inning, taking a 1-0 lead that saw itself seriously challenged on paper in the top 5th. Cardona and Stalker knocked singles to begin the inning and were bunted into scoring position by the human launchpad, McKendrick. Cookie grounded a 1-2 pitch to short, Williams to first for the out, and the ****ing rookie at third base blindingly failed to go at all. If not for Stevenson’s drop single into shallow right center that actually scored both runners, I don’t think Cardona would have lived to see the sun rise another day. The Stevenson single flipped the score, and was the only tally the Coons amounted to in the inning, with Walter grounding out to Hernandes. Although maybe there would still be another chance to blast Cardona’s ****ing stupid head off, and it came in the sixth inning.

Now, McKendrick had already blown his lead thanks to allowing a single to Quintana, and then an RBI double to Williams, who reached third base when the Coons lost the ball on the infield after Newman threw it back in. Go-ahead runner on third, no outs, McKendrick got Ayala to pop out to Walter, which was great for his chances to get out of their somehow, and then even got Thompson to pop up. This one went Cardona’s way, barely fair at the line, and Cardona walked over and casually reached out with the glove, holding onto his sunglasses with the other paw, and the ball dropped next to his glove. Thompson was safe, Quintana scored, and I went absolutely ballistic in the visiting GM’s suite and threw a chair into the wall to the next suite over, which had been built on the cheap. The chair pierced it, then remained stuck, as stuck as the Raccoons, who were now trailing 3-2. Burns hit into a double play, ending the inning, and Bullock batted for the ****head Cardona to lead off the seventh, grounding out. Bottom 8th, Ayala tripled off Vince D, who also walked Thompson, but then struck out the next two batters, pinch-hitters Dave Pimentel and Jon Gilbert, to escape unharmed. That still gave a nominal chance for a comeback in the top 9th, trailing by one run only. The leadoff man, Newman, went on base with a single off Baker, and then Delgado popped out, Alfaro grounded out, and Stalker struck out. 3-2 Buffaloes. Walter 2-4;

I vaguely remember spending the entire bus ride to the airport yelling right into Cardona’s ear that if he wouldn’t use his second hand anyway, I could just as well severe that arm at the shoulder and shove it up his ****ING BIG BROWN ***!!!

He was unimpressed, maybe due to him never taking the ear plugs to his music phone thing out of his ears.

Raccoons (28-38) vs. Loggers (37-28) – June 16-18, 2023

Third in the North and four games out, the Loggers had some business to conduct on the Raccoons over the weekend, or was it surgery? Their mix didn’t seem like a winning one, scoring only an average number of runs and ranking only third in runs allowed, with a rather meager – for this time of year – run differential of +24. They had also gone through embarrassment once already against Portland this season, dropping three of four games in our first meeting of the season.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (4-5, 4.37 ERA) vs. Ian Prevost (7-4, 2.63 ERA)
Travis Garrett (1-0, 2.10 ERA) vs. Max Shepherd (5-6, 3.52 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (5-5, 4.54 ERA) vs. TBD

Two righties and a mystery man. The Loggers played a double header last Sunday against Sacramento, which also engaged John Key (0-1, 7.15 ERA). They also placed Michael Foreman (9-1, 2.17 ERA) on the DL with mild shoulder inflammation and have patched with swingman Alex Hichez (1-1, 4.43 ERA) since. Those are all right-handed pitchers; the only guy we probably definitely won’t see in this series is southpaw Chris Sinkhorn (5-5, 3.50 ERA).

Game 1
MIL: SS Tadlock – 2B Stewart – CF Coleman – RF Gore – C Wool – 3B A. Velez – LF Berntson – 1B A. Esquivel – P Prevost
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – 1B Cardona – C Tovias – SS Stalker – P Gutierrez

Gutierrez had a certain deer-in-the-headlights expression before the game even began, had his first pitch ticked into leftfield by Ron Tadlock, and Tyler Stewart singled to right before long. The Loggers would eventually be held to one run in the inning on Brad Gore’s groundout, but one run was plenty against these rotten Critters, who saw Cookie Carmona fly out on a 3-0 pitch to begin the bottom 1st, but before I could regret signing that extension with him before the season he already ended himself up on the DL, spraining his thumb on a dive for Jon Berntson’s liner in the second inning. Zach Graves replaced him in the field, and hey, why not bat Daniel Bullock leadoff for a while?

For now Graves was in the #1 hole, and hit a leadoff single in the bottom 3rd to put the tying run aboard. The Coons soon had more cooking, with Stevenson singling, and Tyler Stewart making his second error of the game to allow Shane Walter on, too. Nunley had three on with no outs, flopped an 0-0 pitch to shallow right, where Gore tried to snack it out of the air, but missed it grossly and had it bounce through his legs as he tumbled. Two runs scored on the third error in as many innings for the Loggers. Newman’s sac fly lengthened the score to 3-1, after which Cardona grounded out to right. Tovias walked in a full count, but Stalker grounded to short with runners on the corners and two down. Tadlock bungled that one, too, the third error in the inning, and allowed Nunley to score. Prevost escaped the hellish mess with a K to Gutierrez. The Coons had scored four in the inning, all unearned.

Gutierrez put the lead in mortal danger right away, conceding consecutive singles to Brad Gore, Josh Wool, and Alberto Velez to load the bases with one out in the fourth. The pitching coach did some good yelling in his face, leading to strikeouts against Berntson and ancient veteran Antonio Esquivel to end the inning. Bottom 4th, Zach Graves hit a leadoff double to right, then got himself doubled off second base on Shane Walter’s fly to centerfield, which was a special kind of stupid, but fans had seen things already in the game. Things calmed down a bit after that, but the Loggers took a run off the Coons’ lead in the seventh inning thanks to a leadoff double by Berntson, who was maneuvered around to score. Gutierrez actually lasted into the eighth inning, allowing singles to Coleman and Wool, but wasn’t removed as he was facing left-handers here. He only came out with the tying runs in scoring position, two outs, and Berntson up. Vince D whiffed him to escape the inning. Brett Lillis allowed only one runner in the ninth before extinguishing the Loggers, who had nobody to blame but their own idiocy for this loss. 4-2 Blighters. Graves 2-3, 2B; Stevenson 2-3, BB; Gutierrez 7.2 IP, 11 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 6 K, W (5-5) and 1-3;

Cookie was put on the DL with a brace on his wobbly thumb, leaving the Raccoons even more bereft than they already were. Since Spencer was already on the DL and couldn’t move to leftfield anymore like he had last year, the Critters were probably going to give Zach Graves more regular screen time. In the meantime, we called up Dwayne Metts for a lack of better ideas.

Game 2
MIL: SS Tadlock – 1B A. Esquivel – CF Coleman – RF Gore – 3B A. Velez – C Wool – LF Beckwith – 2B March – P Key
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Cardona – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Graves – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – P Garrett

The Critters got Stevenson on with a single and Cardona with a walk in the bottom of the first inning before the heart of the order collectively failed to hit a ball well enough to beat the (creaky) Loggers defense. While Garrett got around a leadoff walk to Alberto Velez in the second inning thanks to Nunley starting a double play, the Coons had the next injury in the bottom of the second when John Key drilled Tony Delgado in the elbow. Delgado had to come out, replaced by Tovias. At least Key’s punishment didn’t take long to come up – Omar Alfaro hit a ball outta rightfield for a 2-run homer, the first tally in the game, and the fourth home run for him this season, which – wow, wow, wow! – tied him with Nunley for the team lead!

The Loggers had runners on base constantly against Garrett, but stranded pairs twice before John Key hit a 1-out single in the top 5th. That was the thing that could undo empires – pitchers getting on base with nobody on previously. The Coons were decidedly less than an empire, except maybe the West Roman in 476 AD, and Garrett continued to be taken by the Goths, bit by bit. He walked Tadlock before Esquivel flew out. Ian Coleman’s RBI single got Milwaukee on the board, and a walk to Brad Gore didn’t help a lot. Bases loaded, two down, Velez flew softly to shallow left. Zach Graves rushed in and made a sliding - … yeah, what? Two Loggers scored, while the Raccoons vigorously protested that Graves had caught the ball. The umpire called it a trapped ball, though, which enraged Matt Nunley enough that he flung his cap at him, but missed. What did the replay say? No catch. Garrett, at the ugliest he had been since being called up for the umpteenth time, walked Josh Wool to restock the bags, but Myles Beckwith then grounded out to Walter, leaving the Loggers up by only one run, 3-2. They weren’t up for any length of time – Josh Stevenson’s leadoff jack in the bottom of the inning tied the game right away. Key went on to walk Cardona, then allowed singles up the middle to Walter and Nunley, which loaded the bases for the home team, now with nobody out. Graves’ liner to center fell for an RBI single, and Tovias hit a sac fly to deep center, 5-3, before Luis Calderon replaced Key and retired Alfaro and Stalker.

Garrett was done after six innings and 109 pitches, with the sixth inning seeing errors by both teams. Nunley made a throwing error on Tadlock’s 2-out grounder in the top 6th, but Garrett got through Esquivel. The bottom of the inning saw Tadlock commit the error to put Stevenson on second base, and Cardona landed his first big-league RBI with a single to right to cash in the oddball leadoff batter Stevenson. Walter hit into a double play after that, leaving the pen to defend a 3-run lead for three innings, although after David Kipple’s scoreless seventh the Coons added two more on Elias Tovias’ 2-piece off Calderon. The Loggers would also get another home run in, this one off Adam Cowen in the ninth inning, but Tadlock’s shot only counted for one and no save situation materialized anymore. 8-4 Furballs! Stevenson 2-4, BB, HR, RBI; Graves 2-4, RBI; Tovias 1-2, HR, 3 RBI;

It’s good that some things never change. Empires rise, teams fall into oblivion, but the Loggers will always remain laughable.

The Coons had to make a roster move. Tony Delgado would be out of action for a couple of days, and you can’t go with one catcher. Sam Armetta was demoted to make room for Isaiah Jones on the 25-man roster, while room on the 40-man roster was made by moving Jonny Toner to the 60-day DL.

We were ready to sweep the Loggers out of town, but the weather crossed up those plans. It rained the entirety of Sunday, washing away the game completely and forcing a postponement to September, where we’d make up the game in a double-header on September 11 in the middle of a 20-day string without an off day.

In other news

June 15 – LAP SS/2B Alex Mesa (.281, 10 HR, 30 RBI) has his sophomore season end unexpectedly after tearing a posterior cruciate ligament.
June 16 – The Condors rout the Thunder in a 15-3 game, and even score all their runs in the first four innings. TIJ C Pat Sanford (.243, 8 HR, 31 RBI) lands four base hits and drives in three runs.
June 17 – SAL RF/LF Nate Ellis (.308, 10 HR, 30 RBI) becomes the third player in ABL history with two 3-HR games to his name. Ellis socks three dingers in four attempts in the Wolves’ 7-6 victory over the Scorpions in Sacramento, driving in four runs. All home runs come off the Scorpions’ Sam McMullen (8-3, 2.79 ERA). Ellis joins Martin Ortíz and Stanley Murphy as the players to have gone deep thrice twice, and his two 3-HR games are the only ones in Wolves history. The feat taking place in Sacramento also makes it the ninth straight 3-HR effort by a visiting player. The last player to hit three home runs at home was Atlanta’s Jimmy Raupp in 2017.
June 17 – As the Blue Sox roll the Miners in a 14-0 mauling, Nashville’s 2B Ieyoshi Nomura (.326, 0 HR, 19 RBI) cracks out five base hits. He draws a walk in one of his six plate appearances and drives in one run.
June 17 – Denver MR Jonathan Snyder (5-1, 2.73 ERA) will miss up to three months with a hamstring strain.
June 17 – The Indians’ and Titans’ game remains scoreless in regulation. IND LF/RF Lowell Genge’s (.271, 8 HR, 25 RBI) RBI double off Boston’s Javy Salomon (3-2, 3.06 ERA) in the bottom of the 10th would be the only run in the Indians’ 1-0 walkoff win.
June 18 – The Crusaders and Titans make a trade in the middle of a division race. New York gets C Eric McPherson (.228, 1 HR, 10 RBI), while the Titans get 2B/SS Bill Hebberd (.311, 1 HR, 14 RBI) and a prospect.

Complaints and stuff

Watching this bizarre team is like listening to Joy Division for an entire day. Sooner or later, you go bananas.

Hugo Mendoza was involved in a brawl this week, receiving a 4-game suspension for taking a swing (with the bat) at New York’s Tim Dunn’s head. Unfortunately nobody managed to dent Mendoza’s nose, who at the time of the suspension was batting .317 with seven homers, so at least he hasn’t cranked it up significantly for Cincy…

Fun Fact: As indicated above, Jimmy Raupp’s effort of going deep three times on May 26, 2017 was the most recent such instance taking place on a player’s home turf. It took place – of course – against the Raccoons.

The real knocker is that he hit all three home runs and drove in seven exclusively against Chris Munroe, who cropped up again just last week on our radar when he pitched a shutout. Munroe was demoted after the game with an 0-3 record and 11.20 ERA, but would come up again later in the season. Raupp in turn was batting .218 with five homers even after the feat, so let’s just call it him hitting a lot in the lottery and move on.

Oh if only I could.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (30-38) vs. Crusaders (40-29) – June 19-21, 2023

The revived Crusaders would like to take another swing at the Raccoons, against whom they had played six times already this season and had taken five wins. They were allowing the fewest runs in the Continental League, but they might perhaps want to look into adding offense, because their batting average was the second-lowest in the CL, and they were scoring the fourth-fewest runs.

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (5-5, 4.54 ERA) vs. Tim Dunn (5-4, 3.60 ERA)
Jonathan Shook (0-1, 5.40 ERA) vs. Mike Rutkowski (9-3, 2.73 ERA)
Chris McKendrick (0-2, 2.77 ERA) vs. Jeremy Waite (8-1, 3.05 ERA)

We’ll get a southpaw to begin the series, then two right-handers. One familiar face was missing from the Crusaders lineup this time around, with Cuban infielder Sergio Valdez, a regular since 2018, was on the DL with a herniated disc in his back.

Game 1
NYC: SS R. Soto – 1B I. Flores – RF Fullerton – LF J. Williams – 3B Schmit – C Asay – CF Douglas – 2B J. Gomez – P Dunn
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Cardona – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – SS Stalker – P Chavez

One thing that was always unnerving was base hits by the opposing pitchers to begin an inning. This was just not the way things were supposed to go. Tim Dunn, forever pig-faced and pink-faced, knocked a ball into center to begin the third inning for a single, and Robby Soto followed him right up. The Crusaders seemed to have something brewing after two scoreless frames to start the game, but then managed to get a pop from Ivan Flores, a grounder to Chavez by D.J. Fullerton for a force at second base, and then Chavez struck out Jake Williams. The Coons struggled to as much as dent Dunn early on, and things would only get worse with time. Shane Walter hit a single in the bottom of the fourth inning that glanced off Flores’ glove at first base, which was about as big a break as the Coons needed for some basic on-base presence. Matt Nunley grounded to Jose Gomez at second base, and Walter crashed into Soto at second base, breaking up the double play and also spraining his ankle. Daniel Bullock replaced him in the game.

