The worst (fictional) MLB team ever?

[ThatSeventiesGuy]

This bunch made the '62 Mets look like the '27 Yankees: The 1876 Hartford "Beached" Whales.



Winners of exactly one tenth of their games. Losers of 23 in a row at one point, 19 in a row at another, and their last 13. They have no concept of what a winning streak is, never winning more than one in a row. They only won two out of three games only once, and only split one series, never winning any (both of those latter occurrences happened against my St. Louis Brewmasters, sadly...we must have been feeling a bit too much pity. We gave them their only three wins in August, two in that four-game series, one in another).



Last in everything, except home runs...poor Boston. Finishing behind Hartford in anything much be humiliating. Left-handers dominated them (of course, your 95-year-old grandmother could have shut them out, so that's not saying much), as they only got one win against southpaws. Better on the road (8 wins! Woo!) than with the home crowd (6 wins). Right down there with the 1899 Cleveland Spiders.

Why were they so bad? Blame their GM, Bryce Garner. Why? Here's a story that will give you some background:

I'm using the CephasJames American Baseball setup for this fictional. After the National Association died after the 1875 season, four teams from it joined the new National League intact (Philadelphia Keystones, Boston, New York, Chicago), the other two, Philadelphia Quakers and Brooklyn Robins, went defunct.

There was no expansion draft in the new league, so the four new clubs, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Louisville, and Hartford, were left to scramble for the best players from the two defunct NA clubs, and whatever was on the FA list...no minors at this point, only reserve rosters.

I was Brooklyn's GM, so I tried to get most of my best players from there, and a few Quakers as well. I found myself in bidding wars for many of them - "I've received a better offer from Louisville" or "Cincinnati has offered me a better deal" was heard often...but never Hartford. I just chalked it up to a cheapskate owner, and went about my business trying to get good players for the inaugural NL campaign in St. Louis.

Well, spring training rolls around, and I get "Hartford has an illegal number of players"...ZERO! Their GM had spent the offseason sitting around playing pinochle or something, because they had zilch! They had coaches and a scout, but no players!

By that point, all the good people had been signed up. I had to step in as commish and "sign" all the remaining free agents for Hartford. This was mostly the dregs of the old NA, cuppa coffee types and over-the-hill guys. Since there weren't enough non-pitcher FAs, I had to unretire some recent retirees to fill out their roster.

Their GM didn't make any trades, but then, who would want his guys? Nobody in Hartford could play this game!

But it wasn't all bad...at least they weren't named Yard Goats.