The Crusaders broke through Chavez in the fifth, with Soto and Flores hitting doubles past either flank of Will Newman and his limited range in leftfield, both with two outs. Fullerton drove a ball to deep center following a wild pitch by Chavez, but Stevenson caught up with the drive to end the inning. Bottom 5th, we were going back to pitcher singles. Chavez came up with Tovias (double) and Stalker (single) on the corners and cracked a ball to left. Soto missed it, and it was through to the outfield for an RBI single, tying the game again. The Critters would end the inning like the Crusaders, though, stranding another runner on third base with a deep fly out, this one by Manuel Cardona to Fullerton in right. Stevenson had already grounded into a fielder’s choice. Williams and Andy Schmit hit leadoff singles in the sixth inning, and although Nunley turned a magnificent double play on Jason Asay’s bouncer, Williams would score on Lance Douglas’ line drive single to center, restoring the Crusaders to a 2-1 lead, which was only going to grow bigger. Chavez was removed after drilling Dunn to lead off the seventh, which was such a strong move and would definitely, really show the Crusaders into their place… David Kipple couldn’t dig out PH John Richardson’s bunt when he replaced Chavez, giving Richardson a single, and after a Flores groundout D.J. Fullerton belched a ball over the wall in right center, exploding the score to 5-1. When Dunn put the Critters’ leadoff man, Tovias, on with a ball to his bum, Zach Graves made sure to hit into a timely double play from the #9 slot, and speaking about the number nine, the Raccoons also had Brett Lillis pitching in a 4-run loss in the ninth inning to give him something to do other than trying to light Kevin Surginer’s hat on fire in the bullpen – that’s right, not even the Coons’ uniform fabric would want to catch fire! The Crusaders almost overturned Lillis on a Flores single and Williams double, but Bullock got hold of Schmit’s 2-out grounder to end the inning with runners in scoring position. Dunn bid for a complete game win, but allowed a Nunley single to begin the bottom 9th. Oh, I was sure that would be no bother to him eventually! Indeed, after Newman struck out, Dunn found a willing double play candidate in Omar Alfaro, who grounded hard to third base to end the game as Schmit started a 5-4-3 zinger. 5-1 Crusaders. Walter 1-2; Tovias 1-2, 2B;

In terms of casualties, Shane Walter ankle sprain would force him onto the DL, but maybe he could get bent back into shape inside the 15-day minimum stay. Since Tony Delgado was also back in shape, this triggered some roster moves, but we could not bring up Sam Armetta for Walter, since Armetta had also hurt his foot in AAA.

That’s what you need – a ****ty team with mounting injuries!

DL’ing Walter and sending Isaiah Jones onto waivers along with a designation for assignment without him having gotten into a game, the Raccoons added infrequent guest and at 31 years old definitely not a prospect, INF Guillermo Aponte, batting .244 in AAA at the time of promotion, was added to the 25- and 40-man rosters, and we also added SS Jon McGrew again. The 25-year-old McGrew was batting a steady .197 in AAA.

Tuesday’s lineup hinted at a team heading for dissolution.

Game 2
NYC: SS R. Soto – 1B I. Flores – LF J. Williams – 3B Schmit – C Asay – CF Douglas – RF Abraham – 2B J. Gomez – P Rutkowski
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Cardona – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – C Tovias – SS Bullock – 2B Aponte – P Shook

Shook had been denied a strikeout in his major league debut, but rung up Robby Soto to start the game, which was certainly something he would treasure in his heart forever. Next thing anybody knew, Josh Stevenson followed Shook’s scoreless first with a leadoff jack off Rutkowski in the bottom 1st, setting the Raccoons INTO THE LEAD. While Shook struck out five the first time through the New York order against one base hit, and walked Soto with two outs in the third before Soto was caught stealing, the Coons stranded a few more runners. Manuel Cardona had been hit after the Stevenson homer, but had been left one, as had been Elias Tovias after his leadoff double in the second. Stevenson and Cardona both hit singles to start the bottom 3rd, with Zach Graves getting hit by another wayward Rutkowski pitch, loading the bases for Matt Nunley – the closest thing to a batter still in the lineup – with nobody out. Regrettably, he struck out. Newman hit an RBI single, 2-0, but Tovias also struck out, and Bullock was down 0-2 before he rolled a ball up the middle that eluded Jose Gomez for a 2-run single, 4-0. Aponte would fly out, and the Bullock RBI’s would be unearned on Rutkowski, for Cardona had earlier reached after Andy Schmit had missed a foul pop of his for an error.

Shook slowly came apart in the middle innings, issuing a leadoff walk to Flores in the fourth, which the Crusaders threw away in a double play, and dealing TWO leadoff walks in the fifth to Jason Asay and Lance Douglas. Craig Abraham now hit into a double play to Nunley, but Jason Asay hit an RBI single to get the Crusaders on the board before Rutkowski grounded out to end the inning. The Coons had something brewing in the bottom 5th with a Newman double, after which Tovias was walked intentionally (!). Bullock zinged a ball over Schmit at third base for another double, this one scoring a run. Aponte, hitless in the Bigs in ’23, was walked intentionally with one out to pull up the pitcher, and while Shook struck out that was only half the deal for New York, and a tiring Rutkowski (already a wee bit over 100 pitches) lost Stevenson to a walk in a full count to force in the Critters’ sixth run. Cardona’s grounder was going to end the inning, except that Jose Gomez dropped Soto’s feed at second base for an error, another run scored, and the inning continued. Graves grounded for good then, leaving this a 7-1 game, although the Crusaders got Shook for two runs, as the Coons’ starter again issued two walks with nobody out in the top 6th, and this time wouldn’t get a double play to bail him out. Both runs scored on groundouts. Portland pulled one back on Tovias’ solo homer off Adonis Foster in the bottom 6th, 8-3, and Shook found time to issue a leadoff walk in for the fourth straight inning, to Abraham, in the top 7th, before handling Gomez’ grounder for another double play himself. That was it for him, though, seven walks having been issued, including six with nobody out, and sometimes he was still heading for his first W. Billy Brotman took over and collected four outs from the Crusaders, while the Raccoons added a run against Travis Giordano in the bottom 7th, Zach Graves doubling home Tim Stalker, who had entered the game along with Brotman in a double switch at Aponte’s expense. Bottom 8th, Tovias got on base with a single, and then Tony Delgado got drilled in his first plate appearance after being hurt getting drilled. Stalker singled, loading them up for Stevenson with one out, and Josh hit a bouncer off Giordano that made it past the general catastrophe with a hat that was Jose Gomez for an RBI single, getting the Coons into double digits for the first time since the Moon Landing. Cardona would hit into a double play to end the eighth, and in the ninth Adam Cowen absolutely had to soil the 7-run lead, allowing home runs to Douglas and John Richardson, with a Gomez single in between, for three runs. 10-6 Raccoons. Stevenson 4-5, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Newman 2-4, 2B, RBI; Tovias 3-4, BB, HR, 2B, RBI; Bullock 3-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Stalker 2-2;

The actual last time the Coons had put up ten? Opening Day, 11-4 over the Elks.

Yes, this season.

Game 3
NYC: CF Douglas – 1B I. Flores – RF Fullerton – LF J. Williams – 3B Schmit – C Asay – SS Vacarri – 2B J. Gomez – P Waite
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Cardona – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – C Tovias – SS Bullock – 2B Stalker – P McKendrick

When McKendrick walked Lance Douglas to begin the rubber game, that was the fifth consecutive inning for a starting pitcher to issue a free pass, still a move I could not find anywhere at all in our playbook. Flores also walked, Fullerton got drilled, and McKendrick had a real mess on his paws now. Jake Williams’ single plated one, Schmit’s sac fly to frighteningly deep leftfield plated another one, but then the Crusaders came apart on groundouts and Bullock stretching to catch Giacobbe Vacarri’s line drive to end the inning, a play at which I swore I saw Cristiano Carmona leap up briefly in his chair.

Substantially the same lineup as on Tuesday, the Coons didn’t do much at all against Waite early on, and we were quickly finding ourselves in the fourth inning and McKendrick drowning again in runners. Vacarri and Gomez both hit leadoff singles and were bunted into scoring position. McKendrick walked Douglas, then drilled Flores to force home a run, 3-0. Fullerton grounded to Stalker, but too slow to turn two, and another run scored, after which McKendrick bailed out with his first strikeout against Jake Williams. The Raccoons answered with an unearned run in the bottom of the inning, Newman’s 2-out double plating Graves, who had reached on Waite’s own throwing error.

McKendrick would last six innings of 5-hit, 4-run ball, walking four against only the Williams strikeout. Kipple took over in the seventh, pitching around Williams’ leadoff double with a grounder handled himself for an out on Schmit, and then strikeouts to Asay and Vacarri. Bullock drew a walk in the bottom 7th, and sure made the most of it for a team that was on three meager hits so far after ramming out 17 the previous game. Bullock stole second, was balked to third, and after Waite also walked Stalker, Omar Alfaro’s pinch-hit sac fly scored Bullock for the Coons’ second run. They were still two short, but Stevenson flew out to left to end the inning, and the Crusaders pulled the run right back in the top 8th. Adam Cowen walked the only batter he faced, Richardson, and the Crusaders maneuvered the runner around on Billy Brotman’s watch that followed. Down 5-2, the Coons would claw once more against Steve Casey in the ninth inning. Dwayne Metts’ pinch-hit single was a good first step, and with two outs another pinch-hitter did some damage, with Tony Delgado cracking a home run that cut the gap to a single run. Stevenson walked to bring up the winning run, which was Cardona, and there were rumors that he had plenty of power, but he struck out to end the game. 5-4 Crusaders. Cardona 2-5, 2 2B; Metts (PH) 1-1; Delgado (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI;

Raccoons (31-40) @ Knights (39-33) – June 23-25, 2023

The Knights had won four straight and two of three against the Raccoons this season. They were sixth in runs allowed, third in runs scored, but there were some black spots to their overall disposition, like the second-worst bullpen in the land that was regularly undoing a strong rotation’s good work.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (5-5, 4.19 ERA) vs. Leon Hernandez (5-6, 3.43 ERA)
Travis Garrett (2-0, 2.56 ERA) vs. Alex Maldonado (4-6, 4.29 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (5-6, 4.54 ERA) vs. Chris Rountree (3-0, 4.55 ERA)

The Coons would dance around the two best Knights pitchers by ERA, Brian Cope (9-5, 2.58 ERA) and Danny Martin (6-5, 3.25 ERA). They got right-right-left to worry about, although there was also right-handed veteran Jonathan Ryan (9-3, 3.38 ERA) that had been displaced into the bullpen recently.

Listen, Knights, if you don’t want him anymore…

Game 1
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Cardona – LF Newman – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – SS Bullock – RF Alfaro – 2B Stalker – P Gutierrez
ATL: RF Stuckey – 3B Farias – SS T. Jimenez – C Luna – LF M. Reyes – 1B Avalos – 2B Hibbard – CF Folk – P L. Hernandez

There was rain on the horizon in the opener, and while Gutierrez was in trouble in the opening frame, allowing a leadoff single to Johnny Stuckey and then walking Emilio Farias, the Knights would flunk out of the inning with poor contact after that. No poor contact from Elias Tovias in the top 2nd: the rookie catcher mashed a leadoff jack off Hernandez, which was his fifth of the season, breaking a tie for the team lead! What exciting times we were living in… The Coons had little going on otherwise, while the Knights got a leadoff single from Hernandez in the bottom 3rd, but Stuckey then hit into a double play. The rain arrived in the fourth inning, and so did the Knights offense. Tony Jimenez hit a leadoff single up the middle, Ruben Luna also singled, and the Knights flipped the score on Marty Reyes’ sac fly to Newman in left, then Tony Avalos’ single to left that scored Luna from second base. Gutierrez drilled Devin Hibbard, putting two on with one out, and the Coons could not turn a double play on Brody Folk’s grounder, erasing only Hibbard at second. When Hernandez drove a 2-out ball into the gap, I was ready to put the game down as a loss, but somehow Stevenson managed to warp over there to make the catch and strand a pair of Knights and thus kept the score to 2-1 in Atlanta’s favor.

But the balls kept falling in against Gutierrez, who allowed a single to Jimenez in the fifth, and then Ruben Luna murdered a harmless breaking ball for a mighty 2-piece, extending the score to 4-1. It was Luna’s 12th homer in 2023, which was *decent* for a team lead at least. He was also one short of 50 RBI now. Brody Folk, not exactly a home run hitter, also went deep off Gutierrez, his sixth-inning solo shot ending the southpaw’s night in a 5-1 game. The Raccoons produced absolutely nothing for so long, when Tim Stalker hit a leadoff triple in the eighth inning it was actually a bit of a moment – this was going to be our start of a comeback! Jon McGrew’s RBI double only assured us of this thought, and then the 1-2-3 batters made 1-2-3 weak outs and the team remained behind by three runs. There was a 45-minute rain delay after the eighth inning, with everybody in attendance expecting the game to be called at the slightest provocation, but the umpires stuck it out to give the Raccoons another vague comeback chance in the ninth. Freddy Heredia got a weak flyout from Nunley, but then allowed a single to Tovias. Zach Graves pinch-hit for Joe Moore in the #6 hole and singled up the middle, bringing up Alfaro with the tying run. A wild pitch advanced the runners, but Alfaro struck out anyway, and when Tony Delgado batted for Stalker, he popped out to short to end the contest. 5-2 Knights. Tovias 2-4, HR, RBI; Graves (PH) 1-1; Stalker 2-3, 2B; McGrew 1-1, 2B, RBI;

Game 2
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Delgado – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – 2B Stalker – RF Alfaro – SS McGrew – P Garrett
ATL: RF Stuckey – 3B Farias – 1B Avalos – SS T. Jimenez – LF M. Reyes – 2B Hibbard – C D. Rice – CF Folk – P Maldonado

After a perfect first, “Tragic” Travis allowed singles to the first three batters in the second inning. That loaded the bases, and ex-Coon Danny Rice quickly scored the first run of the game with a groundout to Stalker. Folk lifted a ball to right, Alfaro had it, Reyes went for home, and Alfaro had that one, too, throwing out the runner at home plate to end that inning with only a 1-0 deficit. The Coons were not much into the hitting business and then even did not get the little things to break their way, like a bang-bang play at first base to lead off the fourth inning, in which Graves was mercilessly called out. The Knights in turn in the bottom 4th had three walks and a stolen base, and still didn’t score on Garrett, who got Folk to pop out and whiffed Maldonado to strand a full set of runners. Garrett got drilled in the fifth inning by Maldonado, with two outs, on an 0-2 pitch, and with Tim Stalker at third base. Stalker had hit a leadoff double, by far the most exciting thing to happen to the Coons so far in this game. Stevenson cracked a liner to left, but Farias leapt and caught it, ending the inning anyway.

But maybe the team was getting warm now. Tony Delgado hit a leadoff single over the third base bag in the top 6th, and Graves lined into shallow center for another single. Maldonado lost Nunley in a full count, loading the bases with nobody out and only a flimsy 1-0 lead in his favor. Admirably, the Raccoons refused to score – Tovias struck out and Stalker found the opposite shortstop for a good old 6-4-3 inning-ender, and I was gnawing on the bill of my Coons cap just so I would not scream out loud. Garrett remained on the hook after six innings of 1-run ball, walking four and whiffing seven, and the pen fell apart in the bottom 7th to nail him to that cross for good. Vince D walked Sean Young with two outs in the bottom 7th, and with the top of the order primarily left-handed, Kipple replaced him. Craig Dasher pinch-hit though, drew another walk, Farias singled, and Avalos singled two, plating a pair. Kipple walked Jimenez before yielding for Moore after facing four batters and retiring none, but Moore did nothing but miss grossly to Marty Reyes, walking in another run. Devin Hibbard grounded out in a full count, finally ending the bedeviled inning with the Coons now down by four.

Well, the Coons weren’t going to score one, and they sure as hell weren’t going to score four. Stevenson and Graves were on base in the eighth inning for Nunley to bat with one down. Nunley flew out to Folk in left center, Stevenson went for third base, and was thrown out to end the inning. Brett Lillis pitched in his second game of the week, both in rampant losses, and this time even in the bottom of the eighth, delivering a perfect inning at the very least. 4-0 Knights. Stevenson 2-4; Graves 2-3, BB; Garrett 6.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 4 BB, 7 K, L (2-1);

Emilio Farias (.275, 0 HR, 24 RBI), 36, reached the 2,000 hits mark in this game, singling off David Kipple in the seventh. Playing second and third base mostly for the Thunder in his 13-year career, Farias has batted .317 overall with only nine home runs (still nine more then Jarod Spencer) and 663 RBI. He was an All Star three times.

Game 3
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Cardona – LF Newman – C Delgado – 2B Stalker – 3B Bullock – RF Alfaro – SS McGrew – P Chavez
ATL: RF Stuckey – 3B Farias – C Luna – 1B Avalos – SS T. Jimenez – LF M. Reyes – 2B Hibbard – CF Folk – P Rountree

The Knights had runners in scoring position in the bottom 1st with Farias reaching on a walk and Avalos on Will Newman stumbling and dropping his easy fly that should have ended the inning. Jimenez grounded out poorly to keep the Coons from going down right away. The top 2nd saw Portlanders on the corners after singles by Bullock and Alfaro, but sixth-string shortstop Jon McGrew found it necessary to hit into a double play, and no one scored. Except for the Knights, who took a 1-0 lead in the bottom of the inning on Hibbard’s homer off Chavez, a 390-footer to left. Brody Folk topped Hibbard by 20 feet as he made it back-to-back, and Chavez continued to implode from there, allowing singles to the 1-2-3 batters with two outs, allowing a third run to score on Luna’s single to right. Cardona snagged an Avalos liner to end the inning.

With the Coons’ offensive attempts entirely abortive and best likened to six-week-old kittens getting clumsily trapped under a small ball of yarn and asphyxiating in that position, there was little left but to watch the pitching staff unravel. Chavez issued a leadoff walk to Jimenez in the third, but Reyes hit into a double play, and they left him alone for a while after that. Farias flew out on a 3-0 pitch to begin the fifth inning, which probably cost them a run eventually, as the Knights would get a 2-out double from Tony Avalos, and then Jimenez’ fly to left ended the inning, but might have been deep enough to score Farias in a sac fly scenario. Oh, hold on – a Raccoon on base! Two down in the top 6th, Cardona singled, their first base knock since the second inning, and – oh, shucks! – they picked him off. What a stunning development!

Top 7th, Stuckey’s error put Newman on base to begin the inning – he had a ball glance off the edge of his glove while on the run, which was a tough call, but eh, the focus was more on how the Coons would wacko themselves out of this free runner. Delgado worked a walk in a full count before Stalker grounded back to the mound, but Rountree only got Delgado at second base, with runners remaining on the corners for Bullock, who was the tying run and somehow got at least a(n unearned) run in with a grounder to Avalos, who could have played it more efficiently to keep Newman at third. Alfaro hit an RBI single past Farias with two down, moving the Coons from two down to one down as Stalker scored. Tovias batted for McGrew in that situation, but flew out to center. Both runs were unearned.

Brotman entered the game in the #8 hole, with Chavez gone and Aponte entering at second base, shifting Stalker to short. Billy faced the opposing pitcher to lead off the bottom 7th, had him at 0-2, then nailed him anyway. Good stuff! Good stuff. Farias singled after Dasher bunted the pitcher to second base, and the single scored an insurance run for Atlanta. Aponte handled two groundouts afterwards to end the inning. On to the ninth, where the Coons had to make up two runs, and Heredia’s leadoff walk to Newman was not a shabby start, at least until Delgado popped out. Nunley batted for Stalker and got nicked, placing the tying runs aboard for … Bullock and Alfaro? The former grounded out, and the latter got no chance – Graves batted for him to counter the right-handed pitcher. He flew to shallow left, and into the final out. 4-2 Knights. Alfaro 2-3, RBI;

In other news

June 20 – SAL MR John Watson (0-2, 7.27 ERA, 5 SV) retires nobody in the bottom of the 10th inning of an 8-8 game against the Stars. Dallas’ Jose Vargas (.298, 3 HR, 21 RBI) hits a leadoff single, after which Watson misplays a bunt and walks two batters, with Brian Marable (.149, 1 HR, 7 RBI) squeezing out the walkoff walk for a 9-8 Stars win.
June 20 – Season over for IND SP Tristan Broun (5-5, 3.27 ERA). The 35-year-old left-hander has been diagnosed with shoulder inflammation.
June 20 – …nor is Broun the only left-handed starter going down for the rest of the season; the Condors lose SP Luis Flores (5-6, 3.53 ERA) to forearm tendinitis. His return in ’23 is highly questionable at least.
June 21 – Scoreless in regulation, the Blue Sox win a 10-inning, 1-0 game over the Buffaloes on C Armando Leal (.298, 4 HR, 28 RBI) going yard as a pinch-hitter in the top of the 10th.
June 22 – TOP LF/RF Alfredo Quintana (.316, 12 HR, 34 RBI) goes deep for the only score in the Buffaloes’ 1-0 win over the Blue Sox – the second consecutive 1-0 game between the two teams.
June 24 – As the Capitals ravage the Gold Sox in a 15-4 blowout, Washington’s Matt Barber (.292, 10 HR, 39 RBI) knocks out five base hits, including two in the 8-run first inning. Barber has one double in his 5-hit basket, and drives in two runs.
June 24 – The Canadiens concede seven runs in the first inning, and seven more along the way to a 14-1 defeat at the hands of the Thunder. OCT SS Lorenzo Rivera (.318, 1 HR, 31 RBI) and RF Ezra Branch (.266, 5 HR, 38 RBI) both drive in four runs in the game.

Complaints and stuff

Let’s see – with Shane Walter to the DL we are mostly down to Nunley, Stevenson, Tovias, and Stalker as far as Opening Day starters are concerned, given that Alfaro does not start regularly anymore, and who the **** is Jon McGrew after all!? Zach Graves is making a nice bid to continue his career, and once Cookie comes back we might just as well demote Alfaro, because he makes me sad.

We are last in OBP, OPS, runs, extra-base hits, homers, and walks drawn. We are second-to-last in slugging; also on the pitching side in homers and walks allowed.

The stories about knife fights in the clubhouse that you may have heard are actually, seriously, totally not true. No, they are not.

…

Well, okay, *somebody* threw a chair at a player, but he *missed*, and it was all talked about afterwards. … At the top of their little lungs. … In the parking lot. … With some skunk from the Agitator shooting photos from behind a parked car.

What a fun time to be alive and involved in Portland baseball!

Next week, Thunder and Titans, so the hole might well only deepen from here. On the bright side, we’re still 8 1/2 games ahead of the circus-style ruckus that is going on in Elkland, so that’s a thought to hold and cherish. Hey, we’re ****, but we’re NOT AS **** AS THEM!! There is in fact a sub-.400 team in every division right now, and I should be careful here given that the Critters to their all to become the fifth team under .400 before the All Star Game.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons reached their all-time pinnacle in total wins over .500 on September 3, 2021 with an Eddie Jackson walkoff home run sending them to a 6-4 win over the Loggers, 12 games over .500 on the season, and 228 games over .500 in team history.

The precise tally at that point? 3,746 wins and 3,518 losses. We have since dropped under the 200 mark in surplus wins and I don’t think we’ll return to it that soon.

I presume this is also the best win percentage the team ever had (.51569), although that is a bit harder to conclusively calculate, although the end of the Coons’ Golden Era, a 108-54 season in 1996, complete with a sour World Series loss to the Rebels, only got them up to .513 in total, thanks to the gloriously rotten early years of the team.

Did I mention that we’re going back to that?

[Westheim]

Raccoons (31-43) @ Thunder (40-35) – June 26-28, 2023

Both teams entered the series with 4-game streaks, although only for the Thunder that was a winning streak. They ranked third in runs scored in the Continental League, but they were also giving up the (tied-)third-most runs, and their run differential was an easily measurable +1. Their problem was an outrageous rotation that was second-worst in the CL and piled up an ERA just north of 4.50. But hey, when did bad pitching ever prevent a team from beating up the Raccoons? The Thunder had a 2-1 edge in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Shook (1-1, 4.72 ERA) vs. Jose Menendez (6-6, 5.18 ERA)
Chris McKendrick (0-3, 3.79 ERA) vs. Dave Dyer (1-4, 6.10 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (5-6, 4.43 ERA) vs. Alex Vallejo (2-6, 4.10 ERA)

Three right-handers scheduled for this one. Watch out though for the Thunder’s solid pen, and the fact that they were pretty damn good at drawing walks. I had a hunch that our pitching would not show its best side in this series.

Game 1
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Cardona – RF Graves – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – C Tovias – SS Stalker – 2B Aponte – P Shook
OCT: SS L. Rivera – LF W. Madrid – C Pizzo – RF Branch – 2B J. Becker – 1B McIntyre – 3B B. Marshall – CF Bareford – P Menendez

The mess started right in the first inning and after Lorenzo Rivera’s initial groundout. Willie Madrid doubled to left center, stole third base, Shook greatly helped himself by nicking Mike Pizzo, and then Madrid scored on a passed ball as Ezra Branch was in the process of drawing a walk that he ended up getting on four pitches. Jeff Becker lined into a double play with Stalker catching Pizzo off second base, which was an uncanny development that was surely win us the game. Not.

The Raccoons would tie the score in the second inning thanks to Matt Nunley’s leadoff double, after which Newman walked. After Tovias went down, Tim Stalker singled to right, plating Nunley from second base with Ezra Branch’s throw to home plate coming in late. It didn’t come in late on the next play, as Newman was sent from third on Aponte’s fly out to Branch – this time the runner was out and the inning ended. Former Coon Andy Bareford put the Thunder back in front in the bottom of the inning, though, parking a 2-out solo shot in the leftfield stands, after which Shook loaded the bases with singles hit by Menendez and Rivera, and a hapless walk issued to Madrid. Pizzo flew out to left, stranding three.

While Nunley was robbed of another leadoff double by Bareford’s spectacular play to begin the fourth inning, and the Coons would not score even after Newman reached on an error by Rivera, the bottom of the fourth saw Bareford lace a leadoff double into the leftfield corner. Shook became unhinged in spectacular fashion, allowing an RBI single to Rivera, another single to Madrid, and then even Pizzo’s fly out was only the second out in the inning. Branch walked in a full count, and the first pitch to Jeff Becker went entirely over Tovias’ head, allowing Rivera to score, 4-1. Becker grounded out on a 3-1 pitch eventually, which should give him a good beating from his manager given the way that Shook was being shaken. Nobody took more advantage of Shook than Bareford, who saw him three times and rapped him for three extra-base hits, including a 2-out solo shot in the bottom 5th, his second homer on the day, which also doubled his season total. Menendez grounded out on a 3-1 pitch (…), which ended the inning and also Shook’s day, because we had seen well enough. The Coons’ spectacular ineptitude also saw them reach base – somehow – in the fifth with Stevenson singling, and in the sixth with Graves getting on … and both runners were caught stealing. Menendez allowed no more base runners through seven, but left-hander Scott McLaughlin coughed up 2-out singles to Cardona and Graves in the eighth. Nunley popped out to second base to end that minor pseudo threat. The worst, however, was yet to come, although Nunley was front and center in that one too in the bottom 8th. Surginer was pitching, and opened the inning with a double conceded to Bobby Marshall already. Bareford legged out an infield single, after which PH John Elliott grounded at Nunley. That could have been two, but Nunley got the ball stuck in his glove, panicked, dropped it, and by then a run had scored, and two were on base. Actually, make that three, because Cardona couldn’t dig out Rivera’s bunt, conceding another single. Willie Madrid hit a sac fly, after which Brotman replaced Surginer. The good news was that Brotman actually got out of the inning with two strikeouts, despite Tovias losing another pitch on a passed ball. 7-1 Thunder. Graves 2-4; Bullock (PH) 1-1; Cowen 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

I don’t usually say this, but … OH JE-SUS CHRIST, they are pathetic!!

Oh well, just another six games this week, and they might well lose all o’ them.

Game 2
POR: RF Graves – SS Bullock – LF Newman – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – 1B Cardona – 2B Stalker – CF Metts – P McKendrick
OCT: SS L. Rivera – LF W. Madrid – C Pizzo – RF Branch – 2B J. Becker – 1B McIntyre – 3B B. Marshall – CF Bareford – P Dyer

But hey, maybe they could get a lucky break against ex-Critter Dave Dyer, who had no place in the majors whatsoever and had issued 60 walks in 72.1 innings this year. Maybe THAT was the kind of pitching against which they could break out! While ‘breaking out’ was usually defined as scoring a bunch early, the Coons at least scored *first* in the game, even though it took a 2-out RBI single from McKendrick to get the runner (Cardona) home. Both Cardona and Stalker had singled earlier in the inning and were on the corners for our pitcher. Zach Graves – batting leadoff as the team’s plunge into the underworld accelerated – would walk to load the bases, but Bullock flew out to center. McKendrick blew his lead right away against the first batter he faced in the bottom 2nd, as Ezra Branch blasted a monstrous home run to right to knot the score at one.

It takes two to tango, they said, and McKendrick had heard of that. Stalker hit a 1-out double in the fourth inning, Dwayne Metts struck out, and McKendrick knocked a ball past Will McIntyre into rightfield for his second RBI single in the game, giving himself a 2-1 lead, and this time he even held Branch to a single in the bottom of the inning, in which the Thunder scored no runs. McKendrick’s value as a 2-out batter was so great, when Tim Stalker reached base with two down in the sixth inning management categorically ordered him to steal second base, so Metts would be walked intentionally to pull up the pitcher again for good things to happen. The only problem was the Thunder pitching out and Stalker being thrown out by a country mile to end the inning. McKendrick was in 2-out trouble of his own in the bottom of the inning, issuing his first walk of the game to Pizzo, who was 3/3 in catching Coons base stealers, and then allowing a full-count single to Branch that sent Pizzo to third with the tying run. Branch stole second in this spot, but Becker grounded out to Cardona to end the inning.

Bottom 7th, McKendrick issued a leadoff walk to McIntyre, but Bobby Marshall smacked into a double play. Things might have ended well for McKendrick here, however both Bareford and PH Brett Dobbs knocked singles into centerfield, removing our starting pitcher in favor of Vince Devereaux, who struck out Rivera in a full count to get through the seventh. The Coons failed to convert a Bullock leadoff double in the eighth (which was so surprising), but the Thunder also didn’t plate Madrid after his leadoff single off Vince D in the bottom 8th. Kipple replaced Devereaux and got two grounders and a K to end the inning, with the Coons still holding on to McKendrick’s flimsy 2-1 lead. This transpired into Brett Lillis’ first save opportunity in 11 days, nor had he pitched with any kind of lead for this long. So McIntyre hit a leadoff single! Because of course he would. Lillis would get groundouts from Adam Baker and Andy Bareford after that, which moved the tying run to third base. John Elliott batted in the #9 hole and hit a ball to deep center, but Dwayne Metts caught up with it and ended the game and the Coons’ 5-game drought. 2-1 Blighters. Stalker 2-3, BB, 2B; McKendrick 6.2 IP, 7 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 1 K, W (1-3) and 2-3, 2 RBI;

This was McKendrick’s first major-league win of course, and he really earned that thing!

Boy, am I glad we tore up Dave Dyer. We really showed the Thunder here.

Game 3
POR: CF Stevenson – SS Bullock – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – 1B Cardona – 2B Stalker – RF Alfaro – P Gutierrez
OCT: SS L. Rivera – 3B B. Marshall – RF Branch – LF Dobbs – C A. Baker – 2B Ts’ai – 1B W. Madrid – CF Bareford – P Vallejo

The Coons put their first two men on as Stevenson walked and Bullock hit an infield single, but the middle of the order was collectively not helpful in getting a run across. Matt Nunley especially continued to be pulled deeper and deeper into a black hole of not hitting any kind of pitch anymore. The Thunder in turn knocked Gutierrez around right away, shafting him for three singles, a walk, two runs, and he also added a wild pitch to a wretched first inning. The Critters pulled a run back in the top 2nd thanks to doubles to left hit by both Cardona and Alfaro, but Gutierrez continued to be no bueno and allowed another run in the bottom 2nd. Bareford doubled and scored on Bobby Marshall’s 2-out single. Gutierrez also walked Branch before Dobbs popped out to end the inning. Graves’ 1-out double to center in the top 3rd put Nunley in the spotlight again, and the pressured third baseman knocked a single into leftfield. Graves scored, giving Nunley his first RBI in 12 days, and only his fourth game with a run batted in THIS MONTH…!

Nunley was left on in the inning, but the bottom 3rd saw nobody left on. Willie Madrid’s grounder forced out Zheng-ze Ts’ai, who had hit a 1-out single off Gutierrez, who then snapped around and picked Madrid off first base before throwing a pitch to Bareford, ending the bottom 3rd, but he had to sully that good impression right away in the following half-inning. With Stalker and Alfaro on base and one out, he bunted into a double play, third-and-first. Vallejo issued another walk to Stevenson, but Bullock whiffed, and nobody scored. At least Gutierrez held the Thunder away offensively in those middle innings, and he would be rewarded handsomely for that when Tim Stalker knotted the score at three with a solo homer off Vallejo in the sixth inning. That took Gutierrez off the hook … and asking for a W would be a bit much the way he was pitching, striking out one batter through five innings, and that was Vallejo, and then he had been called out on a borderline 3-2 pitch. The Thunder would promptly reach the corners in the bottom 6th with nobody out, Madrid and Bareford knocking hard singles off Gutierrez, giving Oklahoma ten base knocks in 5+ innings. However, a bad bunt by Vallejo, a shallow fly out to Graves in left, and a grounder to Stalker kept Madrid from making that final 90ft trip, and the game remained tied through six.

Vallejo issued a leadoff walk to Daniel Bullock in the top 7th, who went ahead right away and stole second base, putting the Coons at 3/3 on the base paths against Baker after being thrown out in every attempt by Pizzo in the first two games. That runner wouldn’t score, however, with Graves, Nunley, and Tovias making a series of soft and pathetic outs. Gutierrez was left with the no-decision, Joe Moore replacing him in the bottom 7th, in which he retired the Thunder in order. Top 8th, Vallejo drilled Stalker, and after Alfaro struck out for the second out, Adam Howell replaced the Thunder starter, only to load the bases with walks to Metts and Stevenson. Bullock came up, poked, and dropped a single near the rightfield line. McIntyre cut it off, but thanks to Metts’ speed on second base, two runs scored anyway to break the 3-3 tie. Stevenson and Bullock pulled off a cocky double steal on Baker, but were stranded when Zach Graves grounded out. Up 5-3, Vince D became unglued in an instant in the bottom of the inning, allowing a leadoff single to Ts’ai, walking Madrid, and then coughing up an RBI single to the pinch-hitting Pizzo. John Elliott struck out, and Rivera grounded into a double play to keep the Thunder from leveling the score again, leaving Portland up 5-4 in a real nail-biter, which only got worse in the bottom 9th. McIntyre hit a clean single to left with one out, and Lillis next served up a deep fly to center to Dobbs, but somehow Stevenson made the catch. Baker singled up the middle, putting the winning run aboard with two down, when Ts’ai lined to the left side – and right at Bullock, who swiped the ball to steal the series from the Thunder. 5-4 Coons. Bullock 3-5, 2 RBI; Stalker 1-2, BB, HR, RBI; Alfaro 1-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI;

Raccoons (33-44) @ Titans (48-31) – June 29-July 2, 2023

The Titans had lost regular INF/LF Mike Kane (.255, 2 HR, 35 RBI) to a broken wrist at the beginning of the week and things had gone anything but well for them in other aspects as well as they had lost their last four games, reducing their lead in the North to 1 1/2 over the Crusaders. They were still second in both runs scored and runs allowed, so this WAS the team to beat in the division, but right now they were soul-searching. This was the second consecutive 4-game set between these teams, with the Coons scratching out a split a few weeks ago, holding them in a 3-5 tally for the season series, which was already more wins over Boston than they managed in all of 2022.

Projected matchups:
Travis Garrett (2-1, 2.39 ERA) vs. Alan Farrell (5-5, 4.60 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (5-7, 4.53 ERA) vs. Chris Klein (7-6, 3.14 ERA)
Jonathan Shook (1-2, 5.89 ERA) vs. Jose Fuentes (6-3, 4.02 ERA)
Chris McKendrick (1-3, 3.16 ERA) vs. Julio San Pedro (7-6, 3.59 ERA)

No southpaw expected for this series, either.

Actually, Kane is the third infield regular to land on the DL for the Titans, getting thrown onto a pile already containing Tony Casillas and Jamie Wilson. They were relying on Tristen Baptiste to get things done now, and Baptiste was batting a rich .102 …

Game 1
POR: CF Stevenson – SS Bullock – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – 2B Stalker – 1B Cardona – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – P Garrett
BOS: 2B W. Ramos – C Leonard – CF Reichardt – 1B Herlihy – RF Braun – LF Almanza – SS Stephens – 3B Baptiste – P Farrell

Matt Nunley continued to not get anything done, and even when he did, fate would still deny him. He came to bat with Bullock on second base after drawing a walk, and Graves on first base after singling up the middle, and lashed a liner to centerfield, that nevertheless Adrian Reichardt managed to catch up with. For all intents and purposes, it should have been an RBI double. Nope, the curse on Nunley continued, but Tim Stalker stunned the Titans with a 3-run homer to leftfield. Enter Tragic Travis, who managed to run a 3-ball count past almost everyone in the first inning, and surrendered one run right away after a Reichardt single and Trent Herlihy’s double. Garrett also bunted into a force play on Omar Alfaro in the second inning, but something had happened to Stalker at some point, because his next time up in the third inning he whacked another homer off Farrell, this one with nobody on base and stretching the lead to 4-1 and also moving him into a tie for the team lead with … five home runs.

Maybe it was Farrell. By the fourth, he was gone with an apparent injury, while Garrett was allowed to fudge his way through the Titans’ lineup for a while longer. But like Farrell, the Coons’ lead ceased to be a thing in the fourth inning. Adam Braun hit a leadoff jack, 4-2, and Garrett continued to shuffle men onto base before allowing a 2-out, 3-run blast to leadoff man Willie Ramos that set the Titans 5-4 ahead. Top 5th, Graves hit a leadoff single off Edwin Balandran, only to get picked off, and Stalker’s at-bat passed without another dinger, as Balandran walked him with two outs. Cardona ended that inning, and Tovias began the next by shoving Stalker into his place with his sixth home run of the season, also to left, tying the score at five and taking Garrett off the hook even before he was hit for in the inning.

By the eighth, the Titans had suffered another pitching injury to R.J. Lloyd and were burning through their pen at frightening speed, and it was Mike Tharp to face Stalker leading off. Stalker, who countered the left-hander Tharp, remained unretired in the game as he singled up the middle. Manuel Cardona, however, failed to drop down a bunt, then grounded into a double play. The Coons would have runners on in the ninth against their former litter mate Ron Thrasher, though, with Newman singling to right in the #9 hole, and Stevenson working a 1-out walk. That brought up an 0-for-3 Bullock, although we were at the point where there were rarely any promising PH options on the bench even compared to him. He grounded to short, with the Titans getting one out at second base. Graves had been removed in a double switch earlier, and Tony Delgado batted for Surginer in the #3 spot with men on the corners. He chipped the first pitch into play, the ****tiest little bobbling bouncer you’d see in a given month, but Thrasher lunged at it too late and Willie Ramos took too long hustling in from second base – Delgado had an infield single, Newman scored, and the Coons were in the lead again! Thrasher lost Nunley in a full count, loading the bases, before a passed ball on Leonard allowed one runner to score and took away the slam for Stalker. Tim would not go deep again, but cracked another single to center to score two, which also was the end of the line for a thoroughly thrashered Thrasher. Javy Salomon struck out Cardona in the 4-run game to end the top 9th. Kipple was tapped for the ninth, but walked a pair without getting really far. Lillis took over to save it with two outs to collect. Nunley made a splendid play on Reichardt’s slow grounder to the left side, retiring him at first, while Herlihy’s groundout to Stalker was more of the household variety. 9-5 Furballs! Graves 2-4; Delgado (PH) 1-1, RBI; Stalker 4-4, BB, 2 HR, 6 RBI; Cardona 2-5, 2B; Newman 1-1; Brotman 1.2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Kevin Surginer became the second Coons rookie to claim his maiden win this week, picking up the W for 1.1 innings in relief.

Game 2
POR: LF Stevenson – SS Bullock – 1B Graves – 3B Nunley – 2B Stalker – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – CF Metts – P Chavez
BOS: 2B W. Ramos – C Leonard – CF Reichardt – 1B Herlihy – RF Braun – LF Almanza – SS Hebberd – 3B Baptiste – P Klein

The Titans worked their way through some of their frustration right in the first inning, with the hapless Chavez getting banged for two runs right away. Willie Ramos walked on four pitches, stole second, and scored on Reichardt’s single. Reichardt was caught stealing by Delgado (increasing Tony’s CS% to a lofty 13%), after which Trent Herlihy went deep to left center, his 12th dinger in ’23, so things could actually have been even worse for Chavez. Delgado grounded into a double play in the top 2nd, erasing the unretireable Stalker after his 1-out walk, then was charged with a passed ball in the bottom of the inning, although somehow that was still not enough to score Baptiste, who had singled, his third base hit in the series.

Maybe something would be up in the third inning. Alfaro reached on an error by Ramos, and Metts somehow walked in a full count. Both were bunted into scoring position by Chavez, but the Coons would not progress past Stevenson’s sac fly to center. This gave them a run without landing a base hit, and trailing 2-1. Bullock lined out to centerfield. Graves drew a leadoff walk in the fourth, after which Nunley appeared to land a blooper behind short, but Bill Hebberd made a tumbling catch racing backwards. Cameras caught Nunley gnawing on his bat in the dugout afterwards as his average had dropped below .250 for the season. Anyone remember the time he batted .400 in April? The Coons would get onto the corners after a Hebberd error later in the inning, which put Delgado aboard, but Alfaro bounced out to Ramos to end the inning. Five runners, no hits, and still down by one. They would break into the H column eventually, Graves dropping a single into shallow center in the sixth. Nunley batted with one out, sent a drive to deep center, and was denied by Reichardt once more. He calmly walked back to the dugout from first base, picked up his bat in foul ground, and kept walking calmly until reaching the dugout, where he decimated one of the league’s cameras that pointed into the dugout with just two swings. At least those were clear hits.

Chavez had wobbled on unimpressively all the while, missing grossly quite often, and walked Adam Braun with one out in the sixth. Struggling to bat .200, Chris Almanza came through with an RBI double to extend the Titans’ lead to 3-1, but was stranded when Hebberd grounded out and Baptiste flew out to right. Chavez was done after the inning, and the Titans would score two more runs on Adam Cowen later on, although those were unearned thanks to a Jon McGrew throwing error to begin the bottom of the eighth inning, although the Titans’ two base hits that followed (by Jose Duran and Bill Hebberd) were pretty well spiced, too… Chris Klein went the distance, whiffing nine, and helped to reset the Titans pen for the last two games of the weekend. 5-1 Titans.

Two hits. We actually amounted to two hits in this game. Poor Chris Klein didn’t get a shutout for that unearned run. He would have deserved it. Really.

Game 3
POR: CF Stevenson – 3B Bullock – RF Graves – LF Newman – SS Stalker – C Tovias – 1B Cardona – 2B Aponte – P Shook
BOS: 2B W. Ramos – C Leonard – CF Reichardt – 1B Herlihy – RF Braun – SS Hebberd – LF K. Evans – 3B Baptiste – P J. Fuentes

A Bullock single and Graves drawing a walk led nowhere nice in the first inning, and Tovias’ leadoff single was negated when Cardona grounded to short for two in the second. Shook spilled another three walks the first time through the order, and only struck out Fuentes in a full count with two in scoring position and two outs in the bottom 2nd, so we clearly had to find some better option for him. He was walking roughly seven per nine innings. However, the Titans would only get two hits off Shook the entire game. Leonard hit a single in the third. And Jose Fuentes hit a bases-clearing double in the fourth, with Shook having walked the bases loaded. He was evicted from the game by management right afterwards, with Kipple at least keeping that fourth run on base, but conceded a run anyway in the fifth inning on two singles and a walk, before having to be bailed out by Cowen, who – what raging success – managed to retire Tristen Baptiste, still batting .143 despite tearing up the Coons in this series.

Those Coons had landed four base hits in the first five innings, never more than one per inning, and were still being shut out, at least until Elias Tovias’ 2-out, 2-run double into the rightfield corner threw ink onto Fuentes’ white shirt. Graves (single) and Newman (walk) scored. Fuentes was hit for in the bottom 6th of the 4-2 game, in which Cowen held up until Alfaro batted for him in the top 7th, doubled to right center, but strained his groin and had to be replaced by McGrew as pinch-runner. A Stevenson single put the tying runs on the corners for Daniel Bullock, which was not always a situation that promised multiple runs to score. Desi Bowles got him to pop up, then nailed Graves to fill the bags for Will Newman, a good hitter in a previous life. He actually knocked a single to right, but only one run was going to score on that base hit as it dropped right in front of Braun. Stalker flew out to center, stranding three, and those were the last base runners of the game. Vince D, Javy Salomon, Billy Brotman, and Thrasher each pitched perfectly from there. 4-3 Titans. Stevenson 2-5; Graves 1-2, BB; Tovias 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Alfaro (PH) 1-1, 2B;

The Raccoons out-hit the Titans 9-4 in this game.

Maybe they should stop employing pitchers that effortlessly walk half a dozen in less than four innings.

Omar Alfaro’s groin was not that bad, but he had to take it easy for a couple of days. Amazingly, he so far had appeared in all but one of the Raccoons’ contests, and Matt Nunley remained a participant in all of them, pinch-hitting and striking out to end the game against Thrasher.

The Titans had their own issues, having to place Alan Farrell (5-5, 4.78 ERA) on the DL by Sunday. The 27-year-old right-hander had been diagnosed with radial nerve compression and was out for the season.

Game 4
POR: CF Stevenson – SS Bullock – RF Graves – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – 2B Stalker – C Tovias – 1B Cardona – P McKendrick
BOS: 2B W. Ramos – C Leonard – CF Reichardt – 1B Herlihy – RF Braun – LF Almanza – SS F. Reyes – 3B Baptiste – P San Pedro

N&N hit singles to begin the second inning, but ended up stranded without reaching third base thanks to some really poor outs made by Stalker and Tovias, and Cardona’s fly to right only reaching to the warning track and right into Adam Braun’s glove. Well, maybe the pitcher could get something going, as McKendrick singled up the middle to begin the third inning, and Stevenson – oh bother! – grounded into a double play. McKendrick allowed a hit and a walk the first time through the order, with Reichardt grounding into a double play in the first inning. With two down in the bottom 3rd he had another lapse of control and issued walks to Ramos and Leonard, and this time Reichardt fouled out. This was uncharacteristically unclutch for the centerfielder, but maybe the Titans were trying to make this a gruesome win by letting the Coons think they could pull off another split?

There was no further offense until the sixth inning, with McKendrick cracking another leadoff single, this one to leftfield. Stevenson grounded to short AGAIN, but this time the Titans couldn’t turn the double play, with Frank Reyes having to play the ball too far behind second base to get the speedy Stevenson at first base. Stevenson stole second base, but Bullock grounded out, Graves flew out to center, and Stevenson was starved at third. McKendrick danced around another leadoff walk in the bottom 6th, that one to Ramos, and the game remained scoreless. A Newman single was the most the Raccoons could squeeze out in the top 7th, while in the bottom of the inning McKendrick continued to tip-toe around the edge of the volcano with a leadoff single hit by Braun. Almanza flew out to right, but PH Jose Duran dropped a ball into leftfield near the line. Newman managed to cut it off before it reached the corner, but the Titans were dying for a run here and sent Braun for home anyway. Bullock handled the relay with deadly precision and Braun was thrown out at home plate. McKendrick was so joyous he threw a wild pitch, advancing Duran to third base, but PH Kurt Evans flew out to center anyway. Still no score through seven! That was all for McKendrick, who was at almost 100 pitches and was batted for – to no great effect – in the top of the eighth. Billy Brotman pitched the bottom 8th, and served up a homer to left-handed batter Keith Leonard with two outs and nobody on. Ron Thrasher struck out the side in the ninth, including – again – Nunley to end the game. 1-0 Titans. Newman 2-3; McKendrick 7.0 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 2 K and 2-2;

In other news

June 27 – NAS SP Mike Lake (4-7, 4.50 ERA) could miss up to a year with a torn labrum.
June 27 – IND 2B/1B Rich Mendez (.326, 0 HR, 12 RBI) is going to miss about three weeks with a strained rib cage muscle.
June 27 – The Titans are 1-hit in a 2-0 loss at the hands of SFB SP Mark Roberts (7-6, 2.69 ERA) and CL Tony Harrell (4-1, 2.67 ERA, 19 SV). Boston’s Adam Braun (.279, 2 HR, 41 RBI) hits a single right in the first inning to escape a no-hitter.
June 27 – SAC SP Troy McCaskill (8-2, 4.56 ERA) walks five, but carries a no-hitter through seven innings before having to settle for eight innings of 2-hit, 1-run ball in a 3-1 win over the Miners. PIT 3B Travis Bahner (.236, 4 HR, 20 RBI) and OF Jose Lopez (.283, 2 HR, 21 RBI) hit singles in the bottom of the eighth and Bahner scores.
June 28 – SAC 1B Josh Keen (.311, 9 HR, 46 RBI) tips the scales in the Scorpions’ favor with an 11th-inning grand slam off PIT MR Rico de Herrera (1-1, 6.52 ERA), the margin in Sacramento’s 7-3 win.
June 30 – Entering the bottom of the ninth inning trailing the Crusaders 6-3, the Loggers whack three home runs to win the game. Terry Harris (.167, 1 HR, 2 RBI) hits a solo shot, Josh Wool (.291, 8 HR, 47 RBI) ties the game with a 2-piece off NYC CL Steve Casey (1-4, 5.35 ERA, 24 SV), and NYC MR Jon Ozier (0-2, 1.62 ERA, 5 SV) surrenders a 2-run walkoff homer to grizzled veteran Antonio Esquivel (.273, 7 HR, 26 RBI).
June 30 – SFW SP John Rucker (5-7, 4.38 ERA) carries a 1-hitter in a scoreless effort in the bottom of the ninth against the Wolves, but succumbs to a double by INF Dan Cobb (.281, 2 HR, 28 RBI) and CF Ben Adams (.226, 1 HR, 12 RBI) hitting a walkoff single to take a 1-0 loss.
July 1 – The Scorpions ride a 9-run fourth inning for an 18-8 shootout over the Gold Sox. Sacramento’s Pablo Sanchez (.376, 7 HR, 45 RBI) and Doug Stross (.361, 3 HR, 52 RBI) both have three hits and four runs batted in.
July 1 – The Indians pick up SP Jordan Caldwell (4-5, 2.77 ERA) from the Blue Sox in exchange for two dubious prospects.
July 1 – The Gold Sox trade 41-year-old 1B Alberto Rodriguez (.275, 2 HR, 21 RBI) to the Cyclones for 30-year old SP Chris Munroe (5-4, 5.33 ERA).
July 2 – ATL CL Freddy Heredia (2-0, 3.13 ERA, 20 SV) is headed for Tommy John surgery with a torn UCL and will miss the next 12 months.

Complaints and stuff

The Critters won three in a row this week, which does not sound like a lot, but I would like to point out (and do not take pride in) the fact that this 3-game winning streak from June 27-29 was their first such streak since the 15th through 17th… of the previous month. They had another 3-game winning streak earlier in May, and only one 4-game winning streak in April, which included a 3-game sweep of the Elks following a 1-0 wringer over the Bayhawks in which Jonny Toner, for practical purposes since deceased, pitched six scoreless for a W.

But such are the tales of a team for which Daniel Bullock is now regularly batting second. This will change next week as we expect both Shane Walter and Jarod Spencer to come off the DL before the All Star break. We’ll be at home against the Indians and Elks, the former being our four-and-four opposition this season. Cookie is a bit further off, but should be back right after the All Star Game when we embark on a 3-city, 10-game trip around the country to Indy, New York, and the Bay Where Nothing Good Ever Happens.

That Toner win on April 27 technically took place at the Bay, but then it was probably the third-to-last of his career, so there’s that for sadness.

On Saturday, this year’s international free agent signing period began, but since the Raccoons splurged big in ’22, they were in the penalty box this year. We could not sign anybody for more than roughly $34k, which was not that bad … you can get five Daniel Bullocks for that price, and still have enough for an orgy. – Cristiano, why do you have a starry look in your eyes? – I don’t know where your drawing equipment is. – I am not sure we have paper that big readily available here.

Fun Fact: On July 2, 1984, exactly 39 years ago today, Mark “Icon” Allen hit for the cycle in his Aces’ 12-5 win over the Bayhawks. Allen would be the Rookie of the Year that season and soon enough became a star. He would lead the CL in slugging three straight years a bit later from 1986 through 1988, and only narrowly missed a triple crown in ’87, leading the league with 31 homers and 123 RBI, an effort that won him his only Player of the Year award.

The Raccoons did not get their paws on Allen until his 30s, at which point his power had diminished, and he had shaved roughly 100 points off his 1987 batting average of .329; he batted .227 with 11 homers and 54 RBI in the Coons’ 1993 championship season, and only .197 with 14 HR and 35 RBI the following year. Acquiring him and Marvin Ingall (INGALL SINGLE!!) from the Wolves cost us Robert Vazquez, who had won 32 games between ’91 and ’92 and would crumble to dust in the Federal League soon afterwards, as well as serviceable setup relievers Roberto Carrillo, ending the latter’s second stint with the Critters.

“Icon” Allen dragged himself through two more seasons with the Condors and Miners, producing lines even worse than those he had put up in Portland, and retired at 35. He received token Hall of Fame considerations on the first post-Secret Ninja Committee ballot in 2004, but dropped off the ballot in ’05. Overall he batted .274/.342/.475 with 215 HR and 897 RBI. That total is actually stunningly close to that of another mercurial player of roughly the same era gone too soon that was also on the Raccoons, Royce Green (.271/.351/.487 with 220 HR and 847 RBI), who bashed 38 homers as a 24-year-old before tearing up his shoulder shortly afterwards and lingering for almost a decade in agonizing successlessness before also retiring at 35. The Critters arguably got the best of Green’s career, though.

The Coons could have been more cautious, because Allen missed 67 games with the ’92 Wolves and played constantly hurt (he was cited in the league injury report no less than five times that year), but we obviously thought these things would be transient. Well, they ****ing weren’t.

[Westheim]

Raccoons (34-47) vs. Indians (42-40) – July 3-6, 2023

This was the second series between the two teams in 2023, and the first had not gone all that well for the Raccoons, who had been swept in a 4-game set in Indy to begin the month of May, scoring a very characteristic less-than-four runs per game, and with less-than-four I actually mean not-even-three. Sure, the Indians had their own baggage, and these were actually the two most inept offensive teams in the league. The difference between 11th place and 12th place in runs scored – and hold on to something there – was an appalling 44 runs, though, or in runs per game, the Indians’ 3.9 R/G to the Coons’ not quite 3.4 R/G. The Indians’ pitching was average, and their run differential was -16, but hey, more easy wins were coming up for them over the next two weeks with eight games against Portland.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (5-6, 4.44 ERA) vs. Jordan Caldwell (4-5, 2.77 ERA)
Travis Garrett (2-1, 3.16 ERA) vs. Manny Ortega (3-7, 4.06 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (5-8, 4.53 ERA) vs. Alvin Smith (5-4, 4.24 ERA)
Jonathan Shook (1-3, 6.23 ERA) vs. Tom Shumway (9-2, 2.78 ERA)

Three right-handers, then Shumway, the southpaw. Jordan Caldwell appears to me to be the most miserable creature in baseball right now. His and Shumway’s ERA are the same, and yet Shumway has a record better by 4.0 games compared to him. Caldwell was also pitching on short rest after the Indians’ double header on Thursday.

The reason for Shook pitching was less that he deserved another chance and more the fact that the All Star Game was coming up, along with the assorted 3-day respite from horrendous baseball, and with an off day the following Monday the Raccoons could delay finding a new fifth starter until July 22. Maybe something would crop up on the waiver wire? Fun fact: Shane Walter’s first stint with the Coons came off waivers by the Crusaders. Walter was still on the DL right now, but we were planning on his return for as early as Tuesday.

Game 1
IND: LF Faulk – 1B M. Rucker – SS Matias – RF C. Martinez – 2B Rolland – CF D. Morales – 3B Janes – C Calhoun – P Caldwell
POR: CF Stevenson – SS Bullock – RF Graves – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – 2B Stalker – C Delgado – 1B Cardona – P Gutierrez

Yup, here were assembled the CL’s offensive paupers. Through three innings, teams totaled one base hit, and that was a single by … Gutierrez. Nothing came of that of course, while Gutierrez faced the minimum through three, walking Cesar Martinez in the second, but getting a double play to accelerate the inning. Well, somebody had to score at some point, and of course it was the Indians, getting three men on with two outs in the top of the fourth. Raul Matias walked, then scored on singles by Martinez and Jaylen Rolland. Gutierrez got Danny Morales to ground out, but that was it for him. He left the game with discomfort in his leg, because the good news never stop with this team.

The second the Coons’ starter was out of the game, they found the bats. Zach Graves’ leadoff jack tied the score at one, and they got three soft singles to drop in to score two more, with Nunley, Stalker, and Cardona landing the H’s. Kevin Surginer was in to go a few innings, because maybe we could make his arm fall off as well, and it didn’t go so well in the fifth. Cardona made an error to begin the inning after just driving in the go-ahead runs, and Justin Calhoun singled after that. Caldwell’s bad bunt erased two, but A.J. Faulk still landed a 2-out single to score a run and get the Indians back to 3-2, but the Raccoons had now sniffed blood, or plainly the fruity nut bar in Caldwell’s pocket. Stevenson drew a leadoff walk, followed by Bullock’s terrible grounder that nevertheless was so poor that a hustling Erik Janes couldn’t make a play and Bullock had an infield single. Graves’ single to left scored Stevenson, 4-2. Nunley struck out, but Will Newman’s RBI single ended Caldwell’s stint, even though Graves was caught in a rundown on the play and erased for the second out. Rafael Urbano replaced Caldwell, threw a bean to Tim Stalker, and Stalker didn’t miss it, blasting his sixth home run of the season to extend the score to 7-2. Surginer allowed another run (this one earned) in the sixth after walking a pair, but the Coons answered with two in the bottom 6th against Urbano, who knocked Cardona to start the inning, and allowed another walk and a single as the Coons zoomed ahead 9-3, and after both teams scored in every half-inning of the middle innings, they reverted to the first three innings’ hardly-stuffed, slumping sock-wielders that couldn’t touch a pitchers. That score after six, maintained by Moore and Devereaux for the Coons, was also the final. 9-3 Raccoons. Graves 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Stalker 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Gutierrez 4.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 3 K and 1-1; Devereaux 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Kevin Surginer picked up the W in relief, pitching 1.2 innings.

Interlude: waiver claim / roster moves

While there were no early news on Rico Gutierrez’ injury, there was still movement initiated by the Raccoons in terms of roster moves, for several reasons. Chief among them was a waiver claim executed on Tuesday, which saw the Raccoons add the Cyclones’ INF Raul Claros (.340, 2 HR, 20 RBI). Claros, 29 and left-handed batter, only played in 38 games this season, so the .340 clip was perhaps a bit hysterical. He had however been a productive player for the Bayhawks for as long as he had been there, but had slumped after a trade to the Rebels in ’22.

The Coons also activated Shane Walter from the DL, and also activated Cory Dew from his rehab assignment to St. Petersburg, which had lasted almost four weeks and 11 appearances to make sure he was fully back to normal before throwing him into serious games.

Demotions hit Dwayne Metts, Jon McGrew, and Guillermo Aponte, who were 2-for-31 between them. In the cases of Metts and Aponte, this involved putting them on waivers, as neither had options.

We were going with a short bench and an extra men in the pen here to free up Adam Cowen in case we need a spot starter on Saturday.

Also, Raul Claros couldn’t stop smiling for his team photo. Yay, I’m on the Coons! Kill me. [see below]

Raccoons (34-47) vs. Indians (42-40) – July 3-6, 2023

Game 2
IND: CF D. Morales – SS Janes – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – C Calhoun – 3B J. Jackson – 2B B. Reyes – P M. Ortega
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Claros – 1B Walter – RF Graves – LF Newman – SS Stalker – C Tovias – 3B Bullock – P Garrett

Both teams stranded two and didn’t score in the first inning, which included Raul Claros’ first base hit as a Critter, a 1-out single. Graves was hit by a pitch, but Newman couldn’t get through. The Arrowheads took a 1-0 lead in the second inning; after “Tragic” Travis had already put two aboard, Daniel Bullock misfired Ortega’s bunt to load the bases. Danny Morales hit a sac fly to center to plate Justin Calhoun for the game’s maiden counter. This was nearly the only “excitement” in the game for the first five innings. The Raccoons amounted only to one additional base hit through five, and Garrett held the Indians rather short, despite using way too many pitches in the process. He needed 113 pitches just to get through six innings, and that included allowing another unearned run in the sixth that put the Indians ahead 2-0, and again on a sac fly, that one by Calhoun, while the error was on Walter, dropping a throw by Bullock. The Indians moved on to 3-0 with Danny Morales’ homer off Joe Moore in the seventh, and when Zach Graves doubled to the base of the fence in left center to start the bottom of the seventh it was – by far – the best at-bat the Raccoons had delivered in this game so far. Alas, nothing ever happened after that. Graves was stranded, sadly, and the Coons tried to get a few outs from Cowen before putting him in the freezer in the eighth inning, but all he did was despairingly loading the bases. Cory Dew made his season debut in that spot, and somehow made it out allowing only a sac fly to the opposing pitchers, stretching the score to 4-0. Ortega would finish the game on the mound with a 3-hit shutout against the terrifically terrible Raccoons. Claros drew a walk to begin the bottom 9th, and that was it – Claros ended up 75% of the team’s offense in his debut for them. 4-0 Indians. Claros 2-3, BB; Garrett 6.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, L (2-2); Dew 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

The Druid came back with the news on Wednesday morning as far as Rico Gutierrez was concerned. He had found him suffering from a mild hamstring strain. While the Druid recommended against letting Gutierrez start on Saturday, because that would interfere with the treatment of letting snails crawl over and slime onto the leg in question for the next six days, there was no concern that Gutierrez wouldn’t be able to go after the All Star break.

So that means it’s Cowen on Saturday, which will be its very own special bit of fun, and after that we’ll probably close shop and move to Idaho where nobody knows us.

Meanwhile there was another roster move. Jarod Spencer was activated from the DL, with Manuel Cardona sent to AAA after batting a paltry .239/.282/.299.

Game 3
IND: CF D. Morales – SS Janes – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – 3B J. Jackson – C Parks – 2B Rolland – P A. Smith
POR: CF Stevenson – LF Spencer – 1B Walter – RF Graves – 2B Claros – 3B Nunley – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Chavez

The Critters would land two base hits in each of the first two innings. Spencer and Graves ended up stranded in the first, and in the second Stalker moved to third base after Tovias’ single, then came home on Jesus Chavez’ sac fly for the first run in the game. More was to come against Alvin Smith in the bottom 3rd, as the Indians’ right-hander walked Graves, who took his first base of the year before easily scoring on Claros’ double into the leftfield corner. Tim Stalker would also find that nook with two outs for another RBI double, and the Indians bailed out of the frame with an intentional walk to Elias Tovias and then getting Chavez to pop out on the infield, now down 3-0.

The Indians weren’t much of a threat for the first four innings – actually the only Indian to reach base in the first four did so on Shane Walter’s error, Lowell Genge in the very first inning. But Justin Jackson and Jalen Parks hit singles through the right side of the infield (which was not very strong defensively in this configuration), going to the corners, and Jaylen Rolland hit a deep drive to left that Spencer managed to catch up with on the track, holding Rolland to a sac fly. Chavez faced the pitcher with two down, threw a wild pitch at 1-2, but whiffed Smith on the next pitch to get out of the frame with a 3-1 lead. In turn, Smith drilled Chavez to begin the bottom 6th, which at least was about the last action for Smith in the game. Stevenson flew out to right against him, after which Urbano was in the game again. It had been Urbano against whom the Critters had really picked it up on Monday, and Urbano started with a free pass to Jarod Spencer, an odd sight for sure. Walter also walked, filling the bags, but Graves lined out to Rolland and Claros struck out to end the inning. Chavez was no worse for wear and actually went on to deliver pretty much his best outing of the season, completing 7 2/3 innings on 101 pitches. He allowed two hits only in this start, and when Brett Lillis replaced him for a 4-out save, he allowed two hits right away. Singles sent Tony Ruiz and Morales to the corners, but Bob Reyes grounded out to Bullock at short. Daniel had entered with Lillis in a double switch and also hit a leadoff single to left center in the bottom 8th, stole second, and the Indians walked Stevenson intentionally to set something up. Spencer indeed grounded to short, but the Indians got only one out at second, and both runners would score on Zach Graves’ 2-out double to deep right. More runs was good, because Lillis had a wonky day and allowed three more hard balls in the ninth inning. Only one, Rucker’s 2-out single, escaped the defense though, and the Raccoons scratched out their second win of the series. 5-1 Coons. Graves 3-4, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Claros 2-5, 2B, RBI; Stalker 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Bullock 1-1; Chavez 7.2 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 6 K, W (6-8);

This was the first lineup assignment for Matt Nunley this year in which he did not bat cleanup.

You say that about a player with a .610 OPS and then you wonder why you’re over .400 at all – barely.

Never mind the unfamiliar environment, he still managed to go a familiar 0-for-4.

Game 4
IND: 3B J. Jackson – SS Janes – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – C Calhoun – CF Faulk – 2B Rolland – P Shumway
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – LF Newman – SS Stalker – C Delgado – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – P Shook

What would kill Jonathan Shook first? The green blips on the weather radar, or his complete and utter lack of stuff and skill? He entered the game with 19 walks in 21.2 innings and effortlessly managed to walk two more right in the first inning, including Jackson to start the game, and he would later score Jackson with a wild pitch. The Indians stranded pairs in both of the first two innings, without scoring in the latter, but they took Shook apart – and rightfully so – in the following inning. Lowell Genge offered a leadoff single, after which Shook expertly walked the bases full. Justin Calhoun drove in two with a single, and A.J. Faulk hit another single to restock the bases, in a 3-0 game, with nobody out. Shook wouldn’t get another out, but stuck with another bushel of runs. Jaylen Rolland doubled to centerfield to empty the bases, and Shook was gone after that. Joe Moore took over and threw out Rolland at third base on Shumway’s bunt. Moore collapsed after that as well, allowing singles to Jackson and Janes, then walked a pair after that to get hooked. Surginer replaced him, walked Calhoun to push in another run, walked Faulk to push home ANOTHER RUN, then drilled Rolland.

At that point, the crowd was heckling its own teams outrageous lack of spine, while the Indians were giggling ferociously after throwing a tenner onto the board in the third inning. It was an 11-0 game when Shumway struck out to end a 16-man inning, and after three innings the opposing pitcher had come to the plate three times – sobering times indeed. By the way, Shumway retired the Critters in order the first time through. When a Coon, Stevenson, reached in the fourth, it was on a Rolland error, and Spencer immediately hit into a double play. Newman and Stalker hit hard fly balls in the fifth inning, which was nominally a worthwhile effort, even though Genge and Faulk, respectively, caught both of them. It took them until the sixth to break up Shumway’s no-hit bid, with Omar Alfaro singling into shallow left. Graves hit an infield single behind him, and then Stevenson hit into a deuce to Rolland. They actually did score in the inning after that. Spencer hit a single, stole a base, and scored on Tovias’ pinch-hit single. Whoo, a rally! 13-1 Indians. Tovias (PH) 1-1, RBI; Kipple 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K;

There are no words. We issued 12 walks and drew zero.

Of course Shook (1-4, 7.99 ERA) was taken behind the shed and shot between the lights after the game. How could he not be? We could pick from between four tack-on outfielders in AAA that had all already been in Portland this year, and without exception had batted under .200 in up to 27 at-bats: Devin Mansfield (.118), Brian Perakis (.111), Greg Borg (.150), and Frank Santos (.111). The nod went to a centerfielder, and between those we took up Santos, allowing Borg to get regular at-bats in AAA instead. AAA SP Trevor Taylor was waived and DFA’ed to get Santos onto the 40-man.

Raccoons (36-49) vs. Canadiens (26-58) – July 7-9, 2023

It could all be worse. It could all be worse. We could be them. We could be them. But, boy, it SMELLS in here. And you can’t tell whether it’s the Elks covered in their northerly **** stains, or whether it’s the Raccoons’ gangrenous paws that are starting to become very odorant. The Elks had the second-worst batting average in the league, while scoring the fourth-fewest runs. Their real issue was pitching though, with the worst rotation and an ERA north of five, coupled with a bullpen that couldn’t and wouldn’t cope. They had lost six of eight to Portland so far this year, but at this point everything was fair game against the Critters.

Projected matchups:
Chris McKendrick (1-3, 2.48 ERA) vs. Andy Purdy (1-3, 4.44 ERA)
Adam Cowen (1-2, 3.40 ERA) vs. Randy Jenkins (3-9, 4.44 ERA)
Travis Garrett (2-2, 2.77 ERA) vs. Tim Sloan (4-10, 5.91 ERA)

121 innings between our three guys this year, which was fewer than half the three right-handers’ total that the Elks would send up. The Elks had also devolved Man-su Kim (.262, 0 HR, 6 RBI) on their way here, sending him to Topeka for two prospects.

Game 1
VAN: 1B Jon. Morales – CF Coca – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – SS Calfee – RF Houghtaling – 3B Rickard – 2B Crosby – P Purdy
POR: CF Stevenson – LF Spencer – 1B Walter – RF Graves – 2B Claros – 3B Nunley – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P McKendrick

Three hits, a homer, a double play, and a Nunley error, ultimately resulting in one run was the story of the first inning, with the substantial parts being Jonathan Morales’ single to left, Tony Coca hitting to Stalker for two, and then Alex Torres’ homer to left. Matt Nunley, mired in a slump that was well into its second month, tied the game in the second with a homer, and was the first Coon to reach base. It was Matt’s first long ball in more than two months even. While Nunley’s blast was the only Raccoons success at the plate through five innings, the Elks continued to bludgeon McKendrick for eight base hits and two walks, but did what .310 teams do and failed to convert their chances when they had them. Through five, the score was still tied at one, although McKendrick wasn’t exactly going out of his way to fool anybody. He struck out only two batters through five, got two more in the sixth, although Purdy was included in that total, and Jeremy Houghtaling hit another single off McKendrick, who was done after the inning after 107 unimpressive pitching.

Baseball, however, was a cruel beast that wouldn’t care for your tears. When Omar Alfaro batted for McKendrick, he whammied a Purdy pitch for a homer. It was the Coons’ second hit, both dingers, and they were now up 2-1 despite trailing 9-2 in base knocks. Top 7th, Cory Dew drilled Coca and allowed a single to Torres, but struck out the other three batters he faced, keeping the lead alive. All the Critters needed now was some village idiot to burn down the eighth inning bridge to Lillis, and luckily Billy Brotman was on hand to walk both Jeremy Houghtaling and Bobby Rickard at the beginning of the eighth inning. Devereaux replaced him, nibbled himself to two outs before walking the bags full against PH Dave O’Rourke, and then got Coca to pop out to short on the first pitch, stranding another three Elks in what was by now a game that was casting a smile on my face, and not a good-natured smile. Things only got worse for Vancouver in the bottom 8th, with Matt Nunley clocking a 3-2 pitch by Purdy for a leadoff jack. Purdy would unravel for singles allowed to Stalker and Newman, walked Stevenson, and allowed another run on Spencer’s sac fly to center. Walter grounded out, and then came Lillis, allowed a single to Torres, walked Ryan Holliman, and suddenly the tying run was up with nobody out, which was when Nunley shone with the glove, snagging a dazzling bouncer by John Calfee, tapped third base, and threw to first in time for a 5-3 double play. Houghtaling struck out as the Elks’ souls were trampled to conclusion. 4-1 Blighters. Nunley 2-3, 2 HR, 2 RBI; Alfaro (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI; Newman (PH) 1-1; McKendrick 6.0 IP, 9 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (2-3);

In six home runs this season, Nunley actually has two multi-dinger games. The other 2-HR game for him? Of course against the Elks, April 29 in Elk City.

Game 2
VAN: 1B Jon. Morales – CF Coca – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – SS Calfee – RF Houghtaling – 3B Rickard – 2B Crosby – P R. Jenkins
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – SS Bullock – RF Alfaro – C Delgado – P Cowen

Alex Torres’ single and Ryan Holliman’s double, both with two outs, scored the Elks a run in the first, and I didn’t have a good feeling about starting Cowen to begin with, but it was the only non-dumb move at this point. The Critters had Stevenson on with a leadoff single, but he was caught stealing to keep them short in the bottom of the first inning. The hope before the game was that Cowen could somehow drag his bum through five innings in a semi-respectable state – and he actually did that. He allowed two runs on five hits and two walks, which was a decent line, really. Adrian Crosby plated the Elks’ second run, a 2-out single in the fourth inning that was actually the third consecutive 2-out batter reaching base at that point. The Coons were invisible for four innings until Omar Alfaro homered in the bottom 5th, actually creating a 4-way tie for the team home run lead, joining Nunley, Stalker, and Tovias with six apiece. Cowen batted to end that inning, had a quick sixth and ventured into the seventh, with Bobby Rickard reaching on a soft single that found a crease. Two outs followed, after which O’Rourke batted for Jonathan Morales again and hit a really soft blooper to right, but it was too soft for Alfaro to reach, dropped near the rightfield line, and allowed Rickard to score for an extra run, 3-1. Joe Moore replaced Cowen and struck out Coca to end the inning then.

The Critters got the tying runs aboard in the bottom 8th. Jenkins issued a 4-pitch walk with one out to Tony Delgado, and after that Claros pinch-hit and dropped a single into shallow center. Alas, some doofus would always hit into a double play. That doofus was Stevenson, and the following inning it was Nunley, making an error that allowed Jeremy Houghtaling to migrate to third base after walking against Kipple and stealing second with nobody out. The run scored on Hiroaki Ryu’s double play grounder, batting for Crosby, but the Coons would also find another double play themselves in the bottom 9th, Shane Walter grounding to second base to kill Spencer’s leadoff walk. J.R. Hreha wound up with the save when Graves fouled out. 4-1 Canadiens. Alfaro 2-3, HR, 2B, RBI; Claros (PH) 1-1; Cowen 6.2 IP, 7 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, L (1-3);

Game 3
VAN: 1B Jon. Morales – CF Coca – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – SS Calfee – RF Houghtaling – 3B Rickard – 2B Crosby – P T. Sloan
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – LF Graves – SS Stalker – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – P Garrett

In another truly “Tragic” display, two of Travis Garrett’s first three pitches in the game where drilled for triples by Morales and Coca. It got hardly any better for him after that, with Torres’ RBI single, his 22nd stolen base of the year, a pitch finding Holliman’s belly, then another stolen base by Torres, with Holliman moving up. Calfee flew out to Graves in shallow left, but Graves wouldn’t reach Houghtaling’s blooper that fell for an RBI single, and then Houghtaling stole a base. Garrett, clearly unnerved, walked Rickard to fill the bases, allowed a fourth run on Crosby’s sac fly, and then had to thank Nunley for a good play on Tim Sloan’s fast grounder that finally ended the inning. In a really quick one, the Elks would be done with Garrett after 2.2 innings, knocking him out on Tim Sloan’s 1-out, 2-run double to right, with the third runner aboard, Crosby, being thrown out at home plate by Alfaro. Cory Dew got Morales to pop out, closing Garrett’s line at six runs on seven hits and three walks. The ****ing Elks stole SIX bases off him and Tovias.

The Raccoons didn’t trail 6-0 though – but merely 6-1. Zach Graves had tripled in the bottom 2nd and scored on Stalker’s groundout, so we were reeeeally in the thick of things here still. Frank Santos hit a leadoff double in the #9 hole to begin the bottom 3rd, and was stranded on second base. And the leadoff men would continue to reach base and never score for Portland. Graves drew a leadoff walk in the fourth, and Stalker hit into a double play. Alfaro and Tovias reached base to begin the bottom 5th, and between Santos, Newman, and Spencer, the Coons had lots and lots of hot air blowing out of their ears. Their spirits defeated, they would not reach base at all in the sixth.

In what was the umpteenth cavalcade of relievers this week, the Raccoons’ pen held up for a remarkably long time until allowing another run. Calfee homered off Moore to begin the seventh to extend the Elks’ lead to 7-1. Alfaro singled in the bottom of the inning. Tovias hit into a double play. It was all a bit too much to take, really, and they didn’t squeeze a few more runs out of Sloan until the last innings. Sloan, a pitcher with an ERA near six when the game began, pitched a complete-game 8-hitter, something that was not particularly noteworthy on its own, but neither was the team he did it against. The Raccoons scored single runs off him in the eighth and ninth, some small ball first, doubles by Nunley and Alfaro later, but it was all just too little, too late. 7-3 Canadiens. Delgado 1-1; Alfaro 3-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Santos (PH) 1-2, BB, 2B;

In other news

July 3 – The Aces acquire SP Brian Leser (2-6, 3.38 ERA) from the Blue Sox in exchange for a prospect.
July 3 – A fractured rib will cause SAC CF Justin McAllester (.286, 7 HR, 31 RBI) to miss the month of July.
July 4 – At the steep price of five prospects, the Loggers pick up the tab on Pittsburgh’s SP Pedro Hernandez (5-7, 3.20 ERA). The trade includes three ranked prospects, foremost #23 CL Jose Ornelas, who has reached AAA.
July 5 – MR Troy Charters (2-1, 2.98 ERA) is sent from the Miners to the Scorpions in exchanged for 1B Josh Keen (.322, 10 HR, 47 RBI).
July 5 – The Cyclones trade SP Jay Schimek (7-6, 5.65 ERA) to the Stars for two prospects.
July 5 – The Stars sink the Scorpions in a 14-3 rout, plating nine runs in the third inning for a decisive lead. DAL INF Raul Maldonado (.331, 1 HR, 42 RBI) has four base hits, all singles, and one RBI.
July 6 – BOS CF/LF Adrian Reichardt (.276, 8 HR, 38 RBI) could miss up to two months with a separated shoulder suffered in a game against the Crusaders.
July 7 – The Condors acquire NYC SP Jeremy Waite (9-2, 3.42 ERA) for two prospects, including #66 OF Pedro Torruellas.
July 8 – The Loggers trade SP Chris Sinkhorn (7-6, 3.64 ERA) to the Gold Sox for LF Carlos de Santiago (.188, 1 HR, 4 RBI) and #20 prospect Jose Jaramillo, a corner outfielder with power in AA.
July 8 – The Crusaders enter the bottom of the ninth inning down 5-3 to the Indians, but walk off on home runs by Andy Schmit, D.J. Fullerton, and Ivan Flores (.300, 5 HR, 38 RBI), 7-5.
July 9 – The Gold Sox’ and Stars’ 14-inning game in Dallas ends on Danny Flores scoring on DEN MR Alex Morin’s (4-3, 4.76 ERA) walkoff balk.

Complaints and stuff

Hah, the Loggers. Never not funny.

The Raccoons meanwhile actually sneaked a player onto the CL’s All Star roster. Who’s the only player neither hurt nor sucking? Right, Brett Lillis. This is his second All Star team after making it in 2019, which you might remember was also the year of his first Coons stint, but he was not acquired from the Cyclones until a couple hours before the trade deadline on July 31. The price back then? Alex Duarte and two prospects you’ve never heard from again.

Cookie Carmona could have come off the DL by Sunday, but we sent him to AAA on rehab instead so he could busy himself a bit over the break and get some warmup at-bats.

The Raccoons signed a pair of position players in the international free agent period and were done with that, with the total expenses amounting to a shocking $21,500. We will be able to splurge again next year, unless our budget is slashed by another few million by then.

Fun Fact: Matt Nunley is in his 11th season in the major leagues and has played 11,393.2 defensive innings in that time – all at third base. This is the highest amount of defensive innings played by a Raccoon that never appeared at a second position.

Second-highest? Tetsu Osanai, spending all of his 10,829 defensive innings with the Raccoons at first base. Adding in his time with the Elks and Pacifics, he played 14,078.2 ABL innings, also exclusively at first.

Only very few Raccoons have spent more innings in their Furball tenure at any position. Of course there is Daniel Hall, who dwelled in leftfield for 15,080.1 innings. Also, Neil Reece, camping in centerfield for 12,357.2 innings. And that is the list. Reece finished in leftfield eventually after he had lost all his range, and Dan The Man was displaced to rightfield late in his career when Vern Kinnear came up and had not much of an arm to toy with. Hall also erred into first base and centerfield on rare occasions.

Far-out-of-leftfield Fun Fact: The first MLB game I ever saw live was an MLB.tv free game of the day on June 16, 2011, Mets facing the Braves, an R.A. Dickey start in Atlanta that went ten innings and ended on D.J. Carrasco’s walkoff balk. Back then, I had little to no clue about most aspects of the game, and was very confused when there was some shouting and pointing at the Mets’ pitcher, that Braves guy on third base raced home and the Braves were jumping up and down for no apparent reason. I’ve been going over the game log of every walkoff win in the ABL for years to find one, and finally Alex Morin delivered!

[Westheim]

All Star Game

Milwaukee’s Ian Coleman (.356, 3 HR, 50 RBI) was named MVP of the All Star Game as the Continental League beat the Federal League, 5-3. Coleman drove in the winning runs with a 3-run home run off the Scorpions’ Ian Rutter in the fourth inning. DEN Mike Bednarski and CIN Eddie Moreno were the only other players with multiple base hits in the game, with Coleman overall going 2-for-3 with a walk.

The Coons’ Brett Lillis earned a hold with a perfect eighth inning, having to give deference for the save to a former Raccoon, Tijuana’s Joel Davis.

Assorted Nightmares

Everybody expected Cookie Carmona to be back in the lineup by the first game after the All Star Game, but – well – he wasn’t. He strained a hamstring in a rehab game on Tuesday and went back to the disabled list.

We love ya, Cookie. Maybe see you in August.

Maybe.

Raccoons (37-51) @ Indians (45-44) – July 13-16, 2023

Here we were again, this time in the Arrowheads’ lair. Nothing had greatly changed (except maybe for a hamstring strain felling Erik Janes) since we had played them in Portland the previous week, a series that had ended in an even split, leaving us 2-6 short against them in 2023.

Projected matchups:
Chris McKendrick (2-3, 2.33 ERA) vs. Mario Alva (6-7, 3.19 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (5-6, 4.35 ERA) vs. Jordan Caldwell (4-6, 3.35 ERA)
Travis Garrett (2-3, 3.68 ERA) vs. Manny Ortega (4-8, 4.22 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (6-8, 4.28 ERA) vs. Alvin Smith (5-5, 4.30 ERA)

Tom Shumway (10-2, 2.67 ERA) remains their only left-hander with Tristan Broun on the DL, a state that will not change again in ’23 unless they find someone in a trade.

Game 1
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P McKendrick
IND: CF D. Morales – C Calhoun – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – 3B J. Jackson – 2B Rolland – SS Matias – P Alva

Alva was not very sharp to start the game, which saw Stevenson single up the middle to get things underway. Spencer grounded out, but then Walter singled, Graves walked, and Nunley’s blooper fell between Lowell Genge and a wildly swiping and waving Raul Matias as he raced across the infield dirt, in vain. That single scored the first run of the game. While Omar Alfaro struck out, the Coons would plate all their current runners on base with Tim Stalker’s 2-run single lined into shallow left center, and Tovias’ RBI single to center, putting McKendrick up 4-0 before he grounded out and took the mound for the first time and immediately ****ed things up. Danny Morales and Justin Calhoun ripped sharp singles, and Lowell Genge rocked the park with a 3-run homer to erase 75% of the Coons’ lead before they got a single out. Morales and Calhoun would hit hard singles again when they led off the third inning, but that time while trying to repeat history Lowell Genge struck out and the rest of the middle of the Indians’ order wouldn’t follow through either.

Alva retired the Coons in order the second time through, whiffing four, and the Indians batted for him even in the bottom of the fourth inning! Bob Reyes found Justin Jackson at first base after drawing a leadoff walk, but grounded out to Tim Stalker to keep the Indians behind. That gave Indy Rafael Urbano in the fifth inning, a reliever that had already been bummed by the Coons the previous week in Portland. Stevenson promptly hit a leadoff double in the fifth, and while Walter was walked intentionally, Spencer and Graves both struck out. Nunley, however, didn’t and hit a hard 2-out single to right, allowing Stevenson to score from second base, 5-3.The runners made for the extra base on Cesar Martinez’ throw home, after which the Indians walked Alfaro intentionally (!) to get to Stalker, who walked unintentionally in a full count to push home another run. Tovias hit a hard fly to deep left, but couldn’t get it past Genge, ending the inning in a 6-3 score. McKendrick opened the next inning with a single to right, and the newest Indians reliever, Brandon Smith, walked Stevenson on four pitches, but then reeled himself in and retired the next three batters, including Graves with a strikeout, to get out of the jam.

McKendrick went six before his outing ended in a sudden thunderstorm during the top of the seventh inning. An almost hour-long rain delay was the result, and McKendrick wouldn’t come back out afterwards. Joe Moore retired Jaylen Rolland, Raul Matias, and A.J. Faulk in order in the bottom 7th, which would probably have been McKendrick’s last anyway. Indians pitching collapsed for good in the top of the eighth. While Eric Davidson started the inning with picking two outs from Tovias and Bullock, the Coons then rapped off six straight 2-out base runners off him and Mat Stone. Josh Stevenson singled and reached second on Morales’ fielding error in center, then scored on Spencer’s single to right. Shane Walter homered to center, Zach Graves doubled, Nunley hit another RBI single, and even Alfaro reached on a non-intentional walk before Stalker grounded out to short, with the four runs in the inning pushing the Coons to their third double-digit game of the season. The Indians would not manage another base runner against Cowen and Vince D in the last two innings. 10-3 Furballs! Stevenson 3-4, 2B; Walter 2-4, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Nunley 3-5, 3 RBI;

Whee, offense! Whee! Whee!

Between games, the Indians picked up MR Nick Salinas (6-2, 3.17 ERA) from the Miners, parting with a pair of prospects. This included #50 SP Ben Darr.

Game 2
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Gutierrez
IND: LF Faulk – 3B J. Jackson – 2B Rolland – RF C. Martinez – SS Matias – CF D. Morales – 1B M. Rucker – C Calhoun – P Caldwell

After Shane Walter murdered Spencer’s first-inning single with a grounder to Jaylen Rolland for a double play, the Coons loaded the bases with no outs in the second. Graves and Nunley both singled to right, Alfaro walked, but as soon as they appeared in business, they were out of it again. While one run scored, it did so on Tim Stalker’s double play grounder to Matias. An intentional walk removed Tovias from the plate, and Gutierrez was victimized for the third out, then dabbled away the 1-0 lead right away in the bottom 2nd. Cesar Martinez drew a leadoff walk and was moved around to score by the rest of the team. Indy stranded pairs of runners both in this inning (when Caldwell flew out to Alfaro) and the next, when Faulk and Martinez hit singles but never got around to score. In exchange the Coons stranded Zach Graves at third base in the top of the fourth after he had singled and stolen a base. Caldwell batted with two outs again in the bottom 4th, this time with Mike Rucker on first after the first baseman had singled. Caldwell lined to left center for a single, but Gutierrez reached back for that extra pepper and struck out A.J. Faulk on three pitches, all dazzling him – Faulk never swung during the at-bat. Another key at-bat followed soon in the bottom 5th. With Rolland on first and one out, Tovias once again had a ball escape between his awkwardly bent legs for a passed ball. Rolland to second, Gutierrez fell to 3-0 on Martinez before the batter poked and grounded out to short. Matias grounded out to Nunley, denying the Indians again.

After several innings of being so close to taking the lead, the Indians fell into arrears in the sixth then. Following Graves going 3-for-3 with a single to right, Matt Nunley broke the four-way tie for the team dinger lead by crushing a 2-piece around the inside of the right foul pole, putting Gutierrez ahead 3-1. And as if on command, he fell apart. So did the rest of the team. Danny Morales drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 6th, and Rucker singled up the middle on 1-2, moving Morales to third. Calhoun lined out to Nunley, and when Caldwell grounded to short for what could have been two, Stalker’s throw went behind Spencer for an error. One run scored, nobody was out, and Josh Malinowski was sent to pinch-run for Rucker, the tying run. He easily scored on the very next pitch that Faulk hit into left center, but at least the Coons killed Calhoun at third base on the play. Justin Jackson’s single knocked out Gutierrez. Vince D threw one pitch in relief, which Rolland popped out to Spencer, ending the inning in a 3-3 tie. Devereaux was hit for by Raul Claros right away in the top 7th, and Claros rammed a home run off Caldwell to break the tie.

Like the day before, a thunderstorm strolled by in the seventh inning, this time forcing a delay of more than an hour. That was what actually removed Caldwell from the game, but the loss wouldn’t stick to him like an old band-aid. The Indians rolled over Kevin Surginer in the bottom 7th, tagging him for three hits and a walk, with Lowell Genge’s 2-run double off the fence in left flipping the score the Indians’ way, 5-4. Kipple replaced and dug out Surginer, but of course the damage was done. The Coons couldn’t score in the eighth despite facing frequently-battered Rafael Urbano and career sludge Rich Hood, while Cory Dew hit consecutive batters in Bob Reyes and Cesar Martinez in the bottom 8th, balked them into scoring position, and then SOMEHOW eluded the Indians’ arrows with a K to Matias and Morales’ pop to Nunley. New acquisition Nick Salinas was in to close this game for the Indians, but the Coons couldn’t get more than a 1-out double from Stevenson and went down stranding him on second base with groundouts by Newman and Walter. 5-4 Indians. Stevenson 3-5, 2B; Graves 3-4; Nunley 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Alfaro 2-3, BB; Claros (PH) 1-2, HR, RBI;

Kinda silently, Omar Alfaro has been batting .600 for his last nine games!

THE AGE OF OMAR – IT IS HERE!!

Still contains a whole lotta losin’ though.

Game 3
POR: 2B Claros – SS Stalker – 1B Walter – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – C Tovias – CF Santos – P Garrett
IND: 2B Rolland – C Calhoun – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – 3B J. Jackson – CF Faulk – SS Malinowski – P M. Ortega

The Critters scored before they made an out, thanks to Raul Claros’ leadoff triple and a Jackson error on Stalker’s grounder. Shane Walter quickly hit into a double play after that, Graves and Nunley singled, and then the guy that had this particular age named after him struck out. So much for .600! Alfaro then made an error on Genge’s pop to shallow right in the bottom 1st, which moved Rolland to third base after his leadoff double and allowed him to score trivially on Mike Rucker’s 2-out single up the middle. Tovias homered in the top 2nd to put the Coons 2-1 ahead, and Garrett tried to fumble that on his own, but was denied by Graves, who threw out Malinowski at home plate to end the bottom 2nd.

These were two tremendously drunk and / or stupid teams – with every inning it appeared more like that. Ortega drilled Stalker to begin the top 3rd, after which Walter singled to right, only to get picked off first base. Graves walked to fill the void left by his demise, and Nunley singled to left center to plate Stalker. Omar Alfaro then knocked a grounder to Rolland for an inning-ending double play, and thinking about it, I much preferred him to simply strike out. But it still got better! “Tragic” Travis walked Martinez with two outs in the bottom 3rd, after which Rucker knocked a ball to right. Martinez went for third base, Alfaro tried to redeem himself with an outfield assist, and threw a ball about 15 feet over Nunley’s head, with the rocket making for a gentleman’s French fries and ketchup in the first row, causing collateral damage to at least 20 other fans in that section. In mundane baseball terms, a run scored on an Alfaro error AGAIN, and only a nifty Nunley play on Jackson’s grounder held the 3-2 lead together after that, tethered as it was.

Well, that was only the third inning, of course. The bottom 4th was opened by Faulk with a double to left center, and a groundout moved him to third base. In no way whatsoever would Garrett exert dominance over the opposing pitcher – Ortega hit a fairly deep fly to left, and while Graves made the catch, going backwards he had no chance on Faulk making for home. The sac fly tied the score at three, and who knew what other horrors were yet to come? Well, how about Tim Stalker’s leadoff triple in the fifth inning? The Indians issued two intentional walks and the Raccoons bopped two absolutely pathetic grounders to keep Stalker pinned at third base the entire inning, with Tovias striking out to strand a full set of runners.

Garrett fudged his way into the sixth, with the Indians wasting a walk and a hit in the fifth, and getting another walk and a hit in the sixth to knock him out – FINALLY. Cory Dew replaced him, and on his first pitch to Rolland the runners went. Tovias threw out Faulk at third base for the second out of the inning, and Rolland struck out to leave Bob Reyes on base as well. Top 7th, Tim Stalker hit ANOTHER leadoff triple, this one to centerfield and bouncing away from Faulk! The Indians’ Mat Stone was instructed to walk Walter intentionally, so right now this was all mirroring the horrendous fifth inning. Graves grounded to the left side, with Stalker hesitating, and Graves thrown out at first base. Walter moved to second, and Nunley came up, who had poorly grounded out the last time, now rolled a ball up the middle, but Malinowski blatantly missed it! Both runs scored, breaking the 3-3 tie, and with Nunley going to second base on the throw home, Omar Alfaro got his second intentional walk of the game, which fit nicely with the two errors he had made. Tovias popped out against new pitcher Tony Lino, after which Will Newman batted for an 0-for-3 Santos and bounced to Malinowski, who again fooled out and who appeared to be struck in the cup by the ball for an error to load the bases with Rolland securing the ball, and only after the game did we find out that Malinowski, who lay on the ground crying, had forgotten to put on his cup before the game. Jarod Spencer batted for Dew, ran a full count, then struck out, stranding three, maddeningly.

In all the detritus, Joe Moore pitched a perfect bottom of the seventh, and Lino also retired the side in order in the eighth, which was probably the first instance of back-to-back non-panic half-innings in the game. Panic resumed in the bottom 8th, where Billy Brotman faced but one batter, Rucker, who singled. Surginer replaced him, got consecutive grounders to short and struck out Malinowski to escape, and did we mention earlier that Omar Alfaro had entered the game with a 10-game hitting streak? He extended it with two outs in the ninth, singling off Lino with nobody on base. He stole second, then was stranded by Tovias flying out to center. Bottom 9th, Lillis in with a 2-run lead. PH Tony Ruiz singled on the first pitch, and the third pitch went through Tovias’ legs for another passed ball. Lillis lost Rolland to a walk, with Danny Morales pinch-hitting as the winning run. He popped out, Genge whiffed, but in a full count Lillis lost Martinez to load the bases. That brought up Mike Rucker, a slugger who was notoriously bad against left-handed pitching for his entire career, and even overall was batting only .236 this season. Lillis got him to two strikes before Rucker put the ball in play anyway. Sharp grounder up the middle, Stalker knocking it down, falling over the ball, and as he lay in the dirt, he blindly flung the ball in the general direction of second base with his glove – Martinez was sliding in as Claros reached – in time, the runner out, and game over!! 5-3 Blighters!! Stalker 2-4, 2 3B, RBI; Nunley 3-5, 3 RBI;

I need a nap now. For about six weeks.

Game 4
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Claros – 1B Walter – LF Graves – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Delgado – P Chavez
IND: CF D. Morales – C Calhoun – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – 3B J. Jackson – 2B B. Reyes – SS Matias – P A. Smith

Both teams had two base hits in the first inning. While the Coons started well with singles by Stevenson and Claros, they did not continue well and Graves hit into a double play; the Indians had a Calhoun double followed by a Genge pop and then Martinez singling to center. Calhoun made for home, but was thrown out by Stevenson to end the inning. Stevenson left the game in the very next inning, tweaking his ankle on a defensive play and having to be replaced by Santos, who made the first out in the top of the third before Claros singled to right. Walter lined to Bob Reyes, who dropped the ball for an error, but would hold on to the next liner hit by Graves. There, with two outs, the Coons would rap out three consecutive RBI singles, all runs being unearned.

Chavez had a 3-0 lead now, but rain continued to plague that series although it had been absent from the Saturday game. A shower sent the game to delay for 40 minutes in the bottom 3rd, with Matias on third base and two outs. When play resumed, Calhoun popped out to keep the Indians runless. Matias had drawn a leadoff walk, and these became frequent now. *Chavez* drew a leadoff walk against Smith in the top 4th, but when Zach Graves hit a 2-out single to center and he was sent around to score he strolled so casually down the third base line, Morales managed to throw him out by about 25 feet despite not possessing the best of launchers. Chavez then issued a leadoff walk to Genge in the bottom 4th and advanced him with a wild pitch, something he had also done with Matias in the third. The wild pitch didn’t matter, because Chavez served up a home run ball to Martinez anyway, and Martinez had already hit 17 on the year before that and knew when to go all-out. Chavez issued another nobody-out walk to Mike Rucker then, also allowed a single to Reyes, and had Omar Alfaro make three difficult catches all over rightfield to keep the Coons’ 3-2 lead in one piece.

Neither pitcher retired a batter in the sixth inning. Frank Santos hit an infield single to begin the top 6th to get Smith out of the game, but wouldn’t score, and Chavez allowed singles to Rucker and Jackson to begin the bottom 6th. Those runs … would score. Joe Moore’s first pitch was belched for 430 feet by Jaylen Rolland, Reyes’ injury replacement, to move the Indians past the Coons, 5-3. That wasn’t the last home run a Raccoons reliever surrendered to the first man he faced – in the bottom 7th, David Kipple was taken deep by the only batter he faced, Lowell Genge. The Coons wouldn’t do anything with a leadoff walk that Daniel Bullock drew in the eighth inning, but the ninth saw them bring up the tying run with nobody out against Salinas. Faulk’s error put Graves aboard, and then Nunley singled up the middle. This was more dramatic than what the Coons would ultimately amount to. Alfaro struck out, and Spencer batted for Adam Cowen and hit into a double play to dissipate the presence of base runners in no time. 6-3 Indians. Stevenson 1-1; Claros 2-4; Nunley 2-5, RBI; Alfaro 2-5, RBI; Stalker 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Cowen 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

In other news

July 11 – The Aces pick up the Falcons’ CL Gregg Bell (0-8, 4.24 ERA, 16 SV) in a trade for two prospects.
July 13 – The Loggers acquire SP Jorge Villalobos (7-9, 4.11 ERA) from the Blue Sox, parting with two prospects, including #20 Jose Jaramillo, who they picked up just four days earlier in the Chris Sinkhorn trade with Denver.
July 14 – The Buffaloes rout the Miners, 19-3, with five of their places dishing out at least three base hits. Chris Owen (.286, 2 HR, 40 RBI) jointly leads the team in either category with four base hits, all singles, and 4 RBI. TOP RF/CF John Wilson (.277, 4 HR, 17 RBI) has three RBI and is a double short of the cycle.
July 14 – The Stars walk off on the Scorpions, 4-3 in 11 innings, on a passed ball charged to SAC C Jaiden Jackson (.294, 9 HR, 55 RBI) that allows Dallas’ Oscar Casillas to score.
July 15 – DEN RF/LF Mike Bednarski (.347, 8 HR, 39 RBI) might be out for a month with a herniated disc.
July 16 – Atlanta’s INF/RF Devin Hibbard (.265, 2 HR, 30 RBI) goes 3-for-3 in a 7-5 win over the Thunder, collecting his 2,000th career base hit on the way, a second-inning, 2-run home run off Jose Vigil. Hibbard, 37, is a 15-year career Knight with a .269/.352/.388 slash line, 121 HR, 830 RBI, and also 187 stolen bases. He stole a career-high 20 as recently as 2021, and he has also been a 4-time All Star and twice a Gold Glover.
July 16 – The Thunder trade for the Canadiens’ SP Tim Sloan (6-10, 5.48 ERA), parting with a 27-year-old AAA player and a non-descript prospect.
July 16 – SFW LF/RF Jeff Wadley (.308, 9 HR, 42 RBI) has suffered a strained hamstring and will miss a month on the DL.

Complaints and stuff

Hah, the Loggers – getting always better, or at least more ridiculous.

Now I’m laughing. Just wait for me making the next Dennis Fried trade here.

In good news (!!) the Player of the Week trophy in the CL went to a resuscitated Matt Nunley, who batted .526 (10-for-19) with a homer and 9 RBI this week.

Meanwhile I have no idea who should fill the fifth starter’s slot by next Saturday. Maybe we’ll pray for rain instead.

The Raccoons released a few minor leaguers this week, most prominent among those being long-time Aumsville dweller C Brandon Tally, a seventh-round pick a few years ago. In turn, 18-year-old 2B Angel Salazar, an international free agent signing in 2021, was added to the Aumsville roster from our international complex.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons also played four-and-four with the Indians in July of 1989. While the Coons’ starters this week were thoroughly mediocre at most, allowing 14 runs (11 earned) in 22 innings over four games, the Coons’ starters in 1989 – Steven Berry, Carlos Reyes, Kisho Saito, and Scott Wade – allowed only nine runs total while pitching almost 30 innings between them. Little offense however meant that only Kisho Saito won his start with eight innings of 2-run ball, improving to 11-2 on the season.

The Coons even had a better starter than that in terms of record at that point. While Scott Wade lost the Sunday game – the only game the Coons dropped to the Indians in that 4-game set – and lost his third straight decision, he was still 15-3 after opening the season with 15 W’s in his first 16 starts.

While the 1989 campaign ended bitterly with Glenn Johnston dropping Ed Parrell’s fly in the 14th inning of Game 6, I would merrily go back to there rather than wait another eight years for this team to improve randomly.